That's Better

Happy to report, yesterday was business as usual. No face diving into chocolate (!!) Sleep and recovery stats are good this morning.

I finished the court report early and made plans with a friend for Thursday morning. Walk in the park and a walk to brunch. Rain will pull out early in the morning so a paved path is best. The area is a soggy mess. I don't need a workout, but would love some outside time and a friend is a bonus.

The makeup trial was fun. I learned a little. I bought 2 lip combos for the rehearsal and the wedding. I wanted to bring "lips" along so I can touchup throughout the night. She had limited eye options so I didn't get the look I requested, but I liked it. I looked like me, but fancier. That's the point. My day and evening and formal makeup are all the same. This is a definitely different option. I'll take pictures to the makeup artist on the wedding day.

Pictures are WONKY and lighting is strange, but here's the final product. Honestly, why did I take the pictures at this angle?!?! Do I look like this hahaha??

Berry lips

Nude lips

Eyes

Today is my hair trial -- let's try this again. Unfortunately, pouring rain all day. I'm not looking forward to the drive to midtown but hopefully the hair process is a success. 

Switching gears ...

I'm forever trying to figure out friendship stuff and how to navigate with my new found voice and FS identity (sounds dramatic, but I don't know how else to quickly describe it). I listened to a podcast and didn't agree with everything, but took away a few points. Put time and energy into relationships you want. I have a habit of doing the opposite. I infuse struggling relationships with too much effort.

The invite for walking and brunch would've gone to another friend -- the friendship that's going through some bumps right now. Why? Because I'm holding way too tight to try and stop the relationship from changing (spoiler alert: it already has). I can still love her as my friend, but the energy and effort can go elsewhere. Truth be told, I'm way more excited to spend a few hours with this other friend. Our interests align, our energy aligns.

It's extremely hard to accept this other relationship has changed. Her identity took a hard turn while mine continues on the relatively same path. Neither is right or wrong, but we don't align much these days. I miss her and our little adventures together. I hope our history together is enough for now and I hope we find a new connection. That's where I need to put my energy -- forging a new friendship path, not clinging to the old one. I already have some ideas, but in the meantime, my invites go elsewhere.

This was the other piece of friendship advice. Friendships come and go (and can come back again). Accept that flow and don't take it personally. 

Okay -- that's enough pondering for now. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

What Happened?!?!

I'm not sure what happened, but I fell face-first into chocolate, popcorn, and way too much food last night. I haven't had that kind of junk food mashup in a long, long time. It felt like de-stressing and it was totally NOT.

I feel like crap this morning. Of course I do. Geez. Night sweats like I haven't had in a long time -- need to wash the sheets kind of night sweats. My poor body -- so sorry I put her through this.

I was home alone, nothing left on the to-do list, tired beyond measure and that was my response. I hope each time this happens I learn to hate it more and more. It's not who I want to be -- even a little bit.

Back to regularly scheduled life today and lesson noted (again).

Fortunately, a workout, meditation, and lots of water will have me feeling well by this afternoon. 

Two rainy days ahead so no outside time -- that's a bummer, but we welcome some rain (says all middle aged gardeners lol).

Even though I had an off evening, I had a good day. Made progress on all the things. I'm going to try and get the court report finished early so it opens up Thursday which will be cool and sunny. I'd love to sneak in some outside time. Big hikes on Friday and Saturday -- excited about both.

Quick (and a little shameful) hello this morning. Makeup trial today. Have a good Tuesday. Later gators.

Incredible Hike

Well, I needed luck! The drive to the trail head was wacky. You lose cell reception and then go over mountain roads, no shoulder, switchback turns, etc. I followed the directions old-school written out, clutched while holding the steering wheel. Passed a turn that looked like I should turn THAT way, but it wasn't part of the directions.

So I carried on. Found a place that sort of matched the description. No one there. I got out, used my new "female urine adaptor" to go in the woods (success). Some sort of swimming otters watched me lol. Decided (with minutes to spare) to drive back to that turn. Yep, he missed some of the directions in the instructions. Found the group. Phew -- it was close.

This was the best hike I've been on with the club. Seriously fantastic. We hiked UP the mountain -- parts on the AT (met a through hiker heading to Maine). Then CLIMBED to the lunch look out -- had to drop poles and climb with hands. It was beautiful. We lunched, shared lunches, laughed, and laughed. 

We took another trail down and it was like a fairy forest. Mountain Laurel is windy and crazy looking in the winter and the path was deeply covered. Spring green moss over rocks. The softest trail covering. Streams crossings and running water sounds as we followed a creek down. Picture perfect day. Warm sun, cool breeze. Unbelievable.

Pictures don't do it justice. I only took pictures at lunch. I had my phone away since the hike was challenging. Didn't want to chance my phone getting broken. 

Cloud line in distance
on mountain top.

AT shelter

Lunch view on highest peak.
Hiking sammies are the best.

I can't tell you how glad I am that I took a chance and went on the hike. Everything about it check my "brave" boxes. 

I got home in time to pick up hubby and dogs before the showing. We hung out at a park for an hour. Good feedback, but might decide on the other house in the neighborhood instead.

Quick shower and off to kids for Super Bowl. We stayed to watch halftime -- got about an hour to play with my grandson before his bedtime. I'm never invested in who wins, but finding out who Orange supported and why -- FLY EAGLES FLY! My son clued me into the halftime story and that made me even happier. Every small victory is hope.

Tired dogs, tired me.

This week is full in a different sort of way. I have appointments every day -- groomer, dentist, makeup trial, hair trial. I have a report due for volunteering which is my least favorite part and takes hours to write. Rain is coming in for a few days, so no hiking (probably for the best since I don't have a lot of extra time). Big hikes Friday afternoon and Saturday morning though. 

I also MUST get some wedding stuff finalized. It's feeling too last minute and rushed now. I want most everything finished by the end of next week. 

Once again, trying to remember to stay in the moment. It works well and there's a lot of fun in the week I don't want to mentally miss -- hello, makeup and hair appointments. A dentist appointment and a court report can overshadow it all if I don't pay attention lol. Practice and more practice.

