It's Still a ShitShow

What a week. What a rollercoaster. I'm still processing what's happened to our country. I'm still sad and angry and scared.

But, I'm taking steps forward. Gathering. Connection. Finding goodness and peace in little things. It sort of feels like this is what I was getting ready for these last 5 years. 

I went to an author platform at the local Jewish Community Center. Lisa Barr was one of the authors. Excellent discussion and insight into writing process. Security with guards and gates and car searches. I don't have a "side" of the war as I'm not living in it, but it's heartbreaking on all fronts with so, so, so many innocent victims. 

I volunteered a shift at the library and had a really long discussion with one of the patrons. Lots of book talk, lots of friendly conversation. Reaching for people who have the same values. 

Took my boys out for a HBD lunch for my youngest. Original 4 haven't gone out in years. It was a nice mid-week break. DILs weren't able to break away from work.

My other volunteering got postponed because of illness. Dodged a big bullet from exposure to some cruddy germs.

Hubby, dogs and I are going on a long hike in the mountains today. Friends were suppose to join, but the husband is getting over a cold and doesn't think he can do the mileage. 

Full weekend of fun things ahead and then a girlfriend trip to Hilton Head next week. This is the girlfriend who cancels or shaves off time to something very regularly. She did that twice the last week we had plans (canceled winery, canceled lunch). I don't have a lot of faith she's coming on this trip based on little bits of information she's shared. I hate that I feel this way. Suspicious at every turn that she's backing out or changing things up. I don't mind going myself, but I want to know so I can make other plans while I'm there. I feel like she's going to use some sort of "being sick" as an excuse to cancel. Lord, I hope I'm wrong and hope I can stop expecting the worst from her. It's a case of strong codependency with her family.

I think living in this land of massive uncertainty is making any other uncertainty seem worse. This friend is always a swirl of uncertainty. Not my best decision to invite her along this year, at this time. If she comes and stays, I'll have a great time with her. Love her company and she's a good friend. I can't see her leaving her family for 4 full days right now though and that will put strain on our friendship on my end. Pretty please no more hard things to manage my mind around. I have nothing in the tank.

Of course, the anticipation of this going south is making it all the worse and that's on me. I'll know soon enough. 

Hope you are doing the best you can. Later gators.