Random Sunday Pictures and Stuff

Coby went out for a trial adoption to a lovely couple.  He's doing super so far.  The dogs posed themselves -- how cute is this?!?  Fingers crossed.

Here's the decaf coffee beans I got from Amazon.  It's a medium roast and I usually get a dark roast, but it smells nice.  I have to wait to finish up what's already in the machine before I try it.  It's not inexpensive, but no good beans are and I drink espresso black -- that makes bean flavor important.  

Last minute aisle purchase from Trader Joe's ($5).  Not sure if it's seasonal for Valentine's Day or it's always available, but it's really nice.  Light scent and rich cream.  I don't often use scented hand creams because a lot of them end up drying out your hands.  This doesn't -- wish I picked up a few for gifts.  You bet I'm looking for it this week.

Got an update from a foster we had for over 5 months -- Jack Jack.  Two years later, he still uses his favorite toy we sent with him.  Look at this scruffy boy.  He has the heart of a caretaker and helps any dog or person who is hurt, sad, anxious.  He would make an awesome therapy dog.

Today is a full day and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  Kids coming over to play games and that means me cooking.  Normally, I'd have most of it prepped and ready.  I have nothing done.  It's not a big deal, but it will tire out my back.  Mac & cheese with bacon, salad with all the yummy stuff -- that translates to dishes and lots of steps.  Dessert is TJs chocolate pastries that need to rise overnight -- I forgot.  They should have enough time to rise before dinner because I was up early.  I have some munchies to start too.

I wanted to make soup for myself since I can't eat the mac & cheese, but I won't have time.  No one would eat the soup or I would've just made that with a salad.  Guess I'll do salad and a quick pan salmon for me.

Bookclub is at 3 o'clock today.  Not sure how that's going to fit in with everything.  I may or may not go OR I might go for a little bit to say hello and let them know I need to leave early.

It feels a little like I got run over from what I want for today -- all because I wanted a break yesterday.  Still working on balance in my life and where my personal boundaries fit in with family time.

Next stop ... Monday.  Monday and the start of a new month.  That combination begs attention.  Tweaking things a little, sitting up straighter, refocusing some priorities, taking a big breath, planning some productivity.  Yep, I like those kind of "combination" days.

See you tomorrow.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Anxiety -- Step #1

I'm working on getting this constant hum of anxiety under control.

I know this has been A YEAR, and it might be contributing to feeling anxious, but I don't think it's MY full story.  True, there is worry over COVID and worry over wedding -- but the worry I'm talking about is random and unfounded.

A hawk will fly from the trees and grab my dog.

The new bone I gave the dogs is one of those treats that ends up having poison in it because my one dog is coughing a little and acting strange (I buy a good brand, made in US, they've had many times).

I'm going to get a flat tire from driving near construction site.

The roof is going to leak when it rains.

I'm going to fall down the stairs.

The crazy thought hits and then I need to spend time talking myself down from the tree.  This happens all day long -- about anything and everything.

I THINK it might be related to caffeine and gluten that's being amplified by HORMONES.  Gluten makes me sad and sad often shows with worry (for me, worry is a precursor to being sad).  I've had a little gluten here and there -- I think my sensitivity is high right now.

Caffeine has been climbing ever since I ordered Kona Coffee in June as part of my 50th celebration.  I started getting looser and looser with my caffeine intake -- from coffee, to teas, to kombucha.  I'm weaning down now.  I'll be at low levels by next weekend.  Caffeine makes me feel spun up and that feeling mimics anxiety.  My brain might be scanning for thoughts that explain that feeling.

This happened in my late 20s and I gave up caffeine.  I thought I was having mental health issues and neurological issues from the hand tremors.  As soon as I made the connection -- both stopped immediately.  I was super duper strict about it for about 15 years and then added some back without issue.  I think I've gradually gone too far.  Before, hand tremors were the first indication, but I'm not having that now.  Still, this is worth a shot.

The new decaf coffee came yesterday.  I'll give the scoop after I try it tomorrow.  

Cleaning up my diet in ways that make me feel good.  It's not about my weight in this case -- it's about how certain foods make me feel.  Again, I think hormones are amplifying and changing my body and that's why I'm so sensitive.  Also, being home all day in a pandemic gives time to notice these differences.

It's a first step.  The good news is once my caffeine is low, it will be an instant relief if that's what's causing it.

Find some happy and good today.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Random Pictures from This Week

For FUN I got red lipstick.  Blondes with fair skin need a red with a blue base.  It's a bit bright per my usual, but I'll wear it when I'm feeling SASSY haha (!!)  I'd like to find a brighter lipstick to wear that's between my nudes and this bright red ... on a fun hunt.

