Let's Have a Happy Friday

Man, I'm tired.

Yesterday was a good day and somehow exhausted me. Even my Oura ring noticed something was up.

Peloton ride and my riding partner behaved -- I think the worst is over. I kept the ride mostly sitting because that actually felt better. Preparation H, my hero lol.

Virtual court without any glitches -- my first time using teams and it worked well.  Met my aunt for lunch al fresco. Pretty day. 

Came home to work related to the court hearing and that finished out my day. 

Then I could hardly get my butt off the sofa to bed -- I was suddenly that tired. Like bone tired. Like I was scared I was getting sick tired. I think this might be hormones. I'm okay this morning and still planning on a solo hike, but my energy is a bit low. I'll listen to how I feel. We have a showing late this afternoon so between the hike, house prep, and the showing that will likely fill out the day. 

By the end of this weekend, I'll have the rehearsal dinner and welcome bags stuff done and dusted. I need to have all that off my plate just in case things come up this next week. I want to be as physically and mentally rested as I can going into the wedding events. I need some zen moments in an otherwise CRAZY week. This will be a social mountain like no other -- the preverbal Everest climb hah. 

I'm looking forward to some fresh air and nature today. Staying grounding and happy.

That's all today. I slept in a couple of hours so I want to get going on everything. Hope you're set for a happy Friday too. Later gators.

Speaking Up, A Shit Show, Improving, and a Good Book

I spoke up for myself yesterday and now my court appearance is virtual today. There's a hearing this morning and my supervisor is sick -- like really sick. We sit next to each other for at least an hour. Can't do it. I happened to call her yesterday and she sounded awful. I was polite, direct, and non-negotiable. 

Of course, virtual is no easy task through the courts. I'm not sure this will work (many people have issues). It's important to be present, but I won't take a direct hit on germs this close to the wedding.

Having my back feels uncomfortable in the moment, but it also feels right and it feels true -- the more I do it, the more I notice if I don't.

I had a nice day yesterday. Final hair touchup before the big weekend and lunch outside with hubby -- alone on a restaurant porch, just like pandemic times.

I'm meeting my aunt for lunch today too. Same deal -- careful, masks inside, eat outside. This afternoon is the final Art of Gathering class. It's been extremely helpful and well worth the time and money. I'm also working on writing cards for the welcome bags -- started with the harder ones that I want to personalize the most. It'll go faster as I get down the list.

My monster hemorrhoid is a shrinking. Phew. I want to workout today, but I'm not sure it's in my best interest. I'll see how it feels. My jaw is also improving. Thank the lord -- both "ends" settling down lol.

I dove a little bit into current affairs yesterday and immediately dove back out. What a shit show. 

I finished this book -- loved it. It was funny, warm, predictable-ish without being too cliche. It felt meaningful and sappy. All the components of some good feels which are very welcomed right now. I need to think on a next read and timing. I'm having a slump and I don't want to give up on a potentially good book because I'm not in the right headspace. Having the right book was a treat this week and it would be nice to have reading time to settle my mind before bed. I'll dig through my TOO LARGE TBR pile and see if something pops. 

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

She's a Monster

Well, friends, I have a new problem. Guess that climb on the hike aggravated a hemorrhoid and she's a monster. Big enough to modify workouts. I ran yesterday and that was a mistake. It's a little better this morning (of course), but I'll see how it goes during the day. No Peloton today. Exchanging shirt pictures with a friend -- run went well (getting faster) but then misery hah! I didn't hike with the Tuesday group because I'm in relative isolation mode ahead of the wedding

Wanted a finishing treat.

All done. Beautiful morning.

I wasn't a very happy camper after the run. Our realtor decided to do a broker open house next week. Seriously? Right before the wedding -- sure, add this to the mix. Our other realtor scheduled a followup inspection at the new house, but they're out of town for a funeral so we need to manage it. Same day, same time. Neither can easily be postponed (long stories). So much for the blackout period that we told both of them. It's really nice to be listened to and believed. Guess the jokes on me because they got what they wanted. 

Between my jaw and backside, it was a full mood. 

I'm better this morning -- back into problem solving mode. I have a hair appointment this morning and working on welcome bag notes.

Speaking of notes, got my first postcard from my new penpal lol. We wrote very similar things -- hope she gets mine this week. It's fun and book-ish. 

I'm excited about the wedding, but I'm excited to have it finished in equal measure. I'm ready to have time and mental space for other things. I miss crafty stuff. I miss gardening (I'm going to set up a few containers for a little garden). It's time. Next week is a big, big week -- trying to not get overwhelmed ahead of time. Trying to be relaxed and go with the flow. Trying to remember to have fun and take in all the joy of friends and family. Some success, but, it's Me and that's not my default. I need to work on redefining Me.

