Full Hormones

Even though I'm not in menopause yet, some things have changed. I won't bore you with the details. The result? Full hormone replacement coming my way. Praise baby Jesus. Sleep is on the horizon. Hot flash and night sweats should diminish. Moods might be more even keeled. 

I CAN NOT WAIT (!!)

Storms last evening so no hiking -- what did I do instead? Ate Dubai chocolate hubby got from Costco. Currently washing sheets because I had such night sweats from the sugar and hormone combo. Lovely choice. 

While there are no good or bad foods, there are questionable choices. I know night sweats are out of control. I know sugar makes them worse. Geez. 

A hiking friend dropped off bags of compost from her farm -- she refills feed bags. Oh my gosh, how nice of her. It's rich, beautiful soil to top off the raised beds. 

We had a plumber and electrician to the house the last couple of days (finally showed up) for punch list problems that were pretty problematic. Everything got fixed quickly and easily. That was a pleasant surprise. I'm in my office and I don't hear a high-pitch whine every 10 minutes. The house continues to feel more comfortable. I'm rapidly getting used to the drapes too :)

I'm volunteering for a back-to-school day at an immigrant and refugee elementary school this afternoon. 

Reading is picking up -- I've had a few good books recently. I didn't take pictures of the last one -- Catherine Ryan Howard book called "The Nothing Man." 

Timely

Up next from the library

Currently reading - like it a lot.

My new library website doesn't show a record of what I've read. Eeek. More than ever I need to get a system to catalog what I've read. Moving this to the top of my book project list. Where I'm stuck is I need to have them in a searchable format, but I'd prefer non-digital. I don't want to use Goodreads because it acts a lot like a book social media and I don't want it.

There's a spread sheet that is available from a podcast subscription, but my Mac doesn't use the name brand excel doc and I don't know if it'll import correctly. 

What I'd like is an old-fashioned rolodex -- add cards in and out easily. Alphabetized and I can code them. I can't find one to buy and I don't know if they'd be big enough anyway. The notebook I used last year stopped working well. 

I think I need to visit the spreadsheet and see if I can get it to work or look at Goodreads and see if I can keep it totally private -- private that I don't get requests for people to see my list. 

Okay, that's all from here. I'm going to go play around with some options. Have a good day. Later gators.

New Drapes

My Oura ring is asking about my period again -- hormones surged last night and lots of night sweats and little sleep. Geez. 

I'm tired this morning and that doesn't bode well for finishing the court report. I have a first draft so hopefully it won't be much more revision. 

Leaving it to a last minute isn't ideal (although it was "asked" for 10 days early, so I'm fitting into my week). 

I have my annual gyn appointment this morning. Actually good timing to discuss how I'm feeling. Then a drive to a friend's friend's farm to pick up fresh compost for the garden. Awesome and stinky and hadn't planned pickup for today, but I'm not missing the opportunity. I was planning to buy compost this weekend.

I have an afternoon window to work on the report but a contractor and cleaning crew needed to change days and will be here for that window. Last minute can come back and bite, but I'm doing what I can to accommodate my supervisor's request. It'll be nice to have it finished early.

New drapes came for the large slider doors. We need privacy when it's dark -- especially when it gets dark early. I didn't want vertical blinds. This pattern is much better than the blue-gray solid option. I can't decide if this makes the space warm or looks dated. We're still waiting on natural shades for the rest of the kitchen. It's going from modern and open to something else -- and I can't tell if the something is good. 

That said, we're a standing fish bowl and have to have an option for privacy. I hope the shades look nice with the drapes. They were damaged in shipping and are delayed. 

It stormed and rained hard last night. We almost lost power. Good news is no watering the garden today. Storms are possible for tonight too so my evening hike might be rained out. 

The hike yesterday was a lot of fun. We ended up with 7 of us and lots of good conversation. I'm not sure if it was just a good hike or the break had me happy for the day. Either way, I'll take it. 

Have a good day. Later gators. 

Vacation Planned

I'm not sure if the hormone situation is passing, but I'm processing feelings. I dreamt a lot last night -- sad, crying dreams and it felt good. I think some of the prickly bits with friends have affected me more than I thought. I tried to logic my way out of the feelings instead of admitting to myself that it's upsetting.

As I said before, I'm trying to keep at "the things" even when I feel blah. 

I ran -- boy was it miserably humid but I'm glad I did it. Hubby and dogs were heading out on a walk as I finished so I joined them and we stopped at a coffee shop. I went on to walk Duke around town. Showered and hubby and I walked to lunch. It's a place he loves and the menu doesn't work for me, so I got a drink while he ate. Sat outside on a covered, fan patio and planned our vacation. Then I walked to the library to exchange books. 

I LOVE being able to walk places -- even in GA summer. This town delivers on walking.

What's vacation this fall? Maine and Canada. The Canada part of the trip is a visit to my aunt and uncle's vacation home. They're amazing tour guides and the island is beautiful. This trip feels right. It's not as "big" or "fancy" as a tag along to Europe, but what I want to do. Hubby said the same. We're staying at an Inn in Maine and my aunt's historic cottage in Canada. It can't be more quaint. 

