Trying to Rally

I'm back to another week that is set to be really good -- and I feel like crap.  Anxiety through the roof, headache, low energy.

Chicken and the egg AGAIN.  Are bad eating habits fueling the problem or is the problem fueling the bad eating?

Once again, I'm going to pretend myself to good (hopefully) and try to figure out this buffering.  My take?  Peri is a bitch and this is my way of coping.  Not productive and not smart.  I need to figure this out though.  Enough is enough.  Where have I heard this before?!?!  Geez.

Anyway ...

Hubby and I scrapped the last minute vacation in October.  The cheaper flights to certain areas were cheap for a reason.  Off season with lots of things closed.  Other places still in the shoulder season were too expensive.  It was the right decision.  We have a lot of big trips coming up for 2024.

I finished this book.  It was super quick, quite suspenseful and probably not the best selection for me right now.  But it was good.

Waiting on a slue of library books.  I'm going to JUST miss them for the trip to Asheville.  Dang.  I thought it was going to time out well.  (This is one of the things I'm overly stressed about for absolutely no reason.)

Today is going to be productive in lots of little ways.  This always calms anxiety.  I woke up last night worried about my indoor plants.  Good lord.  Checking and watering them today will ease that feeling.  Things like that.  

It is Monday.  It is my favorite day of the week.  It is set to be a good week.  My mantra on repeat.  Hope yours is a good one too.  Later gators.

It's a ...

I messed up.  In a big way.  I thought the gender reveal was TODAY.  Luckily, my son's power went out yesterday and he texted to say we might need to come here for the cake.  What?!?!?  I mis-read the text because I thought we couldn't do Saturday.  If the power hadn't gone out, we'd have been lounging on the sofa none the wiser.

Power came on.  Gender reveal happened.

It's a BOY (!!)

That's the wedding cake
knife from our family.
It's getting lots of use.

I saved some things from his baby years.  My grandmother made lots of beautiful clothes and such -- including a yellow hat and blanket set and a multicolored blanket.  I have a picture of her the first time she held him -- the yellow set and the other blanket on the back of the sofa.  I saved all of them.

Also, his first teddy bear from my good friend (the ones we're going on vacation with in February) and a pillow my mom made.  I love nostalgia.  

We're so excited.  Our GRANDSON.  It just feels right.  

What an unexpected day in the best way.

Who is THIS?!!?

Not a garden friend.  Had to re-home this bad boy to the woods.  Destroyer of tomato plants.  Probably more to come.  Creepy big boy. 

First garden volunteer done and dusted.  Harvest day for the food pantry.  I picked and tied 10 lbs of collard greens.  Might not look like much, but it was HARD.  My right hand was weak and shaking by the time I finished cutting them all.  Props to farmers.  2 hours of cutting about took me out.  I had a good time and learned a few things too.  The volunteer organizer asked, "do you want to pick what you know or learn something new."  She read my mind -- what a great question.

All stacked.  Doesn't look like much
but it was a feat for me.  Each
stack is packed with leaves.

I got some leftover sweet potato shoots to plant.  Might be a little late in the season, but I have a couple of free pots to give it a try.

New library reads.

Finished in an afternoon.
Fun suspense, easy and fast.

Started this ... 

Today is a hodgepodge of home stuff.  I need to do some garden maintenance -- the broken storm plants aren't going to make it.  Time for a garden refresh.  Chores, reading, rock painting rounds out the day.  I'm looking forward to a home day.

Hope you're having a good Saturday.  Later gators.

A Little Barbie Review

No spoilers ...

Barbie was clever and nostalgic.  Margot Robbie was fantastic.  But the movie felt "just okay" to me.  I didn't feel the desire to clap or cry (as lots of movie goers reported).  It was fun to see but not incredible to watch.  The Top Gun movie WAS fantastic, clever and nostalgic -- I could watch that movie many times over.  I guess I thought it was going to be as awesome as that movie.

It's possible that some of my restlessness was the 35 minutes of previews.  Good lord -- too long.  My girlfriend felt the same way about the movie and long previews.  It's also possible my expectations were sky high after the reviews and that tainted the experience.  But it was a fun afternoon.  Worth seeing and the conversations around the movie are interesting too.  

Today is my first volunteer morning at the farm.  I hope I learn some things and see real working gardens for inspiration.  It's super summertime temps and it's going to be full sun -- so eek.  

Short and sweet this morning.  Early morning on the farm lol.  Later gators.

Barbie

Movie day and I'm wearing PINK, of course.  Joining in the fun.  Matinee at 11 o'clock followed by lunch at one of my favorite plant-forward restaurants.  I also get to tell my girlfriend about the baby.  She's expecting her second granddaughter in December so very fun timing.

I survived the hike.  It was a bit long for my back, but overall not bad.  The hike leader wasn't great -- lots of stopping so he could tell all he knows about everything in the park.  Not interesting stuff, just jabbering on and on about the politics, complaining about things, etc.  Boring, unnecessary and no one was very happy about it.  But I did what I set out to do and THAT I'm happy about.  We walked a field trail for a couple of miles with so many little wildflowers.  I enjoy a search for the little ones.

Yesterday made me reconsider a hike for Monday.  I don't have the patience for this leader at this moment so I'm looking at another hike instead.  I need to think about traffic though.  It begins at 7:30am and is at least 40 minutes away -- maybe more at that time of morning.  Not sure I'm up for such an early start.  It's a challenge to time morning hydration and bathroom stops.  I had to leave at 6:30 yesterday and it was a push.  It's not imperative that I hike on Monday.  Heading to Asheville for a few days next week and I'll get lots of walking and nature time.

Hubby found a bird's nest in the most unusual place.  This bird usually builds on our porch roll down shades, but something got her nest last time.  She moved.  

