October (!!)

October.  In case Atlanta forgot and still thinks it's August (3 of this days this week are already hotter than originally forecasted -- HIGH 90s now).

I have an evening event at the Unity Church tonight.  Christian Flèche -- a French neurolinguistic specialist.  Body-mind connection, specifically illness and mind connection.  I'm going alone -- of course lol.  No one in my circle was interested.  It sold out last year -- he's quite a pioneer and a rockstar in his field (apparently).

This brings me to some thinking.  Remember that endurance problem I'm having -- pushing forward with (what feels like) EVERYTHING?  Not only do I have no one who is interested in going, I have people discouraging me to go -- double whammy.  Hubby doesn't think it's "safe" to go alone at night -- what??  Friends say it sounds strange -- why am I going?

This is happening with some boundary stuff too.  I think I've finally held a boundary, made some progress and, then it's like it never happened.  Back to square one.  People must not believe I'm serious or think if they push a bit I'll change my mind?!?  They give me reasons why I should feel differently, do differently.  Negotiate and negotiate.

No wonder my mental endurance feels low.  I don't have SUPPORT and I have RESISTANCE.  I know ... don't pick up what people are throwing down.  Ignore and do my thing.  It's harder than it sounds though.  Especially when it's coming from so many directions.

My circle doesn't want me to change.  Why would they?  I always say 'yes' to the rescue group -- 'no' isn't the right answer.  Things like this.

Weight loss programs talk about the resistance you can get from those closest to you who don't want you to change.  It threatens them.  Threatens the relationship.  I never had that when I lost the weight.

I'm having it with this "change" though.

I'm not the same and my peeps aren't super happy.  They accept it temporarily, but then they've had enough.  Be the same person.

It's tough.  I don't want to be snotty, defensive, etc., but I'm rapidly loosing patience.  These are things that are only about me -- I compromise joint things.  This isn't the ME-ONLY channel, but the things that are ME-ONLY are my choice.

I think I'll chat with my life coach about this tomorrow.  See if she has some suggestions.  Maybe time and persistence is the only solution.  I need to figure out how push forward without getting pissy.  I'm feeling a bit pissy.  If you don't want to go to see Christian Flèche, no problem.  Don't discourage me to go though.  That isn't cool.

Well, anyway ...

Tried a new lunch place with a friend yesterday.  Super cute.  Food was just okay, so not adding to my regular list, but it's an option for a coffee place.

My bff never called yesterday -- she got caught up in work stuff.  Super glad I didn't change up my morning.

Today is another new restaurant with another friend and then the Unity event tonight.

As predicted my calendar is filling -- holding hard for space.

Our neighbor is moving and the neighborhood is having a surprise party (how can I say no to that) -- she's such a nice lady who lost her husband last year.  It's too sad to stay here.  We want to go and wish her well.  It's the night before my trip this weekend.  I was planning an early bedtime so I'm rested for a busy weekend.  Now that's not an option.

I'm feeling stressed about not having enough ALONE time.  Coming off the last week, I need a big helping of nothing (all by myself).  Since it's not happening as much as I planned, I'm eating that frustration.  At least I did last night.  That's a big no-no.  Feeling out of control with my day, eat that control.  Dang.  I'll do better today.

BTW ... pants STILL don't fit.  Pictures still feel depressing.  That's a story for another day.  Ugh and double ugh.

Time to get moving.  Debbie downer post today -- kind of unexpected.  Later gators.