Happy Monday. Hope you'll enjoy a good week. Later gators.

AT Hike -- Fingers Crossed

The party was fantastic. Met the kids' friends, saw family, celebrated. Mostly importantly, our grandson had the best time. He loves an audience and a lively group.

It was an all-day kind of day. Came home, unpacked, and plopped in bed. Had a little volunteer "emergency" to handle and then SLEEP. My recovery stats this morning are at a 96%. I've only hit that high once before. What?!?! Wow. This bodes well for the hike this morning.

That said, my jaw is problematic again. I'm feeling the countdown clock on the wedding -- too many things outstanding on my end still. Everything in process and very little I can move ahead this week. I feel like the safety net of "I have plenty of time" is rapidly closing. Hello, jaw clench. 

The answer? Lists. And more lists. This calms me and reminds me I can get it all finished. Just need to make the time to make the lists lol.

I'm a little nervous about the hike. No bathrooms. No cell reception. No marked starting point (drive past a tree and a bridge and see a little turn off -- that kind of thing). It's 8 miles and heavy elevation. The climb should be worth it though -- highest point on the Georgia AT. I'm also hiking with 3 of my favorite people from the club. That makes it a lot more interesting. 

Every bone in my body wanted to withdraw yesterday, but this hike doesn't come along almost ever. Usually it's combined with other hiking that's way out of my league. I've wanted to try this mountain and this is the opportunity. I'll love that I went (assuming I find this trail head to start).

It's a little one of the tweaks I've been making with decisions. Quit saying I'm so tired and quit saying it's too much. Quit saying no when things are a little prickly. I'm a big girl. I can (probably) find the trail head. I can pee in the woods if I have to (not well, but good enough). This is something I WANT to do, so I should and can make the effort. Live an expansive life. I started driving without GPS -- I can do this one little navigation without GPS (but still nervous).

We have a showing just as I'm getting home from the hike -- another reason I considered backing out. But there's no reason. It'll all work out. I'll pack an extra hike sammie for the ride home, a book, and wait in a parking lot.

Anyway, after the hike, after a shower -- driving to the kids' house to watch the Super Bowl. Only reason I'm going is to see the birthday boy again. 

Today should be a full and fun day. Bedtime will feel good again. Hope you have a good one. Later gators.

Happy Birthday Little Boy

Our grandson is ONE today -- wow. He's an absolute darling. It's been so beautiful to watch him grow and watch the kids be amazing parents. Today we'll celebrate with a big crowd of family and friends. Being a Granny is the best. (Dang bots, so no pictures of the little guy.)

The solo hike was fine -- I wasn't spooked at all. It's well traveled and felt safe. I hiked a little over 8 miles at a moderately quick pace. I dropped chairs at the kids' house, visited with my grand baby, and took myself to lunch. Not a bad start to the day. 

Hike sammie in the car.
A snack before lunch.
My favorite to take on a hike.

I made 2 kinds of tortilla pinwheels for the party (plus GF versions). They sit overnight before slicing. Hopefully they're good -- chicken taco and chicken, bacon, ranch. Both bases are cream cheese, cheddar cheese and shredded chicken. I'm also putting together antipasto screwers -- meats, cheese, dressed tortellini. I made a sample and they look cute. 

BIG hike tomorrow on the AT in GA. My Oura ring says my period is coming today. Pretty please hold off for a couple of days. No bathrooms. Rural drive. This was the hike that got iced out last month. 

Best get moving. We have showing this weekend so I need to add a cleaning into my morning schedule. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

Little More Garden

Yesterday was a successful day. I managed all-the-things and I didn't let myself get too mentally ahead. It's cliche to "be present" but it makes a difference. I rarely remember when I get busy or it's not something overtly fun -- working on it though.

I got a couple more things off the never-ending wedding list. It seriously feels like it never ends -- and I'm only planning my little corner of things. Geez.

Today is a bit less hectic, but equally full. 

Full because I'm planning a solo hike before I do the rest of the day. I'm not sure how long -- it'll depend on my speed and trail condition (it rained last night). It'll also depend on whether I psych myself out hiking alone. I've been added extra solo miles to hikes but this is all solo. Somehow that hits differently on the nervous meter (as I remember every episode of Criminal Minds). If I want to get to the next level hikes in my club, I need to get more hiking miles each week. The next level makes a HUGE difference in the club hikes -- people, leaders ... everything is more my cup of tea. 

The afternoon is errands, chores, and finishing up food for the birthday party tomorrow. I got a lot of the food prep finished yesterday so today should go smoothly.

Checked my wintering veggies in the garden -- got some harvest. Carrots are still cooking.

Then my mind kicked in and got all upset about what-ifs, garden addition. What if no sun once leaves are out on trees? What if I can't do a front garden? What if I can't run irrigation? Don't feel better about it yet.

My bff and I usually take an annual trip together. Since the pandemic, we've only gotten together once though. We'll see each other at the wedding, but trying a trip this summer too. She proposed a trip where she works during the day, but we hang out at night because her vacation days are mostly used up with family commitments and other friend trips. I sat on this last night and decided -- nope. We can wait. I don't need left-over time where I'm at the mercy of her work schedule. We haven't gotten together much because I've brought myself to the table on these trips too. It needs to be something that works well for me too. I'm proud of holding this boundary, even if I don't see her as frequently. 

Oh - forgot to talk about the coaching call. I got selected and it was helpful. I asked how I could accept the frequent cancelations without resentment and still feel like we have a friendship. She suggested when plans are offered I expect 100% of the time she'll cancel. Then make the decision from that point. Do I want to make plans with her, knowing she'll cancel? Maybe so because I have a backup plan or nothing else. But if I say 'yes' I can't be resentful because I decided. Also, set new boundaries. Maybe only last minute plans or plans that give me an out if something comes up, etc. 

Maybe what she can offer the friendship right now is just the making of plans -- anything more isn't possible in this season. I can take that offer as a loving gesture, even if plans don't actually happen. I can take my decision (yes or no) as a loving gesture to her and to me -- whatever I decide. Show friendship to her and show friendship to me in every choice.