I also happened upon a house tour weekend in September in Asheville in a neighborhood that I walk in regularly. Twelve historical homes over 2 days. I got tickets and will head in for a quick weekend. My sister might join in one day, but it's fine if I'm solo. I walk and wonder about these homes -- now I'll get a peek.

September is jam packed -- barely a day free, but in the best way. It's a little bit of everything and I'm excited. I can't believe nothing conflicted with anything. Meant to be? We'll see, I guess. 

My planning energy and intention seems to be coming back, so maybe hormones are settling down again. 

The Tuesday hiking group is off hiatus and most of us are hiking today. My DIL's mother is coming too. I'm giving her a ride since she's not familiar with the logistics of the hike and lunch. Neither are confusing once you've seen it, but it's easier for her. I usually won't carpool since I'm sweaty and stinky in the summer, but it's hard enough to join a group you don't know without worrying about finding where to go.

Finished this book and it was lovely. Quiet read, beautifully written. It's been on my shelf for a long time and it didn't draw me in. Guess this was the right time and I loved it.

Finished these rocks.

Blue ones, front & back.
A little happy sun.

I didn't get to my volunteer report yesterday -- vacation planning and scheduling took up the afternoon (ooops, not sorry though). I'll get a chunk finished today because it's looming over. I had time blocked off next week, but my supervisor is going on vacation and wants the report early. It'll be nice to have it finished ahead of time and that opens up a day next week. But right now ... ugh. 

That's all from here. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Hello, Monday My Old Friend

I'm still trying to rally, but there are some things going well and I'll focus on the good this Monday morning. 

Brunch with the kids was a lot of fun. We sat outside on the patio under a huge tree canopy that shaded the entire area. My grandson kept looking up and pointing to the canopy -- it was beautiful. I walked to the restaurant which makes me happy. Kids drove me home and stopped over to play for a bit. 

I spent some time looking at options for a fall vacation. The plan is for me to tag along on hubby's Europe board trip, but dates and location were switched and I don't think it's going to work out. I looked at heading to Maine instead -- hiking, day trip to Canada to visit my aunt and uncle, pretty little towns, cool weather. I'll run this by him today. He got home after midnight from his HS reunion in PGH this weekend.

Finally did a catch up call with my long time friend (used to be my best friend) -- she's the one that the relationship is strained. It was better than expected. Things are still prickly, but I think we're moving in the right direction now. I'm tentative, but hopeful. I miss our relationship.

Library shift to close out the day. Always fun. I get "paid" in books and I bought a few classics for $3 each. I've seen this binding in a lot of boutique stores. Very pretty for display and great books. I also got a couple of books for hubby (not pictured -- Grisham and Follett). It was quite a haul. These library stores are such a good place to purchase books.

I sold the blackout shades we used before the shudders were installed. I wanted to donate them, but no place I tried needed such specific window treatments. If I donated to Goodwill, who knows the measurement for their windows to buy them? FB Marketplace for the win. I didn't want brand new shades ending up in the landfill. $10 for $300 worth of shades -- someone got a good deal. Glad to have it off my to-do list. 

Today is a work day of sorts. Volunteer stuff is going full strength right now and I need to submit a report earlier than expected -- I'll do some of that today. I also have chores to finish. 

I'll throw in some ME stuff too. Rock painting is in progress -- need to dry before next steps. I have 2 books almost finished and I want to do a little day reading so I can move it along. Library book pickup too -- I'll walk over. 

I have a couple of projects around books I need to figure out. Organization of my finished book list -- rating, little description, easy to look-up. My brain can't keep track. I also want to organize my embarrassingly large TBR pile. I haven't had luck with my ideas so far. Started and scrapped because they weren't working. I have next ideas to give a go. Not a fix for today, but I want to dig a little deeper into the ideas. Both problems are bothering me because they feels like clutter -- my current book list is a mess, my TBR is all over the house.

I didn't register for the big hike on Saturday. The route changed because of closed trails and it became too technical and long for me right now. If it wasn't summer temps, I might have given it a go. I don't think I can do 13+ miles with 4 miles of technical trails at the end. I haven't been doing a lot of longer hikes with my schedule and the heat. I'm disappointed, but I need to be respectful of my limits to avoid getting injured. This is why I try to hike a lot to be ready for bigger hikes. I still plan a hard hike on Saturday, just not that hard.

That's all from here. I got up early to be ready for a morning run. I haven't run in a few weeks. If I don't get out at first light, it gets too hot to be worth it. It's the last thing I want to do this morning and I know it's the best thing I can do to start the week on the right foot. 

I love Mondays and I hope this is a start to a better week. Everything is good, but I'm not able to appreciate it. Hormones are such a bitch right now hah! Later gators.

And Down Again

I'm limping along this weekend. Still "doing the things" and moving forward with FS stuff, but it's like driving on a flat tire. I can't seem to catch a flow again, a smooth road. 

