That's Better

Happy to report, yesterday was business as usual. No face diving into chocolate (!!) Sleep and recovery stats are good this morning.

I finished the court report early and made plans with a friend for Thursday morning. Walk in the park and a walk to brunch. Rain will pull out early in the morning so a paved path is best. The area is a soggy mess. I don't need a workout, but would love some outside time and a friend is a bonus.

The makeup trial was fun. I learned a little. I bought 2 lip combos for the rehearsal and the wedding. I wanted to bring "lips" along so I can touchup throughout the night. She had limited eye options so I didn't get the look I requested, but I liked it. I looked like me, but fancier. That's the point. My day and evening and formal makeup are all the same. This is a definitely different option. I'll take pictures to the makeup artist on the wedding day.

Pictures are WONKY and lighting is strange, but here's the final product. Honestly, why did I take the pictures at this angle?!?! Do I look like this hahaha??

Berry lips

Nude lips

Eyes

Today is my hair trial -- let's try this again. Unfortunately, pouring rain all day. I'm not looking forward to the drive to midtown but hopefully the hair process is a success. 

Switching gears ...

I'm forever trying to figure out friendship stuff and how to navigate with my new found voice and FS identity (sounds dramatic, but I don't know how else to quickly describe it). I listened to a podcast and didn't agree with everything, but took away a few points. Put time and energy into relationships you want. I have a habit of doing the opposite. I infuse struggling relationships with too much effort.

The invite for walking and brunch would've gone to another friend -- the friendship that's going through some bumps right now. Why? Because I'm holding way too tight to try and stop the relationship from changing (spoiler alert: it already has). I can still love her as my friend, but the energy and effort can go elsewhere. Truth be told, I'm way more excited to spend a few hours with this other friend. Our interests align, our energy aligns.

It's extremely hard to accept this other relationship has changed. Her identity took a hard turn while mine continues on the relatively same path. Neither is right or wrong, but we don't align much these days. I miss her and our little adventures together. I hope our history together is enough for now and I hope we find a new connection. That's where I need to put my energy -- forging a new friendship path, not clinging to the old one. I already have some ideas, but in the meantime, my invites go elsewhere.

This was the other piece of friendship advice. Friendships come and go (and can come back again). Accept that flow and don't take it personally. 

Okay -- that's enough pondering for now. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

What Happened?!?!

I'm not sure what happened, but I fell face-first into chocolate, popcorn, and way too much food last night. I haven't had that kind of junk food mashup in a long, long time. It felt like de-stressing and it was totally NOT.

I feel like crap this morning. Of course I do. Geez. Night sweats like I haven't had in a long time -- need to wash the sheets kind of night sweats. My poor body -- so sorry I put her through this.

I was home alone, nothing left on the to-do list, tired beyond measure and that was my response. I hope each time this happens I learn to hate it more and more. It's not who I want to be -- even a little bit.

Back to regularly scheduled life today and lesson noted (again).

Fortunately, a workout, meditation, and lots of water will have me feeling well by this afternoon. 

Two rainy days ahead so no outside time -- that's a bummer, but we welcome some rain (says all middle aged gardeners lol).

Even though I had an off evening, I had a good day. Made progress on all the things. I'm going to try and get the court report finished early so it opens up Thursday which will be cool and sunny. I'd love to sneak in some outside time. Big hikes on Friday and Saturday -- excited about both.

Quick (and a little shameful) hello this morning. Makeup trial today. Have a good Tuesday. Later gators.

Incredible Hike

Well, I needed luck! The drive to the trail head was wacky. You lose cell reception and then go over mountain roads, no shoulder, switchback turns, etc. I followed the directions old-school written out, clutched while holding the steering wheel. Passed a turn that looked like I should turn THAT way, but it wasn't part of the directions.

So I carried on. Found a place that sort of matched the description. No one there. I got out, used my new "female urine adaptor" to go in the woods (success). Some sort of swimming otters watched me lol. Decided (with minutes to spare) to drive back to that turn. Yep, he missed some of the directions in the instructions. Found the group. Phew -- it was close.