Four tiny eggs.  Wonder if babies
can make it out when they hatch.

She flies in and sits on the nest.
Go, little mama!

I did a new rock.  The mouse looks possessed lol.  I can't get the eyes "happy."  Guess he's crazy on cheese.  I can relate.

Have a good day.  Things are slowly mellowing out for me.  Today has lots of fun planned and I want to notice and enjoy.  Later gators.

I'm a Mess

I'm walking through this fun week a hot mess and it's bumming me out.  I really, really, really wonder if my monthly is coming.  If it isn't, this is still some hormone issue.  It MUST be.

I'll start with the mess.

I'm sleeping like crap.  I'm night snacking like it's my dying meal.  I'm anxious all the time.  My energy is tanked.  I feel like crying all the time.  Geez.  Of course, a little chicken and the egg with mood v behaviors. 

I went to the garden club meeting at a nursery shop.  Learned a few new things, but it was HOT and mostly boring.  We sat on metal folding chairs that were set up on a down slope.  Exactly NOT the position I need for PT siting.  They started a 1/2 hour late (huge pet peeve) because there was a traffic backup that delayed a few people.  I did use a 20% coupon to get a kneeler pad for garden volunteering on Friday -- that's a win.  And I learned I can bring back my dead hydrangeas for replacement -- very nice win.

I stopped at Costco for gas and it was torn up for renovation.  That's the spirit of the day right there.

I took the coaching call in the car.  It was good (although I was on the verge of tears the whole time).  We talked about feeling imbalance in close relationships.  I'm giving, not receiving, but feeling like I'm expected to still continue giving.  No big resolve ... BUT a question came up at the end.  Why is an imbalance a problem?  That's worth exploring because this might be faulting thinking at work.  Old me vs new me situation.  No time this morning, but I'll thought download on this soon.

Some most excellent news though.  Genetic testing for the baby was fine.  The results were emailed and they saw the gender -- eeek, they know!  We're having GF cake from their wedding bakery on Sunday for the family gender reveal.  I'm so excited.  The extended family got told about the pregnancy so it was a nice afternoon talking to everyone.

My bookclub is Sunday at 3 o'clock.  Same time as the gender reveal.  Oh well.  I knew something would change and this is totally worth it.  My youngest is helping a friend move on Saturday so Sunday was the only availability.

Today is the 9 mile hike.  I'm nervous for my back.  I've built this up like it's a pilgrimage or Mt Everest.  It's only 3 more miles than normal and it's a slow, relatively level hike.  Geez.

To say I'm grouchy and don't want anyone, anything around me is an understatement.  I haven't had a mood feeling this strong in a long time.  Next evolution of peri?!?!  I hope not.  Hiking with 10 people should be interesting.  I need an attitude readjustment.  Maybe 4 hours in the woods will help.

There's my mess, in all its glory.  Later gators.

Physical Therapy

PT was interesting.  I really liked her -- super knowledgeable and very enthusiastic.  Night and day from the last time.  I won't take you through the details, but I need to work on positioning my back before I begin strengthening.

This means a set of ONE movement 6 times a day.  It's basically up-dog with a little modification.  Oh my god my arms and upper back are already sore.  60 of these movements everyday AND sitting with a bolster on my back to engage my postural muscles and keep the position of my spine.

Here's the kicker.  Things might get bad before they get better.  Cue big old anxiety about PAIN again.  I hardly slept.  I'm acting like I'm injured again.  Walking tentatively, moving tentatively.  It's all mental.  Dang.  I need to STOP IT!  

Fingers crossed in a big way.  This is a big movement week with the hike on Wednesday and garden volunteering on Friday.  She said to go ahead with both.  Don't add anything new, but don't change my normal activity. Why?  Because we need to change only one variable at a time.  I'll see her again in 2 weeks and she's taking away the heating pad.  Eeek!!  I sit with that everyday for my lower back muscles.  She thinks it's not good for the ligament sprain though.

Breath.  I wonder if I'm getting an extra monthly this week -- sure feels like I'm a bag of emotion.

Anyway ... garden club meetup today.  It's about high heating gardening.  Immediately after is my coaching call that I'll do from the car.  I'm not sure about the subject yet. 

Very early morning to get to the hike tomorrow.  I might not check in until later.  Hope you're having a good week.  Later gators.

Do-Over

Let's try a good week again.  (Even though it's starting with a flat run-flat tire so I'm having to chauffeur hubby to golf and such.)

What's on the agenda?  New PT today (fingers crossed), garden club meetup, coaching, BIG hike, Barbie movie, volunteering at the farm, baby news, gender reveal cake and bookclub.  Lots of potential.  With this many things lingering, I imagine some will get moved/changed, etc. BUT hopefully some fun sticks.

I'm on an upswing.  Maybe.  I journaled about stuff and I'm back to facing forward again.  Future self is showing up and taking charge of the week.  Phew.  Last week was an unexpected low dive.  

I finished reading The Lazy Genius books from the library.  Started an historical fiction about Clementine Churchill on kindle.  Finished the book on being green -- some good reminders, a few tips, but nothing really new.  Lots of cleanup, finish up reading.  

My youngest got me an Etsy gift card for my birthday.  I bought this -- handmade Granny square tote bag.  Since I'm becoming a Granny, it seemed less on-the-nose than a shirt that said 'Granny.'  I think it'll make a good Asheville travel bag.  

A Granny bag.

That's all for this morning.  Cutting my morning short to drive hubby to golf.  I need to workout and be ready for PT too.  Come on, Monday.  Let's do better this go around.  Later gators.

A Mood

The storms damaged the water station's power and it took all day yesterday to get water production back online.  We have restrictions until noon today, but the emergency water situation is over.  I can't imagine areas that have hurricane or tornado destruction -- what upheaval.  Notification was sent just after my shower -- small win for me.