I had coffee with 2 amazing people yesterday. We talked, planned, connected. I'm helping with a community and school project that my friend is spearheading. It's usually the type of connection that really lights me up. And it didn't -- not because anything went wrong. I just continued to have a blah feeling with lackluster motivation. 

I know this is hormones. I'm having regular hot flashes again and such awful, bed-soaking night sweats. 

I want to crawl under the covers. Not because I'm tired. I have no desire to do anything.

The garden needed tending this morning and I got to talk to a number of people hiking by and it was such a nice thing. This is the exact type of interaction in my future meditation and I love it. And still the blahs. 

I have a weekend to myself and a very fun day planned tomorrow and here I sit ... sad, mopey, hot flashing. Dang. THIS is usually my attitude on a weekend like this. Today is a perfectly free day to make into anything I desire and I have no desire to do anything.

I can't figure out if it makes sense to push forward or give into the blahs today. Since it's seems hormone based, the usual feel-better fixes aren't fixing anything. 

This is a totally downer post. 

Action is what usually works and since it's only morning, I guess I'll take action for a bit before I allow an old-fashioned mope session. 

Chasing some sort of "myself" today. Hope you're having a good day. Later gators.

Surprise Hit

I had a change of plans today and need to take a long drive to a home visit for my volunteer position. Up early to workout and then head out early. This was a difficult scheduling situation between everyone's calendars so I jumped on this option. I'm headed up to the northern mountains. 

Electrician was a no-show. We continue the schedule and ghost pattern. This is a fix from the builder so we have no choice about the electrician he uses. We've been trying to have him come since we moved in.

Dinner date night was fun. The restaurant was a surprise hit -- didn't expect that because it seems like a dated or old-folky kind of place. It's neither, but it has a different vibe. Hard to explain. It's also an event hall and I think that's why it has that kind of feel. Back in the day when you were on a beach vacation and went to the one fancy restaurant for dinner that was also a bit cheesy with dark tables and the food was just okay but it tried to be fancy ... that's a bit of the vibe, but the menu is farm-to-table with lots of interesting choices. Great service too. It's been around for a really long time and I don't know one person who's eaten there and everyone asks me if we've tried it. We picked it just to say we went and a bit ironically, but joke's on us.

Warm GF Carrot Cake

Summer Vegetable Plate

I'm going to keep this short since the morning is pushed. The rest of the day is wide open, so I'll be able to shift a few things to afternoon. Garden watering and workout need to happen before I go so time to get moving. 

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Updates

Updates -- list time.

(1) First hike was awesome. It pushed me and I'm glad I went. The morning temps weren't bad and there was a nice breeze. I'll look for her hike again. Nice group too. This mountain is my favorite local hike.

(2) Mammogram was a breeze. In and out before my scheduled appointment time. They're nice, efficient -- hopefully also skilled. 

(3) Second hike was a mixed bag. The hike leader blows hot/cold. She texts with me all the time about social issues, political issues, etc. She tells me to message her if her hike is full and she'll put me on the hike. She regularly invites me to another social group she belongs to AND she can be a really unpleasant person.

She greeted me in front of the group by saying "I wish you didn't sign up today." WTH. "You don't work and you hike fast -- you should do the Wednesday hike. This group isn't for you." We had a little exchange where I tried to keep it lighter, but it was obvious she was being serious and the group seemed uncomfortable. She gave me the cold shoulder the entire hike. Someone commented that she was really nice last week and guess she used up all her niceness. Hah.

One of the women I hiked with in the morning was on this hike too -- also retired, also a faster hiker. She immediately chatted with me saying this hike leader was out of line, etc. I told her I know how she is and who she is and I've seen this side of her before. The unwelcoming comments reflected on her, not me.

BUT message(s) received. I won't hike on her hikes again AND I'll remember not to treat people that way. Remember how I said I didn't like some of my responses to things? I'd never pass that aggravation forward to the person directly, but maybe I do in subtle ways. Message received, thanks universe.

(4) Walking home after the hike I was on a short paved path to my house when 2 deer ran out of the woods up the path. The one stood directly next to me and stared -- I could've touched it. The other moved in front of me on the path. I didn't know if it was a shake down or hello. I had no where to go -- steep hill on one side, steep gully on the other side. I let out a little scream-ish sound and kept walking. They just stood and stared at me. Geez. I've never been afraid of deer before. Still don't know what in the Sam Hill happened. 

(5) I worked a good bit on Spanish yesterday. The lower baseline -- 5 minutes prompted a number of study sessions and brought back a little excitement. I forgot that setting a small goal with a specific thing to learn works reasonably well for me. Journaling my messy stuff helps figure things out.

(6) Got my hormones results. Testosterone inched a bit high. I'm curious what she'll decide. Other hormones were a total mixed bag. Appointment is next week.

