Eeek, It's a Mood (!!)

Man, I'm in a crappy headspace. I've been in a down mood, so I ate my feelings, so my feelings are worse. Gotta love the circle I spin. Around and around. 

This might be a story brought to us by hormones, but here's my rant the scoop.

People continue to drop like flies for this chai making event on Tuesday. The charity made special consideration to host us on this day. We had 11 people confirmed (class max) and I'm already down to 6. I asked people to hold the commitment and we wouldn't book this if people (a) weren't that interested (b) didn't think they could hold the commitment. Oh no, said EVERYONE ... so excited ... it's on the calendar... supporting community is big part of why our little group formed. I reminded people multiple times with enthusiastic responses. 

Now -- oh my kids need a ride somewhere. I forgot I have an appointment that day. I'm going out of town to visit a friend. Most didn't even bother with an excuse, just a "so disappointed I can't come." BS.

AND, every single back out waited until I reached out to them with the final reminder. What the actual f*&K is wrong with people?! It is embarrassing to have to back down the numbers to the organization.

Yes, I bitch about this very thing every time I organize something. Yes, I should expect it. This time I tried to mitigate the cancels by really explaining and asking for the commitment so I fooled myself into thinking this time would be different. I'm also paying for the event so I thought that would help entice people to come since I paid for their spot -- aka holding a commitment to ME as well.

A thought that's helping is "it was always supposed to be this way." I'm really, really working on how to accept this is a part of planning group activities. I don't want to stop planning things because it's a part of my full life. And, yet, here we are again.

There's more on my list of "what's making me moody," but that's the big one.

On a brighter note -- my office is together. It's much better than before and I expect to feel more comfortable with it over time. The glass doors keep me feeling exposed still and reluctant to have more personal items scattered since it's the first room you see when you walk in. Neither will matter much once I get used to it (hopefully). I didn't get to use some things that I had in the office before and that's got me a little undone (hello, mood). Still working it out.

I think I made the clashing colors
work reasonably well.

Picture frames will get new
family photos.

We picked up the slide from marketplace. It's going to be so fun to play with our grandson.

Hubby and I had our date day and tried another local restaurant. Probably won't go back (better choices), but we want to try most of the local options. We walked (it was hot and sunny), but it was still easy. 

Another big contributor to my mood is that hubby joined a golf league and is now "reserving" every Thursday and many Mondays and some Tuesdays (my hiking group day) for league play. This is really affecting my ability to hike bigger hikes with my club. He's signed up long before hikes post so what is already limited is more limited. We both can't be gone that long from the dogs. Oh, and all other days he's playing pickle ball.

I'm looking for some solutions for the dogs. Just leave them sometimes. Monti pees the floor when we're sitting in the room so what's the big deal. Also, there are kids in the neighborhood that might be able to let them out, but there are a few issues with this idea. Still working on it.

Hubby has a knee that's bothering him. This means he's moaning about walking anywhere (lunch was a push to get him to walk and he complained a lot) and not interested in hiking at all.  BUT, he plays golf, plays pickle ball, walks the dog daily. So activity with me is the only thing that he can't muster. Part of our excitement about moving into this town was being able to do things together. So far, many offers have been met with 'no' because of his knee. Hmmmm. It's a bit upsetting to me. I talked to him about it and his response was "I know my body, not you." That left me feeling lonely and a sad. 

All this mood and I feel like doing absolutely nothing but staying home and feeling sad and sorry for myself. I KNOW this isn't the solution. I spent yesterday evening doing that with a bowl full of snacks. 

So I pulling myself up and spending time with the one person who I have complete control over (me, obviously) and taking myself out for a hard hike early this morning. Solo time in nature. Time to mull over things. Time to get my headspace right again. Time to focus on what I can control. Time to remind myself what is important to me.

I'll report back. This chat has gone long enough :) Hope you have a good day. Later gators.