This was the best hike I've been on with the club. Seriously fantastic. We hiked UP the mountain -- parts on the AT (met a through hiker heading to Maine). Then CLIMBED to the lunch look out -- had to drop poles and climb with hands. It was beautiful. We lunched, shared lunches, laughed, and laughed. 

We took another trail down and it was like a fairy forest. Mountain Laurel is windy and crazy looking in the winter and the path was deeply covered. Spring green moss over rocks. The softest trail covering. Streams crossings and running water sounds as we followed a creek down. Picture perfect day. Warm sun, cool breeze. Unbelievable.

Pictures don't do it justice. I only took pictures at lunch. I had my phone away since the hike was challenging. Didn't want to chance my phone getting broken. 

Cloud line in distance
on mountain top.

AT shelter

Lunch view on highest peak.
Hiking sammies are the best.

I can't tell you how glad I am that I took a chance and went on the hike. Everything about it check my "brave" boxes. 

I got home in time to pick up hubby and dogs before the showing. We hung out at a park for an hour. Good feedback, but might decide on the other house in the neighborhood instead.

Quick shower and off to kids for Super Bowl. We stayed to watch halftime -- got about an hour to play with my grandson before his bedtime. I'm never invested in who wins, but finding out who Orange supported and why -- FLY EAGLES FLY! My son clued me into the halftime story and that made me even happier. Every small victory is hope.

Tired dogs, tired me.

This week is full in a different sort of way. I have appointments every day -- groomer, dentist, makeup trial, hair trial. I have a report due for volunteering which is my least favorite part and takes hours to write. Rain is coming in for a few days, so no hiking (probably for the best since I don't have a lot of extra time). Big hikes Friday afternoon and Saturday morning though. 

I also MUST get some wedding stuff finalized. It's feeling too last minute and rushed now. I want most everything finished by the end of next week. 

Once again, trying to remember to stay in the moment. It works well and there's a lot of fun in the week I don't want to mentally miss -- hello, makeup and hair appointments. A dentist appointment and a court report can overshadow it all if I don't pay attention lol. Practice and more practice.

Happy Monday. Hope you'll enjoy a good week. Later gators.

AT Hike -- Fingers Crossed

The party was fantastic. Met the kids' friends, saw family, celebrated. Mostly importantly, our grandson had the best time. He loves an audience and a lively group.

It was an all-day kind of day. Came home, unpacked, and plopped in bed. Had a little volunteer "emergency" to handle and then SLEEP. My recovery stats this morning are at a 96%. I've only hit that high once before. What?!?! Wow. This bodes well for the hike this morning.

That said, my jaw is problematic again. I'm feeling the countdown clock on the wedding -- too many things outstanding on my end still. Everything in process and very little I can move ahead this week. I feel like the safety net of "I have plenty of time" is rapidly closing. Hello, jaw clench. 

The answer? Lists. And more lists. This calms me and reminds me I can get it all finished. Just need to make the time to make the lists lol.

I'm a little nervous about the hike. No bathrooms. No cell reception. No marked starting point (drive past a tree and a bridge and see a little turn off -- that kind of thing). It's 8 miles and heavy elevation. The climb should be worth it though -- highest point on the Georgia AT. I'm also hiking with 3 of my favorite people from the club. That makes it a lot more interesting. 

Every bone in my body wanted to withdraw yesterday, but this hike doesn't come along almost ever. Usually it's combined with other hiking that's way out of my league. I've wanted to try this mountain and this is the opportunity. I'll love that I went (assuming I find this trail head to start).

It's a little one of the tweaks I've been making with decisions. Quit saying I'm so tired and quit saying it's too much. Quit saying no when things are a little prickly. I'm a big girl. I can (probably) find the trail head. I can pee in the woods if I have to (not well, but good enough). This is something I WANT to do, so I should and can make the effort. Live an expansive life. I started driving without GPS -- I can do this one little navigation without GPS (but still nervous).

