Unexpected Twist

I woke up this morning with a big list of stuff on my to-do list -- and a stomach ache. The thought of coffee was an absolute nope. I got everything finished by noon (including a report due for volunteering) and started puking up my guts. Guess that's good timing. 

I've been in bed with a stomach bug the rest of the day. Chills, headache, nausea. I took a 2 hour nap and seem to be a bit better this evening. I read a horror book -- "Diavola" (Jennifer Thorne) -- fast, fun, spooky read.

Everything kind of aches right now. No temperature which surprises me since I have muscle aches and chills. 

BEST part -- I have absolutely nothing left that I need to do tomorrow. I'd like to start decorating, but that's a wish not a must. I can lean into recovering. That rarely happens. I'm so grateful I finished my list this morning. Yea, this morning me hooked a sick girl up.

Yesterday's hike was nice. No sign of getting sick -- 9 miles, fast. Some of the hike is really technical and some is on paved paths. Nice mix. I tried to record the hike route, but my the app turned off in my pocket. I need to pull up on the watch next time.

Huge bird

Suspension bridge

Creek crossing. Some are a big
jump between -- no one fell
this time.

That's all from my sick bed. Turning off the lights and hoping to get comfortable. Later gators.

#OptOutside

Apparently REI made up a holiday and today is #OptOutside -- hence the hike with the hiking group. It's a chilly fall morning (finally) and I'm up early for a full morning hike. Good-for-me decision that feels less-good right now but I trust "past me" more than "right now me" almost every time.

Duke and I had a good run. I hope I didn't push my legs too much ahead of this hike. The creatine and testosterone are helping with recovery. I feel pretty good this morning.

Thanksgiving was really nice. A great group, delicious food, lots of laughs with a baby hamming it up for his audience. 

Colors of Thanksgiving

And, still I'm sad this morning with a side of dread. What is happening? Am I processing everything overnight and waking up with that still lingering? I'm counting on the hike to clear the webs today. I did something similar before hosting the baby shower (for months). Maybe this is that -- I'm hosting Christmas, spa shower, rehearsal dinner and semi-hosting our guests for the wedding weekend. The mother load of hosting. Hmmm, I hope the Priya Parker class helps. 

My recovery stats have been awesome for the last few weeks. I'm eating better and taking creatine and testosterone --  not sure if that's what's helping. I also wonder if protein intake is making a difference. I've had occasion to eat more animal and fish based protein and I wonder if my body likes it. I have nothing against animal based protein, but I tend to eat a more plant based. Interesting to experiment. Thanks, Turkey.

Okay, that's all from this early morning post Thanksgiving. Hope you are doing well. Doesn't feel like a Friday (feels like a Sunday). I guess this bodes well for a few "found" days ahead of the week. Later gators.

Happy Thanksgiving (hopefully)

I'm pleased with my rallied day. It wasn't perfect, but I let stuff roll off.

Meditation was good and I had a cry on the way to the food tasting which was even better (and probably long overdue). Thanksgiving is a big memory with my dad and the last time I saw him -- very long story, but I miss him the most at Thanksgiving. That combined with everything going on (lots of big feelings) prompted a cry when I heard a song on the radio. I'm much more relaxed today. I wish I could cry on command, but it takes a big old workup to get going. 

I visited a hair salon downtown for wedding hair and I'm excited about it. Then walked and found a local coffee shop and got a double decaf cortado. All before meeting the kids and my DIL's mother and sister for the food tasting. Little FS stuff helping the day along.

The wedding venue is amazing and the food tasting was spectacular. It's going to be a really great weekend. And, I let all the "drama" and comments and everything wash over me. I was myself and I had a nice time. 

It is super important to me these days to show up as myself -- when I do this in harder circumstances I'm all the more proud. It feels good.

