Rested and Renewed (a bit)

Well, finally, brace yourself for some POSITIVITY.

Today feels like a fresh-ish start -- here's the scoop.

Cayenne's foster picked her up yesterday and we talked.  I decided to play nice and be vulnerable (thanks, Brene Brown) about how I felt through the experience.  You know the story you tell yourself -- well, I was wrong again.  After we talked I felt better.  She has anxiety and explained why she needed to shut down with me (because she couldn't imagine being in my shoes -- that thought was too much for her).  Anyway, it was good to get that ironed out.

Best part -- Cayenne started cuddling with my hubby.  Siting on his lap even.  She's never done that and her foster thinks this experience was an important part of her growth in trusting people.  She also said that she hates baths and I was able to give her 3 without a problem.  As hard as this was for us, it might have a silver lining for Cayenne to realize being in a home is GOOD.

Okay, Universe -- I sort of forgive you for putting me through that hell.

Something I didn't mention because I couldn't even talk about it -- how creeped out I was -- running after Cayenne, I got bit by a snake.  My foot hurt, burned, swelled up.  The first day was the worst.  By the end of the weekend, it was just painful at the puncture site and the swelling was almost completely gone.  It was a non-poisonous one (thank the lord above).  I usually am on high alert with all things creepy crawly because I'm chicken-shit about "nature."  Can't wrap my head that this happened.

Mostly gone.
Just sore at the site.

Next positivity moment came from some rescue friends reaching out to me saying they GET IT.  Once she was back, so many people said -- great, now it's over, no more stress.  But it wasn't over that quickly for me.  AFTER the chaos was when it hit me -- my family didn't understand.  But, my fellow rescue people understood.  Takes a village to "raise" me.

Also, terrific neighbors, not only helping to find her, but being so sweet to me.  Of course, it was all about the dog's safety, but it also felt shameful to me.  We've only just met our neighbors -- so many ask about the fostering.  People always compliment it and that's nice.  Here I was, minute one, the most lousy foster on the planet.  Lots of shame and embarrassment.  But, again, as Brene Brown says, being vulnerable is where connection is made.

I had a foster friend reach out this morning.  She doesn't foster for our group much anymore and we've lost some connection -- but she reached out and we're getting together next week to play with her foster.  Deaf, blind puppy she is training - wow.  She was one of the people who GETS it (losing a foster dog).

My bff also reached out and we had a super connection conversation -- about lots of things (not just dogs -- b/c she doesn't like dogs, not mean, of course, but not happy about them either).

Silver linings all over the place.

I needed this.  I needed a village and a tribe and kindness.  Self-care, self-love -- all that woo woo -- it's about going inside to find the magic, but external support is amazing too.  Especially when you aren't able to hold yourself gracefully -- it helps to be understood.

Maybe, I'm put back together today.  I feel better.  I hope I'm back to regular old me with some lesson accessories (and a hurt foot).  Ugh -- does everyone else live this emotional rollercoaster too?  I'm in my late 40s and it seems like I can never learn it enough to feel "stable" or wise or even adult-like.

Time to clean my house.  Even with the bite -- hosting GNI this week and I've have no choice on the timing.  I might not feel like a wise adult, but I can clean my house like a grown-up (hah).  Later gators.