This helps. It's not perfect. Perfect is going back to the way it was before her husband retired and grandchildren. I'll use this going forward and see where it lands. The intention focused on loving her and loving me together. Finding friendship in a new way.

That's all from here today. Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Happy Mug

Home and hitting the ground running AND making sure I add my little bits in too. 

New vintage mug from Etsy. It came in the old box which I cut up for simple bookmarks. Noticing how the my word for the year (color) keeps showing up.

Using the vintage coffee mug
too -- COLOR theme
this morning.

View from bed after the long day.

I have a list the length of my arm for the next few (or never-ending) days. Details -- so many details. Nothing huge, nothing hard -- but combined make quite a list. Jumping from volunteer to wedding to birthday party to rehearsal dinner to hair/makeup to hike planning ... you get the idea. 

Keeping my jaw relaxed. (Trying, at least.)

New lotion from Asheville. Couldn't resist since I'm "Granny."

Thought for today (thanks, meditation) was to slow down each thing to the point of enjoying it. Doesn't mean move slowly, it means stay in the moment and don't be 3 steps ahead on the list in your mind. Easier said than done, but good practice today. 

Hope you have a good day too. Later gators.

A Big Asheville Hug

Yesterday was a much better day. 

I managed a little cry -- got cut off by timing though. It helped and I could use another one, but I don't think that's going to happen. My jaw issue is a little better -- I think it's stress related clenching. 

Cleaned first, walked after and it was a little sad. So many trees downed -- it wasn't the same mountain. My route got cut off by road damage too. But I still loved it and will love watching it come back again.

This used to be full forest.

Road out.

Everywhere!

I wore one of my new inclusion shirts and got a lot of positive responses. It's a little way to show support and it has a bigger effect than you'd think. I'm grateful for the man I saw hiking in his shirt -- it gave me an immediate lift. There ARE people who care and they might not be who'd you expect. I've worn one every hike since I saw him.

Always fun little nuggets to find on a walk.

Put my rock in a heart shaped hole

Yes!

Ended the walk at the tea house, of course. Home to shower and then lunch and local shopping with my sister. So fun to have her close.

Early bed to read (and rest my back). Full view of the sunset. Nice way to finish the day.

Excuse my messy clothes lol.

I submitted my coaching question for the group call today. Why am I nervous about it?!?! There's a possibility I won't get called, but I'm sticking around a little later than I planned to be on the zoom. Stay tuned.

As far as this morning, I'm up in the air how to fill a few hours. Walk? Coffee? I need to finish the last bit of cleaning -- only about 30 minutes, if that. I'll see when the sun comes up. I don't have the time (or legs) for a long walk -- maybe I'll walk to coffee. 

This was the trip I needed. Mostly to get the "big clean" off my plate and to finally see the damage. Both were lingering dread in the back of my mind. Now I can move forward. But it also gave me a little bit of room to center again and remind myself that I have a really lovely life. People in Asheville are so friendly, inclusive, expressive, artistic, weird, kind, bee-loving, plant-loving -- just what this wacky time needs. Feels like a big humanity hug when you come here. 

Being in community is the first step to surviving this moment. 

Switching gears to cooking for my grandson's first birthday on Saturday. It's going to be such a delight to celebrate this family and this sweet boy -- he's such a gentle, happy baby (just like his father). Of course, his mom is wonderful, but didn't have the same baby personality according to her mother -- but he looks exactly like her!

And, the never ending wedding details too {unclenches jaw again} are back in full swing. 

Fingers crossed for coaching. Why do I feel this is such a brave thing? Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Asheville

I'm in Asheville and it's a mix-bag feeling (getting better though).

Since I'm all up in feelings right now, I'm going to talk about it this morning.

I had a really nice conversation with a friend on the drive up. We laughed at everything and the absurdity of it all (including this awful jaw pain - sometimes I can't open my mouth). It helped to laugh.

I stopped in Franklin at the Indie bookstore and the coffee shop -- both nice experiences with friendly people. Lots and lots of signage to support the struggling local businesses. 

Then Asheville.

There was SO MUCH do to when I walked in the door. House is filthy. Plants dead. Stuff everywhere. Hubby took care of his areas and mine went to hell after 5 months. The happy, relaxing feeling I usually get walking in the door was a big 'nope' yesterday.

This lead me to a gross overreaction. Was Asheville a mistake? Was this purchase a product of the pandemic woes? Are we making another mistake with our local move? Reacting to another hardship in the world?

Asheville isn't recovered and there are very notable differences. Limited hours of operation (my favorite tea house), extra days closed (almost every restaurant on a Tuesday). Closed roads. Clean up piled to sides of road. It is sad and it's the first time I'm seeing it. Of course, we hardly experienced any of it and I'm not comparing. 

I left all the mess at the house and went to the tea house because it's not open for the full day anymore. It was almost the same -- I think I was projecting my mood on the experience more than it had changed. I shopped locally and found some cool vintage clothes. An outfit for the holidays next year and a blazer for this winter. I'm not completely sure I'm cool enough to pull off this much vintage, but I think the blazer will look good with jeans. 

Skirt cut on bias.
Velvet jacket.
Corduroy red/pink jacket.

I found a book and a fun notebook made from an old book. I have a similar one I use all the time -- this is a small version. 

Read the little parable book at the tea house -- very short book and very timely. It's about the stories we tell ourselves and how we accept them as truth. 

That felt a little more like Asheville-as-usual. Went to the grocery store to stock up on a few items (everything in the fridge and freezer was trashed after the storm). Started organizing. Started cleaning. 

Big clean this morning after a mountain walk. However, there are a few electric trucks parked in front of the house, just sitting there. I'm wondering if power is getting cut. I'm vacuuming before the walk, I guess. 

I set up a spring clean up for the yard too. 

I think once I get my little house back to itself, it'll feel a lot better. I cleaned and restocked the LFL. With what's going on with the wedding and move, every little extra thing to do feels large and overwhelming.