Obviously, today is Thanksgiving. Hubby is still asleep so I have no idea if he's well enough to come. I have to make stuffing and mac&cheese. I prepped yesterday and realized I forgot to buy onions. I'll hit the store first thing this morning. What was I thinking? 

I'm planning to run at the park with Duke -- still some thunderstorms so it's a little up in the air. I have a 9 mile, hard hike tomorrow so I need to keep my legs fresh enough to handle the hills and the speed of this hike leader.

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm ready for turkey and pie -- I rarely get either unless it's Thanksgiving and they are both favorites. Later gators. 

Up and Down

I rallied yesterday and had a good day. It was my choice -- and circumstances offered me very little challenges, so maybe it wasn't so much me lol.

Started by fixing the mess. I like it. Not sure how long the greens will last without water, but I have more on the porch in a bucket. I'm glad I did something just for me because the holidays are a lot about everyone else. Prioritizing this little project gave me a win first thing and that really boosted my mood. I'm determined to not get run over this December, but not completely confident in my determination -- hah.

Hike was good. We went a bit longer (yea) but the 2 new ladies were slow (had to wait many times for them to catch up) and one was very late (unapologetically and then commented on the time we were finishing). Not a good-foot start in my book. We finished late because we started 30 minutes late because of YOU.  Neither is available next week and I kind of hope they don't stay regulars. This is a HIKING group and I know they are pushing for some gentle walks and lunch. That said, I can be a little more patient and a little more open. (But, strike one ...)

I made the cranberry sauce and froze the turkey slices and that leaves just 2 dishes to make Thanksgiving morning. Easy peasy. 

All this goodness and I woke up with moody feels again. Dread. Stress. Sad. Lots of things stirring under the surface and I'm trying to allow feelings and still enjoy all the good things.

Hubby woke up early and said he's sick with a tummy thing -- not the same thing as the kids, but he's staying home from golf. That frees me up to work on some wedding things while I'm downtown at the food tasting, BUT if it's contagious -- goodbye Thanksgiving AGAIN THIS YEAR. 

See ... mood over nothing but possibility of something happening.

Lord help me. Will my mind ever relax? 

On that note, time to get moving. It's an early day again and I really, really need time to meditate this mood. Later gators.

Try, Try Again

I'm fighting an uphill battle to keep my week peaceful. I suppose just the idea of "fighting" is part of the problem. Challenges abound. Why?!? Because I'm currently practicing this FS version and the universe is giving me opportunities to get better. That's an Eckhart Tolle theory -- if you ask for more patience, the universe answers by giving you more opportunities to practice patience. Moral of story -- don't ask for patience (my theory).

But I have been asking for this FS version. How can I live it now? Practice is the answer I guess.

Thanksgiving drama, wedding drama, volunteer drama. All wiggling out my creative time and what I want for balance. Trying to keep ME on the calendar this week is proving harder than I thought. Trying to keep my emotional peace is also harder than I thought.

Here's my creative project from yesterday. I managed the destroy phase but got stopped short of create phase. Instead of creating holiday delight, I made a big mess.

Current situation

Inspirational picture from IG

I'm up and ready to try again today to balance, find peace, enjoy the day, not preemptively stress about what's on the calendar. 

Can I do it? I don't have tremendous faith, but I press on looking for small victories. I'm getting off the computer to let it do an update and I'm putting on Christmas music and giving the book tree another try. 

Hike and lunch with friends. More holiday cooking. Smoothing out some drama. Maybe a better day -- choice is mine. I can't win the week, but I can look smaller for some good.

Later gators.

What a Day :)

It WAS food poisoning -- that totally sucks for the kids. Sicker than dogs. They recovered by evening, but were in that stage of feeling like a Mac truck hit hard. We kept the baby until bedtime. Hard day for them, but such a fun day for us. He was a doll and we loved every moment.

2 hour nap cuddle.
He's still recovery
from an ear infection.