(7) Hair appointment today and a couple of volunteer errands. Home to meet an electrician (if they show up this time) and a bug guy (so, so, so many bugs in the basement). Then out for an early dinner with hubby trying a new local restaurant. We usually opt for lunch, but the day is too full. Early dinner works too. It's a 10 minute walk -- up hill there, down on the way home. It's nice to walk home after dinner --  I swear it gives me better sleep to walk a little rather than plop on the sofa.

That all from here. I'm feeling more myself again. Energy is rebounding and I'm getting back to The Little Blue House motivations again. 

I made a coaster of the inspiration picture. Using it this morning. 

Hope you're having a good week. Later gators.

Two Hike Day

Window shutters are installed and it makes more of a difference than I expected. No shades banging with the vents blowing, no little beams of light when the shades move (yes, I go to bed often when it's still light in the summer), and it looks more finished. We had shades completely pulled down in the bathroom because it has no privacy and now we can have a little bit of light on the top. 

We (hubby) also moved the rug in the bedroom and that's helping with the aesthetic that's a bit off somewhere. I brought the fake fiddle leaf tree back into the room to soften some of the lines. I'm not sure that's permanent, but I'm holding it for now. Something is still a little off and I need to work on what exactly is bothering me about the room. It doesn't feel soft enough or warm enough or happy enough. Hmmm. One step at a time. 

I have a full day today.

Two club hikes and a mammogram in-between. I'm a tiny bit nervous for the hike this morning. My energy was so completely tanked and I've done very little hiking the last couple of weeks. This is a hard hike in hot, humid weather and I'm less acclimated than I was a couple of weeks ago. I hope it goes well. The hike tonight is an easy hike on my neighborhood mountain -- it's not a big deal, although it'll still summer in GA in the evenings. I need a lot of hydration today.

Our Tuesday hiking group is on a hiatus until next week, but I probably can't hike with the group until mid-August. It's good to have this break. I was getting too grumpy about it all.

July is the gauntlet of medical appointments. After this mammogram, I have my yearly GYN next week and then it's finished. Funny how it all ended up in July. 

I had my hormones drawn yesterday -- curious to see the results. It was taken just as my energy is rebounding. 

Not surprisingly, Spanish class is on the back burner. I have conflicts that are winning over the class. And, I'm BARELY practicing at all. Good lord -- I wish I could figure this out. It's really, really not like me to want something so much and be so reluctant to do it. I keep thinking I just need a little mindset switch or practical habit or plan. 

The other library class starts up again in August, but conflicts with the Tuesday hiking group. I'm trying it the first week in August to see if I like it better than the other class. None of this excuses me from NOT PRACTICING daily. I'm looking at the class for a level of accountability which is obviously not working very well.

I haven't given up (but I've tried). It's on a very snail-slow path forward again. I'm listening to podcasts, practicing a tiny bit, thinking translations in my head. I might try to stream-of-conscious journal to see if that brings up what's holding me back. I should practice with an extremely low base-line -- 5 minutes per day. Something to start up the habit again that I'll actually do. Okay, I'm going to do that now.

And, let me say, instead of that journaling, I should just use that time to PRACTICE. I see the procrastination, and yet ...

That's all from here. Hope you're having a good week. Later gators and hasta luego. 

Looking for Grace

It's interesting -- I had such a good bookclub meeting yesterday and these ladies are NICE people. They were so understanding of the other cancelation and decided to redo the location near her for next month. 

I re-read my rant from yesterday and, boy is it bitchy. I'm working on how to not have such a visceral and personal reaction to people being "rude" about my time. 

The truth is I need to have more grace. I just don't understand how to have grace AND be okay with this kind of circumstance. Especially when it seems so prevalent. Especially when I don't do that to people. Especially when a simple proactive text would've taken care of it. And, yes, I hear my tone. Work in progress and maybe a good conversation for coaching. 

Grace for them. Grace for me. Can I do both?

Where is the balance for me. When a person does something like this regularly, I tend to pull away -- "they're not doing this to me again" kind of head talk. 

Can I hold a friendship and be okay with someone not behaving like I'd like them to behave? Where is my tolerance line? Should I put energy into that relationship or call it quits so I can cultivate friendships that don't do these things regularly. Can I be understanding when it happens frequently? Can I understand that the understanding comes in to see they can't help it -- something is going on in their lives that they might be working through. 

Geez. So many questions. This is definitely "my thing" to work on right now. I've been working on friendship stuff for a number of years now. With every "answer" comes so much more confusion. 

This is why it's so good to be friends with all sorts of people. The friends yesterday make me want to be a better person and show me how. The friends who aggravate me give me an opportunity to be that person.

Anyway ...

Window shudders are getting installed today. The shades were damaged in shipping so that's happening in a couple of weeks. I think and hope this will make a difference in the bedroom. The old-fashioned pull down shades hit the window when the vents come on and make a noise during the night. I also think it will make the room feel more finished. Something is aesthetically off about the room and I can't put my finger on it. It feels unwelcoming and dull. Hopefully, this is a start to fixing it.

