It's FRIDAY!!

I LOVE this!!

Speaking of midnight conversations ... poor Gigi was up most of the night last night ITCHING and SCRATCHING (and barking).  Oatmeal bath at 2 am, Benadryl at 3 am and now, finally comfortable.  It's like having a baby!  Today is a TIRED day from minute one.

It's crunch time for the party.  I'm still feeling under-the-weather ... but fighting it off so far.  Waiting on the monthly (probably tomorrow to add insult to injury).  Lots to do today.  Lots to do tomorrow.  One thing at a time.

Not to complain (but I'm going to complain), hubby is playing in his tennis league tomorrow.  It was suppose to be a quick morning thing, but now is late morning into the afternoon.  I asked him to take off this week from tennis.  It times wrong for what he needs to help me with ... looks like a lot more work for me.  If I felt better and was well slept, I wouldn't mind as much.

Okay complaint over.

Happy hour party tonight.  Glad it's an early one.  I need to figure out some food to bring.  I have a full refrigerator, but all for Saturday.  Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.  I have to go back to Costco today (the lemons rotted after 1 day!) so maybe I'll get something pre-made.

I'm starting to get a little nervous for the party.  It's a big group and I don't do supper well entertaining a large crowd.  Plus, I don't know most of the people coming.  One couple is cutting vacation early to come to the party.  Good lord, it's not that nice of a party.  The word on the street is everyone is super excited to come and celebrate the sale.  I better not mess this up.  When the numbers are big, I struggle with how much food to make.  It's also hard to provide adequate seating.  I like people to be able to relax at a party ... not stand the entire night.  I thought I was finished with the big parties this year!!  Bad mood and anxiety.  Ouch.

Hopefully, next week can be some thoughtful posts.  My thoughtful bone isn't functioning this week!  I'm in "survival" mode.  Later gators!

Full Circle

I began my hiatus reading The Happiness Project (G. Ruben) with a feather in my hair and I'm finishing my hiatus reading The Four Tendencies (G. Ruben) with a feather in my hair.

Full circle.  Lol.

No picture of the feather yet - it's a light brown and blonde sprig of about 5 thin, natural feathers.  My aunt puts it in for me (she and her dogs wear them!).   You can only see it if I make a point to pull it out.  It's like my little, fun secret.  I order through Etsy.

I'm up today at 5 am this morning-- what the heck Gigi?!?!  She wanted to get up so she could rush to get to sleep on the sofa.  God help me!

She did fantastic yesterday with little dogs, a VERY LOUD family and little kids.  Proud of her.  She's posted and up for adoption once again.  Fingers crossed this lady finds her forever family.

My cousin and kids all arrived to my aunt's house with the remnants of a stomach bug.  Oh goody.  Thanks for that - after hugs all around.  Honestly, this is not the first time this kind of thing happened with them -- drives me nuts.

I'm fighting a cold.  PMS week lowers my immune system and I often fight "something" ... I feel yucky.  So yucky last night, I pushed off making the sweet and sour meatballs until today.  I had nothing left in me.  My poor immune system is probably fighting a stomach bug now too.  Good news is my monthly should be on the way (based on my little fit at the flashlight this morning LOL).

Lift class is legs today.  My arms are STILL toast!  That was a really good workout.  The end of the month is always a push.  I hope I can walk later - ha - but I'm kind of serious!!

My girlfriend is coming over to watch This is Us and then I have a big grocery shop.  My list is ready, so it shouldn't be too difficult.

T minus 2 days until the big party.  I'm working those lists!  Later gators.

Doing some Learning and Other Stuff :-)

I started The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin last night (she wrote The Happiness Project).  This should be interesting.  I'm curious if this will explain why I do somethings really well, other things not so well, etc.  Stay tuned ...

I also learned something interesting at Lift yesterday.  I've been lifting for over a year and some "moves" I've improved quite dramatically (for me) -- others I still suck.  I work just as hard doing every muscle group and can't understand why, for example, I can't do a triceps pushup without being on my knees.  We did a special lift the other day that mimics the start of a pull-up -- I failed miserably.  My partner did it without a problem.  Yet yesterday, I out-lifted her easily.  Turns out the compound moves that I struggle with use the back muscles (i.e. trapezius).  That's my weak point!!  Now I know where I need to do some focused work.  Bring on the tricep pushup!!  I LOVE me some learning!  PS Arm day was amazing ... my arms were jello all day and feeling good-sore this morning.

Since I feel so miserable at how my body looks right now, I'm actually motivated to do something about it.  Yea ME!  That's a good feeling. (This was a random thought lol)

This week is hyper-busy and I've been in productive mode for a few days - it feels good too.  Productive as in I was waiting for wash to finish so I ironed my cloth napkins ... at 6:30 am.  Yep.  Productive.  Do you remember the commercial years ago for the military (army, I think) ... we do more before 9 am than most people do in a day?  I always thought of that on days I worked and was up the middle of the night, running by 4 am, etc.  This week feels a bit like that again.  Another "it feels good" thing.

Today is Gigi's test run with small dogs.  My other aunt and uncle are in town from Buffalo so we are gathering for lunch after (with the dogs).  And I'm flirting with my "wild" side too.  Stay tuned for pictures!!

My lists are serving me well this week -- I LOVE a list and it helps relax me.  I've made substantial progress on my stuff this week and finally slept without a stress dream.  (Although my pup threw-up last night, Gigi had a few barking moments ... so sleep went to the dogs last night.)

Hope it's a good day all around!  Later gators!

Did you miss me?!?

LOL.

I have time to post today so no MIA yet!

I got a boat-load of stuff finished yesterday -- it feels SO GOOD.  I have full days until Monday, but progress is happening.  No water dream last night (although my dreams were still stress related, but the water is the worst of them).  I had the "I'm in school and forgot to go to class" dream.

Today is arms and abs day in Lift so I'm going to do a split workout with an interval run before class.  I need my cardio and my calorie burn.  I had the "suddenly" I look different happen this weekend.  I know it's anything but sudden, but I tipped into my heavy look.  All over!  My shirts are even feeling tight.  This is a really, really crappy feeling.

Fall season is starting on network TV.  Yea!  This is Us.  Will & Grace.  Big Bang Theory.  And more I've probably forgotten.  DVR surprise me!  Now if the temperatures would act like it's fall, all will be well in my world!!

Okay folks, that's a quick "hello" from here.  Have a good Tuesday!  Later gators!

MIA

I might need to go MIA a bit this week.  To say I'm in-the-weeds is an understatement.  I'm really behind and each day the list is LONG!  I'm having a little nervous break-down LOL.

Two nights in a row I've had a water dream - my stress dream.  Somewhere there is a drip or trickle of water and suddenly I'm overwhelmed with rushing rapids.  I woke up with my heart beating hard and sweating like crazy.  Fun stuff.

This morning was spent helping a friend search for a missing, deaf dog.  He showed up back home after the morning of searching.  A little adventure for him - a heart attack for my friend (she was dog-sitting)!  Not what any of us needed this morning.  But, of course, that took priority.  Happy ending makes it all worth while.