It's a lot of energy entertaining a 9 month old though and we made a HUGE mistake of playing the Baby Shark song and now that lives in our brains with no way to extract it. {starts singing it right now} We were warned. Lived 54 years without hearing the song, but that peace is over forever.

An entire babysitting day put me behind for this packed week, but it was SO, SO worth it. 

Now for the week ahead. Eeek. So much to do AND I decided to make sure I keep my life on the calendar too. I'm looking for the little moments of quiet and creativity -- it helps keep me grounded. I've said 'no' to a few things (or at least bumped them to next week). Hiking -- which takes so much more time than a Peloton ride, but it gives back a lot more. 

All of this is good progress for me. Product of a full life. AND keeping balance. I scaled down Thanksgiving expectations too. This balance is what I'm working toward and I'm really glad for some headway.

And I have anxiety that I'm trying to handle with those things for me -- hiking, meditation, quiet creativity, etc. Can't seen to get the anxiety to go away. Waking up in the night with absolute panic. Dang.

On that note, I want to get moving on a few things. I need to use all parts of the day -- full life, right?! Hope you're set for a good week ahead. Later gators.

HH pinecones on the walk path.
A bit of winter decoration
for the planter -- little
pockets of creativity for me.

Well, That Suddenly Changed

The sleepover postponement was a big old disappointment. Poor baby -- ear infection, but should be on the mend very soon.

This week is filled with good stuff and some dread stuff (writing a complicated court report for one). I'm trying to manage anxiety around the week. Suddenly it feels like too much of a week. But it isn't -- just some strange anxiety percolating. 

I had a particularly nice day yesterday. Brunch was great. Took the dogs to a park for a long walk. Read a new library read in bed for the evening. Something about cooler, darker nights is my jam. Only bummer was I broke a favorite mug I've had for over 20 years. Dang. It fell off my nightstand and hit on the fire extinguisher. Poor luck.

Today is a totally free day since we aren't babysitting now. What SHOULD I do ... the court report. What WILL I do ... remains to be seen. I have it one the calendar for Monday and ---

Just got a text from my eldest -- they both have food poisoning or a tummy bug. Geez. 

Now just got a call -- we need to take the baby. They're super sick. Guess I know what I'm doing today. Fingers crossed it's food poisoning and not a tummy bug.

Later gators.

Big Night Tonight

Slowly in recovery from my "lots of socializing" trip. The hike was restorative -- 3 of us, so I didn't have to over-talk. I declined lunch which was a good 'no' since I needed some recovery quiet. 

Snuck in a Trader Joe's run only to find out the turkey rumor of only small birds was false. Got a 15 lb bird for Thanksgiving. 

Dealt with a little family stir-up over Thanksgiving plans. I'm happy to say I'm going with the flow and letting everyone be who they want to be. Progress for me.

Next week I have 3 hikes planned. I'm in a phase of hiking-is-giving-me-life. I never come out of the woods without feeling better. Feeling better is super important right now and I'm going for it. I'm in a big state of do-what-feels-good -- and is good (i.e. snacking feels good, but it's a false good).

Today hubby and I are having a brunch date and then ... drumroll ... first overnight with our grandson. Wish us every bit of luck and good fortune. This is the practice run for the long weekend in 2 weeks. Eek. I'm not going to lie -- I'm nervous. It's going to be a lot of work and hard on my back. I hope taking care of a baby is like riding a bike.

UPDATE: Got a call -- baby is sick and pinkeye. No overnight. Lordy.

This morning I'll do an easy Peloton ride, arms workout and a longer meditation. All of this sounds really good. Slowing down into my body is a good exercise in being present. 

I let life be chaotic during November (maybe because it was) but I want to finish out this year being intentional about what I do and what I allow and what I feel. It's a daily practice and it worked well yesterday. Looking for the same today. 

Hope you have a good weekend. Later gators.

P.S. Last night sofa cuddles with Duke while watching Bad Sisters and Shrinking. He was completely leaning on my shoulder. Picture I sent to hubby when he asked where Duke was :) I got some downtime. 