My jaw is a mess and I'm not sure what to do about it yet. Also, hormones so I'm extra, extra. This is contributing to so many feelings. That said, I slept HARD. Incredibly good stats this morning. I had such big dreams (so much REM sleep) and they were all upsetting -- guess I'm working out my stress. What I need is a good cry, but it's sort of stuck. I can't seem to unstick it. How do you make yourself cry? I've tried music, meditation and neither worked.

My hope for the end of the day is the walk, late lunch with my sister, and a clean house will perk me up and that Asheville feeling will be back. Maybe I'll luck out and find a way to have a cleansing cry too since I have a lot of solo time today.

Sitting here with the windows open, birds singing -- this is a good sign for a good day. Hope you have a good day too. Later gators.

Asheville Bound

I have a jaw "issue." At first I thought I had a cold sore starting in the very back of my cheek, but it's mobility pain. Probably TMJ aggravation from clenching my jaw -- I hope that's all it is. Doesn't seem like an infection (that's my worry) at this point, but it's sore. Like I-don't-want-to-open-my-mouth sore. The last couple of years, I hold tension in my jar when I'm stressed. I saw the dentist about tooth pain and she told me I'm clenching. I didn't think I was until I started paying attention -- and she was totally right.

But ... I'm still going to Asheville. 

I'm excited -- it's been 5 months since I've been there. I'm curious to see how it feels. Do I get the same Asheville "magic" as before given Asheville's changed a lot from the storm and given I've changed a bit too? I'll soon find out. 

Stopping in Franklin on the way for my favorite coffee and maybe a little walk through the Indie bookstore.

This is a bit of a "working" trip -- cleaning, house maintenance stuff, but I also need a little mental reset (hello, jaw). 

Oh -- the hike was great. Loved the people and the Camino conversations and general chatting. I probably can't go next month (right before the wedding) but April should be good. It was an excitement boost for our walk in 2026.

Keeping this short this morning. I have all the things to do before I leave this morning and I'm hoping for an early-ish start. Didn't get to packing because hubby and I had a movie night instead. We watched "You're Cordially Invited." Silly, somewhat stupid, but it was a fun watch.

Hope you're set for a good week. Later gators.

Still Up & Down & Sideways

Friday was an excellent day. Everything was fun. All good feelings. Hike was great and my legs were fine -- we beat the rain by a few minutes. I ended up leading that hike most of the way because the trip leader didn't know the route. Met with the builder to start the bookshelf plan -- it's going to be a fun, itty bitty room. Date lunch with hubby at a local burger place we'll be able to easily walk to from the new house -- mushroom burger with GF bun. Like Asheville, most restaurants in this town accommodate lots of eating preferences. Meditation was a mixed bag (the meditation messages weren't hitting for me) but I'm glad I tried it and had a nice evening. 

Saturday, not so much an excellent start.

The hairdresser called out that morning on medical leave for the foreseeable future. The salon had a dummy cell number for some reason so they opted to send me an email 5 minutes before I walked in the door. Okay -- things happen. I need a new appointment and a new stylist for the wedding. Nope, they said. All booked up. They can give me an appointment at another salon (30 minutes away). But I booked a "wedding party" booking months ago with my friends, two blocks from the wedding venue. 

Long story short (and it was a long story -- I was there for an hour), I have a new stylist and new appointments. What I don't have is a lot of trust. Is your cell phone not working? Did you give a dummy number (404-444-4444) -- seriously?!? Do you have notifications off? Didn't you check your email? It was their system the entire time. I'm calling the coordinator next week to discuss. 

General feeling right now -- I can't wait for the wedding to be over. I'm tired of it all. Family drama, vendor issues, so many details still in the works. Good lord. 

But, the rest of the day rallied after some more back and forth crap that I'll spare you details.

I started a month of high heal practice since I'm not allowed to wear my wedding sneakers to dance. Trying to get an hour a day. Building up my tendon strength to be in shoes for hours. (BTW, I'll bring them to the wedding and if people take off their shoes, my sneakers are going on!!!!)

Eldest called and we ended up at an early dinner and walk around with the baby (soon to be not a baby!!). Fun evening. Nice weather. 

Home and I was beat -- utterly tired in every way. Cup of tea and headed to bed to relax. It was one of those moments where bed, tea and wind down felt incredible. Oura ring thinks my monthly is coming any day now and this might be a lot of the "feelings" and tired right now.

I have an entire slow roll morning and then a hike with a new group. Local Camino chapter. These are the kind of people you'd expect (which I need more than ever) and I'm excited to meet the group. It's 7 miles, probably slow, but the focus is the people while we get some fresh air. The hike has potential to be hard depending on the trails they choose. I hope for a solid hike experience. I don't expect to join for the dinner -- pizza and beer. Gluten and alcohol, not my thing. 

Tomorrow I FINALLY head to Asheville. I'm so looking forward to it and then I remember I have to clean -- hasn't been cleaned in 5 months Dang, it's going to be dirty. Even so, I expect to get some teahouse time, good food, mountain walk, visit with my sister, and some solid quiet time. Just thinking about it makes me happy. 

Have a peaceful day. Later gators.

            "There is pleasure in the pathless woods, there is rapture in                 the lonely shore, there is society where none intrudes, by the                 deep sea, and music in its roar; I love not Man the less, but                 Nature more." -- Lord Bryon

Feelings Everywhere

Lots of flip-flop and lots of feelings. 

First up, ran Duke yesterday morning. Cut the distance by a mile, but upped the speed. It felt really good. Hiked the afternoon with a friend for a moderate 5 miles in 65 degree sunshine -- what a difference a week makes in the weather. We grabbed a meal after and sat outside. Both felt so good. Nice weather, woods, friendship, conversation, connection. Some good feelings all around.

I wrote into coaching with a request to help me see another perspective on the cancel friend and it was accepted. Wednesday -- oh boy. Feelings? Yep, a little nervous (odd) but feeling supported in working through my strong reaction.