The contractor who was supposed to finish the deck in a day, took two days and now wants me to wait at home so he can come pick-up the check.  Ugh.  Nope.  I'll leave it on the door.  I need to get to a workout and get going.  I'm only here saying "hello" because I'm drinking my collagen drinks cold from earlier!

Once I can actually made some headway with everything, I'll settle down (hopefully).

The PGA golf yesterday was awesome.  Weather was good, VIP passes were nice, golf was exciting, company was fantastic.  Perfect day.  Here are a few pictures:

Seeing the pictures was a bit depressing as I look noticeably heavier.  Ugh.  I need to work on this sooner rather than later.  Not this week though.

I'm probably in an extra yucky mood today since my monthly in on the way.  Bad timing.  It's probably good I'm not going to post much this week LOL.  You're welcome!  Later gators.

30 Years Ago ...

We had our first date 30 years ago yesterday-- movie (Stakeout) and a milkshake (before my lactose situation LOL). Then in a blink, 30 years happened.

We celebrated last night with the kids.  Tapas restaurant.  Super fun night.  I had some vino and, boy, am I feeling it this morning.  I didn't think I had that much.

Up early to get in my workout before we leave for the East Lake PGA event.  I better shake this "hangover" quickly!  I LOVE watching golf in person!

I had a mild panic attack last night about all the stuff I have the next week or so.  It's a lot and I'm no where close to having anything ready.  Yesterday, I was stuck home with the deck guy.  Today is an all day event.  Breathe.  I need my LISTS!!!

Time to get moving.  Later gators.

My peeps (and my new glasses).

Will I ever cook again?!?

The cooking gods are conspiring against me.  My plans to do a big cook-up went by the wayside since my son came home for the afternoon.  (He was meeting my older son for a concert and thought he'd come home for Parker's b-day and a free lunch LOL.)  Can't say no to that!

My friend who is recovering from foot surgery wants to get out of the house, so she's coming over to watch the movie today (postponed from Gigi pick-up day).  Oh boy.  I'll try to fit some cooking in somewhere.

I know I wanted to start posting more words-of-wisdom to myself posts, but I got nothing this morning.  I'm tired!  Up early for my workout class and a poor night's sleep.

I made a horrible mistake last night -- worst of the worst.  I wanted to read before bed, so I brought Gigi into the bed with me to cuddle.  Guess who didn't want to crate after that??  Ugh.  I know better.  Normally, I won't take a foster out of the crate once crated (like a little kid who won't go to bed).  But she carried on so much, I thought maybe she needed to poop (she hates to go on her pee pads for #2).  So I got up, dressed, took them both out (she did poop) and back to crate.  Then back to barking and barking and barking ... on and off for hours.  Lesson learned.

That said, my brain is a bit foggy this morning.

Glad for the early class though.  I might have a little time to get some cooking done before the movie.  Today is actually leg day.  Yesterday ended up being buns and triceps.

Okay, I really am a girl of few words today -- I still got nothing.  I'm boring myself.  Have a great Friday!  Later gators.

Happy Birthday Parker-the-Dog!

Today is my sweet boy's 11th birthday.

I made special note of it because a number of recent years I've remembered, but forgotten on the actual day.  Bad mama.  I almost did it again this year.  Oops.  Pictures at the end of the post.  He's gorgeous inside and out.

We got Gigi back yesterday.  I got a call late morning and that was that.  It was the right decision.  Gigi was not happy and not herself.  My girlfriend went with me to pick her up (we did a fun late lunch in the city).  When we came through our neighborhood gates, Gigi got excited, jumping up and down.  We both saw how happy she was to be home.  The dogs even greeted each other with wagging tails and happy faces.  Dog stroller on order!  We're settling in for a longer ride with her.  My heart is full that this little girl feels so safe with us.  She's not a city mouse!  Now we know.

I got an unexpected surprise yesterday from Belle's (the chihuahua now named Dora) mom and dad.  Edible arrangement with the sweetest thank you note.  It made my day!!

Today is Lift in the morning - leg day.  Then some cooking - FINALLY.  Yesterday's change of plans messed me up again in the cooking department.  And some birthday celebrations.  Not the lake visit I thought (since Gigi is back), but something fun ... TBD lol.

I need to get my butt in gear a bit.  We're having a BIG cocktail party for hubby's management team next Saturday (can't remember if I mentioned it).  I have tons of stuff to do - starting with menu planning.  The good news is a lot can be done ahead - I just need to get started!  We have a packed weekend and having Gigi back puts a bit of a hiccup in my ability to get stuff done.  Lots of starts and stops for feedings, potty, etc.  Plus, I hate to crate her too many times or for too long.

Hubby suggested catering some of it.  I might check into that.  A platter or two can make things a lot less hectic.  But is it worth it?  I'll have to do some looking.  I hate to spend triple the amount for something I can do better.

Happy birthday Parker - this dog has stolen my heart!  I LOVE him so much.  I have hundreds of pictures of this boy.  I grabbed a few random ones.

Dapper in his Christmas sweater.

The younger years in NY.  He LOVES the water!

Classic Parker!

Also a Steelers fan.  Named (in part) for fast Willy Parker of the Steelers.

Action shot lol.  The bone was toast in the next second!

Some NEW stuff

Good morning!

I said yesterday I had some "stuff" to share.  Here you go:

Based on a recommendation by an Instagram -- I don't know what to call her -- blogger, lifestyle guru -- this is a matte lip stain.  It works well.  Absolutely has some stay-on power.  My thought was to use this as a base stain and put my lip gloss on top.  Apparently, that's a no-go.  As soon as the lip gloss goes on, it mixes with the stain and both wear off as per the usual.  The color on the left is Timeless and the right is Steady.  Not my thing, but I'll use them occasionally.

Also, thanks to a blogger (runs for cookies), I ordered Rubbermaid Brilliance Food Storage Containers.  Microwave, freezer and dishwasher safe.  Leak proof and you can see your food.  My plastic containers needed some refreshing.  I've washed them, but haven't used them yet.

Here's a look at the sizes.  I ordered the 14 piece set on Amazon (smile - to get the Releash credit!!)

Update on The Sinner.  I had to buy the episodes on Amazon, but I'm caught up to what should record tonight (USA maybe??).  Anyway, I'm vested in knowing what happens, but it is DISTURBING!!  I have really thick skin about a lot of stuff, but there was one scene I watched yesterday -- yuck -- still makes my skin crawl.  It's not for the faint of heart.  Be warned.

I listened to just a few minutes of the Hoda show on the radio Monday.  She was talking about one of the best things she does is journal.  She writes in actual journals, not online.  Thought that was interesting.  Anyway, she talked about writing letters to your future self.  I missed part of the conversation as I ran into a store, so I don't know the background.  But it got me thinking -- how fun is that!!  A letter to myself 10 years from now or for a milestone birthday.  I'm going to do it.  And I'm going to recruit my best friend too.  Maybe a letter to me and a letter to her.  Stay tuned ...