Not the Best

So much traffic and accidents on the way home. Thankfully, we made it safely but it added a couple of hours to the trip. It was SO LONG. So long. So boring. So frustrating. Eek.

Back to business today. I have an early volunteer meeting, a hike with a friend and then home to gather life back together ahead of babysitting overnight this weekend. I wish I didn't agree to the hike because I have a lot to do and now an extra early morning, but I'll be glad I did it. I want to hike -- I don't want to talk!

I signed up for a longer hike the Friday after Thanksgiving. Am I doing too much? But scheduling the hike and making this effort IS the kind of person I'm striving to be -- no food coma Friday. Finding the balance is hard.

I'm tired, over-socialized and feel like resting, but as I said yesterday, sometimes my "rest" isn't good for me things. It's more like fall flat on my face rest that leaves me feeling crappy in another way. Can my rest be a gentle, active rest? Will that give me what I need? Do I need to fall on my face? Is the problem before the need to rest -- i.e. make life a little more quiet and gentle?

Questions. No answers.

And now I need to get in the shower because of that early meeting. Geez. Have a good day. Later gators.

Here's a new favorite poet for me ...

Interesting perspective

Good to remember

Heading Home

The trip was really nice and I'm really ready to go home. It's the same every time -- I'm over socialized, over talked, over stimulated. I'm tired of driving and tired of orchestrating the details. It's exactly what I signed on to do and I knew what I was getting into (3rd year). It was a lot of fun and I'm glad I got to spend this time with my friend though. It's just the end-of-the-trip social fatigue.

That said, if I get this opportunity again, I'm might want to remember a solo trip would be most excellent. More quiet time, more down time. No compromises needed, no adjustments needed, no taking care of anyone needed.

Rest (meaning a slow, quiet day of slow, quiet activities) won't be possible until the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I've over scheduled myself a bit. My own doing totally.

I'm still trying to get a handle of what's a full life FOR ME. Full includes space too. But how much? I'm wondering when to say 'no' to myself and my ideas and my planning stuff. I'm good with 'no' to others, but I need to tweak that for myself. It takes effort to build a life and build connections so I keep saying 'yes' to anything that meets that criteria. But is it too much or do I just need to build up some endurance and a little change of perspective? Questions and more questions. 

I also find that when I have downtime, I don't often use it for good -- hello, TV. I love TV, but if I have a day with "nothing" I will spend way too much time watching TV (and snacking) and not actually engaging in the quiet activities I yammer on about not having time for. Yep, a messed up paradox. 

Also, something I'm focusing on and I already know, but this trip has showed me AGAIN ... when I do not snack at night, my recovery and sleep are so much better. This MUST be a priority for me. I feel so much better and yet ... dang.

I'm a work in progress, some days more than others.

Anyway, here's a little picture dump from the trip.

Always a LFL

Someone has a sense of humor

This was so good!

Bookstore in Savannah

The bookstore

Beach critter

Morning walk

Perfect little shroom

What a last name lol!!

Looking forward to a last solo walk this morning. We'll stop and picnic at a rest area for lunch (which is oddly fun) and home by mid-afternoon. Other than 6 hours of talking, it'll be an easy day :)

Hope you're having a good week. Later gators. And there could be a gator on my walk. I've never seen one -- probably for the best. {knocks wood}

Good Day, Long Day

Yesterday was a good day. A mix of "how can I live this now." And it was long and I was beat by the end of the day -- in the best way.

The hike was really nice (but more spiders to contend with -- big mother f*%ers). Learned these friends also prefer an early, early (almost lunch lol) dinnertime. This is a good fact to know and will come in handy socializing. 

I hope this new friendship has lasting power (seems like it does). It was nice to trust plans were happening, interest in being outside and doing other things, early dinnertime, local restaurants, really good conversation (including asking fun questions -- if you could know anything about anything, what would you want to know). 