Lunch was nice.  Nothing special.  Mostly dog foster talk, as expected. 

I'm having a mood and I need to pull out of it.  I'm eating like CRAP (aka buffering) and I think the results of that are the dominant problem now.  Same pattern, same lesson lived over and over for decades for me.  I'm so frustrated with myself.  I know judgement compounds everything and I have compassion for myself, but at some point I simply need to stop.  

Now I feel EXTRA icky -- mentally and physically.  I feel anxious about everything.  I'm impatient with everything.  Fun gal to be around today.

My goal is to get back to "regular" this weekend and set myself up for next week.  I wish I could do this alone.  It's hard to sit in my feelings when I get interrupted with a bored husband talk (finances, house stuff, chore talk, more finance plans, sports, etc).

Anyway, this is going to devolve into a mood post (if it hasn't already).  Best to call it.  Hope you have a good weekend.  Later gators.

Jinx

Man did I jinx the week.  Do I believe in jinxing?  No, but also maybe.  I think I said, "what I expect will be a very good week."  Nope.  In fact, it's been a lousy week.

It could be argued (and I'd agree) that I'm fine, my people are fine, life is fine.  But this was not a happy alone time with fun planned week.

To continue the shit storm ... literal HUGE storms yesterday evening and overnight.  The first storm was so scary we were in the basement.  (Hubby came home yesterday because his golf was rained out.). Windy like I haven't seen in a very long time.  Our neighborhood has trees down, mailbox center roof blew off and power was out for the duration (about an hour).  Then electrical storms.  Power is still going out this morning.  

This is why dogs survive.
He was hiding in the basement during the storm.
He's not afraid of storms, just SMART!
He ran back into the hallway to grab his ball
and bring it behind the door with him :)

The wind did a number on the garden.  I'll see what I can salvage this morning once the storms stop.

Crappy sleep AGAIN because of the never-ending storms.  Not sure if lunch is on today.  I have no idea the areas hit.

But let's look at a few positives.

After the accident on Wednesday, I continued on errands to the coffee shop to get beans.  I didn't stay to read as I expected, but they were setting up for a Barbie event.  How cute is this?  (I can't wait to see the movie.)  I got an iced chia tea with oat milk -- not sweet, but very spicy.  It was incredibly good.  I guess it's good that the shop is 40 minutes away.  It would be a daily problem lol!

Before the garden got tumbled, this is my cucumber and peppers from 2 days.  Yum!  

Just happened that it's alternating.
I didn't notice until I took the picture.

I finished Rock Paper Scissors and it was such a twisty suspense book.  The ending twists kept coming -- didn't see any of them and they all fit the story.  Well done, Alice Feeney.  Next pick today.  

I watched Past Lives (subtitled) in the afternoon.  It was a good movie.

Did the Thursday fitness hike and the humidity was the talk of the hike -- guess I should've seen the storms coming.  It was almost 6 miles and we moved pretty quickly.  It felt good.  I also talked to the hike leader and looks like I'm fine for the longer hike next week.  The humidity took everything out of me though.  It was nothing like I've hiked in before.  The thick trees stopped any air flow and we were all drenched by the first hill.

I'm redoing today's stuff.  I'm using today to regroup mentally and physically.  I haven't slept well.  I'm still processing the accident.  I'm physically tired.  Sometimes choosing rest is the best action to take.

If the storms settle, I'm set for a lunch with two dog-foster friends.  We'll see.  The rest of the day is anything that feels right to me.  I really wish for that chai tea lol.  (It just started hailing -- dang.)

Oh shit.  I need to go.  This storm is jacked up ... lightening just hit my neighbor's house.  How do you undo a jinx?!?!?

Sad Drive

Yesterday wasn't a good day.  I left for errands and happened upon an accident that had just happened.  I decided to get out of my car to see about a truck that went down a small embankment and hit a hill because it didn't look like anyone got out of the truck.  What I didn't see was there was another car involved that was blocked by the truck in front of me (who drove around the accident and left).

I won't go over the details, but it was an unrestrained child with massive head and back trauma and a mother driving with crush injuries.  I did everything I could until rescue came -- not much I could do though.  He died at the scene.  I won't say more because it's very upsetting and doesn't need to be spelled out.

Oh boy.  It was so sad and hard.  I was there for over an hour because my car got blocked by firetrucks.  The driver of the truck was in shock so I stayed with him while rescue attended to the other car.  

Life changes in a milli-second.  Those poor people.  

I didn't want to drive anywhere after that, but I couldn't turn around without sitting in the traffic again so I continued with errands.  That helped wash out some of the feelings.

I leave it at that for today.  It doesn't feel respectful to chat about other things this morning.  

Updates on the Updates

I almost titled the post Sup-dates.  Made me laugh a little.  Is it funny or is it just me?

Anyway ...

Kids appointment went well.  Strong heartbeat, updated ultrasound and genetic blood work.  The blood work comes back next week so they're waiting to tell my side of the family until that's back (smart decision).  AND with the genetic blood work comes the GENDER!!  We'll know in the next few weeks.  They want to do a small gender reveal -- maybe a cake.  I'm getting very excited now.

Coaching was about LETTING GO.  Finally dropped completely from the dog foster group.  Truth is I'm not going to be involved while the new person is running the show.  If anything changes, I can go back or foster with another organization.  Given hubby is retired, I don't think fostering is in our future though.  