I did the dumbest thing yesterday.  Remember how I said my brain turns off sometimes - it did yesterday morning.  I ran upstairs, my mind going 20 directions.  I grabbed the mouthwash and took a huge swig and swallowed it.  Not enough to kill me (I checked lol).  But OMG esophagus burn followed by 2 hours of heaving.  No stomachache per say, just pain and heaving.  I never threw-up.  I actually ate some food to try and mix with the mouthwash.  I almost missed my lift class.  It bothered me all the way until the evening.  Good lord.  Now the thought of mouthwash gives me the willies.

On a final note, my friend send a picture from Colorado - it's my pup's twin (me and spellcheck can't figure out the hip word doppleganger-something).

Cute car!

No update last night on Gigi.  I'm giving them some space.  Today is a friend over to watch a movie (probably Price and Prejudice - I've never seen it).  Some errands since I never made it to the grocery store.  Mouthwash swigging took me down.  I have some new recipes to try this week too.

Here's a cliff-hanger teaser ... tomorrow is a VERY SPECIAL DAY ... and I almost forgot!!  Are you hooked?  Later gators!

Drumroll please ...

I FINALLY made the big decision ... *suspense pause with drumroll* ... I'm returning to work AFTER the new year.

My license renews at the end of January.  I'm missing about 40 hours to fulfill the 2 year requirement (crap).  In order to fill in the gap, I need 30 hours of CE credits.  $45 gets me a year of unlimited classes at an online accredited company.

Here's the kicker.  I like taking those classes.  It's a great way to re-learn, remember and get ready for a new job.  Win-win for me.  I looked the list over and there's some good stuff.

I've been stressing about not only WHAT to do, but WHEN to do it.  November and December have trips, holidays, company, etc.  New man on the job means crappy holiday choices and difficulty with time-off.  I was dreading it.  But I needed those hours before January -- that was the pull.  CE takes that urgency off the table.

This decision sits well with me, really well.  I know it's the one I needed to make.  A 50 ton weight is off my shoulders.  Hubby agrees and supports me (he'd support me either way though).  I also think this conflict was running in the background and adding to my funk.  When all is not right, when the path is off ... it manifests itself physically and emotionally.  I also know it's right because I'm EXCITED about returning to work now.  I like working.  I LOVE being a nurse.  Lordy, that took me so much time and effort to figure that out.

On more-good-news front, hubby is headed out of town today.  Why is this so good (besides the obvious bed-to-myself joy) ... I got to throw out the counter/pantry crap this morning.  Gone.  Done.  Not haunting me anymore.  It was stuff he got, didn't really like ... so it stayed ... taunting me, tempting me.  Good-bye.  He'll never miss it because he'll never actually finish it (and never remember it was there in the first place).

My hair day was good.  I'm VERY blonde.  Dare I say a little too blonde.  And I mean DARE.  Oh boy.  All my bitching and moaning and I'm TOO BLONDE?!?!  I like it still though, don't get me wrong.  Happy middle for next time?!?

Gigi is coming back to us -- I'm about 80% sure.  Her temporary mama doesn't adore her.  You have to adore her to accept her quirks and her challenges.  As soon as I get official word, I'm ordering a dog stroller so walks can be together.  Oh little Gigi ... my hearts breaks for you sweetheart.

I actually have lots to say today, but the post is running long.  I'll make a list so I don't forget for tomorrow lol ... my brain can crap out on me ... hello middle-age.

Later gators.

The Weekend Recap

It was a fun weekend and a little educational as well (maybe, hopefully).

Saturday was drop Gigi off day.  The pictures show a happy little lady, but, unfortunately, it's not going so well.  We may be getting her back after the trial period.  Poor baby ... stay tuned on this one.

All smiles!  On her way to Starbucks!

I hope this works out for Gigi!  It's not looking so good though.
The picture is adorable - lots of happy faces.

I had a restaurant mapped out for dinner.  Keeping it clean, etc.  Turns out the condo building was directly across from an Atlanta flagship restaurant.  Hubby wanted to go there to "celebrate" everything.  So my clean-eat night become anything but clean (but it was yummy).

Sunday was the Steelers game and food with friends.  Also not very stellar eating.  Hot dogs, chips, cheese, wine ... not good options, not healthy choices.

Okay, so here's the education part.  I feel crappy.  Cold sore is possibly blooming again (I hate that term BTW).  Face is swollen, tummy it upset.  I had no wheat.  I had lots of dairy, too much sugar, yucky fats.  So maybe this issue is not about wheat.  I wanted to experiment with NO wheat only.  No other restrictions.  So maybe my body needs clean eating to feel it's best.  Limits on the stuff that bothers me.  Food for thought.  Still working the experiment and praying for no cold sore.  Today is back to healthy.  I need it!!

Hair day Monday today!  Wish me luck.  I'm blonde -- just the color I want my hair, yet somehow we take steps backwards.  Still not sure why this is so hard?!?!

The day rounds out with a lot of house stuff.  Exterminator (ants!!), microwave inquiry (it may not fit), bills ... lots of "Monday" things!

I'm working hard on the positive attitude.  Today is testing me across the board.  I'm paraphrasing Eckhardt Tolle (I've said this before) ... it goes something like this:  Pray for patience and the universe will respond by giving you the opportunity to practice being more patient.  (i.e. moral of story is don't ask for patience LOL)

My INTENTION today is to practice my positive attitude (thanks for the many opportunities today Universe ... well played).

Into and Over

Completely unrelated, but here you go:

What I'm INTO

Instagram.  Why?  I follow a bunch of recipe accounts (mostly Whole30) and OMG, choices, choices, choices.  My latest recipe try is marinated onions @nocrumbsleft.  She uses them on everything.  Thin sliced red onion (I used a sweet onion since that's what I had on hand), olive oil, red wine vinegar and dried oregano.  Leave it on the counter for up to 2 days.  Use the onions for anything, use the marinade to as a dressing. (FYI 3/4 cup oil, T vinegar, T oregano, small onion)

The new series The Sinner.  A friend recommended it - says it gets better every episode.  I've watched the 1st one.  It's a creepy mystery.  With a suspense or mystery it's always about the ending for me.  So this may move to the other category if it doesn't end well.  I think it's on USA channel.  I set it to record, but only new episodes are airing.  I had to buy the earlier ones on Amazon ($1.99 each).

What I'm OVER

Our toilets.  They suck.  So a bit of *TMI ALERT* here.  I can never do a single flush - ever.  It's ridiculous.  I won't describe it in any more detail, but trust me on this one, it's disgusting.  When I traveled to see my aunt in an old cottage with well water and a special pump -- no issue at all.  Flushed like a dream.  It's the toilet, not ME!! My next house WILL have better toilets.

