FIFTY

Happy birthday to me!!

Well, all my bitching and complaining and hubby came through after all.  These have to be booked in advance -- like weeks to months.  Especially right now.  So he stepped up -- and surprised me.  (Also, side note, if you want to start a business ... it's booming.  He had to call multiple companies to find availability and still had his 3rd choice of signage.  They are booking 3-6 months in advance -- he booked a month in advance.)

Quarantine birthday is setting up to be okay.  I'm sitting here drinking my real deal Kona coffee waiting to walk the dogs (it was raining earlier -- now we're waiting for dog traffic to settle down).  Zoom call with my high school friends at 10:30.  Picking up cake and cookies at noon.  Stopping at Starbucks for my free birthday drink and a pup-cup.  Youngest coming over early afternoon with takeout and opening a load of birthday gifts from my girlfriends.  Ending the night with a special bottle of wine and Netflix.  Not bad.

Eeeekkkk.  I can't believe I'm 50.  Seems crazy.  40 didn't feel strange, but 50 sure does.  My friend sent me this quote and it sums it up ...

Best get at this dog walk before the heat.  Somehow the rain forecast became hot and sunny LOL.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Last day of MY decade ...

Goodbye 40s.  

Plumber never showed yesterday.  Time window was until 4 o'clock so I called the office at 4:15 to get an update -- they close at 4.  I sat around all day and then all evening wondering if someone would show up at my door.  Ugh.  I need to call this morning.

My neighbor and her niece came over for porch coffee.  We chatted for over 3 hours -- it felt good.  They brought gifts for me and the dogs (I'll open tomorrow).  It was nice.  It poured rain most of the time they were here and I LOVE sitting out in the rain on the covered porch.

Speaking of weather -- storms predicted all day today and tomorrow.  STORMS, not just rain.  I'm set for my birthday Happy Hour with my girlfriend who usually cancels plans if it's a wash rain day.  We even canceled 2 FaceTime calls because of rain.  I'm curious if tonight will happen.  I'm not sure about sitting outside if it's lightening and she wants to stay outside.

Hubby appears to be scrambling to pull together a weekend celebration.  Not sure what's in the works but he mentioned he's "coordinating the celebration with the boys."  I was right -- he had NOTHING planned but takeout.  

Monti and me waiting on the plumber ...  the boy knows how to snuggle.  Have a great day and stay well!  Later gators.

Countdown Continues

Good morning.

Dogs are walked, fed and settled for a morning nap so I'm in my office trying to get some "normal" in my day before a workout.

I've been spending a lot of time learning about racism and other things are taking a backseat (like Enneagram research).  Hubby is working from home next week, so I'm planning to start back on some fun things once he's back in VA.  We're planning to do nature outdoor fun while he's home (assuming we can find non-crowded spaces and weather is okay).

I won't spend a lot of time talking about what I'm reading, watching and listening to with #BLM because that information is plentiful right now (yes!!), but here's a quick update.  I'm starting Austin Channing Brown's book this week.  I have a few movies and series to watch too.  Podcasts galore, new Instagram accounts, etc.  I will talk about what I'm changing in a future post though.  Knowledge and education is a start, but ACTIONS are the goal.  That's harder to figure out, more uncomfortable to do and is a marathon (not a sprint).

In other news, I finished We Ride Upon Sticks (Quan Barry).  Turns out the author is a black woman.  Supporting black professionals is one of the actions I'm taking -- this happened to be timely, but wasn't on purpose.  And what I mean is making an effort to look (in this case) for black authors -- not just those who write about race, but supporting black writers in the fiction area -- hearing their voices.  As sometimes I look for female authors to support a less supported minority and hear the female voice.  Anyway .... the book was great (!!)  Original, interesting, FUNNY.  Loved it.

I also started watching Killing Eve on Prime.  It's not free on Prime, but I think there are some streaming options that are free.  I need easy so I'm purchasing it.  It's fun and strange and GOOD!!  Until recently, I had no idea what it was about -- I thought it was a period thing about the Bible's Eve.  Oops ... not even close.  Glad someone recommended it.  Think Dexter and Homeland had a baby -- twists, turns, likable murderers, can't trust anyone.

This morning my neighbor (friend) is coming over for a quick coffee on the porch.  This afternoon is the toilet fix of the failed fix from Friday.  It'll be good to have the master toilet back functioning.  Friday was air in the line -- now it's totally broken.  Dang.

Looks like hubby was planning on takeout and pretty much nothing else on Saturday.  I mentioned that wasn't what I would expect for a 50th birthday celebration.  He suggested take out from A DINER (!!)  Good lord.  I'm set for disappointment, but still remain hopeful which is why I'll probably be disappointed (BTW -- this is very Enneagram 6 which is what I "test" as ... more to come).

Can I chat one more minute on my birthday disappointments (birthday pity party for one)?

(1)  Saturday's party -- see above.

