Little Recap

Hello. It's been a minute. Mornings are not my own with company all week. Coming to you from the afternoon when I have a minute of solitude (i.e. men are golfing).

Where to begin ... 

That's sounds ominous -- nothing major, but I am up in all the feels this week.

Lots of really good, fun things. Lunch with a HS friend and we had a great catch up. Lunch with my aunt and it's always a blast. We're in the throws of planning a family girls' trip to Chattanooga in September. Voted in the local runoff primary and that makes me feel a tiny bit hopeful. 

FINALLY got my butt to a library Spanish class today, and, wow, totally over my head (which is great). I need a reason to study and I need a challenge. Can't go next week, but I'm registered for the next number of weeks. They loosely use a book I already own (and use). 

I hiked a long, fast solo 10+ mile hike in the crazy heat. Heading for an early mountain climb tomorrow before a volunteer meeting. 

Company leaves tomorrow morning and while I didn't do particularly anything for his stay, I'm ready to have the house back to private. 

Guess what the feels are all about?? Friendships?? Yep, you guessed it. I have 2 prickly things going on and I'm not sure I like the way I'm handling the situations. 

(1) Tuesday hiking group. My friend and I used to make decisions together and plan together since we're the only ones who ultimately hold the commitment. Lately, it's a unilateral decision with cancel after cancel. Yes, I know I said I don't want to go every week, but canceling the month might have been nice for a heads up. She's changing times, dictating hikes, etc. I'm not thrilled about it. We're having dinner tonight and I'm debating talking to her about it. 

There's another Spanish class at a closer library that starts up in August again and it conflicts with the Tuesday hikes. I'm going the first Tuesday back and I'll see if I like it. If so, I'm not sure where that lands me with the group. I guess I'll select which weeks I do what. If I don't care for the class, not as much of an issue. Bottom line, I'm not going to be a "sure thing" on the Tuesday hike, especially if I don't like her hiking/lunch choice. 

I'm "handling" it by being like the others -- ooops, not available. Not my best foot forward. I probably need to talk to her about it and act like a grown ass woman instead of being petty. 

(2) My longest friend -- the one I've had a lot of coaching about blew off my birthday in a decisive and (I believe) deliberate way. Too long of a story about the details or the reasons I think she did it, but I'm fed up. Really fed up. This has been building for 5 years of issues and, frankly, she's not someone I'd choose to be friends with right now. 

She finally reached out to plan a catch up call giving me a number of "maybe I'll be available" times and I told her I'm not available all week. I probably could make some time, but I'm angry at her. I also think the call is more about her vacation recap (per usual with her lately) than really wanting to connect. 

Is this the most mature way to handle this? Nope, but it's what I'm doing. Blowing her off. Taste of her own medicine. I've tried talking to her and I get defensive and dismissive responses. I don't feel like being a grown up today.

Both situations have me in my feelings -- sad, annoyed. Could it be hormones again? I don't know. Maybe because they're both feeling extra heavy. I sort of feel like I want to be home alone, in bed, under the covers, have a good cry kind of heavy.

That said, I have friendships going well right now so debating what is "real" and what is an overreaction since not everything is feeling icky. 

Okay, I've rambled enough this afternoon. I'm going to take my sad bottom outside and read on the porch before an early dinner. Have a good day. Later gators.