Picked up more goodies from Marketplace. Feelings? Glad to get a bargain and reuse rather than buy new. I'm tweaking my thrifting options and it's fun.

The Buddhist Monk meditation circled back again. My friend's friend can't go and she emailed the event and they said I could take her spot. I'm a bit hesitant about germs, but I'll wear a mask (pictures show a number of people in masks). It's at night, rain forecasted, and possible germs, but I'm doing it anyway. It checks too many other boxes. Feelings? Proud of myself for saying 'yes' and choosing the bigger life. Happy that I have this new connection with someone too.

Right as I was going to bed, more wedding drama. Feelings? Hurt, insulted. Since the wedding is a one-off, I'm choosing to let it go (after I overthink, over-process, of course). Kids are stressed and that's where this is coming from -- I spoke up, but I didn't take it further. The last thing I want is this wedding to become a source of resentment and separation. It is not easy.

Since I ran and hiked yesterday, the hike is ON for this morning. You're welcome, fellow hikers. My legs feel good so I expect I'm okay to hike the elevation. I've done this route many times. Taking the perspective that this is a step toward becoming a stronger hiker. The hike is a level up and I'm hiking with some ladies I really enjoy. Checks that box too.

Racing to the shower to head to the new house to meet the builder -- bookshelves are starting. Hubby and I are going to a late lunch too. Then home and out the door for meditation and a late night by my standards. 

A good variety day ahead. I expect a wide spectrum of feelings again. Maybe this is a byproduct of a full life. The trick is to give equal airtime to the good feelings. You know my mind loves a good upset to replay forever and there's no shortage right now.

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Used Car :)

I'm having a marketplace moment. Grabbing a couple more things today and 2 things pending. Yesterday I picked up a vintage children's stool that's perfect for a plant stand (didn't take picture yet) and then a car :)

So many toddler toy options. Getting a shopping cart and a truck today. I also got a carseat mirror that I needed for my car. I also have eyes on stools -- more on that later if it works out. 

Today is a bit of a hiccup. It's a saga in my mind over the usual complaints. Friend who cancels, canceled lunch today. I turned down other plans, reserved that time against add-on house things (so they were squeezed into other days), and was set to go. Her text had no apology, just "I'm needed to babysit." I texted back in a more direct way than I usually do. I let her know my situation and feelings. She finally apologized with a few more details. Everyone, including the sitter is sick. So I canceled dinner plans at their house on Saturday. We have our grandson's birthday next week -- out of town family and I don't want to get sick. 

I needed to be truthful and I'm really disappointed -- neither feels great. I'm losing this friend to her co-dependent relationship with her husband and daughter (which she readily admits). I know I need to redefine the frequency of our relationship and how I approach plans, but I'm at a loss. She is regularly unreliable and that doesn't work for me. Dinner is different than us getting together. Her husband isn't fun to be around and it impedes our time together (we just talk about him and his interests). In this case, I'm not taking a chance on getting sick or a last minute cancelation. It's all disappointing. 

We probably need to have a discussion about it at some point soon. I'll use the technique of "we have a problem coordinating what works for both of us -- what can we do to work around it?" Make it a joint solution. She will always cancel plans if her daughter says 'jump' so how do we work around that in a way that respects my time too? Last minute options? Evening? Weekends? 

Friendships are hard. Friendships are complicated. I need to consider myself too -- and I haven't done that most of my life. Speaking up feels so important these days and I still am practicing language to do it fairly. I don't want to overcorrect in a way that damages a friendship.

Do you want to hear my hiking saga too? Yes, same old thing. Possible rain and storms tomorrow. Decision on the hike will happen this afternoon. It's leaning toward cancel so I'm running Duke this morning and taking a short hike with a friend this afternoon. If the hike is on, it'll be a hard leg push but if it cancels, I'll be glad I didn't take a rest day. Damn weather again!

I suppose all this is a lesson for me. I see the lesson, but the solution is harder. Accept what is. Accept what happens. Stop trying so hard. Stop gripping so hard on the outcome. 

Oh, and forest fire in Asheville spurred on by winds and flood debris. Wonder if my trip is okay for Monday. Honest to god -- so many things right now. 

On that stress inducing rant, time to settle into meditation.

BTW, I was invited to a monk meditation Friday evening, but the class is full. Keeping my eyes open for another chance. This is the 2nd time this has come across my radar. Probably won't pursue it until after the wedding because breathing in a room full of people for 90 minutes screams "let's get sick" but I'm very interested. I was on the fence about going on Friday because of wanting to stay healthy for the birthday party.

Have a good Thursday. Later gators.

Meh Walk, Fantastic Lunch

The walk was just okay. The best part was the solo bit I did before everyone came -- 4 miles. Then I did an extra mile with my friend. The 7 miles promised with the group was 4.5 -- just as I expected. Adding it all up, I got enough to make the walk worthwhile, but it was no hike. It's an option if the weather is iffy or something, but otherwise it's just a walk, on a dirt road, with lots of car traffic. 

The texts blew up again in the morning. Questions, problems, etc. Why is it so complicated?!?!?

But, lunch was so much fun. I had a great time. I wish this was a lunch group -- eliminate the drama of the reluctant hikers. Maybe it's growing pains and it'll get better as we organize and the weather improves. My availability in February is really low so I won't see everyone for a few weeks. It might also get better as we start repeating hikes and the group gets used to locations (parking, bathrooms, travel time, etc).

Looks like the hike on Friday is going to get rained out. I'm going to have to make a decision for Thursday,  hike or run. I probably can't do both days back-to-back because the hike on Friday is hard ... or maybe I can. Golly, I love uncertainty lol. I have the damnedest luck with higher level hikes with the hiking club. Can't get on one to save my soul and I need them to qualify for the hikes I'd like to do.

Anyway ... up early for a 7 o'clock gyn appointment. Good news is there shouldn't be a wait. The afternoon is driving around town to pick up FB marketplace items. Stay tuned :)

Best get moving for this early appointment. Have a good day. Later gators.

Ottoman

Good morning. 

