A List and a Ramble

Let's do a list. 

(1) The dealership found a car for me -- maybe next week. Same everything except the tow package which we didn't want anyway. I joked that it was even the same VIN. It's not over till it's over though. We'll see what happens. 

In the meantime, I have a large plug-in hybrid to drive to Asheville with only a reverse camera. Oh boy, this will be interesting driving. I'm going on Thursday-Saturday now. Quick turnaround. 

(2) Planning the neighbor group night out actually went smoothly. Date, confirmed, wow. Pressed the EASY button on this one. 

The ghost tour is from 8-10:30 PM!!!!! My lord. My idea. I'll love it and simultaneously regret it too. We'll go to dinner first so that'll help staying up.

(3) I'm not leaving until Thursday because I spent most of the day at the dealership yesterday. I can't get my stuff together without incredible rushing and it's not worth it. Weather is fine the entire week. I'm going to set up for the kids so it's not "fun" anyway.

(4) Look at the moon this morning. I wasn't sure if the camera would show the nuances. Glow rings, star at the top, sliver moon with shadow. Astrological art.

Now for some reflections -- rant? Probably not, but probably a ramble.

I'm not doing well with the calendar balance. I'm scheduling less so I have more time for the things I need and that time is being sucked up by circumstances (the car being the biggest one, but not the only one). Scheduling less, not seeing results. 

I'm still toying with the idea that this is a bigger problem in my mind, than it's an actual problem. 

I'm annoyed so I'm tossing my hands and saying "seeeeeee, it's not working." But is the issue from my annoyance or not doing the things? Does that make sense? I think I'm piling onto the problem and making it bigger. 

Missing meditation is one thing. Being mad all day about missing meditation is another. 

Something for reflection. 

On another note, I'm taking more control of decisions. It's funny how easily I give away my agency in certain areas and don't even realize it. 

Did that with the car. I felt strongly and no one else agreed. I acquiesced over and over. But yesterday made that decision on my own. Asked to talk to the GM. Didn't tell my husband. This wasn't a committee decision. Did what I felt was the right decision for me. Done. Came home with the rental AND plans to trade the car. 

This feels like a strange moment for personal growth or personal reckoning. Something is shifting or needs to be course corrected. Not sure exactly what or why, but the status quo is not working anymore. Changing feels necessary. Standing up. Speaking up. Being myself without apology. Take or leave me, but this is my life. 

Sounds dramatic, but it feels oddly very important. It's a must-do kind of thing. 

Okay, thanks for listening. Let's end the ramble for today.

Have a good one. Later gators.