Fancy, built-in appliances.  They cost a fortune to repair and are a pain to replace.  Give me the regular stuff any day of the week.  Who cares that my refrigerator will last 25 years ... I've spent more on repairs than a new regular one costs.  And 15 years later, it's dated - none of the new features.  Next house will have a regular kitchen. (But fancy toilets LOL)
_______________________________________________________________________

“Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.”  Jim Rohn

Yesterday was a good day, but I had to work harder for it (the honeymoon is coming to an end perhaps).  Negative thoughts kept creeping in and I had to keep stopping myself from playing along.  On the happy-news side, I had no trouble noticing all the good stuff in the day -- some small, some big.  

The really big "good" news is my husband's company finally sold.  It's the reason he was hired - and it's worked out well for everyone.  All his hard work paid off for lots of happy people and there is no downside for anyone (change is scary).  After the sale fell through last year, it was a big disappointment and a bit of a worry.  We weren't sure if he'd keep his job with a sale, but with this buyer he will stay employed for a few years.  That was one of the staling factors for me getting back to work ... was another move imminent?  It's been a stressful time for the last couple of months as all the back and forth happened.  Glad it's over.

The small "good" news (at least a few of the things) ... looks like the microwave can be replaced with only moderate difficulty.  The refrigerator drink unit is okay too.  Lots of friend interaction yesterday - all feel good stuff.  

Here's the thing about the appliances ... I didn't get all worked up about it.  No worry, no anger, no denial (i.e. I acted like a NORMAL person).  And nothing ended up being a problem.  Outcome is the same no matter my reaction.  DUH and double DUH!!

Anyway, today is drop Gigi off day.  Fingers crossed this is her forever home.  We're going out to dinner in the city after (since we'll be down there to drop her off).  Trying a new restaurant.  It's been a long time since just me and hubby went out for an evening.  I'm looking forward to a relaxing night.

Off to make a good Saturday!  Happy weekend!

Happy Friday

Life does not get better by chance, 

it gets better by change. -- Jim Rohn

Exactly. Working the "change" again yesterday. (2 days in a row ... it's a streak).

Lifting felt good.  Good for my body and good for my soul (yep, a bit corny, but it was nice to be missed and welcomed back).  I noticed and it put a smile on my face.

Other happy stuff ... Instant Pot hard boiled eggs.  So perfect.  So easy.  If you like eggs, the Instant Pot is worth it's weight in gold just for this reason.  

Gigi has mastered jumping down from the sofa.  Why is this glorious?  Do you know what a pain it is to move a sleeping dog on and off the sofa every time you get up?  She wants to sleep "up" on something (probably a tiny dog thing).  I was worried about her getting hurt.  No more worries.  

And the day continued on from there ... little bits of good stuff all over the place.  I didn't remember how much I missed by not NOTICING, not paying attention to the good ... only fixating on the crap.

It feels nice to have a different focus.

Today is an early Lift class followed by errands.  This is our last day with Gigi.  She goes to her forever home tomorrow.  We'll miss this peanut.  P.S. I'm so sore - feels good to be back to heavy lifting.

GNI was boring - I said it.  Turns out someone else said it too.  Yea.  Looking to change up the format for next year.  It needs a boost.  Good people, lackluster night.  I ate the food ... stayed wheat-free and alcohol-free.  Bonus was the house tour - she's an excellent decorator.

I have the appointment at the appliance place this afternoon.  Booked solid yesterday and only one appointment available for today - wow.  I'm watching the wine refrigerator for a possible break AGAIN too.  Lord these appliances are killing me.

And dare I say it ... my lip feels funny.  I'm not sure a sore is coming necessarily, but I don't know yet.  Lord help me on this one.  If it's a sore, I'm heading to the doc to get a pill - ugh.

I realize the last few things are less-than-happy stuff, but the good news is it's not bothering me like it has been.  I'm taking it in stride -- another welcomed change.

And here's my last revelation for today :-) ... when I'm focusing on HAPPY, looking for moments, noticing things -- I don't look at food like it's the end-all to everything good.  I forgot this too.  Did I remember anything?!?!  No wonder the long, long funk.  Good lord folks.

Hoping planning to make it a good day.  Happy Friday!

Now for a Regular Post (because I like them too!)

Yesterday was a HAPPY day (yes, still in the honeymoon phase  ... but I'll take it).

I said YES.
I was productive.
I remembered to be HAPPY.

Here's the scoop:

I did some self-care in the morning.  Workout, quote book, dog walks (two, cause they go at totally different paces lol), McDonald's run (for iced tea and to give my old man car-ride joy), sofa cuddle time with the foster, Garth Brooks music (learning some for the upcoming concert).

Then I treated myself to a late lunch (all by myself).  Ceviche ... delicious.  Met my girlfriend for a drink (coffee house was closed in the afternoon - bummer), but I stuck with club soda.  The HAPPY was meeting her, not drinking.

We had a great conversation (always do) and I left feeling energized and friendship-loved!

Picked up my glasses.  LOVE them!!  Made a quick stop to get those dish towels I like (and a few other goodies).  Went to Verizon to upgrade to unlimited data so I can love my data-sucking kids again (I use 0.5 ... don't get me started).  Got my eyebrows threaded (they were hairy beasts).

A couple of times some negative thoughts snuck in ... but I refused to listen ... I actually said NO out loud once (in the car - I'm not THAT crazy).

I kept my body in HAPPY stance for the entire day.

When I was in the drive-through line for McDonalds, an older couple came over to talk to my dog.  When they noticed GiGi, they said "oh, you are a serious dog person."  Made my day.  And I let it make my day.  Such a great compliment to me.  I think my HAPPY stance made me approachable.  All day long, I had quick, nice stranger interactions.

That brings me to another HAPPY thing that I did last year.  I'd play a game for the day (not every day, but most days).  Talk to a stranger, compliment a stranger, notice something funny, notice something kind, do something kind, learn something new, etc.  I'd choose one thing and make that a goal for the day.  It was fun and kept my focus on HAPPY.  Pushed away the negative self-talk that sneaks in when my world is quiet.

You never regret being kind.  -- Nicole Shepard

That brings me to today.  Back to Lift for the first time in 2 1/2 weeks.  I'm a little nervous (strange) and a little excited.  Leg day.  Oh boy!

GNI group tonight.  It's outside the neighborhood.  The host just moved (after a divorce) and I'm excited to see her house (she's a great decorator).  She's the BEST baker I've ever met ... seriously.  But it will be gluten-filled I'm sure.  No drinking for me since I'm driving (that actually makes it easier).  I think I'm making lazy-devil eggs since I have all the stuff I need (and the Instant Pot makes the EASIEST hard-boiled eggs).

This afternoon is up in the air a bit.  I need to go to the appliance store to get going on the microwave (it's acting funny again).  It has potential to be a big deal since it's built-in.  Wish me luck on that!  I forgot they require an appointment if you want to speak with someone.  I'll call later to see if I can get in.

My INTENTION today is to REPEAT again!  Old Michael Finnegan.  Different day, different stuff, but the overall feeling should be the SAME.  HAPPY is a state of mind (or so I've heard).  Later gators.

The Art of HAPPY

Another meme I saved on my phone (the quote avalanche cometh!!)