We have a showing just as I'm getting home from the hike -- another reason I considered backing out. But there's no reason. It'll all work out. I'll pack an extra hike sammie for the ride home, a book, and wait in a parking lot.

Anyway, after the hike, after a shower -- driving to the kids' house to watch the Super Bowl. Only reason I'm going is to see the birthday boy again. 

Today should be a full and fun day. Bedtime will feel good again. Hope you have a good one. Later gators.

Happy Birthday Little Boy

Our grandson is ONE today -- wow. He's an absolute darling. It's been so beautiful to watch him grow and watch the kids be amazing parents. Today we'll celebrate with a big crowd of family and friends. Being a Granny is the best. (Dang bots, so no pictures of the little guy.)

The solo hike was fine -- I wasn't spooked at all. It's well traveled and felt safe. I hiked a little over 8 miles at a moderately quick pace. I dropped chairs at the kids' house, visited with my grand baby, and took myself to lunch. Not a bad start to the day. 

Hike sammie in the car.
A snack before lunch.
My favorite to take on a hike.

I made 2 kinds of tortilla pinwheels for the party (plus GF versions). They sit overnight before slicing. Hopefully they're good -- chicken taco and chicken, bacon, ranch. Both bases are cream cheese, cheddar cheese and shredded chicken. I'm also putting together antipasto screwers -- meats, cheese, dressed tortellini. I made a sample and they look cute. 

BIG hike tomorrow on the AT in GA. My Oura ring says my period is coming today. Pretty please hold off for a couple of days. No bathrooms. Rural drive. This was the hike that got iced out last month. 

Best get moving. We have showing this weekend so I need to add a cleaning into my morning schedule. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

Little More Garden

Yesterday was a successful day. I managed all-the-things and I didn't let myself get too mentally ahead. It's cliche to "be present" but it makes a difference. I rarely remember when I get busy or it's not something overtly fun -- working on it though.

I got a couple more things off the never-ending wedding list. It seriously feels like it never ends -- and I'm only planning my little corner of things. Geez.

Today is a bit less hectic, but equally full. 

Full because I'm planning a solo hike before I do the rest of the day. I'm not sure how long -- it'll depend on my speed and trail condition (it rained last night). It'll also depend on whether I psych myself out hiking alone. I've been added extra solo miles to hikes but this is all solo. Somehow that hits differently on the nervous meter (as I remember every episode of Criminal Minds). If I want to get to the next level hikes in my club, I need to get more hiking miles each week. The next level makes a HUGE difference in the club hikes -- people, leaders ... everything is more my cup of tea. 

The afternoon is errands, chores, and finishing up food for the birthday party tomorrow. I got a lot of the food prep finished yesterday so today should go smoothly.

Checked my wintering veggies in the garden -- got some harvest. Carrots are still cooking.

Then my mind kicked in and got all upset about what-ifs, garden addition. What if no sun once leaves are out on trees? What if I can't do a front garden? What if I can't run irrigation? Don't feel better about it yet.

My bff and I usually take an annual trip together. Since the pandemic, we've only gotten together once though. We'll see each other at the wedding, but trying a trip this summer too. She proposed a trip where she works during the day, but we hang out at night because her vacation days are mostly used up with family commitments and other friend trips. I sat on this last night and decided -- nope. We can wait. I don't need left-over time where I'm at the mercy of her work schedule. We haven't gotten together much because I've brought myself to the table on these trips too. It needs to be something that works well for me too. I'm proud of holding this boundary, even if I don't see her as frequently. 

Oh - forgot to talk about the coaching call. I got selected and it was helpful. I asked how I could accept the frequent cancelations without resentment and still feel like we have a friendship. She suggested when plans are offered I expect 100% of the time she'll cancel. Then make the decision from that point. Do I want to make plans with her, knowing she'll cancel? Maybe so because I have a backup plan or nothing else. But if I say 'yes' I can't be resentful because I decided. Also, set new boundaries. Maybe only last minute plans or plans that give me an out if something comes up, etc. 

