I ended up spending THREE HOURS at coffee with my friend ... 3 hours!! That was a much bigger part of my day, but it was nice. She wanted to talk about navigating our growing group and some prickly group dynamics. Not in a gossip way, but in a constructive way. It felt nice that she trusted me to talk about how she's feeling.
I busted through some errands. Didn't get to all the walking ones because of the long coffee, but hit Micheal's for more art supplies (upcoming rock painting). Found these fun extras. (I've been trying to go to stores instead of ordering online since we live much closer to shops now -- bundled this with a Trader Joe's run across the street.)
The author presentation was fantastic -- really interesting insights to her writing and this book. I started it last night and I like her writing style so far.
Two things got added to this week -- all in the evening. Ugh and also, it's okay.
First is tonight. Our little Friday group is going to dinner again, but no one else can make it. The organizer is a recent widower (and lost other family at that same time). I can't say no -- it makes me sad because she said she'd just go alone if other's couldn't and she seemed disappointed. She thought we already agreed to dinner tonight. I know she tries to occupy her evenings -- it's probably her loneliest time. I'd want someone to do that for me.
Second is a home visit for my volunteer position -- this IS a must. I'll be out every night M-Th ... on a week I'm trying to convalesce.
All that said -- I'm getting so much friend touching points this week. From texts, to calls, to invites. It feels good. I need to notice this and appreciate this -- it's really, really nice.
And, it's something I've spent years wishing and working toward. In 2019 when I decided to let go of a lot of social relationships that didn't work, I felt a real sacristy of friendships. Yes, I have a few very close friends and that's a special and amazing thing in itself, but I didn't have many local friendships. Day to day, I felt a sort of being on the outside. Not exactly lonely, but more alone than I wanted.
It's slow work and has to happen organically, but it doesn't happen without effort. I put myself in positions of shared interests. I introduced myself to people. I went alone to things. Most importantly, I had to do those things for the things themselves and not make it about making friends. That gets grabby or desperate and it attracts the wrong kind of relationships (learned this many times).
That's why when I notice that I have a full plate of friendships, I need to stop and be grateful -- to the work I did, the person I became, the answered wish for something different.
I still practice this idea. Liking the moment for the moment and if a friendship develops, wonderful. If not, I had a nice shared moment. I have far, far more of these moments than actual friendships forming and that's totally okay -- it's actually good.
Don't know why I went off on this tangent today. Maybe I need a reminder to pause and really notice how much I've grown into what I wanted so many years ago.
Makes me think, where am I headed now? How do I want to grow going forward? Feels like time for a FS meditation. It takes about an hour and that might be a perfect thing to do next week when all is quiet on the home front. Maybe that's why I thought of this today ... hmmmm.
Okay, going to start a rock this morning while I wait for temps to warm up for a hike.
Have a good day. Later gators.
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