I listened to a podcast and there was a discussion on adaptive reasoning vs transformation (new identity). Exactly! Difference between I'm not drinking, but I wish I could (adaptive reasoning) vs I'm not drinking because I don't want to (transformation). This can apply to the above too. It's an interesting concept to remember in a variety of situations and beliefs. 

Okay, enough pondering -- hope you have a good day. Off to meditate on a soft pillow to keep the monster at bay today. Later gators.

Hike, Change of Plans, Great Book

The hike was worth the drive -- beautiful trail, a bit technical, big elevation climb when we hit the mountain miles, views. Total win. 9 miles, 2000 ft elevation climb. 

Bigger waterfall

Selfie because the sun was
cool with the rays.

Summit and sammie

Ice runoff -- it was cold
at the top of the mountain

Smaller waterfall

Crossing the waterfall base

Today is a change of plans -- my doing. I found an inexpensive rug on marketplace for my office. Trying to save a little money and trying to find used items for the new house -- win/win. It's a drive though and it'll eat up the afternoon. Worth it, I hope. Home for a scheduled catch up phone call with a good friend -- we'll talk and I'll walk around in my heels. I'm getting a lot better.

I need to fit in a Trader Joe's run too. I'm enjoying the new, closer Trader Joe's. Hubby is headed to Asheville because our furnace went out. 

Monday isn't what I planned, but it should be okay -- maybe even good :)

My hip is a little sore after the hike. The elevation came all at once and that was probably a little too hard on my legs. I'll take a rest day today and back at a hike or dog run tomorrow. Maybe a mix because the weather is good this week.

I slept like crap last night which is unusual after a big hike. I couldn't fall asleep, restless, woke up often feeling tired but not sleepy. Expecting and hoping for a crash tonight. Still no monthly. Taking bets that I get it for the wedding. We're going on 2 months. 

Reading this book and it's so good -- reading slowly because it's that good. The hype is right. The wait was worth it. The timing is also fun since it takes place at a wedding weekend. I hope the ending lands. 

That's all this morning. Have a good start to the week. Later gators.

Off to Hike

Up early for a big hike -- particularly "big" because it's almost 2 hours away. This will probably be my only time hiking here because of the distance. It's a special hike with waterfalls, big mountain climb, views, etc. 

I had a thought last night -- could this hike be near my favorite town on route to Asheville? The answer is YES. It's about 30 minutes away. I was all set to give it a visit after the hike, but most of Main Street is closed on Sunday. Dang. I would've gone in a heartbeat.  

Windshield is replaced. Glad that's done.

I did a mock setup of the table scapes and they're fine. Not fancy, but fine. The venue and atmosphere calls for fine, not fabulous. It's old, lots of character, super duper casual bordering on dingy. My cheap, double-sided picture frames and almost plastic-like table doilies work. Each table has pictures, candy, votive candles (water activated kind), little flowers, and a decorative cookie at each place setting. It fits the vibe. I had to hot glue some of the frames -- cheap stuff. 

No diss to the restaurant -- it's practically an historical venue for mid-town Atlanta. Famous people abound (with pictures on the wall), award winning southern food, old converted house. It all works to get a "taste of the south" for the event. It's just a vibe that's old-casual, not old-glamour.

I had to play mix-n-match with pictures. I have 2 sizes of frames, 4 tables. It was like a puzzle for each table. Got it done with one picture to spare -- no dupes at any table. I relatively randomly ordered the prints with the selection the kids sent without thinking that through -- lucked out.

The wedding list is still going, but pausing for a day off today. Back at it Monday.

I workout out yesterday and wore my flag shorts. It felt horrible, like I was supporting Orange so I added an empowerment shirt. I hate how they've claimed the flag. Our new house will be the first house we won't hang a flag. Exchanged picture with a hiking friend who was also wearing a good message. Little points of unity. 

Hope you have a good Sunday. Later gators.

FS-ish Day and Books

The day was good. Not without issues. Not the FS stuff I thought, but I handled the day in a FS way. 

A few hiccups early on and I took them in stride -- didn't react at all, just accepted and found solutions. Meditation and coaching for the credit. 

Long lunch with a friend and a good conversation so I didn't make it to the city in time for a couple of FS ideas. Visited the wedding venue and got some questions answered, but have to call on the rest because they were busy. I didn't have time to wait to speak to the front desk. It was a good afternoon. Got in early enough to get free parking too.

Kids met me and we worked out rehearsal details with the event coordinator. Ate dinner -- tasted a few more things for final food selections. Glad we did because it changed our minds on a couple of items.

It was a productive day. Still more things to figure out and do -- never ending. It's crazy how many details and we're only hosting the rehearsal and organizing out of town guests on our side. Geez. It's also a monumental effort to get me dressed and "done" for both nights. And the house will be on the market while we're away that weekend. And dogs. And packing. Guess it is a lot.

