Quiet Morning Rambles

Brrrrr ... no furnace today.

Do I think they'll finish as expected? About 50/50. 

I spent the afternoon finishing up The Girlfriend on Prime. Good lord it was FANTASTIC. I didn't expect the ending at all. Lots of twists. Great acting. One of my favorite shows this year. 

I haven't been reading this trip.

Why? 

LIBRARY BOOKS. Three holds are waiting for me. The book choices I brought to Asheville are all chonkers -- 450+ pages. I started one at the teahouse, but not hooked yet. It's a relatively easy read so maybe I can power through it today. Decisions, decisions.

I'll join a Priya Parker webinar LIVE since I'm glued to the very cold house all day. LIVE is a different experience. Neither better nor worse, just different. It's about virtual gatherings so not as relevant to me, but I'll get something out of it. Who knows ...  maybe more than I expect. 

I registered for a couple of hikes last night. Saturday is a big gal. 

Little nervous.

Little dread.

Perfect. 

Something I want to do. Something that fear can talk me out of doing. It's exactly what I need to do.

BTW, fear isn't afraid of something dangerous -- silly little things that don't make a lick of sense. 

Afraid of finding the trail head.

Afraid of being late.

Afraid of keeping up.

Afraid of having to pee in the woods. 

Dread is ...

... waking up early

... cold start

... long drive

... hard hike.

I've had this drop in DOING energy. The feeling of MEH and BLAH. I gave in for a bit too long, but enough is enough. Back to a regularly scheduled life and that means big girl panties. 

It's almost like a depressive episode. Falling back. Hiding under the covers. Talking myself out of everything. 

At first it feels like a relief. A break. Grace. 

But then it becomes The Energy of NO ... of nothing. It's a momentum in the wrong way ... circling down into smaller and smaller. 

The smaller I go, the harder to pull out. And THAT is the problem of letting it continue.

Saturday is a big yank out of that spiral. 

I've been pulling against the spiral for a couple of weeks. 

5K Race

Women's group meet up

Hikes

Social commitments

But I'm still feeling its pull. Doing nothing sounds so good. So enticing. So kind. So caring.

Once I pull out, the momentum changes. It's not a fight anymore. I'm excited to do things. I love the variety. I love the fun.

This is my FAVORITE time of the year and I want to enjoy it.

One last note.

This ISN'T about needing quiet time vs over scheduling. 

Quiet time is one of the things the spiral warps. 

Painting -- nope.

Meditation -- nah, I can skip it today.

Solo walk -- why bother. 

I will over schedule so I don't have to do the quiet time (which is a big part of growing energy).

I know this seems like a contradiction to what I've been saying. Calendar too full. Not enough quiet time. 

The fullness is the spiral (in this case). It's a distraction. An excuse. 

I absolutely need to be intentional about my calendar and overfilling it. But my heart knows the difference. I know, deep down, the WHY of my choices. 

Okay, I've rambled a lot. I think I have just enough time this morning to get a little run (when the sun comes up) and shower before the work starts again. 

Have a good day. Later gators.