Maybe what she can offer the friendship right now is just the making of plans -- anything more isn't possible in this season. I can take that offer as a loving gesture, even if plans don't actually happen. I can take my decision (yes or no) as a loving gesture to her and to me -- whatever I decide. Show friendship to her and show friendship to me in every choice.

This helps. It's not perfect. Perfect is going back to the way it was before her husband retired and grandchildren. I'll use this going forward and see where it lands. The intention focused on loving her and loving me together. Finding friendship in a new way.

That's all from here today. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Happy Mug

Home and hitting the ground running AND making sure I add my little bits in too. 

New vintage mug from Etsy. It came in the old box which I cut up for simple bookmarks. Noticing how the my word for the year (color) keeps showing up.

Using the vintage coffee mug
too -- COLOR theme
this morning.

View from bed after the long day.

I have a list the length of my arm for the next few (or never-ending) days. Details -- so many details. Nothing huge, nothing hard -- but combined make quite a list. Jumping from volunteer to wedding to birthday party to rehearsal dinner to hair/makeup to hike planning ... you get the idea. 

Keeping my jaw relaxed. (Trying, at least.)

New lotion from Asheville. Couldn't resist since I'm "Granny."

Thought for today (thanks, meditation) was to slow down each thing to the point of enjoying it. Doesn't mean move slowly, it means stay in the moment and don't be 3 steps ahead on the list in your mind. Easier said than done, but good practice today. 

Hope you have a good day too. Later gators.

A Big Asheville Hug

Yesterday was a much better day. 

I managed a little cry -- got cut off by timing though. It helped and I could use another one, but I don't think that's going to happen. My jaw issue is a little better -- I think it's stress related clenching. 

Cleaned first, walked after and it was a little sad. So many trees downed -- it wasn't the same mountain. My route got cut off by road damage too. But I still loved it and will love watching it come back again.

This used to be full forest.

Road out.

Everywhere!

I wore one of my new inclusion shirts and got a lot of positive responses. It's a little way to show support and it has a bigger effect than you'd think. I'm grateful for the man I saw hiking in his shirt -- it gave me an immediate lift. There ARE people who care and they might not be who'd you expect. I've worn one every hike since I saw him.

Always fun little nuggets to find on a walk.

Put my rock in a heart shaped hole

Yes!

Ended the walk at the tea house, of course. Home to shower and then lunch and local shopping with my sister. So fun to have her close.

Early bed to read (and rest my back). Full view of the sunset. Nice way to finish the day.

Excuse my messy clothes lol.

I submitted my coaching question for the group call today. Why am I nervous about it?!?! There's a possibility I won't get called, but I'm sticking around a little later than I planned to be on the zoom. Stay tuned.

As far as this morning, I'm up in the air how to fill a few hours. Walk? Coffee? I need to finish the last bit of cleaning -- only about 30 minutes, if that. I'll see when the sun comes up. I don't have the time (or legs) for a long walk -- maybe I'll walk to coffee. 

This was the trip I needed. Mostly to get the "big clean" off my plate and to finally see the damage. Both were lingering dread in the back of my mind. Now I can move forward. But it also gave me a little bit of room to center again and remind myself that I have a really lovely life. People in Asheville are so friendly, inclusive, expressive, artistic, weird, kind, bee-loving, plant-loving -- just what this wacky time needs. Feels like a big humanity hug when you come here. 

Being in community is the first step to surviving this moment. 

Switching gears to cooking for my grandson's first birthday on Saturday. It's going to be such a delight to celebrate this family and this sweet boy -- he's such a gentle, happy baby (just like his father). Of course, his mom is wonderful, but didn't have the same baby personality according to her mother -- but he looks exactly like her!

And, the never ending wedding details too {unclenches jaw again} are back in full swing. 