Library book pick up. Two cookbooks I've been interested in checking out. A book by a podcaster I listen to and a popular novel (on hold for months and months). It's a good list and a good time to have some books.

Today is more wedding stuff (probably most days now) and getting my windshield replaced. Hubby broke it replacing the wipers. Bummer. $$$ down the drain.

I could use a regroup day. I have a surprising amount of home things to handle and I'll be gone all day tomorrow for a hike. 

On that note (and since I slept an extra 2 hours) best get moving. Have a good day. Later gators.

Running About Day

The hike was COLD -- I wore a puffer jacket for the first time ever. The wind chill made it miserable at the start, but the hike was great. Fast, technical. I had trouble getting up an embankment -- had to climb on my hands and knees. Totally loved it. I'm actually a little stiff this morning. 

One more hike with the group on Sunday before I start "isolation" measures ahead of the wedding. 

The hike I was considering this morning got canceled because of the cold -- too much ice run off to be safe. Glad I didn't change up my schedule.

I have a day of out-of-the-house. Nail appointment, errands, lunch with a friend and then a trek into mid-town for wedding errands. I'm going to make a full day of it -- too much driving, but that can't be helped. BUT ... I'm planning on a fun, productive day. 

My jaw is slowly improving. I need to be deliberate about NOT clenching and aggravating it more. We're heading to a soup place for lunch -- every little bit less chewing helps. 

Something I also need to be deliberate about is remembering in two weeks we will gather with great friends, loving family for a shared experience I'll remember forever -- I swear this just dawned on me yesterday. Duh. It's special and that's getting lost in my to-do list worry. It's time to get excited.

Next week is final details for everything and a bunch of appointments, etc. but it shouldn't feel too rushed. Then a week of nothing but a lead up to the festivities. I want to spend a little time painting rocks (it's been forever) and allowing downtime and some solitude before the big weekend. I'll solo hike which is a totally different experience to group hiking but I expect it'll feel really good. 

I'm adding a few adventures today if time permits. FS bits. I'll see what I can fit in.

Hope you're set for a good weekend. Later gators.

Time to Chat This Morning

Hello. I woke up extra early on my own accord and I'm happy to have slow-roll office time. A little bit of grounding before the day begins in earnest. 

The volunteer meeting was over 2 hours yesterday and I need to revise my report before it goes to the judge this afternoon. It shouldn't take long, but it was set to eat into my morning routine. Now I have an extra hour -- just what I need.

I didn't change up the hike schedule because it's going to be SO COLD for the other morning hike -- 19 degrees with hike ending at 21 degrees. No go for my toes. I'm clinging to hikes because there are so many good ones right now and I'm clearing my calendar for isolation (as much as I can) starting on Monday. I'm missing a lot of hiking opportunities and want to keep up my fitness. I forget I can hike myself and that's what I'll do.

I subscribe to a podcast Patreon for a book podcast. Someone in the group likes to be a postcard penpal and exchange from travels, Indy bookstores, etc. For some reason that seems really fun and I happened to order postcards for a few of the welcome bag notes so signed up. I'll send her first card this week. Little stranger connection that brightens the day -- for both of us. It's also a fun, inexpensive thing to be on the lookout for when traveling. My notes will be book related so it's full circle back to books. 

The hair comb for the wedding arrived. It's pretty, just what I expected, and I think I'm not going to use it. Hubby happened to open nostalgia boxes from our closet yesterday and I found the hair pins I used for my wedding. 33 years old. They look better even though I wasn't planning on pearls. Maybe I'll switch up some other jewelry too to add some more pearls. Still playing around with it. The hairdresser will have to do things a bit differently for my hair (probably for the best and more like I requested). That strange twist bothered me.

I stuck them in my hair willy nilly to take pictures which were darn impossible since it's the back of my head. My fashion friend voted the pearls too although I think both are fine. I like the idea of vintage from my closet and the connection to my wedding.

The showing didn't go well yesterday. They need larger secondary bedrooms on the main level for aging parents. Lots of scramble for no reward, but that's the nature of a house on the market. The interested couple from the weekend is ghosting so they probably changed their mind -- dang. 

I have an afternoon hike today. It's fast with 18 creek crossings. I'll need my old hiking boots because the creek will be high from the rain. It's also going to be just at freezing -- probably taking a chance on my feet with water and low temps, but I'm going. Add that the bathrooms are out of order too -- so many hiccups. I definitely didn't expect the temperatures to drop again to this level. I'm trying to be less of a fair weather hiker -- high creek, freezing temps, no bathrooms -- still hiking. Fingers crossed. 

Have a good day, stay warm. Later gators.