Next decision (with coaching help) was to renew my RN license.  It expires in January.  I decided to let it expire.  I'm not going to go back to work as a nurse.  It felt like holding on was ego -- actually both were ego.  People usually give kudos to being a nurse and dog fostering.  Since I'm in a bit in a transition stage of things, it gave me something to tell people I do, I am -- something with nice feedback.  "I'm retired FOR NOW, but have my license."  "I foster for a local group, but not lately since my back injury."  Implying both are maybe just temporary breaks.  Not true.  Outsourcing my worth from feedback from others.  It's probably why both decisions were weighing so heavily lately.

In 2019 (with my personal coach, Holly) I did work around letting go of things that are finished to make space for something else.  In this case, MENTAL space.  Once I made the decision, it felt like relief.  I was thinking regularly about both.  These conversations come up a lot when I hike with people and then I start down the "what if" road.  Too much mental energy wasted.  

Letting go is hard for me and I have a pattern of holding on too long.  I cleared the road again and it's time to move forward without old baggage of identities that I loved, but are now complete.  Can you hear the coaching language around letting go -- finished, complete?  I used to say -- quitting, stopping.  Language makes a difference.

I have Kindle Unlimited until November.  I'm reading Rock Paper Scissors (Alice Feeney).  Creepy in a good way so far.  

I watched a video on tomato pruning and gave it a gentle go.  When in doubt, I didn't prune the branch.  The plant has 25 tomatoes right now and I've picked about 10.  Took my own advice from the last post and kept on trying to figure it out.  It's how you learn and how you get the results you want.

That's all that up with the updates -- SupDates.  Have a good day.  Later gators.

A Little Bit of A Lot Update

Time for a list ... in no particular order.

(1)  I started rock painting again.  Feels good -- it was a strangely long break.  This is for my BIL who's in a group home.  His mental age is around 4 and he loves trucks and colors.

(2)  Car software update went well.  Hubby and I tried a new coffee shop while we waited.  Fun little day date.  I got a couple of new tea bags to try too :)

(3)  I finished this.  It was good.  I liked the writing style a lot.  I have some non-fiction Puerto Rico books to skim and I'll start a kindle read from Kindle Unlimited today.

(4)  An author I follow on IG mentioned Avon Skin So Soft was great for mosquito prevention.  You can find it at CVS.  An employee who helped me find it is from Washington state and says it works great.  The smell brought me right back.

(5)  I was at CVS to also pick up RX for antacid since I take meloxicam regularly right now.  I had the worst headache overnight.  I'll see if it happens again today.  Might be the med.  Might be the air quality.  We're on an alert of poor quality and you could notice it last evening.  

(6)  Coaching call today.  I think it'll be about FS goals and such.

(7)  I ran outside yesterday since it was the nicest morning of the week (I planned a walk).  Glad I pushed to do it, but I might need to rework today's Peloton workout.  I'm tired.  Too early to know yet -- could be poor sleep masquerading as needing a physical rest.  Maybe a low-key ride if I don't feel up for something harder.

(8)  Hubby leaves for Asheville this morning.  Four days of me-time (!!)

(9)  Kids have an OB appointment today.  Fingers crossed all looks well.  If so, they're announcing to our family this week.  If anything looks questionable, they'll wait a bit longer.

(10)  I signed up for a free lettering class.  Maybe this will improve my rock painting letter.  It starts at the end of July.  Free is free so why not give it a try.

(11)  I'm trying for a bigger hike next week.  Not sure if I'll be allowed since it jumps group levels, but it's double lead by two people I've hike with regularly.  The level I hike now is too easy -- I'm ready (hopefully) for more of a challenge.

(12)  Vacation planning 2024 is in full swing.  Looks like a few big trips.  Puerto Rico with friends in February (booked).  Ireland with youngest and his GF (April).  Southern Spain using timeshare points (fall).  Family trip to see my sister (June -- tentative dates on the calendar).

(13)  Hubby fixed our refrigerator door that's been hard to close from the start.  He's tried before without success.  This time he watched a YouTube video and it was an easy fix (just not an obvious one).  Goes to show giving up is often the biggest obstacle to success.  A little more exploration and years of annoyance could've been avoided.  But, also, good on him for being able to actually do the fix.

(14)  My garden is happy right now.  Lots growing, lots for picking.  I'm excited for a bigger setup next season.  I have so many cucumbers and peppers -- love it.  And the tomato plant is producing and looking healthy.  I know I need to prune it, but I can't understand how.  I tried last year, but don't want to mess with a healthy looking plant right now.  (BUT ... see #13 above)

(15)  My favorite thing about this time of year is so much fruit in season.  I'm not limiting at all (and that's causing a bit of digestive distress, but I don't care).  My favorites are usually just what is in season.  Right now ... watermelon and peaches and cherries and blueberries.  See ... too many not to enjoy.  The season will end soon enough.

That's the list.  Hope you're having a good week.  Later gators.

Hello, Monday My Friend

I'm the opposite of Garfield.  I LOVE MONDAYS.  This is a slow start to what I expect will be a really good week.  Car software update for a 2 hour service this morning.  Not exciting but I'll make the best of it.  They usually have a good tea selection and hubby will pick me up for a few errands to kill some time.

I think I'm headed to the park for a walk this morning.  It's a bit up in the air -- I had a lot of watermelon last night.  I need my stomach to settle a bit :)  Time is limited with the car service so I need to decide soon.  I should have set an alarm.  Dang.

This is a super short hello because I can't think of much to say AND I need to get rolling.  

Hope your week is looking good too.  Later gators.

Last Granny Day (this round)

I hit the big marks yesterday -- enough to be "productive" but gentle enough to allow the meh feelings too.  

It's almost 9am as I type ... somewhere 2 - 4 hours later than normal.  Yep, it's this crazy with so many dogs with special issues.  They can't leave fast enough (and I love them even though that seems questionable lol).  About 5 more hours to go ...

I finished this book.  I liked it a lot.  Especially the chapters written by the fig tree.  It was clever and the ending was lovely.