This is a SIMPLE thing I did every day and forgot I did it.  Finding, revisiting an inspirational one-liner.  I like quotes A LOT.  I have them everywhere ... workout room, bedroom, closet, phone, a book in the bathroom, a notebook full of them.  All around me, yet I forgot them, became blind to them.

This might seem trivial.  They're kitschy and corny - overly simplified and overly generalized snippets on life.  But they work for me .... actually, really well.  So they are back in my life (and back on this blog).  A one-line pep talk for the day.

I feel good about my direction.  I also know this is the honeymoon phase ... I'm excited, motivated, relieved, inspired, energized ... today.  The honeymoon will pass and I need to hunker down for the long(er) haul.  Something will pop this bubble and then the real work begins.  That's when the ROUTINE takes over and sees me over the hump.  Please remember this future-self!

I noticed that while I was in working hard on HAPPY, I wrote a lot more posts like this ... and a lot less of the here's-my-day posts.  It's like a little therapy moment for ME.  I still like to write about my day (and I will), but I need to include more "thoughtful" posts too.

Another kind of odd thing I remember about my HAPPY quest, is I need to remind myself to "act" happy.  That's a Tony Robbins thing.  Your physical self is a direct link to your emotional self.  Hold your shoulders down, mouth in a frown ... and you feel sad.  Perk up, smile, pep in the step ... and you feel better.  My default lately has been in downer position.  When I perk up my body, I feel better.

It's really personal for me to write about this quest for HAPPY.  It seems pathetic (given my privileged, good life) to have to work at being HAPPY.  I have absolutely no reason to feel anything but great -- yet I don't. What a first-world problem!  What a spoiled problem!  It's embarrassing.  And extra embarrassing since I spent months "fixing" it only to end up having to "fix" it again.

But I have no choice.  My default settings are not enough.  I got a taste of something better and I want it back AGAIN.

Onward and upward ...

Basics

I saved this on my phone.  This reminds me of Jim Rohn ... what if an apple a day was really all it took?

I did some sole searching yesterday and some re-reading of my quote book (yep - cue the barrage of inspirational one-liners).  That's where HAPPY started for me.  I made a few simple things a priority. Simple = simple, but simple DOESN'T = easy.

Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines 

practiced every day -- Jim Rohn

I let go of these simple practices because I could ... I met my HAPPINESS goal and I kind of gave up.  Or at least I gave in.  I stopped making the SIMPLE a priority ... I devalued the cumulative effects of SIMPLE.  Thought I didn't "need" them anymore.  Thought the war was won.  I continued saying the "right" things, but they didn't hold the same strength for me anymore.  I swung the pendulum too far back and forth.  Living in the extremes again ... ALL or NOTHING.  Sound familiar?  I forgot this too.

I dedicated part of my day to achieving HAPPY.  And it worked because I worked it.

I need to get this back.  I guess the first step is realizing the problem.  I guess the second step is taking the action and repeating over and over.  The third step of BELIEVING it again is the kicker - and the hard part for me.

Here's some of the simple I let go:

1. Eating healthy as the RULE.
2. Drinking alcohol RARELY.
3. Looking for a SPOT of HAPPINESS in every day.
4. Reviewing my AFFIRMATIONS daily.
5. Reviewing my GOALS daily.
6. Saying YES.

This little list of LITTLE THINGS makes a BIG old difference in my life.  Back to basics.  Starting now (yesterday actually!!).

Don't get it perfect, get it going. -- Gretchen Rubin

It's interesting that I made a point of "looking" for some HAPPY yesterday and before I even got in the shower, here's what I found (in the order of how it happened):

My uncle called to check on us.  Love him.
My girlfriend asked me to coffee because she misses me (she's been traveling like crazy).
My BFF texted to see if we weathered the storm.
My new glasses are ready for pick-up.
My son checked in on me and thanked me for helping him yesterday.
I heard from Rhyme's mama (our little abused foster). She's turned the corner and is doing GREAT!

All nuggets of HAPPY.  Love, friendship, self-care. HAPPY comes in lots of packages, just waiting to be noticed and appreciated.  I forget this simple truth all the time! (*smacking my head*)

Reviewing this journal, my inspirational quote book, My Happiness Project and REMEMBERING what last year felt like ... stuff I forgot got remembered!  Simple stuff that worked for ME.  I'm on STEP 2 ... taking action and repeat and repeat and repeat.

I want to be back to being ME.  End this funk.  It's gone on too long and I'm tired.

My INTENTION today is to REPEAT.  Later gators.

FREE Stuff

I  mentioned my free souvenirs ... here's the skinny.  No time to shop on the island, but I got a few fun things anyway.

The beaches are COVERED with the coolest rocks.  They are round, polished, speckled and EVERYWHERE!  The rocks with the striping are specific to the Bay of Fundy.  I'm in search of a vintage glass dish to display them (I love antique hunting).  If I could have brought back a full suitcase of them, I would have.  These were collected in dog poop bags (that's all we had on us) and got my suitcase opened for inspection.  Bags ripped, rocks all over.  Oh well!

It's addictive to search for these!  My neck was kinked from looking down for so long.

It's a "thing" to find heart shaped rocks.

And a gift from my aunt.  The previous cottage owner had some vintage dishes.  My aunt gave me a set of the juice glasses.  I love them.  It's kind of the rage to serve wine in juice glasses now.  I didn't waste anytime trying them out lol.  Everything circles back to wine.  Oops.

Cute! 

I would've loved to shop for some local finds, but FREE works too.

Sadly, I don't know if I'll ever go back to Campobello Island.  It's a full day of travel and lots of $$ too.  I left the house at 4:15am and got on the island at 6:30pm.  And that was the best option.  The trip was on My Happiness Project list and I'm glad I got the experience.

Speaking of My Happiness Project ... it's coming to a wrap.  Time to move on, write another chapter.  Facebook reminded me of this - last day of work - it's been a year.  Ugh.

It's time to get my poop-in-a-group too (broken record).  Looking at the picture (I'm far right), I'm healthy, happy ... cruising on my life improvement project.  Today, not so much.  My weight is up, my feel-good is down, my focus is confused, my mood is gloomy.  I'm trying to fix it, but I'm not getting very far.  I fake it for a few days, then it comes crashing down again.  Ugh and double ugh.  Where is the magic that was in this picture?

I'm tired I've doing this over and over.  I'm tired of the same rhetoric repeated too often.  But what is the solution?  I'm playing with back-to-basics ideas.  Stay tuned ...

Here's the SCOOP

My trip was worth the visit ... yea to YES!  Campobello Island in Canada is like taking a trip back in time and that was AWESOME.  Everyone knows everyone.  Everyone knows everything that happens on the island.  Most have no TV.  People take walks and drives and KNOCK on doors - unplanned!  Given our current climate at home (ugh Trump), it was a welcomed example of simpler days.

And EVERYONE hates Trump.  My people.

And it was CHILLY.  I slept with the window open - fog horns in the background.  It's a real-deal fishing island.  I felt like I was in a novel - corny, but cool!