Groups

The hike was excellent yesterday -- I love this particular hike. My injured friend walked trails around the mountain, but the rest of us went up and over. I didn't expect them to hike the mountain -- pleasant surprise. Lunch at our usual place was delicious too. It was a full day -- cool, crisp, sunny, and a lot of fun.

As for the "drama" of today. My meeting changed to in-person. Showing got moved to this afternoon. Still a bit of a bottleneck of a day, but it's manageable now. Of course. I asked for what I needed. Sometimes that doesn't work, but more than not, a compromise happens. 

I did back-to-back harder hikes Monday and Tuesday and I feel really good. I'm thinking about changing up Thursday and Friday to hike a little more. Only concern is the temperature -- might be too cold for an early morning hike. It probably won't work out, but I'm mulling it over. Hiking harder is making a difference -- I'm getting closer to the bigger club hikes in my crosshairs. 

Last year I did a girls' weekend with a friend and her friends. I've continued to do a few things here and there with them. The weekend is back for this April. So yesterday, I had two text threads going -- this group and the Tuesday hiking group. Two groups of good women with lots of shared interests that align with me right now. I've been working on getting back to group dynamics and these ladies fit the bill. I let go of a lot of groups in 2019 because they weren't my cup of tea. Slowly finding my way to something new.

Last night, in bed early, no stress producing texts ... it was nice. Comfy bed, dogs, book, tea, vintage happy mug. 

I have another early start his morning. Full slate for the day. Hope you're having a good week. Later gators.

Good Lord

You guessed it -- back to overwhelm. Apparently this is going to be A WEEK -- lots in flux, add-ons, etc. I can't get a handle on things and I'm slowly falling behind in a way that's making me nervous. I keep telling myself -- get to Saturday and you can catch up.

I need to regroup on perspective again and it would be helpful to get a period so my hormones settle too hah!

So much and it's all good, but even good can be work and stress (at least for me). I should know "real problems," right?!?! I get it and I tell myself the same thing. Perspective without making my feelings wrong is a goal. Geez.

Anyway, the hike yesterday was a mixed bag. More good than bad though. Hiked with someone I enjoy talking with and she just got back from an interesting hiking trip so we had a lot to chat about. The hike pace was as advertised, but the leader stopped at every trail marker -- way too frequently for way too long. The trail got narrow and everyone got quiet -- spontaneous silent hike for about 30 minutes and that was lovely. Sunny, cold morning, bird sounds, feet through the dried leaves -- meditative. Then someone fell hard -- hit his face. He's okay, but hurt. A fall can happen to anyone and it's always scary. Glad I hiked, but I'll be mindful with this hike leader's love of stopping. 

Hiking with my Tuesday friend group this morning. It's a hard hike, but I think everyone might decide to sag out the last half and go around the mountain, not back over. The friend who usually hikes back over hurt her back and she'll need to go around -- that will probably draw everyone with her. Totally understandable. I need to decide what I want to do though. Should I hike back over myself? I'm leaning toward it.

Chaos tomorrow (I say dramatically) and that's a solid part of my overwhelm. I have a big video conference call with the volunteer group -- must be confidential so I can't take this in public and it's important. Hubby also has a video call for his board company right before. Add on a showing in the middle of it all. We're scrambling to find a solution. Working a few options. We'll figure it out, but it's an add-on that is messy to a week that's already messy. 

I'm holding tight to being able to keep myself on the calendar. I could cancel hikes and ease up my week, but that's the part of the week that's for me -- just me. Baring an emergency, I am the priority for me. I cancel myself too much and what I'm learning is there will ALWAYS be a reason (or season) that pushes me out unless I hold the priority.

On that note, best get going. Meditation up next and that'll be interesting with my mind buzzing. Also, can't close my jaw because the TMJ is swollen and my teeth won't line up. Fun times. Poor me. Blah, blah, blah, lol. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

Books, Soup, etc. -- It's a Recap

Here's a little recap of the day.

I made the best salad from leftovers for breakfast and could barely chew it. My poor jaw. I had to extra chop and eat it over 2 sittings. Realization -- I need soup.

Headed to Costco when it opened because shopping there on a weekend is dumb, but I wanted to get candy for the wedding welcome bags and now stuff to make tomato soup.

Came home, un-showered, ready to make soup and we got a call for a showing. Cue the scramble -- clean up, shower, and then they were early. They liked the house, considering an offer ... fingers crossed. 

Went to the library shift -- it's so enjoyable. Talked books for hours. Met such nice people. Earned a few free books and purchased a couple more. I have a wall of bookshelves to fill.

Then I ended my reading fast before it began. I finished skimming the hospitality book (just okay) and started this one (my free book for volunteering). It's really good so far -- lawyer, police procedure, murder.