Did I say that I'm returning the drapes for the living room -- for the slider wall. They were boring and traditional and didn't work. I reordered something completely different. This house is proving a challenge to decorate. It's getting there very slowly and I'm trying not to settle -- I want the space to reflect me and feel good to me. (Hubby never cares lol -- I didn't forget him.)

Next book pick for the bookclub. Came as a recommendation from a hostess in Asheville when we talked about postcard penpals and books. I like this kind of connection. Reminds me to take the time to engage with people -- I forget this too often. 

Have a good start to the week. I'm off for a lab draw for hormones ahead of my gyn yearly appointment coming up. I'm excited to have a better week. Later gators.

A Rant, But a Better Mood

 

Here's a sample of the coasters. Picture of some rocks I painted for a kids' LFL, my favorite "happy tree" on the hike outside my front door, screen shots and a picture from a little town. It's my new obsession and probably my next little gift idea to friends. They're not expensive (especially with a sale) and who can't use a personalized, semi-disposable coaster for their desk or bedside table?!? Perfect little thinking-of-you gift. I've been making simple bookmarks and time for a new crafty idea. Wondering if I can incorporate coasters and my Christmas table craft this year. Hmmm ...

Today is bookclub and guess what that means? Yep, here's my rant. 

Four of us planned this month's meeting. We changed the date and location to accommodate one of the ladies who lives in the city. Guess what? Yep, someone sent a reminder text last night and she responded that she's out of town helping a friend with a sick father. First of all -- this person has more sick people or friends with problems. It's always her reason for backing out. I get it though -- comes way above bookclub. BUT ... the issue is why do you need to wait until someone contacts you? We accommodated HER and she still didn't think she needed to proactively let anyone know. Was she just going to be a no-show?

She ended the long explanation text (blah, blah) with you might want to go somewhere closer the rest of you. You think?!?

We scrambled last night and I made reservations at another place. Not the same vibe, but lots of places are closed on a Sunday or packed for brunch. 

BTW, I wasn't happy when the nicer-than-me person suggested we accommodate this person because I know she backs out. Let's make it less convenient for everyone else and then again when we need to regroup. 

Okay, rant over. 

It may not seem like it, but my mood feels significantly better this morning. Maybe hormones are settling. I had a no-quit headache last night, but I feel better this morning. I'm going to do a Peloton ride and see if my energy is better too.

Remember I said I pulled back from a few things? I did, but I also added a couple of other things that seem more aligned with what I need right now. Tuesday (weather permitting) is a double hike day. Morning at the big mountain and evening at my local trail. Fingers crossed for an energy boost. 

Garden is beckoning again. Have a good Sunday. Later gators.

Still a Mood

I can't seem to shake this mood or night sweats or hot flashes. I'm at the month mark of my last period and I think my body is trying to get one and failing. I even have a couple of pimples which is very unusual for me. Dang, hormones -- do better. It's time to call it and let big pharma take over. Can't do the full replacement until I hit menopause. Clock is holding at June of next year unless I get another period again and it starts over. Even my primary doctor was questioning the fact that I'm not in menopause yet. 

I finally got the coaster sets from CVS. Their customer service is surprisingly helpful although it took 4 phones calls to fix the issue. I picked them up yesterday -- love them. This morning I got a text my order is delayed. What?!?! I guess the system is struggling. Took the screenshots of inspirational quotes and pictures and made them into cheap coasters. I'm happy to have these around and I did a few to give away. A little "thinking of you" trinket. I'll take a couple of pictures soon.

The garden is so-so. Cucumbers are fading quickly. Pests and fungus abound. Still getting a large daily yield though. Found these guys on a tomato plant I put in the ground. Caught them before they got huge, but 3 still did significant damage to the plant.

Picked up our grand-dog from boarding yesterday. She's not a problem except at night -- she wanders and click, click, click with her nails on the floor. Sleep is such an issue right now. It's difficult to get medications in her, but so far we've done it. Only 2 more doses before she goes home. 

I don't know what I have on the docket for today. I'm really not myself. I've been trying to do the baseline things, but beyond that is a struggle. I actually decided to pull back a little and listen to my body and mind. I need a regroup or reset or something. Hubby is heading out for the morning and I need a little solo, quiet moment to collect myself. 

Time to water the garden before it's too hot and get moving. Later gators.

Not Asheville

Well, it's the opposite of Asheville magic. Starting with the fact that I'm under-the-weather and decided to stay home. Next up, it looks like storms this week had significant local lightning strikes and it seems to have stunned and fried some of our electrical at the house. 

Geez.

Of course, this is a privilege and not a "problem" but it is another thing on the list of a lot of things lately. 

I'm in a grumpy mood to end all grumpy moods. And, just as grumpy loves, I have a big old list of annoyances hitting.

CVS order in limbo -- one hour, turning into days. Didn't pick up recycling because construction truck blocked the can. Yard dug up by line company and one area is awful -- dead grass, big caved in area. Every time we open any door a fly comes in -- they're fast flies and constantly buzzing. None of the fly things are working well. And the list goes on ... but I'll stop here.