Fingers crossed for coaching. Why do I feel this is such a brave thing? Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Asheville

I'm in Asheville and it's a mix-bag feeling (getting better though).

Since I'm all up in feelings right now, I'm going to talk about it this morning.

I had a really nice conversation with a friend on the drive up. We laughed at everything and the absurdity of it all (including this awful jaw pain - sometimes I can't open my mouth). It helped to laugh.

I stopped in Franklin at the Indie bookstore and the coffee shop -- both nice experiences with friendly people. Lots and lots of signage to support the struggling local businesses. 

Then Asheville.

There was SO MUCH do to when I walked in the door. House is filthy. Plants dead. Stuff everywhere. Hubby took care of his areas and mine went to hell after 5 months. The happy, relaxing feeling I usually get walking in the door was a big 'nope' yesterday.

This lead me to a gross overreaction. Was Asheville a mistake? Was this purchase a product of the pandemic woes? Are we making another mistake with our local move? Reacting to another hardship in the world?

Asheville isn't recovered and there are very notable differences. Limited hours of operation (my favorite tea house), extra days closed (almost every restaurant on a Tuesday). Closed roads. Clean up piled to sides of road. It is sad and it's the first time I'm seeing it. Of course, we hardly experienced any of it and I'm not comparing. 

I left all the mess at the house and went to the tea house because it's not open for the full day anymore. It was almost the same -- I think I was projecting my mood on the experience more than it had changed. I shopped locally and found some cool vintage clothes. An outfit for the holidays next year and a blazer for this winter. I'm not completely sure I'm cool enough to pull off this much vintage, but I think the blazer will look good with jeans. 

Skirt cut on bias.
Velvet jacket.
Corduroy red/pink jacket.

I found a book and a fun notebook made from an old book. I have a similar one I use all the time -- this is a small version. 

Read the little parable book at the tea house -- very short book and very timely. It's about the stories we tell ourselves and how we accept them as truth. 

That felt a little more like Asheville-as-usual. Went to the grocery store to stock up on a few items (everything in the fridge and freezer was trashed after the storm). Started organizing. Started cleaning. 

Big clean this morning after a mountain walk. However, there are a few electric trucks parked in front of the house, just sitting there. I'm wondering if power is getting cut. I'm vacuuming before the walk, I guess. 

I set up a spring clean up for the yard too. 

I think once I get my little house back to itself, it'll feel a lot better. I cleaned and restocked the LFL. With what's going on with the wedding and move, every little extra thing to do feels large and overwhelming.

My jaw is a mess and I'm not sure what to do about it yet. Also, hormones so I'm extra, extra. This is contributing to so many feelings. That said, I slept HARD. Incredibly good stats this morning. I had such big dreams (so much REM sleep) and they were all upsetting -- guess I'm working out my stress. What I need is a good cry, but it's sort of stuck. I can't seem to unstick it. How do you make yourself cry? I've tried music, meditation and neither worked.

My hope for the end of the day is the walk, late lunch with my sister, and a clean house will perk me up and that Asheville feeling will be back. Maybe I'll luck out and find a way to have a cleansing cry too since I have a lot of solo time today.

Sitting here with the windows open, birds singing -- this is a good sign for a good day. Hope you have a good day too. Later gators.

Asheville Bound

I have a jaw "issue." At first I thought I had a cold sore starting in the very back of my cheek, but it's mobility pain. Probably TMJ aggravation from clenching my jaw -- I hope that's all it is. Doesn't seem like an infection (that's my worry) at this point, but it's sore. Like I-don't-want-to-open-my-mouth sore. The last couple of years, I hold tension in my jar when I'm stressed. I saw the dentist about tooth pain and she told me I'm clenching. I didn't think I was until I started paying attention -- and she was totally right.

But ... I'm still going to Asheville. 

I'm excited -- it's been 5 months since I've been there. I'm curious to see how it feels. Do I get the same Asheville "magic" as before given Asheville's changed a lot from the storm and given I've changed a bit too? I'll soon find out. 