Came home and made the soup. My favorite "recipe" -- onions, carrots, garlic, roasted tomatoes, red pepper flakes. Quarter lots of tomatoes, season, and roast in hot oven until really roasted. Cook everything else on stove, add veggie broth, simmer. Combine everything, simmer, blend. It's excellent cold too. Has some much fresh flavor. I don't measure -- sometimes more carrots, sometimes less. Timing is very forgiving -- just cook stuff. It's fresh, slightly sweet tasting -- and ZERO CHEWING! Good use for winter tomatoes. 

Hubby and I postponed movie night AGAIN and settled for a TV show because the soup took up time and I was tired. Watched an episode of Vera on BritBox. Each one is a stand alone -- 90 minutes. It's like a quick movie. 

I have a hike this morning in the cold -- temps below freezing. I didn't think we'd dip this low again so I need to watch my toes. Pedicure on Friday before the wedding quarantine. Vet checkup for the dogs this afternoon. We need to prep the house first thing too -- just in case the showing from yesterday wants another look. 

Happy Monday -- maybe an extra day off for most. I have a loose plan for this week, but I need to tighten up the list today since some details finalized. Just thinking this thought sends a zinger through my stomach and chest (somatic feelings lol). Remember -- life is the whole range (I keep repeating to myself over and over and over). I'm trying. Later gators.

Some Woo-Woo

The hike was canceled yesterday, but I got added to the same hike on Monday -- total win. Hubby and I had a lunch date in our new town and babysat the afternoon/evening. He is a joy. Dogs had mixed feelings about the toys lol. 

Scared silly of all the toys

Brave and curious.
Wanted to get in for a ride.

I sat for a double meditation and worked out more emotion -- learning that the more open I am to feeling "negative" emotions, the more I feel everything. Opening up a broader sense of life. Sounds woo-woo and it is -- that's something meditation explores. Is it true? Who knows, but I like the story and I'm choosing to tell it. When I sat this morning, the feeling of stuck emotion that's been lingering all week in my chest was gone. It took almost an hour to work it out yesterday. I know it'll be back, but I'm learning to process emotions somatically, not just logically (thinking). That seems to be a necessary step that I didn't understand. It takes practice and a lot of failure. The "why" of doing it is starting to make sense, but I have a long way to go.

Library book was a no-go. I didn't like it -- 50 pages in and it wasn't hitting for me. This is a big reading slump. I think I'm going to stick to non-fiction until after the wedding unless the library holds come up (I've been on hold for months and months for a few bestsellers). Cleanse my palate. Create some reading desire instead of meh.

This was recommended in my Art of Gathering course. It's interesting. I'm skim reading and picking out parts that are interesting. Author is long winded about his life stories so skimming works well. Love the library for this kind of reading.

Speaking of library, I have a volunteer shift today. I enjoy it so much. I get to shop for a few books too. New house has a lot of bookshelves to fill and it's a total joy. 

I'm still hunting Marketplace for house stuff. Swing and miss with last few things -- already sold, not updated on site. It's fun to thrift this way. I have a message pending about 2 vintage chairs. We'll see. Going with the attitude that if it's meant to be mine, it will work out. The Little Tykes toys were all thrifted from Marketplace for best prices. Thrifting and donating feel good on so many levels. 

Planning the week ahead and embracing the full life intention and the broad emotion. It's all there for the taking. I guess this is a unique time -- everyday feels like a bit of everything. Lots of fun, lots of FS stuff, lots of pressure, lots of nerves, lots of joy, lots of uncertainty. It's good and it's hard. I'm not pushing away or ignoring the "negative" feelings. I'm actually trying to welcome them - the shift is interesting.

Anyway ... little bits of woo-woo this morning. Hope you are having a good weekend. Later gators.

Hiking Chat

I had a super hike yesterday. The weather was picture perfect with pretty views of the lake. Five people dropped at the last minute (probably forgot it was Valentine's Day). Just 3 of us -- 2 doctors and me. It made for excellent conversation. Particularly interesting because the hike leader is liberal, the other person wasn't -- both smart (or so it seems). 8.5 miles, fast, with moderate elevation climbs -- gets me closer to the bigger hikes.

I had to get a parking pass at the ranger station and found a LFL -- this book made me laugh. I also found the most adorable ranger vest for my grandson for next year.

I expect the hike this morning is rained out. Not deciding until 7am -- why wait?? It's a little annoying, but I only have a 15 minute drive. It's the closest hike to where I live now. The SAME hike opened for Monday, but I was hiking during registration and am now on the waitlist. It's a small group and he has plenty of room for more -- I hope I get added. If not, I'll hike myself or take my dog for a run. Not a huge deal, but I'd like to go with the group. The last 6 months, this hike became popular with leaders -- just ahead of moving lol.