Earrings came for the wedding.  They're perfectly perfect.  Picture doesn't do the sparkle justice.  Beholden again.

Dog cuddles ... two poodles.

And a meme for thought ... this is a good one for a meditation visualization.  I didn't do my hour long one this week because Coby was here still.  In a few weeks (when hubby isn't home to interrupt), I'll give it a shot and this can be part of the meditation.

And the inspiration card I opened this week, followed by another Instagram I screenshot.  Good messages as I come to terms with the decision to end a friendship.  Confirmation bias, but makes me feel supported in the decision.

Happy Saturday.  Stay well.  Later gators.

It's Friday

In case you need reminding.  This week is so wonky that I need reminding.  It's been the longest week and the shortest week simultaneously. 

Anyway ... short and sweet updates.

I finished This Tender Land (William Kent Kreuger).  FANTASTIC BOOK.  Loved it, gave a big sigh on the last page since I'll miss the characters.  It gets some comparisons to other books I've read, but it's better.  Today, I'll open the Jen Hatmaker box for February -- I'm excited :)

UPDATE:  Opened the box ... drumroll ... Red at The Bone (Jacqueline Woodson) and a JH winter hat.  Bummer on the hat and my HUGE head -- doesn't come close to fitting.  Some lucky normal-headed person in my life is getting a new hat.  At first I thought it was mittens or socks :(

Since I didn't want to start a new book last night and hubby was home late, I started watching a new series on Netflix.  Fate (A Winx Saga).  Silly series about a magic school (teenagers) -- has total Harry Potter feel around the story line.  Yet, I'm hooked.  It was a few R-rated one-liners, but no actual R-rated scenes (so far).  It's cheesy and perfect.

Today is a bunch of chores and some errands.  Grocery store run, meds curbside pickup at vet and a Dunkin Donuts for hubby (since I'll drive by his favorite one).  Coby needs a bath before his trial tomorrow, my house needs a little spit shine everywhere and I have some office paperwork.

I'll start a new book and watch some TV too.

Not a bad Friday.  

Enjoy the end of the week, stay well.  Later gators.

Getting My Groove Back

 

Wise words.  Good plan.  Great reminder.  And this works in BOTH directions.  "Little" matters when repeated.

I finished The Queen's Gambit (Netflix).  It was excellent.  I'm not starting anything new until I do some book reading again.  I've said before, lots of reading = feeling awesome.  Lots of TV = feeling like a slug.  Balance for TV is a must when I'm feeling low.  I made progress on The Tender Land (William Kent Krueger) -- about halfway and it's a good story.  It's absolutely a book you want to pick back up and continue reading.  Maybe I WILL finish it by Sunday (?!)

Jen Hatmaker's new bookclub box arrived.  I'm saving it until I finish January's book.  It's a fun gift to open and I get excited about the new title.  P.S.  I'll read this straight away so I'm not "pressured" for February's meeting.

I ordered wedding earrings from BHLDN (Anthropologie's wedding line) where I bought my new dress.  The store is called Beholden -- learned this thanks to my college roommate.  The name is the word with no vowels.  I don't get the point of it, except to make you feel like you're in a secret club if you understand it.  Nothing says the name -- only initials and "Anthropologie presents ... BHLDN."  When you know, you know and now I know (!!)  I'll show a picture when they come.  It's a bit pricey, but I like them and I'll wear them other places (unlike the other ones I was considering).  I had it gift wrapped for $3 because it felt like a nice gift for me.

That's a little bit of getting my groove back.  Focus on little pleasures and little bits of fun that aren't about eating unhealthy.  My "treats" are too many junk food related things again -- cheese sticks, yogurt bars, GF sweets, etc.  (See quote above -- I'm moving into repeat territory too much on this habit.)  When I look for treats outside of food, the need for food treats disappears.  Not just lessens, it really goes away.  I'm on the hunt for little fun things again. 

I got a very nice response from my former life coach.  She "heard" me and explained she dropped the ball on ending our relationship respectfully.  She's sending me a video message.  Letting go is HARD, but this feels like the push I needed to move on.  Even good things complete and come to an end.  

UPDATE:  It was a voice message instead and just reiterated the email.  It is what it is ... I was expecting a little more, but you know what they say about expectations ...