This Tuesday hiking group likes to make hiking so very extraordinarily complicated. All day of text messages to land on a walk (not a hike) on a gravel road (with car traffic) and no bathrooms for miles. Why? I really have no idea. There are umpteen billion choices of hikes and we end up here. The hike's been planned for 2 weeks and suddenly, nope. It's going to be beautiful weather and we're on a gravel road. I'm hiking a lot this week so I'm downgrading to a walk, but I was close to backing out and going on a solo hike -- where hiking lives, IN THE WOODS.

Ottoman looks good. I ordered pillows for the chairs to tie in the green. I tossed a green pillow on to see if it works. Hopefully, the pillows I ordered have enough green to balance. The sofa across the room has the green pillow and a green blanket. Also, a few plants so green is scattered around the room.

I got a handmade lampshade from Etsy for an old lamp I thrifted. I like the contrast of patterns. The gold accents on the lamp work with the gold on the shade so I think the mix-match works.

I've been searching FB marketplace for items for the new house and keep striking out. People are leaving listings up well after they've sold. One post is for a $20 plant stand and the response was "I'm in talks with someone." What does that mean? Over $20?? I'll keep trying. I'm bummed about the plant stand -- it was a good price. Looking for counter stools and rugs too. Our new island needs 4 chairs and we only have 3 -- no longer available at retailer so I need to start over.

Total social calendar today. Hike, lunch, movie night with hubby. As usual, I need to remember to enjoy it and not be in my head about this and that. 

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Regular Monday

Today is a regular Monday and I'm here for it. A couple of bigger errands -- ottoman pickup (yea) and ordering cookies for the rehearsal. UPDATE: just looked up bakery and they're closed on Mondays -- so ONE bigger errand lol.

The hike was good yesterday. A bit over 9 miles and I was asked to lead the final mile (long story). That was a little fun too. I'd love to be a hike leader if it weren't for the behind the scenes BS that the hike leaders deal with regularly (complaints and such). That said, hike leading MIGHT be in my future. No harm in trying. I've been asked several times (although I think a lot of people get asked) and each time it seems a little more interesting. Taking a turn dealing with Joe Public. Anyway ... we celebrated the Chinese New Year with candy from Chinatown for good luck -- I'm saving it to share with the Tuesday hike group. The hike leader is a lot of fun.

I DNF another book. Mystery written in the 1940s -- it couldn't hold my attention. I'm not sure if this issue is me or my book selection. I get about halfway and totally lose interest in way too many books lately. I have a library book for pick up today and then I'm going to take a little reading fast (or a dramatic slowdown). Cleanse my reading palette a bit -- and by a bit, I mean a week. Heading to Asheville next week and I have my teahouse books ready (two super short books). Stay tuned. I'm excited for both.

This was one of the roses from the spa shower -- Trader Joe's. It's stunning. 

This week feels balanced. Not too busy. Social stuff. Hiking. Some work. Maybe add a bit of creative (crafty) in the mix to round it out -- Valentine's inclusion rocks?? Weather is back to seasonal temps which makes morning hiking a lot easier. A bit of recovery before things ramp up again. 

Hope you are set for a good week. Later gators.

Bridal Shower Success

The last 2 days were really good. 

I'm drained but worth it a 100 times over. Gathering as a family is such a touchpoint of connection and I felt it this weekend. I hope my DIL did too.

That said, hosting doesn't come without work and lots of stimulation -- hence the drained. Active recovery in the woods this afternoon. Few solo miles and then the group hike. It's a celebration of the Chinese New Year.

Because of bots, etc, I won't post people pictures, but here's my lunch. Vegan breakfast platter -- it had so much flavor (I had this before) and couldn't resist it again.

My sister brought me this gift for the garden -- I love it so much!!

Bit by bit my "busy" is getting finished. I'm doing a fair to good job of remembering to enjoy it and not just check it off a list. Still a hefty amount ahead, but keeping my things in the mix is helping it feel life "life" not a "time to get through."  Hiking, time with friends, crafting, meditation, etc.

Not long ago, my rest after this weekend would've been slugging on the sofa watching TV and snacking. Planning the hike to recover in a different way -- something that actually restores me is the kind of decision I want to make more. Makes the "boat move faster."

Okay -- I actually have a full morning before company wakes up so I'll end this here. Have a good day. Later gators.

New Journal and a New Hiking Shirt

Good morning.

The journal class was much easier. The instructor pre-cut the paper (measuring and cutting was the most time consuming step). Lots of steps, but easy. I finished decorating it at home because I didn't like the choices, but I was finished in an hour. Pictures will load backwards ...

Also got a new hiking shirt -- she's my hero for staying home and making her own decision. So many lessons and inspiration to take from her life, her backbone, her integrity. Debuting this one on the Sunday hike.

The shower weekend is here. Out of town peeps arrived yesterday and the final group this afternoon. I'm doing the table flowers this morning and then I'm all set. I don't feel as excited as I expected -- probably will once my family arrives this afternoon. That said, I don't feel worried or dread (because of hosting) either. 

The only hiccup is the house of the market and the prep needed before I can leave for the day. We lowered the price yesterday -- I'm not thrilled with this realtor team for a few reasons. One is that I said we shouldn't start that high but they argued heavily. Also, they keep flopping around on strategy and advice. The house has been on the market for 2 weeks -- during which we had 2 storms, bitter temperatures, holiday, and an awful change in government. 4 showings, 1 second showing. Doesn't seem horrible to me, but suddenly they're in a panic over the price. Hello. 

I have a packed morning so I can get to Trader Joe's for flower selection when they open. Best get moving. Later gators.

Short Hello

I found out the ice storm that completely missed us (not even rain), hit the spa. Eek. Hopefully, they're open by Saturday without any hiccups. Temps are going above freezing, but dipping really low overnight. We still have a few days -- thank the lord and fingers crossed.