My aunt's cottage is spectacular ... tiny, but spectacular.  She's one of those triple threats ... decorator, caterer, host extraordinaire.  She's done all three professionally after she retired from teaching.  Vegetables from her garden, baked goods (all gluten-free) like you've never had before, fresh seafood from the locals.  Plated on vintage dishes from the previous owner.  I didn't get any pictures of the interior though.  Bummer.

Dahlia from gardens at FDR's summer home.

Huge oval window made of optical glass at FDR home.
Magnifies the outside with perfect clarity and no distortion.

View outside my aunt's cottage.  Highest tide change in the world.  The boats float at the top of
 the dock all the way to about 5 times their height below.  It's deceivingly deep.

Maine lobster, just over boarder.  I've never had a whole one.  Clams, winkles and oysters too.

The island is beautiful.

Whale watching.  Fin backs and others I can't spell lol.  

The working light houses were just as you imagined they should look.  When the tide is out, you can walk to this light house.  That's how much the tide shifts.  This was at high tide so the boat was able to maneuver next to it.

A walk back in time.  Ukulele band sing-along at the local coffee shop.  Corny and awesome and so much fun. 

The weather cleared Thursday afternoon and we were able to do some of the outdoor activities.  I'll write more tomorrow about my free "souvenirs" ... super cool.

No exercise though.  Why?  The upstairs room where I stayed creaked and squeaked if you moved at all.  As you walked around the bed, the ceilings sloped so I couldn't even stand up straight.  It wasn't worth the attempt at anything.  No worries.  Back at it with a long, hard, interval run.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder - missed you treadmill.

My gel polish lasted one week.  Not worth the price or the nail damage.  I might be saying good-bye to gel (with some exceptions).  I forgot how shinny my nails look - that I like a lot - so for very specific occasions I might get it again.  Back to the home stuff for now.  Maybe it's my nail tech?

We survived IRMA and all her destruction (as did our family and friends in FL).  Living at the tippy top of the state was to our advantage yesterday.  People about 30 miles south of us got pummeled - and still no power.  We had some blow-the-5-pound-dog-away winds but not even a flicker of the lights.  Once all of our people were in for the night, hubby and I hit up the drinks.  That's unusual that we both drank lol.  Just a couple of pina coladas with left-overs from his party (I still had the pineapple frozen - thanks food saver).  I don't love a frozen drink though.  I'm over it until next summer.

Today begins the clean-up-my-diet road that I know so well.  Remember those "skinny" jeans - well, time to work on getting back into them.  Fall IS around the corner (even in the south) and I have some work to do (actually, a lot of work to do).

Today is a hibernation day.  Ugh - I know.  Maybe that's not a great idea.  Lots of stuff closed with the storm - still raining.  I'm stocked up with no place urgent to go.  As I'm typing this, I wonder if I should force myself out.  I'll give it some thought.  The rest of the week is busy so a quiet day to myself might be a good thing.

Later gators.

We Remember

9-11.  We lived in NY at the time.  We lost friends.  We remember the horror of that day.  We remember the love as people came together to help, to mourn, to move-through the horrors hand-in-hand.

Today, we are also thinking about all those in harm's way with the storm(s).  It seems that my family in Florida has ridden out Irma unharmed.  Damage is yet to be assessed.  We are in a Tropical Storm Warning today in GA.  No real danger looming, just nuisance possibilities of power out and trees down.  Jose is moving through islands already devastated by Irma.  Helicopters had to drop flier on the islands warning of the storm approaching - all communications are down.

It's a day to remember, count blessings, be grateful and pray for so many.

Safe and Sound

Flew home yesterday ... back to Trump and back to a hurricane (tropical storm technically).  Maybe I should've stayed in Canada!

Great trip.  I have pictures and whatnot, but it will have to wait for another day.

With the possibility of power outages, I need to get my butt in gear and get moving.  And FINALLY workout.  And the Steelers game.

Thoughts with so many people during these storms.  Stay safe.

Preparation - Key to Relaxation

I'm packed ... the main stuff at least.  I have to go over my toiletries and such in my travel bag, but the hard stuff is FINISHED!  Yea ME.  I'm the opposite of most - hate packing, no problem unpacking.  And I fit into winter clothes - that's good news.  Not into my skinny jeans, but that I'll work on when I get home.

I'm taking lots of luggage because the gifts take up so much room (as do my boots, jackets, vests, etc).  Winter packing is so much bulkier than summer.  Maybe there is some shopping in the northern lands and I can fill that suitcase back up on the way home!!

I also got Gigi's food ready for her temporary foster.  Cooked chicken and rice (thank you Instant Pot), chopped the chicken in the food processor and Food Saved into daily amounts.  A labor of love and LOTS of kitchen gadgets.  And her first bath - she's so soft and fluffy!  I wish she didn't need to bounce around again this week.  Nothing I can do about it though.

I'm up bright and early this morning.  Lots to do in the first half of the day.  Then I'll finish packing and head to bed.  I'm so glad I prepped so much yesterday.  I would be a wreck today if I had all that left.  PREPARATION - my super power.

This trip is one of the only multi-day trips that I don't have an exercise plan going in.  Logistically, it's just too much:  lots of added bulk to luggage, it's raining the entire trip (no outdoor runs), staying in a small, historic cottage and smelly workout clothes.  That said, I packed a couple of exercise resistance bands.  I can do a quick, down-n-dirty in the bedroom ... if the spirit moves me.  I have a couple of pesky sore areas (my right arm and my left hamstring).  A partial week "off" might be just what I need.  I would also workout on my travel day, but I need to leave the house at 4:15am.  That is pushing it - even I'm not that obsessed.  I thought it was going to be an active trip, but now it's not ... that's a bummer, but I'm sticking to my original plan.

I don't plan to check-in until I'm home on Sunday (maybe Monday since Sunday is a full day of stuff).  If you never hear from me again ... well, that not good news.  I love to travel, I don't love the actual traveling though.  Small planes, thunderstorms ... ugh.  I'm fully in my nervous mode.  I've had some crazy flights - stories for another time - I don't need to relive them today!

My self-serving INTENTION for the rest of the week is to STAY SAFE.  Fingers crossed, wood knocked and all that.  Later gators.

Rain, rain go away

In Canada!  The trip is going to be a messy wash.  All outdoor adventures are cancelled.  Ugh.  Goodbye whale watching boat, lighthouse walks, hiking at sunset.  Hello flight delays, etc.  I'm not trying to be a downer, but it's some serious crappy weather EVERY SINGLE DAY!  And the forecast keeps getting worse.

I looked at canceling the trip, but no options with miles used and less than 72 hours away.  I talked to my aunt and she still wants me to come.  There are a few indoor things we can see and just hang out playing games, Netflix, drinking wine, etc.

It's disappointing.  And I'm in the phase of my trip when I "worry" about the travel.  Happens every time, but I push through it -- usually the excitement of the trip helps.  No excitement currently.