(2)  A girlfriend was planning on a sleepover and evening of fun this week.  Then it was a takeout dinner and an evening together (her getting a ride so she could have drinks).  Now it's whittled down to a happy hour drink and snacks on the porch.  It's about expectations -- this is a lovely thing for my birthday, but nowhere near what it started out to be ... therefore, DISAPPOINTING.

(3)  Thursday evening and dinner at the kids' place -- my actual birthday.  I ordered extra sweets from the bakery and kept the day open from plans.  Canceled because of work issues.  I understand, but it's disappointing -- and, truth be told, I was on the fence about it anyway.  Then I decided to go along with the fun -- never mind now.  Youngest is coming over here and bringing dinner.  That's nice, but again, not what I was expecting.

Enough complaining -- for today LOL.  Stay well.  I'm off to do a workout and helps this lousy mood of mine.  Later gators.

Birthday Week

Hello!

I've been MIA for reasons of DOGS and CONTRACTORS.  One I love, one I don't.  This was suppose to be a contractor free week, but the plumber installed a faulty toilet pump and our master bath toilet is out of commission.  I'll call this morning -- discovered at 5:24 on Friday (24 minutes too late).

It's BIRTHDAY WEEK.  My last few days of my 40s before the BIG day on Thursday.

It's lack luster and a bit of a downer -- of course.  Why?  Pandemic.  Why?  I did NOTHING about my pants not fitting.  New goal ... first 2 months of being 50.  FIT INTO THE GREEN DRESS.  I see the eye rolling (me too).  But giving up isn't going to help either.

When does this start --  Monday, June 29 (because what life change doesn't start on a Monday and it'll take a few days to finish the fabulous cake).

The "how" remains to be seen.  Maybe something more official.  Maybe involve my life coach for accountability.  I need SOMETHING to hold me accountable.  

I'm actually excited about it.  Something to look forward to -- the fitting into my clothes, not the actual diet.  I know what people say -- diets don't work.  Well, diets work for me to lose the weight, then the "regular" healthy habits hold me.  I'm not patient enough -- I need results to keep me going when I'm this far off track, hence an actual diet.  Diet = rules.  Diet isn't starving myself with weird things.

I'm also focusing on THIS goal because I think my birthday has potential to be a disappointment.  I usually have no trouble celebrating my birthday MYSELF so I'm never actually disappointed (this came from birthdays that were upsetting when I was younger).  I love having MY day exactly as I like it -- pampering, fun, etc.  No go this year because I'm not going out.  Everything is OPEN in GA, but I don't think it's safe so I don't have the usual fun options and I'll be damned if I can come up with anything besides CAKE.

I know I sound spoiled -- and I am.  I have means and time to usually enjoy my birthday.

The other possibility of disappointment comes in the form of my family not doing anything special.  Maybe I'm wrong (I really, really, really hope I'm wrong).  Looks like they are picking up take-out.  No gifts (ring from hubby will be later this year and the kids can't decide what to get me).  I'll have leftover cake from Thursday for Saturday.  That's it.  

I can think of many little things that would make me happy for a quarantine BIG birthday.  I don't think they'll do anything extra though.  Decorations.  Fun, silly gifts.  Special beverage.  Birthday game.  Birthday movie night.  Lawn sign celebration.  Video call surprise with extended family.  

I could be wrong, but I don't think I am wrong AND it will upset me.  I've tried super hard to make everyone else's "missed" celebrations a little special.  This is a big birthday (or I wouldn't have any expectations) and everything is CANCELED.  

Directly asking for these things defeats the joy in them.  I've said, over and over, how important it is to try and make all of our disappointments a little bit better by thinking outside the box.  And that's what I've done for the family.  Will they do that for me too?

Maybe I'm wrong.  I keep coming up with that thought.  Don't get upset ahead of anything.  Maybe there are some nice surprises in the works.

Oh, and it's PMS week.  Extra potential for HIGH emotions -- not the good kind either.

Stay tuned ... LOL.

Stay well.  Later gators.

My New Alarm Clock

Duke KNOWS the time.  Time for dinner.  Time for snack.  Time to WAKE UP (says him) ... all of a sudden ... every single morning at 4:30.  What happened?  He's accurate within a 3 minute + or - window ... it's impressive if it's wasn't so dang early.

I decided to stay up this morning.  Still in quarantine to a big degree, yet up at 4:30 -- DUUUUUKKKEEEE (!!)  This makes for a long day.  BTW -- he's fast asleep for post potty nap time.  Must be nice to be him.

I had a fun time at the kid's yesterday.  Super long walk with the dogs.  Tired dogs = happy dogs.  Takeout lunch at a greek restaurant.  I got a salad with chicken ... all yummy stuff piled on too.  It felt good to get out of the house.  

I actually put on REAL clothes.  Hand to God -- the last time I had on regular clothes was the first week in March.  Still not wearing rings (makes hand washing harder), but I squeezed into my BIG jeans.  The ones that are usually so big, I don't wear them outside the house.  Now they're nice and tight.

