The Enneagram

What is the Enneagram?

Paraphrasing The Road Back to You (Cron and Stabile), the Enneagram is 9 personality styles that are formed in childhood to "cope and feel safe."  Each number sees the world through a filter of a specific motivation and it influences how we relate to the world.  This system has been studied for generations, but became know in the US in the 1970s.  No number is better or worse than another -- all have good and less good points.

Enneagram Wings

The number to the left and right of your number.  (See picture above.)  We lean toward the characteristics of those wings.  Richard Rohr thinks you lean toward one during the first part of your life and then add the other wing toward middle age.  This holds true for me.

Enneagram Connection Numbers

With the numbers in the circle -- think about forming a triangle and this gives you 2 other number connections.  One is how you act when you are at your best, the other is how you act at your worst. 

Enneagram Triads

There are 3 groupings of the numbers:  Anger/Gut Triad (8,9,1); Feeling/Heart Triad (2,3,4); Fear/Head Triad (5,6,7).  This is your driving center of emotion and intellect.  Each number in the triad uses their center differently.

Resources I've Used

The Road Back to You (Cron and Stabile)

The Enneagram, A Christian Perspective (Richard Rohr)

Jen Hatmaker Podcast series and Brene Brown podcast on the Enneagram.

Test:  The Enneagram Institute 144 question test (cost $13)

My Number:

I'm a SIX -- The Loyalist.  I lean heavily on a 5 wing and have started exploring my 7 wing in the last couple of years.  When I'm at my healthiest, I act like an evolved 9.  When I'm at my worst, I act like an unhealthy 3.

Many online resources to explain each number and the connections between numbers.

In a nutshell ... I crave security and my motivation comes from a fear base.  I play "what if" scenarios for every decision and every situation.  I'm always looking for dangers and ways to avoid them or be prepared if they happen.  I don't trust easily (and often "test" that trust), but when I do, I'm loyal -- sometimes to a fault.  It's why I have trouble letting go of people or things.  Once I DECIDE this is good (relationship, decision, activity, item), I fall HARD and stay with that decision well past benefit at times.  It's also why I get hurt so much if a friendship fails.  That said, if you're "my people," I will go to the ends of the world for you.

Why Does This Matter?

This is where it becomes a long study of yourself.  Even though you are grouped and labeled, you're still very individualized in how you show up in the world.  Knowing your motivation, knowing your strengths and your insecurities helps to understand your WHY.   I understand WHAT I need to feel my best and can better identify when I'm not doing well (hurting, anxious, etc). 

I can stop trying to CHANGE my nature and instead use for my betterment.

Here are Some Examples:

Dogs escaping or POTENTIALLY escaping through my fence is giving me crazy anxiety.  FEAR based situation.  I've been trying to wrap my head around it, reason myself out of it, calm myself -- to no end.  Knowing WHAT stops my anxiety -- being prepared and preventing problems, made me realize the BEST way to help my anxiety was to stop escape from being a possibility.  Puppy fence proofing.  Could I continue to work on my mindset and TRY to relax -- sure, but that is the hard way and not completely effective FOR ME.

Saying goodbye to things -- even things I don't want in my life is HARD for me.  I hang on way too long.  Knowing that this is my tendency, I can trust my decision on a goodbye more quickly.  The goodbye will be hard -- almost always.  I would hang on too long because I believed if I didn't WANT this, then the goodbye should be easy.  Since it felt hard, I didn't trust it was the right decision and I would go back and forth a zillion times (GNI group!!).  Knowing it will almost ALWAYS be HARD for me clears up that thinking.  Make sense?!?!

I want to be a spontaneous, easygoing, fun person and I keep trying to ADD this to my life (leaning toward that 7 wing).  But I need to be spontaneous in MY OWN WAY.  Spontaneous with a safety net and a plan (as a SIX) -- then I can be THAT person.  For example ... let's go to a city and walk around with no specific plans.  This would freak me out.  BUT ... as a SIX, I can be spontaneous and walk around the city if I have my safety net.  Bag with water bottle and snack (just in case), an idea of possible things to do (just in case we don't happen upon fun we can have a backup), sunscreen AND umbrella, comfortable shoes and clothes, address of our hotel and phone number.  SEE?!?!  My version of SPONTANEOUS.  I'm not fighting that anymore.  This is how I operate and it relaxes me.  If I need none of it, so be it.  But it's there if I do so I can relax into the adventure of the day.

P.S.  Our first trip to Europe, my kids called my backpack the "magic backpack" because I ALWAYS carried the "what if" things we might need.  They'd mention ... wish I had this ... and I had it.  That's my SIX showing.  Security, planning, caring for my people, mitigating my fear ... so I can have FUN.  

I Thought I Was a TWO

When I took the free test online I was able to manipulate the results.  TWO is the Helper.  I'm a nurse, I help people a lot ... of course I'm The Helper.  Except, I'm not.  When I started looking deeper, TWO doesn't fit me at all.  The TWO qualities I have as a SIX can look the same on the outside, but motivate from very different places.  When I took the BIG test (144 questions) and it came out a 6 -- I took it again the next week.  Still a 6, always a 6 and now I'm glad to know it.

This is common apparently.  I was shocked I had it wrong.  

How to Find Your Number:

My thoughts -- take the BIG test.  Spend the $13.  It will give you your possible numbers in ranking order.  Look at the top ones and then do a deeper read to see what number fits.  It might not be your top number, but it should be in the top three results.

My family took the test and my younger son was solidly an EIGHT.  Totally fit.  Everyone else had to look at the second highest possibility to find their numbers.  

Of course, you can read every number and learn from that point.  I think the test helps narrow it down and gives a good place to start.

Why It's Helpful to Know Other People's Numbers

Understanding behind THEIR motivations.  This helps in how you relate to them, work toward compromises and not take things so personally.  

Hubby is a ONE.  He looks for perfection and improvement in everything.  I take that as he's being critical, but he's being himself.  

For example.  I might make a special dinner with hubby in mind.  Not too spicy, food he likes, etc.  He loves the dinner and is super appreciative.  At the end of the meal, he comments that it was wonderful, but next time he'd like less sauce.  I see that as criticism.  He doesn't.  I see that as negating all the good things he said.  He doesn't.  This helps me to compromise about the situation and not take it personally.  Smile it off OR sometimes tell him that comment bothered me.  My choice, but I know the meaning of the comment isn't the meaning that I make it to be -- he still appreciated all the good, but can't help but look for "perfection."

Lastly, It's FUN

It's like therapy you do on yourself.  Looking at how I behave and think through the lens of the Enneagram is interesting. 

There are Instagram accounts that are memes for each number.  Laughing at some of your tendencies.  What pops up for SIX a lot -- always has lots of drinking glasses in use.  Yep, totally me.  It's fun and lite-hearted. 

Make the exploration what you want it to be.  Hope this was interesting and helpful.  Later gators.