I have a garden journal class today. I took the class last year and used the journal to log garden details and information -- very handy to keep track of everything. It's time consuming to make though -- last year it was 3 hours and I had to finish it at home. This year is a day class so not as rushed and maybe a little easier since it's my second time. We use old books, remove the pages, sew in new ones that we cut to fit the book and then decorate the cover (this I'll do at home because I have lots of scraps of things saved for journal making).

Grocery shopping and that's all for today. My sister and niece arrive tomorrow and the shower weekend begins. 

I am so grateful to have my energy up again. 

Short and sweet this morning. I'll take pictures of the class today. Have a good day. Later gators.

Here's What's New

How about a few fun things.

I finished this last night. Nordic noir -- good translation, good crime plot, and clever ending.

Proposed this read to my bookclub. I read it years ago and found it inspiring and actionable. Keeping this bookclub going is on my 25 for 2025 list. Why? I like this group and it's a good reminder to me to put energy into what I want -- easy to check out since there's little collaboration, but it's worth a shot. 

Lunch with my DIL's mother today. It's cold, but the snow went just south (by about 20 miles). Should be fine to get out today.

Realtor believes weather is a factor in slow showings. School is closed for a few days this week again (bus stop is too cold for southerners). I hope she's right.

I'm meeting with the builder next week or so to plan bookshelves. So fun :) My own space with an entire wall of built in bookshelves is an office dream come true. 

I started a free trial of a meditation app called The Way -- about 9 days of the 30 free. Tim Ferris is a user and investor. It's $12/month if I decide to continue. It follows a path so you don't get to choose what you listen to, but you can time it from 10-30 minutes. I like it and it's getting easier to slip into meditation mode each time. Experimenting with tools. It doesn't replace my usual post-workout meditation -- totally different kind of meditation, but I imagine I can incorporate it into this practice too. I expect to keep going for another month and see where it leads. 

My Oura ring charger went kaput and I emailed customer service. They sent a shiny, refurbished ring and charger at no cost. They're phasing out the model I use so I guess they didn't mind giving me one. I only needed the charger, but it's nice to have a shiny ring again. Learning curve to get it changed in the app, but I figured it out. Trying not to be "that old person" who can't do these kind of things. I'm clumsy, but I'm doing it. Also, a reminder to ask for what you want. Sometimes the answer is 'yes' and sometimes it's 'yes' and even more. 

That's all from here today. Hope you are staying warm. Later gators.

Damn.

My god -- help us all. We knew what was coming but to see it on display is horrifying. I have no idea what will come of this country.

Texted all day with friends -- supporting each other. That's a little spark of good that comes of this. 

No showings yesterday. Still plugging along. We have a tech coming to do maintenance on our hot water heater -- super early. Dips right into my morning. Hurry up and rush, then nothing timely the rest of the day. Add that to the end of our democracy, and I'm not a happy camper this morning.

I did get back to some rock painting and that always feels good.

Something relaxing about
lots of little color blobs.

I also cleaned my toilets.

Been using him since 2017

I'll leave it on that note today. Later gators.

Monday

It seems like it's been a steady stream of a holiday or weather since Christmas week. Holiday today, possible weather tomorrow. Not easy to get into a rhythm this January. 

I had a good hike yesterday. Going early to hike ahead works magic for these shorter hikes. I had a total of just over 9 miles -- fast. Not big elevation, but all 9 miles were cooking. It felt good. There's a hike on Wednesday that's a push (11 miles fast), but the temps are staying near freezing. I think that's asking for a problem with my toes so I'm going to pass.

We're meeting the kids for lunch today. We'll take 2 cars in case we have a showing and need to get the dogs out. Hubby's been managing the showing schedule so I told him I'd be the one to leave. Fingers crossed it times okay because I'd like to spend time with the baby. We had another showing yesterday -- good responses, no offers. House "just misses" on something for each family.

Otherwise, today is a relatively chill day. Maybe a little crafting in the afternoon?? I have 2 projects that I'd like to play around with for fun. I also have the final touches on the shower gift bags. I was waiting to open the candies so they stay fresh.

Short and sweet today. I haven't planned out the week yet and I need to remember we have company staying here for the weekend. For some reason my mind thinks the shower is the following week. It's going to add another layer to the house being on the market. The week feels extra short with the holiday today.

Hope you're set for a good week. It's a horrible week for the country. I'm trying very hard to stay away from the news. Stunts and stupidity -- all designed to give power to one person at the expense of everyone else. Anyway ... 

Later gators.

Sunday Ramblings

It's seems I'm on a spinning recalibration loop with my attitude and mood. As I said before, I'm just going with it because I can't seem to stop it. I'll be going along fine and dandy and, bam, I'm suddenly terrified we just blew up our lives on a whim. Low key panic attack. Couple of breaths and I remember a random reason I want this and then I'm super delighted for a couple of minutes. I'm dizzily running this circle all day. I've been awake for an hour and I've run the circle no less than 10 times. 

It's awesome.

It's horrible.

It's fine.

I got through the ugly, pesky chores yesterday and that feels good. One more to go today. 

I'm looking forward to the hike this afternoon. I'm really looking forward to the solo hike before -- solitude with the trees does magic. The hike that was canceled yesterday was moved to February -- registration opened 30 minutes ago and it's already full. I'm glad I jumped on again -- I debated until I saw the rapidly growing list. Wow -- people up early to get on this hike. Or it's early people who like to hike. Hmmm.

Atlanta is possibly back to snow on Tuesday -- can't make up her mind. It was a smart decision to postpone Asheville. I want a good trip -- I need to feel grounded in the way Asheville does for me. I'm sad to see the destruction, but I still think she'll still deliver on the feels and the chai (of course).

I'm trying to enjoy the process of everything -- because there's a lot of fun stuff right now, but I'll admit, I'm also glad when something is finished. As much as I'm trying to keep ME on the calendar, some things are slipping a little. I haven't had the mental space to craft and I miss it. I'd like to thrift stuff for the house and wedding, but that takes a lot of hours and time in germy public. Not a great idea ahead of all the wedding things. It's a complicated balance of things. 