We rushed home to kids arriving for football. Threw the food together and spent the afternoon with our grandson -- so fun, but my poor back muscles (not the injury, just tired back). Next weekend is our first overnight with him. I'm excited and nervous. It's a HUGE responsibility. P.S. he loved the homemade food.

I leave this morning for the trip to Hilton Head, Savannah and Beaufort. My girlfriend didn't cancel, didn't modify. All that mental fussing for nothing. Good lord. I'm set for a fun time. Lots of driving though, not my favorite but this is the 3rd year doing the same blueprint and it's worth it. Weather should be just right too.

Woke up to a text that my next door neighbor is moving. They share time in another state to be with grandchildren and they decided to move there full-time. I was JUST saying this week how nice to have easy neighbors on either side. Fingers crossed for a good replacement. Or maybe we're gearing up for a move ourselves. Makes me wonder. Probably not in next few years, but it might be in our future. We've starting having a few conversations about it lately.

I need to pack (thankful for throwing everything in a car) and workout before my gf comes over. Busy morning. Hope you are set for a good week. Later gators.

Well, That Explains a Bit

I woke up to my monthly this morning. That explains some of my mood. I thought it was coming -- all signs pointing, but who knows these days. It missed my 2 trips in October (came the week in-between) and I just knew she was trying to hit the travel mark this time. Target acquired. Bullseye. 

I'll be honest (other than being inconvenient for a beach trip), I'm glad to still have hormones. I'm finally feeling a little better and having some extra hormones hanging around can't be a bad thing. The dose of testosterone was increased to get me to the top of a woman's level -- I went from very low to mid-level. We started slowly at my request. Once I reach levels, I'll chat about the difference.

Today is a fun, full day and also a bit of travel dread. That shouldn't last long though. Driving trips are relatively easy on my nerves.

First up, hiking with another couple for an easy 6 mile loop. Then kids (and most importantly, grandson) over for football. Everything is ready to go -- including baby food :) Some frozen for them to take home too. 

Carrots and apple mix.
Also made sweet potato.

I had a great time at the "baby with their adults" music class. Just 2 babies, same name, same age. We went for coffee after and enjoyed the excellent fall weather. 

I am hoping for some energy up now that my monthly came. I was bone tired yesterday (a sign it was coming). I slept well last night (a sign it's here). I have a longer drive tomorrow and I was worried about being sleepy. 

I'm back to reading, but not at normal levels right now. I read a Louise Penny (Glass House) and it was just right. I have a library book started. It's like little parable chapters. It's sweet and happy. It's a Stacey Abrams recommendation from her podcast. Japanese translation novel.

Best get moving. I have a lot to do before the hike (it's indoor plant watering day). Kids will be over as soon as we're finished with the hike and I have to pack too. It's going to be a long day, but a good one. Later gators.

A Hiking Nightmare: My Epic Phobia (lol)

Well, we did the hike. Got off trail due to fallen trees the first bit, but my trail app worked. The weather was great, the picnic lunch was fun -- seems a delight, right?!?  But 2 miles in, the unthinkable happened.

I took this picture.

Seconds later, I walked into a huge juro spider web and he dropped on me. I stripped, screamed, ran, went crazy, almost cried, shook. It was a sight to behold. I threw my phone, glasses, hiking stick, backpack, shirt. You get the idea. Good lord. It took me another hour to calm my nervous system down. But I did and I lived to tell about it hah -- barely. Stronger than I think (maybe).

Here are a few other pictures. 

Serene, right?

Lovely water sounds
after rain on Wed.

Duke living his joy.

I swear to all that is holy and good, the universe is testing me -- or asking me to practice what I preach -- or learn what I say I want to learn. After the hike, after I calmed down and felt the "spirit of forest bathing," I got a text from my mother. Hello, nervous system once again.