Started this.  It comes up on a lot of book searches.  I bought a used copy from Amazon.  I really like the writing, so much so that I bought the author's 4 pack collection (way cheaper to buy new).  It reads like YA -- and sometimes I'm in the mood for less flowery wording.  Just tell me a story.  And I'm a sucker for a boxed collection.

Also, this is what's next for non-fiction read.  Little, used book.  Just one idea will make it worth the read.

The rest of today should be nice.  Errands (leaving the house will feel good) and date night with hubby.  We're watching the final 2 episodes of Jack Ryan.  

I'm looking forward to next week.  Monday will be okay, but the rest of the week is just me.  Hubby heads to Asheville and I get some gorgeous, delicious, spectacular ALONE TIME.  Sort of kidding, sort of serious.  Don't want to jinx it.

Have a good Sunday.  Mine should be improving exponentially :) Granny days aren't the easiest.  Later gators.

Wishing for Tomorrow

Sort of a day of nothing.  

It's a day that I'm struggling to not wish away ... so tomorrow comes and it's the last day of 4 dogs (nirvana).  Up on/off during the night, chaotic mornings.  I can't take a step without stepping over or around a dog.  You'd think that was an exaggeration, but it's sadly NOT.  But maybe days shouldn't be wished away.  I wonder if I can find something that makes today nice.  "Walk until the day becomes interesting."

On a better note, it was a big picking day in the garden.  Veggies, herbs and some flowers too.

Wildflowers with a green
topper from the dill plant.

Herb bouquet -- mints and basil.
Lavender still smelling pretty too.

30 peppers, mini eggplant
cucumber and onion

I have things I can do, usually want to do, but I'm not "feeling it" today.  Rock painting, Spanish, organizing, starting garden sealing.  Should I do it anyway -- fake it until you make it or should I let today feel how it does and wait for the desire to come back?  It's a balancing question I never quite know how to answer.  Sometimes doing nothing helps want to do again, a break that I need.  Sometimes doing nothing is a waste and just a little push forward gets the day moving.

Even a good book isn't appealing.  I'm tired and hormonal (TMI -- this was a regular cycle and now I'm ovulating and that brings on all the hormonal woes).  

I'm rambling and procrastinating working out.  Geez.  Best get at it -- at least this part of the day.  Hope your weekend is bringing more excitement than mine :)  Later gators.

Send Reinforcements!

We are outnumbered, out-smarted, out-maneuvered!  FOUR CRAZY little dogs are ruling the roost. 2 1/2 more days.  

This morning is the hardest since I have an early physical appointment at a new doctor's office.  Lots to do in a very short time span.

So little.  So innocent.  Absolute terror :)  But we love her and all her crazy.  

Checking in to say I'm still alive.  Total anarchy is unlikely, but possible.  I'll try for a regular hello tomorrow.  Later gators.

Full Doghouse Starting Today

This is my last quiet morning before DOGS and more DOGS!  They arrive today.  Wish us luck ... we always need it.

Screen door is installed.  We couldn't get an all glass door because of the size.  It's not very pretty and it blocks a lot of the light, but hopefully it's practical enough to make up for its lack of aesthetics.  We only use the dog door when we are sitting outside.  Saves us from opening the door 10,000 times.  

Here's my new library book.  Only a few chapters in ...

I ordered a dozen ears of corn from the local organic farmer (price was best for a dozen).  I decided to be neighborly and share.  My neighbor wanted to come to me to pick them up and brought her 15 month granddaughter.  Cute as a button BUT TOTALLY SICK as a dog.  Seriously?!?!  She wasn't herself so they kept her out of daycare. I didn't realize until too late that she was sick or I would've stayed on the porch.  I sprayed Lysol and wiped down ... fingers crossed I don't catch whatever crud was happening.  No good deed ...

Speaking of neighbors, my neighbor who likes to cancel (she's another friend who's a canceler), canceled our plans for a hike and coffee tomorrow with a vague excuse.  That's her MO.  I thought we were okay since it's been so long since we've gotten together and she picked day, time and plans.  Nope.  She wants to reschedule until next Thursday, but I said no.  I want to leave it open for a group hike since I don't trust her commitment.  I could've hike with my hiking group tomorrow, but all hikes are full at this point.  This is such a big frustration point for me with people who do this regularly.  It's like a bad habit (kind of like people who are always late).  "She forgot to check her calendar."  This is an organized person who lives and breathes her electronic calendar.  Never said what it was or tried to modify to something else.  You forgot something that will take the entire day?  I normally would understand (maybe it's personal) but she does this regularly.  I stopped making plans with her for quite a long time because of cancelations.

Anyway ... bit of complaining this morning.  Woke up to her text and that got my panties in a bunch.

I have a coaching call and a mammogram this afternoon.  Then grand-dogs arrive.  Updates on all tomorrow (thrilling, I know).  

Happy Wednesday.  Later gators.

Poem

Gretchen Rubin was a guest on another podcast I listened to yesterday.  She talked about writing a 5 senses portrait of things, people, etc.  I was heading to bed to read and mentioned to hubby how nice it is in the bedroom at this time of day.  The sun is low and makes the trees glow outside the window (it seems like a movie screen) and the Jasmine plant is in full bloom.  Jasmine only gives off scent in the evening (if she's watered well) and the entire room smells beautiful.

That got me fixated on writing a 5 senses portrait of the evening in bed.  I added the 6th "sense" as the point of the poem.  I haven't written a poem since high school (and maybe it shows).  It was fun, not very good, but the point of creativity is to do it.  And punctuation.  When a comma, when a semicolon, should there be a period?!?

Here it is ...