No surprise -- The Green Dress is not happening by next week.  BUT ... I haven't given up on it.  It's happening, but on a different time frame.  I don't know exactly what that looks like, but I know it will happen.  Why?  Because it's something I still want.  Can't let the idea go, so back to the drawing board.

I started with a plan from The Holistic Psychologist (I follow her on Instagram, per my life coach).  She says a part of healing (when you've treated yourself poorly) is to make one promise a day (to yourself) and keep that promise.  This starts to prove to your psyche you can trust yourself again.  She says it seems like nothing, but it has incredible power.  I've started keeping one promise.  Last night was no eating after dinner.  The day before was doing a hated chore.  I'll see if this can start me back on the right track. 

I'm still reading We Ride Upon Sticks (Quan Barry) and it's fantastic.  It's taking forever because I'm not fun reading a lot -- focusing on learning about racism instead.  This book is so well written -- every sentence makes you smile.  The author has a gift for description (that's also why it's taking a long time -- no skim reading).  I'm pushing forward with it more this week.

Costco run today.  Can't get in until 10 o'clock, so I have lots of time to get ready.  Going out 2 days in a row -- practically a vacation week.

Have a great Monday.  Stay well.  Later gators.

Exactly Nothing

And I had a poo of a day.  Nothing at all.  Some chores, some TV, some reading ... big day of the blahs.

I'm used to having hubby gone during the week (20 years of it), but whenever he's gone on the weekend, it feels strange.  Tomorrow will be back to normal -- my mood back to normal funk hah.

I have a couple things on the calendar today though.  Huge stack of paperwork (no fun) and a visit to the kids for lunch with all FOUR dogs (fun!).  

I think part of my problem is I didn't leave the house at all since a week ago Friday.  Hibernation starts as comfort and quickly becomes a funk for me.  Even if it wasn't intentional.  Tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping and that will be a good thrill LOL.

That brings me to the part where EVERYONE is quickly moving back to normal socially.  Restaurants, BBQs, vacations, shopping, hair, nails.  I've opened up a little, but still barely doing anything.  Next week is everyday contractors in my house.  Exposure with absolutely the opposite of fun.

The US COVID numbers are not good.  A hot spot in GA right now is in the county where our rescue has the far, far away vet -- far, yet too close for comfort.  All Alabama boarder counties are hot spots too.  Watching people having fun and I'm like a shut-in is amplifying the feelings.  Even hubby is golfing all weekend.

Is this QuaranTINA showing up?  I don't think it's any safer right now than it was in March -- maybe even becoming less safe as people think it's over.  Protest gatherings -- so important, but scary in the wake of COVID spread.  Regular lists of restaurants with temporary closings due to a positive COVID test of an employee.  No mask requirements for food prep anymore (need our governor GONE).  What does that mean for take-out safety?

I MUST figure a way out of this funk.  As I said before, ROUTINE brings me good things and I need to find a routine that can stay for long enough to get myself back together.  I think that will help.  Looks like I'm heading for some idea brainstorming this week AGAIN.  Getting Monti used to being left for a couple of hours is start to fixing ME.  Then I can make some plans -- hikes, walks, grocery store runs, etc.

Hope your Sunday is a funday.  I NEED FUN too (!!)  Time to get thinking ...

A Little Sleep In

Dogs woke up at 4:30 and went on a potty break.  Normally, I'd stay up to get ready for an early walk.  I couldn't do it -- decided to go back to bed and we slept until 7 o'clock.  Morning walk will be short and sweet.  I'll take them for a car ride later today for something fun to do.  One day missing a long walk won't kill us (we'd miss if it was raining).

Lots of phone fun yesterday.  Caught up with a few people -- for combined over 5 hours (that might be a record for me).  I was actually tired of talking LOL, but it was nice to catch up and an unexpected surprise for the day.

The zoom call with our Italy group was a bust.  I had connection problems that ended up ending my involvement after about 20 minutes.  One gal forgot (we had to reach out) and there's another who dominates the conversation -- expert on everything, interjects on every comment.  It's particularly annoying on a video call.  No one gets to finish their thoughts.  I wasn't bummed to lose connection.

Today is a full day of NOTHING.  I think that's why the idea of starting my day so early was particularly unappealing.  Since it seems like I caught up with every friend yesterday (hah), I don't expect to talk to anyone but hubby later today.

I planned to take the pups for a Starbucks run (haven't been since February), but then found out Starbucks wasn't allowing any BlackLivesMatter support from employees.  They allow LGBTQ+ support.  Last night they rescinded their policy -- speaking up and speaking out ... it works.  Looks like that's back on the table for this weekend.

I'll get my act together soon to do something more on my posts.  Enneagram, new goodies, books, etc.  I've been slacking with the pups and our new morning schedule.  I'm even boring myself.

Hope you have a great Saturday.  Stay well.  Later gators.