Looking for Grace

It's interesting -- I had such a good bookclub meeting yesterday and these ladies are NICE people. They were so understanding of the other cancelation and decided to redo the location near her for next month. 

I re-read my rant from yesterday and, boy is it bitchy. I'm working on how to not have such a visceral and personal reaction to people being "rude" about my time. 

The truth is I need to have more grace. I just don't understand how to have grace AND be okay with this kind of circumstance. Especially when it seems so prevalent. Especially when I don't do that to people. Especially when a simple proactive text would've taken care of it. And, yes, I hear my tone. Work in progress and maybe a good conversation for coaching. 

Grace for them. Grace for me. Can I do both?

Where is the balance for me. When a person does something like this regularly, I tend to pull away -- "they're not doing this to me again" kind of head talk. 

Can I hold a friendship and be okay with someone not behaving like I'd like them to behave? Where is my tolerance line? Should I put energy into that relationship or call it quits so I can cultivate friendships that don't do these things regularly. Can I be understanding when it happens frequently? Can I understand that the understanding comes in to see they can't help it -- something is going on in their lives that they might be working through. 

Geez. So many questions. This is definitely "my thing" to work on right now. I've been working on friendship stuff for a number of years now. With every "answer" comes so much more confusion. 

This is why it's so good to be friends with all sorts of people. The friends yesterday make me want to be a better person and show me how. The friends who aggravate me give me an opportunity to be that person.

Anyway ...

Window shudders are getting installed today. The shades were damaged in shipping so that's happening in a couple of weeks. I think and hope this will make a difference in the bedroom. The old-fashioned pull down shades hit the window when the vents come on and make a noise during the night. I also think it will make the room feel more finished. Something is aesthetically off about the room and I can't put my finger on it. It feels unwelcoming and dull. Hopefully, this is a start to fixing it.

Did I say that I'm returning the drapes for the living room -- for the slider wall. They were boring and traditional and didn't work. I reordered something completely different. This house is proving a challenge to decorate. It's getting there very slowly and I'm trying not to settle -- I want the space to reflect me and feel good to me. (Hubby never cares lol -- I didn't forget him.)

Next book pick for the bookclub. Came as a recommendation from a hostess in Asheville when we talked about postcard penpals and books. I like this kind of connection. Reminds me to take the time to engage with people -- I forget this too often. 

Have a good start to the week. I'm off for a lab draw for hormones ahead of my gyn yearly appointment coming up. I'm excited to have a better week. Later gators.