I set an alarm for a really special hike next weekend. Glad I did. I registered the SECOND it opened and by the time I filled out my information, it was full with a double-the-size waitlist. I was very lucky to get a spot. It'll be amazing and challenging and fun (pretty please no rain-out).

We're babysitting this evening and I couldn't be happier. So much fun to have the baby without parents lol. He's at that stage where he wants to be with mom and dad (of course) but when they're out of sight, he's so happy to play and snuggle with us (fingers crossed).

My jaw is still a mess. It hurts to chew and I can't open it all the way. Geez. 

I've been practicing wearing heals for the wedding and I think I had a breakthrough yesterday. Perhaps my clunky walking is because I'm keeping my stance wide. I did a little closer to a model walk with my foot landing like I'm walking a plank and it felt so much easier. Wasn't as awkward either. Did I forgot this or did I never know it?!?! I'll try it again today.

I've been on a struggle bus with reading. DNF another book because it was upsetting. I can't seem to read anything that is even vaguely problematic. I decided that I'll shelf all those kinds of reads for now and stick with warm and fuzzy or fun suspense. It's what I can enjoy right now. I got a few from the library and I'll start there. Leaning in to what I need.

Hope you have a good weekend. Later gators.

Be My Valentine

Valentine's Day -- almost forgot. Hike with the club today. Guess that's my gift to myself. Hubby and I have a dinner and movie night at home tomorrow so we'll call that our celebration. 

Walked and early lunch with a friend yesterday. 

I'm working on how to do friendship differently with different friends -- more specifically, how to change how I do friendship when the friendship changes. 

The friend I didn't invite to walk and lunch? I texted her and reached out with a fun memory and pictures (I passed a church in mid-town on Wednesday where we started a food tour in 2018 for her birthday). We texted back and forth. Friendship in a different way. 

Had I invited her to walk and lunch ... most likely she wouldn't have been available because she's babysitting (which annoys me and it shouldn't -- working on this) OR she would've canceled because it was still misty and wet out (super annoying -- not working on this reaction lol). Instead we had a nice "walk" down a memory and a little friendship bonding. Much better.

And, I spent time with someone who holds a reasonable commitment and a friendship I'm happy to put time and effort into because we share a lot of interests. I don't see her often and that's okay. It's an honest friendship -- both show up authentically in the amount that works for us. No promises, no sneaky excuses, no expectations (on both our ends), no resentments. 

Friendship relationships have a huge learning curve for me now that I want to be represented too. Apparently, I accepted a lot of one direction relationships because I didn't speak up or put myself at the friendship table too. Baby steps to figure this out without overreacting. Spoiler alert -- it's learning about me (not them). I have some baggage and it's taking a lot to work through it. I manage one thing and then, bam, something else pops up. I'm making progress though and it's very, very worth the work. 

My jaw is still a mess. Chewing and yawning hurts {fighting the urge to yawn now lol}. I'm back in a stress panic over the house selling (market it going to pot and no showings this long weekend) and wedding stuff (getting so close so no time to diddle around). 

Is anyone surprised? It's my pattern. Good day, panic day, and repeat. I listened to too much news related stuff yesterday. It's a hard balance to stay informed, but stay sane. People like to inform me and that's hard too. 

Trying to remember this too (as it relates to the house selling).

Hope you have a good day. I have a sloppy 8 mile hike. Not hard, but fast. New trail for me and I'm excited to try it. Later gators.

Clenched Jaw, Wedding Hair, and Red Shoes

I can't open my mount more than an inch -- apparently I was clenching most of yesterday. It's so sore again. I was just at the dentist so I know it's not dental related and we discussed clenching. This is apparently how I hold stress these days.

First -- the drive to and from midtown in POURING rain. So many accidents, delays. It was a mess. I parked and walked to buy coffee gift cards for welcome bags. I didn't remember it was so far -- got a few blocks and was soaked from flooded streets and car splashes. At that point, I kept going. Couldn't get much wetter. 

The hair stylist was an hour behind. The salon is one of those super loud, bustling places where you can't hear yourself think. Everyone was very "midtown" and posh -- not my vibe. I didn't super click with the stylist because I couldn't hear him and barely talked (probably sat and clenched my jaw).

He did my hair away from the mirror so I had no idea what was going on. It's close to what I want, but misses a bit -- he left a strange swirl for a comb (it's late arriving, but it shipped now) and the bottom bun needs to be more secured. I was tired, hungry, over-stimulated, soaking wet, and just wanted to get home. 

Home was over 2 hours away because of aforementioned weather, accidents, etc.

Here's the hair.

I added a comb to get an idea

It okay.

Strange swirl for comb

I like this angle

I like the back with a comb added

Came home and tried on the dress to get an idea of the full look. Polled friends on which shoes. Tied response, but I vote for the cranberry. My fashion friend said cranberry pared with formal dresses is the trend this year -- that's the vote that counts lol. Plus they're more comfortable.