Bedtime:

A Sense of Peace through the Five Senses

Moving through vivid greens,

The sun, a projector light

Glowing the trees

Illuminating, startling bright.

Jasmine's scent fills the room, wafting;

Only sharing as the evening unwinds.

Two fans blow and turn;

Cool breezes, warm noise.

Toothpaste lingers, a nod to bed;

Pillows spoon; dogs belly roll.

Books open and pages turn

I wait for the sun to set

Night takes over; the day lets go

Just one sense left as my eyes close ...

___________________________________________________________________________

I took a very uncomfortable run at the park after the rain.  Hello, humidity.  

Finished this book.  It was a bit boring.  Same message over and over.  I was never vested in the mystery of it all, but there was clever writing and a social message.  I see why it was recommended.

Ran to the library to return the book and pick up a new hold.  I got a car wash earlier (ZERO rain in the forecast) and there was a popup downpour on the drive over.  Dang.  Pouring rain, full sun (sadly, no rainbow).  Since I drove through it, I knew to bring an umbrella into the library.  Five minutes picking up the book and the downpour reached the library.  People watched from the windows -- so strange to see full, bright sun and pouring rain.  My poor car.  It never rained at home.  Guess I my carwash manifested it lol.

Made my first visit to the organic farm stand this season.  Tim was stocking the stand so I had a good chat about his fields.  Ordered corn for pickup today.  Got a dozen (since it's a deal) -- what was I thinking?  I'll freeze some or share with a neighbor.  I bought zucchini and cherry tomatoes.  Ate the entire bag of tomatoes for lunch -- so dang good.

Today is a woods walk -- 5 miles on a groomed path.  I'm up early to do a Peloton ride ahead since this will be an easy hike.  Trader Joe's is on the way so two birds ...

Last day before dog sitting.  Lord helps us :)

Have a good day.  Later gators.

Happy Ol' Regular Monday

It's a regular Monday in a regular week -- no trips, holidays, strange happenings that make me think today is Wednesday.  Phew.  

The week is filled with little social bits, an exercise plan, Spanish study (it's happening again), errands, rock painting, doctor appointments (mammogram and physical), books and dog-sitting.  It's ordinary, but it's planned with intention.  That makes ordinary fun for me and oddly comforting in an exciting sort of way.  Strange description, but if you know, you know :)

Here's my library book.  It's good so far, but only 1/4 read.  The writing doesn't flow as well as the last book so it feels slow.  I hope that changes as I get into the story.  I also finished 2 non-fiction that were hanging around too long (book about family dynamics and a book about Stoicism).  

What's on the agenda today?  It's actually a bit up in the air.  There's a last minute registration this morning for a hike tomorrow.  Workouts and errands hinge on whether I get in -- this change up will be a good one.  No hikes last week -- I miss being in the woods.  Hopefully a hike tomorrow and one with my neighbor on Thursday.  

Went to Lowe's yesterday and they don't sell non-toxic garden sealer.  Amazon it is.  This is an expensive project to setup.  Picked up a couple of plants while I was at Lowe's -- another cucumber and 2 kinds of mint (chocolate mint and spearmint).  Side note: took FOREVER to figure out spelling of "spearmint" -- geez, I had to google.  

I watched a documentary on Netflix, Pez Outlaw.  It was interesting -- what a set of characters in the world of collectibles.  Worth a watch.

That's all from here on my favorite day of the week.  Hope you're set for a good week too.  Later gators.

Weekend Update

Guess what my main issue ended up yesterday?!?!  Yep, monthly came with a bang.  No wonder all the things.

But I had a good day.  Got the birthday recap post finished -- nice to reflect back and good to plan forward.

I made shishito pepper avocado crema -- I had 45 peppers to use (go little garden).  Blister in a hot pan and add avocado, garlic, lime s/p and water to thin to a blender.  It's good.

Used avocado instead of yogurt.

Then I read this in the afternoon.  It's for bookclub and might be my favorite pick yet.  Easy read, great story, debut novel by the author.  Kudos to her.  I thought it would be a "forced" read to get it finished.  Hours later, I'm sad it's over.  Another library book is ready so the timing is good.

We planned more travel for 2024 -- adding another trip to Europe in the fall to use timeshare points.  Lots of retirement happening.

Look at the dill from the garden group.  Turns out the tiny flowers of dill attract hummingbirds.  I think I'll move it into the yard to see if I can get them to come.

Today is a bit of a mystery.  Monthly is still strong so I'm not feeling my best, but I want an active-ish day.  Easy workout, a few errands and maybe a trip to get sealer for the garden -- or at least price it out.  We have a date night tonight to watch the next episodes of Jack Ryan.  I also need to get back to rock painting.  I'm slumping on that and my give-away pile is down to the final 4.  Both Lowe's and rock painting feel unlucky though :)

Hope your weekend is going well.  Later gators.

Birthday Year Wrap-Up (a little late)

Here's a little recap of last birthday year in review and a bit of forecasting for this year ahead. 

My motto for 52 was KEEP GOING and it was a good one.  The daily reminder was a focus point for a bunch of aims for the year.  

(1) Drinking.  When, why, should I, shouldn't I??  I want to steer this ship and not feel at the mercy of an urge.  This meant lots of trying, staying curious, failing and trying again.  It feels like I got there.  Should I whisper this or shout it loud and proud?!?!  I drink rarely, and for reasons I like and the other times I don't.  Urge or no urge.

(2) Spanish.  I hit my goal to practice enough to have some conversational Spanish on the trip to Spain.  Took time and lots of talking myself back on the horse.  On/off, but I kept going (see how that worked lol).  Now it's time for the next level of a Spanish goal.  Still thinking through something SPECIFIC.