So ... drum roll ... I've decided to join Self-Coaching Scholars with Brooke Castillo.  It's monthly and I'm making no commitment for how long I stay, but I'm curious to try it.  $300/month.  Weekly 20 minute one-to-one coaching from different peeps, live coaching sessions, library of lots of things, workbooks, lessons.  Lots of bang for the buck -- if it's what I need.  I've been curious for a longtime.  I know Brooke is having a different "moment" right now, but I'm curious enough and it feels exciting to be coached in a different way.

I've spend this year focused inward on what I want, how I want to show up in this new stage of my life, what are my new goals ... all the things.  It's time to tip back into more action -- moving the balance needle a little.  Brooke is the queen introspection ACTION.  It seems like a good fit for my next steps.  My plan is to join for April -- possibly March, but my focus is on other things until the wedding so I think a little break until April is best.

Moving back to total decaf espresso is HARD too -- only because I like a particular bean brand that's caffeinated.  I'm on the hunt for a decaf I like as well.  Starbucks raised prices again and it feel ridiculous for me to go there.  I don't go often during the pandemic, but I don't want to add that back when this is over.  I'm determined to find "my brand" and I'll make the hunt fun.  I ordered a new one on Amazon.  It's decaffeinated with water (no chemicals), sourced well and the company explains the storage at Amazon.  It gets great reviews.  I STILL have a lingering headache which could well be from lack of caffeine.  I expect both caffeine and hormone issues to be over by the weekend -- yea!

Hubby is coming home late today.  He decided enough was enough sitting alone in an office.  

He's going to spend a lot more time at home and I don't think he'll work a lot longer.  I'm ready to redo my office and take the bed out to make a sitting room.  I need THAT kind of a space -- the kind where you can shut a door and have quiet.  I'm going to start looking for an oversized chair or loveseat next month.  I'm starting to lean toward a loveseat because dogs will want to cuddle.

Speaking of dogs.  Mine are jelly filled bundles.  It's time for Coby to find a home and for us to take a break.  Monti doesn't love having another dog all the time and he's my priority.  I think we're going to foster less because of that.  It makes me sad, but I can't have him stressed -- that's not fair to my sweet boy.

In quick wedding news, my mother is NOT coming.  She was snarky about everything (of course) and that disappointed my son  -- she's a real piece of work.  I'm used to her ways, my kids aren't.  I hate that she hurt him.

That's all from here.  Have a good day and stay well.  Later gators.

One More

I have one more day of feeling yucky ... probably ... hopefully.

I have a wonker of a headache (hormones and a dial back of caffeine), cramps (last day) and low energy (food and hormones).

Picking up the piece that are in my control today.  Lower caffeine (but hold steady for today), good food (freezer stash is thawed and ready), good workout (helps hormones).

I got a ton of prickly stuff off my list yesterday and that felt good.

First notable was trying to get a Tela-Doc appointment for my rosacea cream refill.  The phone intro said ONLY specific, necessary appointments in-person -- everything else was video appointment.  Since I haven't been in over a year, they wanted to do an in-person.  What?!?!  How is this necessary?  Their precautions were the usual low level, sounds good, but isn't enforced.  I asked if they ENFORCED mask wearing and they DON'T -- WTF?!?  I asked if they would ask the doctor for an exception.  She'll walk into a room, write the RX and leave.  I got the Tela-Doc appointment.  Sometimes you need to push against procedure when it makes logical sense in a PANDEMIC for crying out loud.

Second, and kind of upsetting -- I went to renew my life coaching package and her prices exploded.  She's charging $250/hour -- OMG (!!)  Nope, never, not even close.  I knew her prices were going up, but never imagined this much (and this is the existing client rate) for the "phone chat" coaching.  She offers other modalities that are specialized and involve a lot more work after sessions.  Guess she wants to focus on that and weed out the other kind of clients (like contractors do when they price a project sky high).  It's her choice and I give her credit for valuing her profession, but it was so much higher, it was almost insulting that she didn't explain this ahead of time.  Wow.  This is a BIG letting go moment in a hard time.  Sometimes you need to let go to make space.  Feels like I have nothing but space lately LOL.  I wrote her an email and expect to get a nice response back, but it still feels like a strange ending.  I'm going to miss her and our monthly talks.

Top Golf is confirmed and all set for the day before the wedding.  Yea.  Done.  I have a few cute ideas for decor and a take-away sugar cookie.  More on this later. 

I talked to the founder of our rescue about little Blue.  I feel loads better for him and for me.  Boundaries -- it makes life happy.  His owners are doing better and I'm glad to offer as much help as I can for them all.

Coby is getting so playful.  Boy, he's a joy.  This takes some worry off my shoulders if his trial doesn't work.

