Eckhart Tolle

I had a good day yesterday.  The cold shower (or whatever made me happy) took me through most of the day feeling well.

Then I chatted with hubby.  He had of a pisser day and is back to thinking this job isn't for him -- not during COVID.  Can't get to know his people well, can't enjoy VA, can't do ANYTHING after work, can't do a good part of his job (traveling with the sales team).  When he leaves this job, he'll retire for good.

This brought up all the FEELS and my happy day fell into FEELINGS again.

The primary thought?  Why the hell can't I get some continuity in my routine?  Just when I think I SEE what the rest of the year looks like, it's all up in UNCERTAIN land again.  This means the planning and routines I'm building now are only short-lived -- makes me wonder why I bother at all.  (BTW, this is Enneagram Six to the fullest.)

Is retirement bad?  Probably not, but it is a HUGE adjustment.  I CAN'T HANDLE ANYMORE ADJUSTMENTS!!  I can, but I don't want to.

Eckhart Tolle to the rescue.  NOW.  PRESENT MOMENT.  It's all there is ... always.  Live here.  Take action in the mode of ACCEPTANCE.  The action will be aligned and easier and better.  

Example -- flat tire.  Either way, you need to take action.  You can kick, scream, have a fit, be mad ... and the tire still needs to be fixed.  Or you can change the tire in acceptance -- a lot "easier," calmer experience.  I get it.  Yet, it's HARD.  Lately, I'm doing more of the kicking and screaming and fighting WHAT IS.

This year is YUCKY.  Personally, societally, worldly.  

Cold shower this morning.  Felt good -- that's a mild win.  I didn't get the BIG boost that yesterday gave me, but I'm soldiering on LOL.  

NOW.  That's all there is and in this NOW moment I'm good.  Stay tuned ... I'm curious what this week will bring with my new plans in place.  Giving it a moment to see what works.

Today is a blank slate and my "extra" goal today is GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.  It'll be a grocery store run or a Starbucks trip with the dogs -- or maybe both.  I need to see the outside world.  P.S.  Grocery store would be during the day, not at opening and this is new for me.  I'm being too strict with only shopping when the store first opens.  

Find some happy.  I'll be searching too.  Stay well :)