Today is a "getting ready" day.  Lots to prep with dogs, lots to do with packing.  The more I can get finished today, the more smoothly tomorrow will go.  I have a full Tuesday (dog to groomer, taking lunch to a friend who had surgery, drop Gigi off, pick-up dog ... lots of scooting around).  Then bed super early as I need to get up at 3am.

I downloaded a few books to my kindle.  Something tells me I'm going to need them!

I hope a weather miracle happens and we get to do some of the activities.  I want to go-with-the-flow, be a happy camper, not care that this trip looks like it will be a big old disappointment.  I really want to be all that ... but you know me and I know me.

My INTENTION today is to work on my lousy attitude.  The urge to hibernate is very strong right now.  I want to cancel this trip with all my might.  But I said YES, so YES wins.  Later gators.

Chocolate, but no WHEAT

An interesting thing happened yesterday.  I ate a some a lot of chocolate ... but no wheat at all which is unusual.  I expected to have a sugar coma this morning - nope.  Felt fine.  I'm not advocating eating lots of chocolate everyday (that wasn't productive for my pants fitting), but it was a curious finding in my wheat experiment.  Maybe I can chalk that chocolate binge up to SCIENCE ... all in the name scientific evidence.  Sounds like denial a good idea.

If I eat too much sugar, it's usually accompanied by wheat.  Cake, cookies, etc.  This was sugar without the wheat and it felt different.  Again, I don't need to eat tons of sugar everyday, but I wonder if my sugar coma is really a wheat coma?

Cutting out all wheat is proving to be some work.  Not really hard work, but an effort of sorts.  Last night we went out to dinner to a seafood restaurant with the youngest. My usual choices weren't an option.  Beer - nope.  Hushpuppies - nope.  Breaded fish fry - nope.  But I found some good choices with a little looking.  I kept reminding myself to not grab a taste of something with wheat - bite of hubby's fish fry, etc.

Yesterday was a fun day.  Just what my funk-busting self needed.

Success at the outdoor market - set of 3 soaps.  One is made for dogs.  Perfect for my aunt.  Heading to the Container Store today to get fun packaging for the gifts.  Dogs got lots of attention too!  We got our pear iced teas.  None of my usual samples though - all wheat goodies.

Swim at the lake was nice.  The day was cool, lots of shade.  My pup had a blast.  Gigi spent an hour running around exploring the shore - most energetic I've seen her.  We had 2 exhausted pups last night.

Then youngest came home and we went out for dinner (with a stop for chocolate -- actually not my idea, but I sure partook in the loot!).

Today is FINALLY the grocery store loop.  To say the cupboards are bare is an understatement.  I already ran my intervals - woohoo.  I have a nail appointment for a gel manicure before the errands.  I want to see if it lasts for the time I'm away.  The salon is closed Monday and Tuesday is a packed day, so I need to get my nails done today before my trip ... they need a professional shape up.  When I do it, they end up breaking in a few days ... I guess I file too aggressively.

My INTENTION today is not very inspiring to me, but it's a necessary one ... STAY AWAY from the CHOCOLATE!  Later gators.

A Little Perkier Post

Gigi is home with us 💗.  5 hours of holiday traffic driving and I got her back.  It was worth the drive so she wasn't stuck at the vet until Tuesday.  She was so scared when they brought her out ... shaking and hiding.  When she saw me, she wagged and tried to jump to me.  Cuddled for 3 hours on my lap on the way home - glad the seat belt harness reached.  Rubbing, making her "purring" sound.  She's back on a 14 day antibiotic so she'll be here for a couple more weeks at least.  I'll bring her Tuesday to another foster while I'm away.  I'm glad we have her back.  I'm feeling very maternal toward her - bless that sweet girl.  After speaking to the vet and learning more of her neglect, it just moves my heart.  She deserves nothing but a tender life.

My monthly came - made for a fun drive yesterday - the city isn't the place to stop for a bathroom break.  I'm happy to have it though-- my trip to Canada will be loads easier.  I was up from the wee hours in the night with cramps, but by this afternoon the worst of it should pass.

I'm feeling more myself this morning too.  Gigi home? (and that strange, overblown drama over)  PMS over?  If I understood my crazy, my world would be so much easier LOL.

Today is a visit to the Farmer's Market (if it's open this weekend).  Taking both dogs (hubby will carry Gigi).  I need another gift to take to my aunt's house.  Her gift philosophy is all CONSUMABLE products.  Food, wine, soap, etc.  My uncle is gluten-free so I'm on the hunt for some stuff.  I bought 2 bottles of wine (red and white), a jam from the market last time (strawberry, blueberry and jalapeño) and chimes candies (gluten-free, ginger chews).  I'm looking for one more thing to round out the gifts.  I'm thinking soap and a dish towel.  I consider dish towels disposable.  You always need to refresh the pile.  I'll treat to some stuff while I'm up there too.  They are hosting me for 4 days, airport shuttling me 2 hours away ... I need some good hostess stuff.

More on the trip later.  That new hurricane is a possible threat, but too early to tell.  If all goes as planned (fingers crossed), there is some fun stuff coming my way!!  And my aunt and uncle are interesting people.  Stay tuned ...

If we are up for it (and gas is readily available), this afternoon is a dog swim at the lake.  My pup LOVES a swim and he's set for grooming on Tuesday.  Got to get that in before he gets his blow-out and is too beautiful to mess up!

What I'm INTO
Tuna fish.  I was pantry picking a couple of weeks ago as the refrigerator was empty and found the tuna.  Expiration date still good - gave it a go.  Mayo (I have a W30 approved one), salt, pepper and red pepper flakes - simple, simple.  It's my new favorite lunch.  Oldie but a goodie.

What I'm OVER
Kombucha.  I'm actually kind of glad -- it's expensive.  I stopped brewing a few months ago.  I could never get the right flavor blend.  What took me off the bottles stuff is TWICE I got a slime baby through the straw.  Cue gagging.  OMG yuck.  I picture the slime baby every time I think of kombucha.  After the first time, I was careful when I poured.  How the second one got me, I'll never know.  Fool me once twice ...

Have a good Saturday!  Later gators.

More on WHEAT

This will probably be a convoluted post, but I'm trying to work out my thoughts on this ... so bare with me.

I have a friend (really, it's not me lol) who has health issues she's working on.  She's experimented with diet lots of time and never found conclusive results.  What she did find was that eliminating gluten foods helped her keep her weight under control.  Why?  Because those are her go-to binge, comfort foods.  With those out of the picture, she ate less food, less junk.

When she tried to moderate, people pushed her hard to join in, indulge just this once.  Lots of peer pressure.  Have a piece of cake.  Have a cookie.  Have some pizza.  And she did.

When she said she COULDN'T eat it, people left her alone.  Now she identifies herself as gluten-free.  No wiggle room, no choices to make, no exceptions.  She lives the life-style.  She embraces it, believes it.  Goes to rather extremes to ensure she walks the walk.