(3) Future Self.  Nailed this and it's the most fun of all the goals.  Something for FS everyday.  Running decisions through the filter of "what would my future self do."  This was an overarching goal that helped with boundaries, having fun, saying yes, saying no, speaking up, curiosity, learning. 

(4) Gardening.  Itty bitty is getting bigger.  Still practicing but on track for a real-deal garden next year.  Brings so my joy and frustration and awe.  I'm very much a middle age cliche as I find a love of gardening.  

(5) Expanding my reach.  Hiking group, gardening group, on-track for new volunteering this fall.  Reaching out for other reasons than making friends.  Turns out THIS is what was lacking, not friendships, but interacting with people with like-minded interests (which ultimately gives my life diversity it was lacking).

(6) Creativity.  Looking for ways to be creative.  Being confident to feel creative, even if what I make sucks.  It's another area I'm embracing and it feels good.

The Little-By-Little goals were sort of a flop and sort of a success.  Spanish 15 minutes everyday first thing.  Nope, but I did hit the Spanish goal.  Writing down FS thing I did each day.  Didn't last writing it down, but totally incorporated this practice into my day.

For THIS YEAR -- my motto is "Walk until the day becomes interesting (Rolf Potts).  This has a few meanings for me.  The obvious is the literal -- be out in nature and take notice and walk until life feels good.  Walking until you find wildflowers.  Walk until you notice something that makes you smile.  Walk until you see wildlife.  Walk until you notice happy messages (Asheville).  This is such a mood changer.

A more abstract meaning is a lot like "choose the bigger life."  Keep looking and saying yes to things that are interesting, things that bring meaning to my life, things that fuel a curiosity.  

And, finally, if things aren't ideal, keeping "walking" and change will come.  A lot like "keep going."  Life is dynamic and this will change with forward motion.

As I wrote earlier this month, I'm not doing little-by-little goals this year.  Nothing stood out that fit the criteria.  Maybe I'll bring it back, maybe it's finished forever.  

The goals from last year still apply -- taking things up a notch.  Stepping more into each of these as an IDENTITY and not just something I'm practicing.  Even though practice is ultimately how I get to identity.  Move from the "trying" to the "being."

The biggest thing I want to put behind me this year ONCE AND FOR ALL is buffering at night with food.  Of course, sometimes that will creep a bit, but it should be the rarest exception and not the rule.  This is not a diet or what to eat.  It's about not eating to fill my evening.  I'll feel better.  It's just that simple and that hard and that important. 

I'm putting up as a priority and taking simple steps to get there.  Being curious, experimenting, making the effort, getting coaching.  I feel wishy washy on the confidence though.  I think I'll get some coaching on this.  Do I need to be confident to fulfill the goal?  The lack of confidence comes from decades of trying and not really accomplishing.

Why this goal?  Something I heard in coaching.  When you answer DESIRE with food (eating), you lose DESIRE to make the rest of your life interesting.  It's true for me and it's MY WHY I need to stop this habit.  It dulls the rest of my life.  It's a hard-stop to searching for better, deeper, sweeter, lasting ways to enjoy life.  It takes over my evening, gives me lower energy the next day, dulls desire for other things because pleasure is so easy with food.  

Rolling up my sleeves and ready for action.  

Okay, friends.  That's a wrap on 52.  What I know for sure is 53 is setting up to be a very different year (retirement, Granny) ... it's a little scary and a lot exciting.  

Breathe

Today begins a 5 day stretch with nothing on the calendar.  NOTHING (!!)  Of course, I'll do things, but there's no time stamp on anything.  No rush for anything.  

Then begins the 5 days of watching grand-dogs and a stretch of appointments.  But, today, nothing.

Breathe.

Just what I need.

I finished this book.  It was suspenseful and a bit scary.  The ending had a few good twists, but it ended up being disturbing.  Fun read, sort of ick ending.

Next up is the bookclub July pick.

Garden pickings.  It makes me so happy.

Wildflowers, herbs,
cucumber, tomato, onion
and peppers.

Guess I'm in a growth period for my hair.  Sat down and my hairdresser said oh my gosh your hair grew over an inch.  No wonder it looked so terrible!

We had our typically good conversations and she has a PT recommendation for me (long story).  She's out of my insurance network, but self-pay is reasonable.  I have an appointment at the end of July.  I'm really hopeful.

Even my to-do list is empty today except for a Peloton ride.  This I need to fix because I'm happy for a free schedule, but not okay with doing nada.  I slept in until 7 o'clock this morning (fell back to sleep after I woke up).  Seems nice, but  going back to sleep leaves me groggy for a few hours.  I'm in that fog right now.

Possible things ... rock painting, birthday year recap, reading, new recipe using all the peppers (!!), store to buy garden sealer (unlikely today), organizing my rock painting supplies, trip to coffeehouse for more beans. 

I'm too foggy to want any of this, but I'll perk up after my morning routine and a Peloton ride.

Hope you are set for a good weekend.  Later gators.

Coaching Call(s)

In one of my MANY goal lists, I had "get coached live" on a list.  The coaching program has a number of live calls with different formats.  Some allow you to raise a zoom hand and get coached without prior request.  There was a live call ahead of my personal coaching session and I was already on the porch waiting out the cleaning crew so I listened live.  She kept requesting "anyone who wants coaching can raise their hand."

I typed a question into the Q&A which she started answering and then said -- "I love this question, if you want to be coached raise your hand."  I did.  Got coached live.  It was very interesting and she helped a lot with changing the wording of a thought around my mother.

Why was this on my list?  So many people have trouble turning on the audio or video when they've been selected and then they can't be coached.  I was nervous about figuring it out.  This seemed low risk AND I had a topic related question.

Little future self gold star.  