Stopping in Franklin on the way for my favorite coffee and maybe a little walk through the Indie bookstore.

This is a bit of a "working" trip -- cleaning, house maintenance stuff, but I also need a little mental reset (hello, jaw). 

Oh -- the hike was great. Loved the people and the Camino conversations and general chatting. I probably can't go next month (right before the wedding) but April should be good. It was an excitement boost for our walk in 2026.

Keeping this short this morning. I have all the things to do before I leave this morning and I'm hoping for an early-ish start. Didn't get to packing because hubby and I had a movie night instead. We watched "You're Cordially Invited." Silly, somewhat stupid, but it was a fun watch.

Hope you're set for a good week. Later gators.

Still Up & Down & Sideways

Friday was an excellent day. Everything was fun. All good feelings. Hike was great and my legs were fine -- we beat the rain by a few minutes. I ended up leading that hike most of the way because the trip leader didn't know the route. Met with the builder to start the bookshelf plan -- it's going to be a fun, itty bitty room. Date lunch with hubby at a local burger place we'll be able to easily walk to from the new house -- mushroom burger with GF bun. Like Asheville, most restaurants in this town accommodate lots of eating preferences. Meditation was a mixed bag (the meditation messages weren't hitting for me) but I'm glad I tried it and had a nice evening. 

Saturday, not so much an excellent start.

The hairdresser called out that morning on medical leave for the foreseeable future. The salon had a dummy cell number for some reason so they opted to send me an email 5 minutes before I walked in the door. Okay -- things happen. I need a new appointment and a new stylist for the wedding. Nope, they said. All booked up. They can give me an appointment at another salon (30 minutes away). But I booked a "wedding party" booking months ago with my friends, two blocks from the wedding venue. 

Long story short (and it was a long story -- I was there for an hour), I have a new stylist and new appointments. What I don't have is a lot of trust. Is your cell phone not working? Did you give a dummy number (404-444-4444) -- seriously?!? Do you have notifications off? Didn't you check your email? It was their system the entire time. I'm calling the coordinator next week to discuss. 

General feeling right now -- I can't wait for the wedding to be over. I'm tired of it all. Family drama, vendor issues, so many details still in the works. Good lord. 

But, the rest of the day rallied after some more back and forth crap that I'll spare you details.

I started a month of high heal practice since I'm not allowed to wear my wedding sneakers to dance. Trying to get an hour a day. Building up my tendon strength to be in shoes for hours. (BTW, I'll bring them to the wedding and if people take off their shoes, my sneakers are going on!!!!)

Eldest called and we ended up at an early dinner and walk around with the baby (soon to be not a baby!!). Fun evening. Nice weather. 

Home and I was beat -- utterly tired in every way. Cup of tea and headed to bed to relax. It was one of those moments where bed, tea and wind down felt incredible. Oura ring thinks my monthly is coming any day now and this might be a lot of the "feelings" and tired right now.

I have an entire slow roll morning and then a hike with a new group. Local Camino chapter. These are the kind of people you'd expect (which I need more than ever) and I'm excited to meet the group. It's 7 miles, probably slow, but the focus is the people while we get some fresh air. The hike has potential to be hard depending on the trails they choose. I hope for a solid hike experience. I don't expect to join for the dinner -- pizza and beer. Gluten and alcohol, not my thing. 

Tomorrow I FINALLY head to Asheville. I'm so looking forward to it and then I remember I have to clean -- hasn't been cleaned in 5 months Dang, it's going to be dirty. Even so, I expect to get some teahouse time, good food, mountain walk, visit with my sister, and some solid quiet time. Just thinking about it makes me happy. 

Have a peaceful day. Later gators.

            "There is pleasure in the pathless woods, there is rapture in                 the lonely shore, there is society where none intrudes, by the                 deep sea, and music in its roar; I love not Man the less, but                 Nature more." -- Lord Bryon