But it's not entirely true - she told me that herself.  Her justification is she wants to eliminate it to keep her weight under control (and feel her best); therefore, it's for her health and it's nobody's business as to why she's making this choice.  And the most interesting part is she's convinced HERSELF.  It's almost like SHE forgets the truth.  And it's working for her.

It's along the lines of Tony Robbins methodology.  In order to make things a MUST, you need to make the good BIGGER and the bad BIGGER so it BECOMES who you are with lasting results.  Exaggerate the truth to yourself.

To me, it seems like a lie.  I will admit, I judge it.  But now I'm wondering if I should follow the same method (yes, hypocrite in all my glory).  If eliminating wheat makes me feel better, why not make it an ABSOLUTE.  I did with certain dairy products (because I had to).  I miss ice cream, but I won't eat it ... ever.  No one has to know the details.  No one needs to be in my business.

If I make others support my diet restrictions, I will make myself do it too.  I won't ask others to do what I won't do.  Feeling well IS something that's important.  It's not a lie exactly.  The exaggerated truth can become my reality.

Whole30 also weighs in on this subject - ABSTAINER vs MODERATOR.  Wheat falls into a moderation category for me.  Maybe it needs to be abstinence.  Moderation gets me fall-off-the-wagon moments that are giving me tons of misery (bloats, sores, etc).  Whole30 also believes in the statement "I am ..."  It's powerful.  It changes your identity.  I am healthy.  I am fit.  I am an athlete.  You get the idea.

This is what happened with a soda habit from years ago.  I drank soda ALL DAY LONG.  I tried for years to moderate with rules ... no soda before noon, only on weekends, only 2 cans a day, gave it up for lent, gave it up during pregnancy ... but I always failed over the long run and returned to old habits.  Then I stopped cold turkey.  No exceptions.  EVER.  This was in the day before readily available bottled water and it was hard.  It took work.  I craved it for about a year.  I haven't had it for almost 20 years now.  The change came when I identified myself as someone who does not drink soda.  Not just something I wanted to do, not just something I chose in the moment.  I identified it to myself and to others.  There was no room for exception in that declaration, in that "I am" statement.

So back to wheat.  Maybe I need to live an "I am" statement for this too.  It would be hard at times, but not impossible.  I would never need to think about it, make a choice, argue in my head ... it's just the way it IS.  This is who I AM.  And that might actually make it easier than I think.  No more off-wagon misery from too much moderation.

This idea is enticing and a little exciting too.  But I want to make sure if I declare this, that I live this for the long run, not just in a moment.  I need to see how living wheat-free feels first.  If I get the results I expect (no more bloat, sores, feeling crappy) then I will make this a life statement.  If nothing changes, there is no point to giving it up and moderation is appropriate.

Thanks for sticking with me on this one.  It's been swirling in my head and I needed to spell it out for myself.

I've been off wheat for a few days and things are returning to normal.  It's going to take awhile to tell if it's just a coincidence or wheat-free is better for me.  Stay tuned ...

Two Post Friday

I wrote another post a little yesterday and I'll finish it this morning.  I planned it for today.  I'll post it later.  More About Wheat (contain your excitement lol).

But I had a bad day yesterday and I wanted write about it this morning.  Sorry for a long rant coming, but here we go:

All plans went out the window yesterday when little GiGi need to go to the vetting hospital 2 hours away.  (She's okay - I think the vetting team overreacted, but better safe than sorry.  Her cough got worse and wet for two days.  Her lungs are clear and she is doing well.  They wanted her at their primary vet rather than be seen by a vet in this area ... long(er) story.)

I canceled my class.  Could I take her immediately?  Yes.  Wait to get confirmation from vetting team before you go.  So I showered, raced around to eat and WAITED for almost 3 hours with no response from phone calls, texts, etc.

Didn't I check Facebook?  I "should understand" that I need to do that (scolded like I'm 2).  Except ... oh, oops she didn't post it.  Oh, sorry then.  Exactly.

Now it was too late to avoid rush hour so they were able to get the transport team to help (super nice lady) and I only drove her an hour to meet the driver.

I texted the vetting team member to ask for an update on Gigi when she knew something.  If I need to get her today, I need to leave early (holiday weekend, 4 hours of driving IF no traffic ... oh and a gas shortage from downed pipelines).

I got a bitchy response that I will probably not be updated as she has too much on her plate.  Wow, thanks then.  I happened to get a call from another foster who told me I can call the vet directly.  So I did.  Update received.  Call back tomorrow and we'll let you know about discharge.  Perfect.  Texted "the team" to say never mind.

Then everything erupted.  Got a call zippy quick after that text that I can NEVER call the vet unless they give me specific instructions to do so.  My job as a foster doesn't need to get updates (seriously?!?).  I explained why I wanted the update.  Oh, didn't think about that .. yes we need an update early.  Treated as though I'm stupid.  Spoken to as though I'm being scolded by my mom.  Funny, it was radio silence for 3 hours that morning, but they sure got me super fast to complain and complain and complain.  Yes.  I hear you.  Good lord.  You don't need to keep on repeating this over and over.

Remember my funk?  Situations like this set me off during a funking time.  I could have cried.  I felt unappreciated and angry.  I held my tongue and for that I'm proud.  Full PMS happening and I really could have gone off.  I was feeling good about myself for helping a little dog, doing my job well as a volunteer and that got smashed with one phone call. (And I'm angry with myself for letting it get to me.)

Instead of pitching a fit, I just calmly, with happy in my voice (but actually a passive-aggressive moment) told them no problem.  If I get a call early, I'm happy to get her.  Otherwise, I won't be able to take that drive.  I'm sure they are on top of it so I'll wait to hear from them.  Thanks for all you do.  I can't wait to have her back with me. Blah, blah, blah.

I'm not sure I'm getting her back though (not because of what happened yesterday).  I'm going out of town next week and that requires some arrangements.  The vetting team was pissed (that seems to be her normal attitude) that a sick dog was placed so far north.  I think she's going to take her.  We'll see.  I'd love to have her back, but understand if it's better she's somewhere closer to the main vet.

I still feel crummy about this today.  This might be PMS talking.  I hope it is.

I think Releash does a great job.  I have no intention of stopping fostering or anything like that ... it really hurt my feelings though.  I've volunteered a lot over the years and I recognize this volunteer phenomenon.  A small group (board members) ... they like their power (for lack of a better word) ... like the glory (they work hard and deserve it) ... a bit "clicky"... the inner circle attitude.  It doesn't usually bother me.  They can have the glory, have the power, have their inner circle ... I'm in it for the dogs.

But I'm taking it super personally right now.  Intellectually, I get it and I don't care.  Yet, I still feel sad.  Damn this funk.

I'm gearing up to find out I won't get her back.  Even though it will make sense if that happens, I know ME right now and I will be upset.  I WILL take it personally.  I WILL be angry at the board members who treated me disrespectfully.  I WILL feel like I failed somehow.

Well, that's that.  I'm hitting the treadmill for a run -- that should help a little.  Hoping to turn this day around.  Thanks for allowing the rant.  Later gators.