You know that feeling when you decide to surrender. That's what I'm feeling this morning. Surrender. Have at it universe. I can't keep up. I guess I need to go with the flow of everything now. Still showing up as my truest self in all the ways I've learned, but I can't keep "fighting" it. I guess surrender is my answer right now.

What is meant to happen, will happen. I can't control it and need to stop trying because it's making me a mess. I need to stop being in reaction mode. Take care of myself. Love my people. Find the little delights and joys in my day. Be grateful for this life. Show up as myself. Trust my gut. Perfect doesn't exist. Do the best I can and love myself for it.

That's the plan for today. Wish me luck :) Hope you are finding your way in this shit show too. Later gators.

It's Still a ShitShow

What a week. What a rollercoaster. I'm still processing what's happened to our country. I'm still sad and angry and scared.

But, I'm taking steps forward. Gathering. Connection. Finding goodness and peace in little things. It sort of feels like this is what I was getting ready for these last 5 years. 

I went to an author platform at the local Jewish Community Center. Lisa Barr was one of the authors. Excellent discussion and insight into writing process. Security with guards and gates and car searches. I don't have a "side" of the war as I'm not living in it, but it's heartbreaking on all fronts with so, so, so many innocent victims. 

I volunteered a shift at the library and had a really long discussion with one of the patrons. Lots of book talk, lots of friendly conversation. Reaching for people who have the same values. 

Took my boys out for a HBD lunch for my youngest. Original 4 haven't gone out in years. It was a nice mid-week break. DILs weren't able to break away from work.

My other volunteering got postponed because of illness. Dodged a big bullet from exposure to some cruddy germs.

Hubby, dogs and I are going on a long hike in the mountains today. Friends were suppose to join, but the husband is getting over a cold and doesn't think he can do the mileage. 

Full weekend of fun things ahead and then a girlfriend trip to Hilton Head next week. This is the girlfriend who cancels or shaves off time to something very regularly. She did that twice the last week we had plans (canceled winery, canceled lunch). I don't have a lot of faith she's coming on this trip based on little bits of information she's shared. I hate that I feel this way. Suspicious at every turn that she's backing out or changing things up. I don't mind going myself, but I want to know so I can make other plans while I'm there. I feel like she's going to use some sort of "being sick" as an excuse to cancel. Lord, I hope I'm wrong and hope I can stop expecting the worst from her. It's a case of strong codependency with her family.

I think living in this land of massive uncertainty is making any other uncertainty seem worse. This friend is always a swirl of uncertainty. Not my best decision to invite her along this year, at this time. If she comes and stays, I'll have a great time with her. Love her company and she's a good friend. I can't see her leaving her family for 4 full days right now though and that will put strain on our friendship on my end. Pretty please no more hard things to manage my mind around. I have nothing in the tank.

Of course, the anticipation of this going south is making it all the worse and that's on me. I'll know soon enough. 

Hope you are doing the best you can. Later gators. 

Back To Business

Still in very strong feelings mode, but it's back to regularly scheduled stuff here. I'm not handing over my life to this turd and his inhumane "leadership."

I WILL hand my life over to things I believe in and put energy and time into relationships from people who don't support (and cheer) hate. 

I hiked twice this weekend. Once with a new hiking friend -- that was fun and we're planning another hike next weekend with husbands. Once with my hiking club on the "Happy Feet" hike and it's what you think -- good people, happy hike. Both were so good to clear my head. 

We've had the grand dogs since Thursday and my sleep is tanked. I'm also getting over a cold from earlier this week and disruptive sleep isn't helping. Dogs go home tonight -- woo hoo. I can not wait to go to bed :)

Find the chihuahua

I took a class at the farm -- wreaths with dried plants for the birds (everything came from the farm). When I volunteered last time, I made the base and thought it would be fun to make the full wreath. So far, I haven't noticed any birds, but the wreath looks pretty.

Ooops, dogs need my attention -- I have to wrap it up. Hope you are well. Later gators.