Little annoyances building over my grumpy mood and now it's a mountain. Everything is fixable and will be fine, but I can't shake the grump. 

Of course, lots of good too, but I'm having trouble seeing beyond the annoyances. I still think feeling unwell is related to hormones and I might get a period this week (or my body is trying to get one), hence the mood.

Some of the good news?

My physical went well. All my labs are doing very well -- markedly better than last year even though they weren't bad last year. Thanks, testosterone for taking away enough aches to be active again. I qualify for the pneumonia shot because the guidelines changed -- got it while the getting is good. Who knows what will change with this administration.

I'm slowing finding a way toward the action line of activism. Enough sideline complaining and worrying -- time to ask what can I do to help and then do the thing. We need more people DOING because all the small things add up to change. 

Family girls' trip is taking shape for this fall. 

While I have a few prickly friendships, I have other ones that feel really good right now. Maybe that's how it always is -- 50/50. Never all smooth sailing. Ebbs and flows in friendships. Who knows. This is a work in progress for me.

Hope your week isn't a grumpy one. I'll be home today trying to pull out of the mood and feel a little more myself. Later gators.

Super Quick Hello

I've been a bit down and out these last few days. No workouts at all, energy tanked. I'm not sure if it's hormones, but I think it might be because I'm having regular hot flashes again. I don't feel ill, but I have the energy of a sick person. I'm also in a bad mood -- the kind I wake up with which usually means hormones. Nothing has had time to piss me off yet hah.

I've been trying to stay active in the day, but it's a little hit or miss. 

I'm going for a hike today (trails out my front door) to see how that feels. Sometimes it's best to rest, sometimes to push. I've done the resting and now I might need a little pushing. 

I have an obsession this week. CVS is running a big sale on all things photo. I ordered photo coasters for my grandson since he loves to look at pictures of his family. They're so fun -- only $8 for 12 different coasters. Decided to do the same for me. I took photos of the little inspiration things I've screen shot and put them on coasters. I'll pick them up today. 

This is really short this morning. I got sidetracked and now need to get going before it's too hot. 

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Dang, Hormones

Feels like hormones. I'm having hot flashes, sweats, and low energy. The timing fits. Also, the rollercoaster emotions -- sad, annoyed, repeat. 

Anyway ... 

Company is gone, privacy is back (as much as it can be in this house). Window treatments should be coming in a few weeks and that'll help.

I have a Camino de Santiago event today -- information meeting. It's set for 3 hours and I can't imagine it goes that long. I expect to leave after 2 hours. The good news is it's only 20 minutes from my house. Location is usually in the city so this is a big win. I wish it was scheduled for later in the morning so I could've slept in -- man, I'm already thinking about bed tonight and I've only been up for an hour. Usually a morning time is perfect. There's an optional 2 mile park stroll before which I already planned to pass on -- no point for me. 

Then I have nothing the rest of the day. I'm not unhappy about it. My energy is so low this morning. I could use home time.

I don't need to be a sofa slug, so I have a few "quiet things" ideas for this afternoon. Rock painting, reading, Spanish, salad with the strawberry vinegar -- I'll pick from the list. Maybe one, maybe all. I'll see how the afternoon feels. Already looking forward to bedtime. 

I have a hard hike planned for tomorrow morning, but that's a little in jeopardy given how I'm feeling today. The heat and a hard hike don't mix well with no energy. I need to get up and going early to start the hike before the higher sun. Playing it by ear. I can switch up my hike plans again if I need to -- the perk of solo hiking.

A side note ... there are now 4 houses for sale in our old development with possible 3 more in next couple of months. Dang, we dodged a huge bullet. We would've been a mess right now. So intensively grateful. 

Hope you are set for a good Saturday. Later gators.

End of the Week

Guess the men are sleeping in this morning. It's "go home" day and I'm ready for it. I hope he doesn't linger here all morning.

I changed up my workout schedule a bit and I'm hiking on Sunday instead of today. I didn't get up and hydrated early enough and I'm a bit pressed to get to the volunteer meeting. I'll do a hard, long hike on Sunday instead when nothing is rushed. This feels better to me. 

I had a really nice dinner with my friend and I talked to her about the hiking schedule. We worked it out and I'm glad I'm handling it in a less petty way. Hello, big girl panties. We tried a new restaurant (quick 5 minute walk from my house) and it was good. Price is right too.

Tried a traditional corn dish.
A bit heavy, but I had soup
and a tartar starter that were
fresh and excellent. 

I'm making a quick strawberry infused vinegar from strawberry tops. One more day until straining. Smells excellent -- summer salad dressing in my future.

It POURED yesterday afternoon for about 20 minutes so I don't need to water the garden. It's the small things lol.

Feels like a Saturday to me. I'm looking forward to getting my house back today. While I'm glad for a bit of quiet time this morning, I wish he was up and on the road first thing. I bet he lingers until late morning.

Okay, have a happy day. Dogs are bugging to go out. Later gators. 