My personal coaching session happened too.  I wonder if I typed my email wrong in the signup screen.  That seems like the only explanation.  The coach was a French man (lots of people from France in her program).  He helped me with 2 goals that I seem to go back and forth -- never gaining very much ground given how much mental energy they take.  Spanish and buffering at night.  

Spanish -- I achieved the goal of conversational Spanish in Spain.  I have no SPECIFIC new goal and that's holding me back.  Working on setting a goal this week. 

Buffering -- my "why" and "why not" aren't strong enough.  Also, I allow the urge to grow by thinking about it.  Makes sense that this goal is taking a long time since I spent a lifetime doing it.  Keep methodically working on it, chipping away at it little by little.

Lots of good coaching yesterday.

I caught up with my girlfriend in the afternoon and we have dates for Puerto Rico in February.  Booking this week.  This checks a few goal boxes too.

It was a good Future Self day yesterday, including a run at the park (I'm sore this morning).  Today is MUCH needed hair day.  My hair is a fright.  Not sure why it's so gray and frizzy this time.  It really looks awful (and my hair is recorded for all of history on the call lol).

That's all from here.  I have a few other updates on books and such coming.  I'm slowly working on my birthday year goal recap too.  I'll have time to finish it these next few days.

Have a good one.  Later gators.

FINISHED (!!)

Birthday(s) fun, work and socializing are done and dusted.  I made it :)

The cookout was nice.  We played corn hole and hung out.  Low key.  Dinner was good.  Only picture I took was my garden pickings for the morning.  

White cucumbers, little tomatoes,
herbs, mini eggplant,
and MORE peppers.

Today SHOULD be a coaching call.  I didn't get the email reminder so I messaged the help desk.  They confirmed with the link for the call.  Still no email reminders (should have them 24 hours in advance too).  I'm not confident this is happening AND they charge $50 for a missed call.  I'm sure they'll wave it if it doesn't work, given the issues, but I hate how this little "problem" gives me the worries.  

I have a week "off" before we get the grand-dogs for a long weekend.  The next couple of days are early mornings (cleaning crew and hair appointment) but then some glorious NOTHING days with no time clock on anything.  I can't wait (!!)

Hope your week is going well.  Later gators.

Happy 4th

 

Working on this.  Over extending myself these few days has brought up all the feels of old me vs new me.  Moving the needle ever so slowly -- maybe too slowly?  I don't know.  Coaching call tomorrow.  Maybe this is a good topic.

Anyway -- cookout this afternoon.  Another big kitchen day.  It's a simple meal, yet it takes days.  I guess since I make everything from scratch, it takes a lot.  Maybe the trick is some store bought help? 

I'm really looking forward to a stretch of quiet and back to routine.  This last month was fun but I didn't balance well.

Hope you have a good holiday.  Short and sweet because I need to get in the kitchen.  Later gators.

Not a Real Monday

It's a Monday that still feels like the weekend.  Most would say 'yea' -- but I love regular Mondays so 'not yea' lol.  I'm still neck deep in entertaining work for tomorrow's bbq.

Cookies were a flop.  Hubby said they tasted fine, but they spread.  I hope he's able to eat gluten again because I have the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe with bread and cake flour.  I stopped baking yesterday and I'll try after they sit overnight.  The recipe said chilling wasn't necessary, but I'm giving it a try.  UPDATE:  Better, but not a recipe I'll make again.

I made these as an afterthought since the strawberries were big and beautiful.

Little gift of a cooling towel
for pickle ball.

I was in the kitchen all day yesterday with baking and a special birthday dinner (and lunch for me from the garden veggies).  Today is a kitchen prep day for tomorrow and tomorrow is all day in the kitchen.  Not my cup-of-tea.  I don't like DAYS in the kitchen.  Especially days where the food isn't even for me.  So much work and just a couple of meals to show for it.

I really want to change this up for next year.  Too much work.

Duke loves to smoosh the wildflowers.  He runs through them every time he goes outside.  Sometimes he just lays on them.  Little stinker.

This week I'm feeling the fantasy of JUST ME, all alone, no one to take care of, no one messing up my stuff.  Hormones.  Probably, but also GOOD LORD ... 

The takeaway is I notice when life is off balance.  I have no tolerance for this anymore.  I need to watch to prevent times like this again.  Right now, in this stage of life, I don't want to do this.  Maybe this will change again.  Maybe it won't.  I've spent decades taking care of so many things and now I want taking care of ME to be a top priority.  (Assuming no emergency, etc.)  I lost that balance this week.

Have a happy Monday.  I think Wednesday will feel more like my Monday.  Later gators.

Hubby's Birthday

You know, not to complain (as I complain) ... but why is my birthday going out or me cooking and hubby's birthday is ALWAYS me doing tons of work?  Since we're celebrating with the family on the 4th, I get double duty to cook today too.  Father's Day, birthday -- he picks staying home for home cooked things FROM ME.

I don't always mind, but this year I'm tired and want nothing more than doing nothing that requires work from me.  And the food is always what I don't want to eat so if I want something, it's extra-extra cooking.  And, of course, baking.  Because his birthday dessert is always homemade too (per his request).

Don't get me wrong, I love the man and am happy to celebrate him.  I just wish celebrating him was less work for me.

Oh, and it's also my sister's birthday -- BIG 5-0 this year.  

I'm a bit snarky this morning as you might tell.  I'm not sleeping well and I really want some downtime.  He gets off so easy for my birthday and then I get slammed for his (especially since it falls so close to the 4th).  I wonder if I should change this for next year and request a home cooked meal of my choosing?

Anyway ...

Garden pickings yesterday.  First mini eggplant and heirloom carrots.  I picked the carrots on accident while I was aerating and fertilizing a pot of mixed things.  They're a bit small, but tasty.

Short and sweet today.  Grocery store run and cookie making before noon today.  Later gators.