Angry Post Warning

I'm taking a solid break from the news and social media. I just CAN NOT deal with any of this. 

I'm struggling very hard with a few people in my life who I consider "good" people who, not only voted for him, but are excited about the next 4 years. WHAT?!?!? I'm not sure how I can reconcile this dichotomy. Have you heard what he plans for this country and its people?!?

In the name of my sanity and in the name of needing to find a different way (my government is against me and those I care about), I'm revamping my time, effort, daily life.

Sounds dramatic -- maybe more dramatic than it will be, but I'm making changes.

My community is NOT my community. But I'm going to build one. Direct my efforts solidly to areas and people who are important to me. Turn local, focus local, help local. Maybe this is what I've been preparing for recently -- so desperate for connection (aka community). This is the only way forward for me. I can't wait 4 years to hope again.

For those who voted for him, he's all yours. Good luck. He only cares about billionaires and people in power who can give to him. 

I will not accept this is the answer. I am fighting for inclusion and community and kindness. 

I am focusing on what is important to me, what is peaceful to me. 

Eventually I will (might) love my neighbor, but right not I will not, can not -- I need to process this shock, anger, hurt. My love, support, kindness is toward my community right now. The rest of you (who excitedly voted him into office) can GFY. 

I Have No Words

This is devastating news. 

I can't believe it. 

I really don't have any words.  

Hate won. How is this possible? 

We have no guardrails. This could destroy the country as we know it. I can't think of any glimmer of hope or any upside to this. There will be no social justice. No economic growth. Laws will change to make change virtually impossible. 

This is the saddest day for our country in my lifetime. 

The Day -- Lord Helps Us

Yesterday wasn't the best day, but not the worst either. 

I stress ate (not the best), had an "emergency" with my volunteer court position (not the best), had some crappy chores looming (not the best) ...

... but I did the chores, handled the emergency as best as I could, stopped the stress eating by early evening. 

And I added some "live this now stuff" -- shared greens and peppers with a neighbor, registered for the farm program for 2025, walked while I chatted on the phone with a good friend, cooked with the garden vegetables, painted rocks.

I'm planning a better day today. I found a last minute hike tonight. It's on lit trails that are flat -- nothing crazy. It'll be fast and a good de-stressor for the evening. The hike with hubby and the dogs is getting rained out tomorrow and I've been looking for more outdoor time. Dogs will be home alone and I'll hit traffic on the way home, but it's worth it. It's what "living this now" is about.

I've been reading -- nothing spectacular. I'll check in with book details when I read something that is really good. I have a stack of 5 books to pickup from the library today. All are non-fiction. Most I'll just scan read out of a little curiosity. I have one that I'm excited about and I hope it doesn't disappoint. 

Today is THE DAY. No more wondering. Voting will be done and the next 4 years of who knows what will be underway. I've never been so scared for a US election. Not in 2016, not even in 2020. I'm terrified (big word, but it's not an overstatement) to wake up and look at the news tomorrow. I could hyperventilate thinking about that moment. 

Please, please, pretty please let sanity prevail. 

Hike Magic

The hike did the trick yesterday. 2 hours in the woods -- leaves and acorns falling, lite rain and I came out a new person. 

We had a fantastic afternoon with our grandson. Played for hours -- he's such a joy. Our neighbor gave us a stroller that another neighbor had passed along to her. Keeping the grandparent train going. We'll do the same when we're finished with it.

Today is one of my non-scheduled days. I have a few house chores and some volunteer work, but otherwise it's user choice day. It sounds good. It'll be a full day, but at my own pace. 

Still looking for ways to "live this now" -- some days are easier than other days. I KNOW tomorrow and Wednesday are going to be hard anxiety days and, depending on results, I might have even more anxiety going forward. Leaning on the community of those who support sanity. 

Short and sweet this morning. I don't have much to say because it's really hard to concentrate right now. Dread is looming hard and I'm nervous. 

