Coming Unraveled

Maybe I spoke too soon about anxiety. Although, this is probably overwhelm, not so much anxiety. There's so much to do in the next 3 weeks. I know I need to plan and then stay in the moment and not think so far ahead, but it's an awful lot. Both houses are a disaster now and will stay this way for a couple of weeks -- there's no other way. Visual mess makes me crazy. My cozy places are gone.

Add on volunteer court date (and report), 2 girls' weekends with lots to do for both -- I'm undone. All in this 3 week span.

I'm also completely questioning my sanity to hike today. Somewhere I've never been, no bathrooms, hiking fast and hard -- I'm not sure I can keep up and it stormed heavily last night. The group is all men, except for me and the hike leader which means less interesting conversations (to me). The women who signed up all dropped the hike. Do I really need this RIGHT NOW?!? Past self may have done me dirty.

I'm coming unraveled. 

I hope after the hike I'll settle down. Two summits and a picnic lunch at the top. What's not to love about that -- fingers crossed. The only reason I'm not canceling is I'll be disappointed with myself and I can't add that to my "feelings" right now. It hits differently -- going because I'm excited vs going to avoid feeling bad if I don't.

The funny thing is I had a good day yesterday and then the overwhelm seeped in. I sat here waiting for my friend (took a picture to think about room arranging) and slowly panicked about all there is to do. Why? Thinking about how our furniture might not fit and the rug might be the wrong tone and we can't buy anything because tariffs and I have no bathroom storage and the house is so dirty, and, and, and ... My friend arrived and we walked the house and overwhelm about all there is to do was all I could think about. 

I also got an influx of text messages yesterday with questions. Can you send information on this and that? Have you ever used this? Can you set up that? Can you help me with this? I answered a few, but have to get to the rest today. The questions were mostly dumb handholding, frankly.

Seriously, universe?!? I suppose this is a lesson for me somehow, but I'm not in the mood for a lesson or the headspace to understand a lesson.

The rollercoaster of emotions is here, as I often have, and I'll be back to okay tomorrow, and then not okay the next day, etc.

Sorry for the whiplash of it all. 

Best get going -- it's an early morning to get ready for this hike. I'm counting on nature to set me right today. Later gators.