Little Recap

Hello. It's been a minute. Mornings are not my own with company all week. Coming to you from the afternoon when I have a minute of solitude (i.e. men are golfing).

Where to begin ... 

That's sounds ominous -- nothing major, but I am up in all the feels this week.

Lots of really good, fun things. Lunch with a HS friend and we had a great catch up. Lunch with my aunt and it's always a blast. We're in the throws of planning a family girls' trip to Chattanooga in September. Voted in the local runoff primary and that makes me feel a tiny bit hopeful. 

FINALLY got my butt to a library Spanish class today, and, wow, totally over my head (which is great). I need a reason to study and I need a challenge. Can't go next week, but I'm registered for the next number of weeks. They loosely use a book I already own (and use). 

I hiked a long, fast solo 10+ mile hike in the crazy heat. Heading for an early mountain climb tomorrow before a volunteer meeting. 

Company leaves tomorrow morning and while I didn't do particularly anything for his stay, I'm ready to have the house back to private. 

Guess what the feels are all about?? Friendships?? Yep, you guessed it. I have 2 prickly things going on and I'm not sure I like the way I'm handling the situations. 

(1) Tuesday hiking group. My friend and I used to make decisions together and plan together since we're the only ones who ultimately hold the commitment. Lately, it's a unilateral decision with cancel after cancel. Yes, I know I said I don't want to go every week, but canceling the month might have been nice for a heads up. She's changing times, dictating hikes, etc. I'm not thrilled about it. We're having dinner tonight and I'm debating talking to her about it. 

There's another Spanish class at a closer library that starts up in August again and it conflicts with the Tuesday hikes. I'm going the first Tuesday back and I'll see if I like it. If so, I'm not sure where that lands me with the group. I guess I'll select which weeks I do what. If I don't care for the class, not as much of an issue. Bottom line, I'm not going to be a "sure thing" on the Tuesday hike, especially if I don't like her hiking/lunch choice. 

I'm "handling" it by being like the others -- ooops, not available. Not my best foot forward. I probably need to talk to her about it and act like a grown ass woman instead of being petty. 

(2) My longest friend -- the one I've had a lot of coaching about blew off my birthday in a decisive and (I believe) deliberate way. Too long of a story about the details or the reasons I think she did it, but I'm fed up. Really fed up. This has been building for 5 years of issues and, frankly, she's not someone I'd choose to be friends with right now. 

She finally reached out to plan a catch up call giving me a number of "maybe I'll be available" times and I told her I'm not available all week. I probably could make some time, but I'm angry at her. I also think the call is more about her vacation recap (per usual with her lately) than really wanting to connect. 

Is this the most mature way to handle this? Nope, but it's what I'm doing. Blowing her off. Taste of her own medicine. I've tried talking to her and I get defensive and dismissive responses. I don't feel like being a grown up today.

Both situations have me in my feelings -- sad, annoyed. Could it be hormones again? I don't know. Maybe because they're both feeling extra heavy. I sort of feel like I want to be home alone, in bed, under the covers, have a good cry kind of heavy.

That said, I have friendships going well right now so debating what is "real" and what is an overreaction since not everything is feeling icky. 

Okay, I've rambled enough this afternoon. I'm going to take my sad bottom outside and read on the porch before an early dinner. Have a good day. Later gators.

Quick Hello

Another day in the kitchen and my back isn't happy about it. Standing at the counter bothers my mid-back -- always has and once it gets to a certain point, the only thing that helps is laying in bed. 

This made for some hard times playing with my grandson, but I did and I loved every minute. He's at such a fabulous age and he's absolutely the sweetest little boy.

While I cooked, I listened to an audio book for bookclub this month. "The Small and the Mighty" by Sharon McMahon. I usually don't enjoy audio books, but I thought this one would be good. Short stories, read by author -- it's fabulous. She's such an excellent storyteller and historian. More than once I got verklempt and had to stop myself from crying -- it's really beautiful stories about some amazing people who never got the attention of the history books. I'm almost halfway. 

My energy has been awful this week and I think it has a lot to do with sugar. I've been eating sweets and A LOT of fruit -- it's caught up to me. I'm phasing it out now. Enough is enough -- I want to be back to feeling well. 

This morning is a little out of order for me. I'm tending the garden then walking to the farmers market for tomatoes. When I get home, I'll workout. Then walking to the library to exchange books. A bit of a slow roll in a different way. Hopefully, less cooking today, but still a lot of time in the kitchen hosting a HBD dinner for hubby. I expect another back issue by the end of the day.

That said, after today, I have a nice week ahead. Hubby has a friend staying for the week and I'm on my own. Quite a few social moments and adding in outdoors in too. 

I need to get moving -- I slept in this morning and time is ticking away. Have a good Saturday. Later gators.

Good Day

I had such a productive homebody day yesterday. 

I ran at 6:30 and that started the day early and active. Long walked Duke, gardened, watered indoor plants (such a big chore in this house because plants are all over the house). Then 3 grocery stores (Whole Foods, Trader Joe's and Publix) -- I know, what the what, but I needed items at each. 