Hope you are set for a good week. I hope the country is set for a good week. Later gators.

Art Show

Good morning. 

It was a mixed bag yesterday. I don't want to go into everything, but the cancel jinx struck again with the usual suspect -- college football this time. I also found out there was another reason for the cancelation for early in the week. That got my panties in a bunch and a bit of regret is sneaking in for the trip later this month. Best to put some space between this past week and the trip. I thought the cancelations were improving, but not this week. 

I'm trying to focus on the good things instead, but it's not going great. My mind loves a dramatic rumination and a soapbox.

Kids and I had a good time at my aunt's art show and lunch after. They're coming over for football this afternoon too. 

I bought some nice art work from the show -- my aunt is really talented. I also got a little retail therapy after lunch at Marshalls. Dog toys for Christmas and a few things for the grand baby. 

I'm up early, but sort of a fake early with the time change. Hike this morning and I regret it now and will love it later -- typical pattern. The hike will help clear the mind yuck too.

The week ahead is all over the place. A couple of quiet days, a couple of full days and a weekend stuck at home with an old dog (babysitting grand dogs again). It's also our anniversary. We're planning to celebrate with a long hike in the mountains. 

Oh, and the most important election of my lifetime. No wonder everything feels so dang hard. 

I'm going to look for more ways to "live this now" today. I didn't do very well yesterday lol but I'm continuing to try because it feels good in this new version.

Happy Sunday. Happy extra hour. Later gators.

"Live This Now"

I've been looking for ways to "live this now" this week since it's a full week with many opportunities -- my new FS version. Practice. Be curious. It works. Here are a few things.

The hike was good. The friend came out a bit hot, but settled down and we had a nice time. FootPath App worked well. We all decided to start a little hiking text group and see where that takes us. Finding interesting people with mutual interests for small groups -- maybe this is one path to that desire. I didn't take many pictures -- only a stop for a turtle. 

I wrapped a hostess gift for tonight. Most of the leaves crinkled up. I'm not sure how to keep them nice. UPDATE: googled and it's a process. I swear IG makes it seem like you go into the woods, find pretty leaves and you're ready to go. It was enjoyable to look for fallen leaves though and the gift looks pretty. The gift and the wrapping are a reflection of me and something I think she'll like too. I like taking time to add touches. Slowing down to enjoy the process.

New shoes for the wedding in early March. I'm happy with the vintage look. I'm also happy that I'm styling myself my own way. I don't care what MOB is wearing. Doing me, my way and it's fun. She'll be in full glam and that's great for her. It's not me though and I'm confident enough to not compete. It's not always been that way for me.

Halloween was nice. Caught up with a couple neighbors. We had 12 kids this year. I didn't want to sit out (I had a headache after the hike) but making an effort for connection is another area I want to focus. Advil and hot tea to the rescue. 

I signed up for a hike on Sunday. I almost didn't because I need to get up early, prepare for no bathroom, etc. but then I remembered that I'm a person who makes an effort to hike. I enjoy it completely and I like this part of my identity. I'm worth it; hiking is worth it. 

I have some changes coming to workouts in the name of aging well -- strength, balance, etc. More on this soon. Fingers crossed my back holds okay. 

I floated the idea of the garden prep lunch in February with my friend yesterday. She seemed excited. I'm super excited. Hosting with intention. Thanks, Priya Parker.

Books.

Halfway and it's picking up.
600 pages - it's a chonker.

3rd re-read.

Starting this on recommendation
from bookclub peeps.

Disappointing. Front flap
was the best part of the book.
Short and not what was
promised from the description.

Okay, enough for today. I'm heading downtown to drop my ring to get fixed, dropping something off to my DIL-2-B, Trader Joe's run and dinner at my other DIL's mother's tonight (hence the gift). Full day. Wondering how I can "live this now" today. Have a happy Friday. Later gators.