Little More Garden

Yesterday was a successful day. I managed all-the-things and I didn't let myself get too mentally ahead. It's cliche to "be present" but it makes a difference. I rarely remember when I get busy or it's not something overtly fun -- working on it though.

I got a couple more things off the never-ending wedding list. It seriously feels like it never ends -- and I'm only planning my little corner of things. Geez.

Today is a bit less hectic, but equally full. 

Full because I'm planning a solo hike before I do the rest of the day. I'm not sure how long -- it'll depend on my speed and trail condition (it rained last night). It'll also depend on whether I psych myself out hiking alone. I've been added extra solo miles to hikes but this is all solo. Somehow that hits differently on the nervous meter (as I remember every episode of Criminal Minds). If I want to get to the next level hikes in my club, I need to get more hiking miles each week. The next level makes a HUGE difference in the club hikes -- people, leaders ... everything is more my cup of tea. 

The afternoon is errands, chores, and finishing up food for the birthday party tomorrow. I got a lot of the food prep finished yesterday so today should go smoothly.

Checked my wintering veggies in the garden -- got some harvest. Carrots are still cooking.

Then my mind kicked in and got all upset about what-ifs, garden addition. What if no sun once leaves are out on trees? What if I can't do a front garden? What if I can't run irrigation? Don't feel better about it yet.

My bff and I usually take an annual trip together. Since the pandemic, we've only gotten together once though. We'll see each other at the wedding, but trying a trip this summer too. She proposed a trip where she works during the day, but we hang out at night because her vacation days are mostly used up with family commitments and other friend trips. I sat on this last night and decided -- nope. We can wait. I don't need left-over time where I'm at the mercy of her work schedule. We haven't gotten together much because I've brought myself to the table on these trips too. It needs to be something that works well for me too. I'm proud of holding this boundary, even if I don't see her as frequently. 

Oh - forgot to talk about the coaching call. I got selected and it was helpful. I asked how I could accept the frequent cancelations without resentment and still feel like we have a friendship. She suggested when plans are offered I expect 100% of the time she'll cancel. Then make the decision from that point. Do I want to make plans with her, knowing she'll cancel? Maybe so because I have a backup plan or nothing else. But if I say 'yes' I can't be resentful because I decided. Also, set new boundaries. Maybe only last minute plans or plans that give me an out if something comes up, etc. 

Maybe what she can offer the friendship right now is just the making of plans -- anything more isn't possible in this season. I can take that offer as a loving gesture, even if plans don't actually happen. I can take my decision (yes or no) as a loving gesture to her and to me -- whatever I decide. Show friendship to her and show friendship to me in every choice.

This helps. It's not perfect. Perfect is going back to the way it was before her husband retired and grandchildren. I'll use this going forward and see where it lands. The intention focused on loving her and loving me together. Finding friendship in a new way.

That's all from here today. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.