I suddenly lost complete confidence in my look. Is vintage jewelry and red shoes trying to hard, missing the formal mark? Will I look like myself or like I'm playing dress up?

Waiting on earrings and the comb from Etsy to complete the look. If the comb is a hit, then gold toned for everything. The earrings are coming from France so who knows if they'll arrive in time. I probably need a backup. 

The good news is everything fit. 

Lordy, I know this is hardly important, but I want to feel good on the day and I want to have pictures I like too. I'm questioning everything. Best to take a beat and regroup when I settle down. The hair isn't great, but that's what a trial is for -- work out the kinks and adjust for the wedding day.

I don't like putting together formal looks. Thank god for my fashion friend (she made my wedding dress and is coming to the wedding). She's helping me to look like myself, but not get too weird. 

Rain will pull out this morning and I'm planning to meet a friend for an easy walk in a park and lunch. If she cancels because of the weather (although she's not my cancel friend lol), hubby and I will go to lunch. 

Hope you have a good day. I'll be focusing on unclenching (I clenched the entire time I typed this -- geez). Later gators.

That's Better

Happy to report, yesterday was business as usual. No face diving into chocolate (!!) Sleep and recovery stats are good this morning.

I finished the court report early and made plans with a friend for Thursday morning. Walk in the park and a walk to brunch. Rain will pull out early in the morning so a paved path is best. The area is a soggy mess. I don't need a workout, but would love some outside time and a friend is a bonus.

The makeup trial was fun. I learned a little. I bought 2 lip combos for the rehearsal and the wedding. I wanted to bring "lips" along so I can touchup throughout the night. She had limited eye options so I didn't get the look I requested, but I liked it. I looked like me, but fancier. That's the point. My day and evening and formal makeup are all the same. This is a definitely different option. I'll take pictures to the makeup artist on the wedding day.

Pictures are WONKY and lighting is strange, but here's the final product. Honestly, why did I take the pictures at this angle?!?! Do I look like this hahaha??

Berry lips

Nude lips

Eyes

Today is my hair trial -- let's try this again. Unfortunately, pouring rain all day. I'm not looking forward to the drive to midtown but hopefully the hair process is a success. 

Switching gears ...

I'm forever trying to figure out friendship stuff and how to navigate with my new found voice and FS identity (sounds dramatic, but I don't know how else to quickly describe it). I listened to a podcast and didn't agree with everything, but took away a few points. Put time and energy into relationships you want. I have a habit of doing the opposite. I infuse struggling relationships with too much effort.

The invite for walking and brunch would've gone to another friend -- the friendship that's going through some bumps right now. Why? Because I'm holding way too tight to try and stop the relationship from changing (spoiler alert: it already has). I can still love her as my friend, but the energy and effort can go elsewhere. Truth be told, I'm way more excited to spend a few hours with this other friend. Our interests align, our energy aligns.

It's extremely hard to accept this other relationship has changed. Her identity took a hard turn while mine continues on the relatively same path. Neither is right or wrong, but we don't align much these days. I miss her and our little adventures together. I hope our history together is enough for now and I hope we find a new connection. That's where I need to put my energy -- forging a new friendship path, not clinging to the old one. I already have some ideas, but in the meantime, my invites go elsewhere.

This was the other piece of friendship advice. Friendships come and go (and can come back again). Accept that flow and don't take it personally. 

Okay -- that's enough pondering for now. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

What Happened?!?!

I'm not sure what happened, but I fell face-first into chocolate, popcorn, and way too much food last night. I haven't had that kind of junk food mashup in a long, long time. It felt like de-stressing and it was totally NOT.

I feel like crap this morning. Of course I do. Geez. Night sweats like I haven't had in a long time -- need to wash the sheets kind of night sweats. My poor body -- so sorry I put her through this.

I was home alone, nothing left on the to-do list, tired beyond measure and that was my response. I hope each time this happens I learn to hate it more and more. It's not who I want to be -- even a little bit.

Back to regularly scheduled life today and lesson noted (again).

Fortunately, a workout, meditation, and lots of water will have me feeling well by this afternoon. 

Two rainy days ahead so no outside time -- that's a bummer, but we welcome some rain (says all middle aged gardeners lol).

Even though I had an off evening, I had a good day. Made progress on all the things. I'm going to try and get the court report finished early so it opens up Thursday which will be cool and sunny. I'd love to sneak in some outside time. Big hikes on Friday and Saturday -- excited about both.

Quick (and a little shameful) hello this morning. Makeup trial today. Have a good Tuesday. Later gators.

Incredible Hike

Well, I needed luck! The drive to the trail head was wacky. You lose cell reception and then go over mountain roads, no shoulder, switchback turns, etc. I followed the directions old-school written out, clutched while holding the steering wheel. Passed a turn that looked like I should turn THAT way, but it wasn't part of the directions.