Herbs in old oil jars.

Little pickings and coffee

Home to cook, prep, listen to podcasts. I had all the gadgets out -- air frier, pressure cooker, mandolin, etc.

A friend called and we talked a long time. Her mom is in hospice (same relationship as I have with my mom -- complicated and hurtful) and she's nearing the end. It's not grief in the way people expect grief. It's a type of grief for what never was and not everyone can understand that if they haven't had a similar relationship. 

I finished Four Seasons on Netflix -- so good. 

Overall, a really good day. I wish I had a little more quiet time to myself though. I missed out on meditation and such. No workout today so I'm going to do a long meditation instead. I'm ready for another FS visualization exercise. 

More cooking today in preparation for hubby's HBD celebration tomorrow with the family. Babysitting our grandson this afternoon while his parents have a date night. Should be a very nice day. PS Our grandson is fully walking now -- oh boy. 

Happy July 4th. Not at all proud of our country right now, but I still have hope we can turn things around. Later gators.

All Sorts of Cancels

It's more of a homebody week than expected. 

The hike last night got canceled -- the hike leader had a family situation. When I got that cancelation notice, I got another one for the library Spanish class today. Dang. All of June was canceled for "summer" and now another week too. Babysitting for my grandson also got canceled for today -- kids out of work early and don't need a daycare pickup. 

We went to lunch to celebrate hubby's birthday. Local place with a fried pickle specialty. Most of the menu is off limits to me, but I got an okay salad. That said, the place is super cute and we had a nice porch lunch.

I'm having a bit of a moment finding a little solo time. I feel a bit over-peopled right now. I got up early to run this morning, expecting an hour (at least) to myself. Dogs up early and now hubby is up. Jesus. What a waste of an early morning. 

The garden is going strong right now. Lunch is garden veggies -- I'm the only one eating them right now and I have a big surplus. Eggplant, beans, cucumbers. I need to make more pickles. It's a good problem to have though. The holiday week is preventing me from sharing since most people are out of town. And eating out a lot lately so it's hard to keep up. I should make a cucumber salad too. Tomatoes are starting to ripen on the vine -- first bit of lightening before they start turning red.

Okay, I'm calling it this morning. I keep getting interrupted. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Grounding Week

I had a really nice day. The hike was good and HARD. Long, elevation, hot. I did it and was beat to the bone -- in a good way. Always glad I kept the commitment to myself. 

Fussed in the kitchen and a couple of chores and then hubby and I finished out the series "Your Friends and Neighbors." Absolutely great show with incredible ending. It poured rain all afternoon and evening and we snuggled with dogs and watched the show. Mini-marathon to finished it up and it was a nice time together.

We'd been invited to an outdoor concert with tailgating and we passed. I like knowing myself enough to know when to say no. Not interested in the band or the weather or the late night. Seems like an obvious pass, but there was a time that I would've gone because I felt I should want to do something like that or it was important to spend time with friends, etc. So it's not just that I know myself (because I always knew I didn't want something), it's that I respect myself enough to act on what I know.

Hubby's birthday today. I have fasting labs for my physical in a couple of weeks, then heading to lunch. He decided to play pickle ball with friends tonight so I'm on an evening hike with the club.

It's a little bit of a homebody week -- or at least not a packed week and I'm here for it. The house is sold and life is calming down and now I need to let my nervous system have a break. Spend time with the base, so to speak. Doing the quiet things, homebody things. Cooking, reading, rock painting, babysitting, etc. It grounds my nervous system in a good way.

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

It's Done

It is finally over -- the house is NOT ours anymore. Hallelujah (!!) The new owners are super nice and seem like people we'd want to have as friends -- they'll be a good addition to the neighborhood and add much needed diversity and teenagers. Both are lacking in that neighborhood. I'm not sure why they want to live in that town, but I hope they have many good years. And, they love to garden. We talked plants most of the closing. I hope our paths cross at some point if we visit the neighborhood. 

We had a good lunch using 1/3 of a gift card from another realtor so we have 2 more lunches to go. It was tastier than I remember. The food is good, but it's pricey and that's probably why I wrote it off as somewhere I don't choose. Problem solved with the gift card.

Did some gardening yesterday. 16 cucumbers so I made pickles. Good problem to have. I still have so many more cucumbers to eat and more growing.

Pot of onions from Marketplace
still growing. 

Lots of beans too.

Up early this morning to hike a mountain hike solo. This is a Little Blue House moment. Our Tuesday group isn't hiking and I don't have to do anything today -- but I want to keep my hiking chomps up to speed. As always, I'll love the hike, but not thrilled with the before-the-hike effort. Living how I want to live requires EFFORT and keeping commitments to myself. My past self makes plans that serve me well and I need to remember to trust that relationship. 

On that note -- short and sweet this morning. I want to hike early before the heat sets in. Have a good Tuesday. Later gators.