Hubby is coming home for 2 weeks again.  Office continues to be virtual for all possible positions and it doesn't make any sense for him to take a risk in a hotel, etc.  The Board can go to hell if that's a problem.  I can't even tell you how many people locally have COVID.  Friends on FB who have been going out to eat, gathering with friends -- they're getting hit now.  This isn't the time to let up on anything.  (Yes, the wedding -- don't get me started on it.)

Taking pressure off bookclub this weekend has been such a relief.  I got back to some reading last evening and the book seems good.  If I can finish enough of it, I'll do the meeting ... otherwise, there's always next month.  For some reason, the idea of MUST finish it was too much.

Hope you have a terrific day.  Stay well, be smart and hang on.  We'll get there.

And Life Spins ...

Good and not good.  

Got my monthly -- that's why a lot of the drama seems dramatic.  I have better perspective this morning.

Kids okayed Top Golf for rehearsal.  They "forgot" to check out menu plan, but they texted later in the day.  I had to do the follow up, but ... okay.  That can be managed.  Signing the contract with deposit today.

My son dropped, what felt like, a bombshell.  Wedding is probably an evening wedding again.  Were you thinking of texting me?  Letting me know it was possibly changing?  Yesterday morning I finished buying ALL the accessories, etc for a day wedding.  

I called my college roommate who is a fashion designer grad and she talked me off the fashion ledge.  My new dress is fine, a couple of accessories can be modified if I need to and it'll be okay.  An evening wedding means my hair needs to last ALL DAY and NIGHT.  DIY hair might not have that kind of life.  Practice is beginning again soon.

On the dog front ...

Duke cornered a squirrel in our yard and that was a fun moment.  Both are okay.  Coby's adopter got to see the drama unfold on FaceTime.  I was not cool and collect.  

Coby is going on trial on Saturday now.  Business obligations couldn't be changed and I today is a horrible weather day -- that's fine.  I was counting on him going today, but I can work around.  He's sweet and easy, but it's always easier with just my two.

Blue might be getting returned for aggressive biting people.  She's having a crisis as her husband had a heart attack and is in the hospital.  Looks like a full recovery and he should come home today, but Blue face bit her neighbor who let him out.  I was on the phone for a longtime with her AFTER I had lights out.  We won't be able to take him back until after the wedding, so he'll need a new foster.  She wants to try a few things first.  Sounds like they are doing a lot to help him, but they need a trainer to respond to her calls.  We referred her to a trainer and a vet who specializes in behavior issues.  Doesn't help it's rain all week and he hates going outside in the rain.  Sounds like the last couple of weeks, he's falling apart.  Aggressive, destructive, nervous.  Poor baby.  Poor them too.  

I was a hot mess of zig zag emotions.  Good stuff followed immediately by downer stuff.  Up and down and all around.  

I'm calling this week a WASH.  Hang on tight and focus inward.  I need to center and settle.  Hormones might be calming down and that will help a lot.  It's really a big deal.  I'm going to do more research on life style and hormone balance.  Glad this burst of mood and things (cravings, sweating, etc) ended up being my monthly.

Taking off all extraneous pressures this week.  ME and the basics.  Not pushing into any new goals or big to-do list stuff.  Hair practice can wait.  Wedding planning can wait.  Blue worries are not mine to carry -- I can help, but not hold the worry.  Bookclub reading will happen or it won't -- no pressure.  

I also need to figure out a rosacea flare up that's pretty bad.  Maybe chi seed pudding?  That's my only diet change.  I stopped it.  Maybe cold showers because I'm really reactive after activating my chilblains this year -- my toes are in steady state reaction.  When one flares, does the other flare?  Maybe my face cream medication is expired.  I've used expired before, but perhaps it's a dud -- I'm calling dermatologist today to get more cream.  Maybe hormones?  I'm trying one thing at a time to see if I can figure it out.  It's uncomfortable and very obvious -- red, burning and now the pimples are starting.  Perfect right before the wedding.

Spinning and spinning.  I'd like a little break.  Nothing is horrible (thankful for that) but all this little stress on top of the bigger stresses have me in a bad place.

As I'm typing this ... I remember I changed up my espresso recently and am having full caffeine in the morning and full decaf in the afternoon.  Maybe that's contributing to both my anxiety and the rosacea.  Too much caffeine.  I'm sensitive, but seem to be able to handle more lately.  Maybe I pushed too far.  Changing that up immediately, but gradually to avoid a headache.  

Problem solving.  It's amazing, but I wouldn't mind a break from having to spin.

Okay, enough.  Dogs need me.  Have a happy day.  Stay well.  Later gators.