So I carried on. Found a place that sort of matched the description. No one there. I got out, used my new "female urine adaptor" to go in the woods (success). Some sort of swimming otters watched me lol. Decided (with minutes to spare) to drive back to that turn. Yep, he missed some of the directions in the instructions. Found the group. Phew -- it was close.

This was the best hike I've been on with the club. Seriously fantastic. We hiked UP the mountain -- parts on the AT (met a through hiker heading to Maine). Then CLIMBED to the lunch look out -- had to drop poles and climb with hands. It was beautiful. We lunched, shared lunches, laughed, and laughed. 

We took another trail down and it was like a fairy forest. Mountain Laurel is windy and crazy looking in the winter and the path was deeply covered. Spring green moss over rocks. The softest trail covering. Streams crossings and running water sounds as we followed a creek down. Picture perfect day. Warm sun, cool breeze. Unbelievable.

Pictures don't do it justice. I only took pictures at lunch. I had my phone away since the hike was challenging. Didn't want to chance my phone getting broken. 

Cloud line in distance
on mountain top.

AT shelter

Lunch view on highest peak.
Hiking sammies are the best.

I can't tell you how glad I am that I took a chance and went on the hike. Everything about it check my "brave" boxes. 

I got home in time to pick up hubby and dogs before the showing. We hung out at a park for an hour. Good feedback, but might decide on the other house in the neighborhood instead.

Quick shower and off to kids for Super Bowl. We stayed to watch halftime -- got about an hour to play with my grandson before his bedtime. I'm never invested in who wins, but finding out who Orange supported and why -- FLY EAGLES FLY! My son clued me into the halftime story and that made me even happier. Every small victory is hope.

Tired dogs, tired me.

This week is full in a different sort of way. I have appointments every day -- groomer, dentist, makeup trial, hair trial. I have a report due for volunteering which is my least favorite part and takes hours to write. Rain is coming in for a few days, so no hiking (probably for the best since I don't have a lot of extra time). Big hikes Friday afternoon and Saturday morning though. 

I also MUST get some wedding stuff finalized. It's feeling too last minute and rushed now. I want most everything finished by the end of next week. 

Once again, trying to remember to stay in the moment. It works well and there's a lot of fun in the week I don't want to mentally miss -- hello, makeup and hair appointments. A dentist appointment and a court report can overshadow it all if I don't pay attention lol. Practice and more practice.

Happy Monday. Hope you'll enjoy a good week. Later gators.

AT Hike -- Fingers Crossed

The party was fantastic. Met the kids' friends, saw family, celebrated. Mostly importantly, our grandson had the best time. He loves an audience and a lively group.

It was an all-day kind of day. Came home, unpacked, and plopped in bed. Had a little volunteer "emergency" to handle and then SLEEP. My recovery stats this morning are at a 96%. I've only hit that high once before. What?!?! Wow. This bodes well for the hike this morning.

That said, my jaw is problematic again. I'm feeling the countdown clock on the wedding -- too many things outstanding on my end still. Everything in process and very little I can move ahead this week. I feel like the safety net of "I have plenty of time" is rapidly closing. Hello, jaw clench. 

The answer? Lists. And more lists. This calms me and reminds me I can get it all finished. Just need to make the time to make the lists lol.

I'm a little nervous about the hike. No bathrooms. No cell reception. No marked starting point (drive past a tree and a bridge and see a little turn off -- that kind of thing). It's 8 miles and heavy elevation. The climb should be worth it though -- highest point on the Georgia AT. I'm also hiking with 3 of my favorite people from the club. That makes it a lot more interesting. 

Every bone in my body wanted to withdraw yesterday, but this hike doesn't come along almost ever. Usually it's combined with other hiking that's way out of my league. I've wanted to try this mountain and this is the opportunity. I'll love that I went (assuming I find this trail head to start).

It's a little one of the tweaks I've been making with decisions. Quit saying I'm so tired and quit saying it's too much. Quit saying no when things are a little prickly. I'm a big girl. I can (probably) find the trail head. I can pee in the woods if I have to (not well, but good enough). This is something I WANT to do, so I should and can make the effort. Live an expansive life. I started driving without GPS -- I can do this one little navigation without GPS (but still nervous).

We have a showing just as I'm getting home from the hike -- another reason I considered backing out. But there's no reason. It'll all work out. I'll pack an extra hike sammie for the ride home, a book, and wait in a parking lot.

Anyway, after the hike, after a shower -- driving to the kids' house to watch the Super Bowl. Only reason I'm going is to see the birthday boy again. 

Today should be a full and fun day. Bedtime will feel good again. Hope you have a good one. Later gators.