All this to say I'll be glad to have the shower finished. I know it'll be a good day, but right now, it feels like a damper. Specifically trying to minimize exposure to germs -- the week feels constricted and a little bit ominous because of it. Over reaction -- yep. That's why I need to remind myself to enjoy this too. My default isn't fun.

I know none of this is major or really a problem. I've said before, it's taken me my lifetime to put myself into the mix and live in a way that feels like my choosing. It's an unsettling feeling to be pulled away. I don't have my cup full yet. Managing that pull is still a learning process because life will always pull. I'm exploring ways to hold both.

Morning ramblings. Thanks for indulging me. 

Have a good Sunday, stay warm. Later gators.

Canceled

Hike was maybe, hike was off, then on, then off. Thankfully, I looked one last time before bed to see he canceled. I was surprised when it was on (given the rain), but it was ultimately the ice on the trails that forced the cancel. And this one was deep in the mountains with no cell reception -- could have been dicy. I was bummed when it was back on (I mentally checked out) and then disappointed when it was canceled (I had pumped myself up for it again). Honest to god -- no pleasing me.

We had 2 showings and one second showing yesterday. One showing was a realtor and his wife just beginning their search. Haven't heard from the other who came back a second time, but lack of response probably means they aren't interested. Nothing scheduled for the remainder of the long weekend so far and that's disappointing. I think weather is factor. Rain and then very cold temperatures. 

I have volunteer work and wedding details to finish today. I'm a bit "rushed" this morning so we can be ready if we get a showing. It's a gloomy, rainy day and GA doesn't like to go out in this kind of weather. I don't expect any showings, but we need to be ready.

A new Trader Joe's opened a little closer to us. I grabbed flowers to test for the shower next weekend. I have to purchase the flowers a day or two early and I wanted to make sure they lasted. My DIL's favorite flower is a rose and those can be less fresh from a grocery store. So far, so good. I'll see what's available the day I need them. I'm planning Gerber daisies and roses.

Sampling the little vases
for the table. Everyone
takes one home.

Leftovers look nice for
the showings.

Life seems up, down, sideways right now and my mood is following suit. I'm chill, stressed, apathetic -- all in the span of a few hours. I've thrown in the towel trying to influence my mood. Whatever. It'll change shortly. Continue doing the things I know work for me and march on. Overall, I'm giving myself positive marks. No meltdowns so far.

I'm canceling the trip to Asheville tomorrow. The weather is EXTREME cold for the next few days and my toes won't be able to handle it. I'm trying to keep them healthy enough to continue hiking for the winter. I'm disappointed because I miss Asheville and relieved to have extra time at home and guilty to cancel on my sister and worried I'll never get there. See?!? Twenty emotions in one decision. Crazy mind.

I joined a Sunday hike and I might go early to get extra miles. It's a local trail and ice has melted at the lower elevations. I know time in the woods will do me good. The afternoon time usually means warmer temps, but a cold front is coming through and a 10 degree drop from morning to the time of the hike. See, hiking gods aren't helping me this season. Guess I'm proving my dedication to hiking or my stupidity to go with the flow.

That's all from here. I'll feel better when I get a list of annoying things fixed today. Billing problems, electronic issues, order issues, etc. Lots of little pesky stuff hanging around. Sometimes the best way to feel better is to change circumstances rather than work on mindset around it. Once these things are done, the annoyance goes away.

Have a good Saturday. Later gators.

Weather is Being a Brat

An email came out with a heads-up that the hike is probably getting canceled on Saturday -- not just the forecasted rain, but the trails on that mountain are still ice covered as of yesterday afternoon. Dang. At least this hike leader cancels early enough that I won't be on the road.

I'm either taking Duke to run or hike today. I need to decide which is better for us. Run at the park is perfectly safe. Hike is a little more uncertain with narrow trails and the possibility of running into other dogs. There was also a good deal of muddy spots and that could be tricky with a dog attached. My preference is to hike myself but my poor dog needs to get some harder exercise. Just writing this out, I'm leaning toward a run at the park. 

Honest to god, why is it so hard to hike regularly at the level I want to hike?

And a possible second storm next week. I'm watching the forecast to see about my trip to Asheville. My weather app isn't showing anything but everyone is talking about a storm Tuesday or Wednesday. I might need to make the trip a quick overnight which would be disappointing. 

The weather is hampering house showings too (I think). GA doesn't come out in the cold, rain, and definitely not snow. I need to trust the process -- somehow it all works out. We have a showing tomorrow. 

I've been screenshotting IG like crazy pulling pictures of decor that "speaks to me." I'm starting to understand what it is specifically about certain decor that I like and don't like. Hopefully, that helps decorating the new house. I want to shift the aesthetic a little in the main areas and more in the secondary rooms. I think that will be a nice balance.

I dropped the ripped ottoman to get reupholstered. They had 50 plus books of fabrics but nothing vintage-or retro or pretty. All traditional or boring or ugly -- as far as my taste. I ended up with a green velvet and the owner wasn't very enthusiastic about my choice. We'll see. The room might be too small for the ottoman anyway and the green gives some options for other rooms. I'm holding off on the chair. I probably need to bring my own fabric for that project. 

That's all today -- another short hello. Hope you are having a good week. Later gators.

Very Short, Somewhat Sweet

Atlanta was jacked up with traffic yesterday. A 45 minute drive to the hike took 95 minutes -- fortunately, I was still early enough to get an extra 3 miles hiked (as fast as my little legs could go). Made for a 9 mile hike and my legs feel it today which is the point -- I need to build up muscle endurance. Lunch was really good. Excellent conversation. It was just 3 of us and I like the smaller group size. 

BTW, I handled the traffic situation as expected. Threw a massive mind temper tantrum (the hiking gods are against me) and then put on a podcast and chilled out. I give myself a C+ on accepting what it -- room to improve, but not my worst either lol.

As far as solo hiking -- it was fine. I made one wrong turn, but figured it out quickly. I have another planned solo hike on Thursday and I'm considering safety options. The other possibility is to just go to the park and run Duke. I'll see how I feel tomorrow. Looks like a real possibility the hike Saturday is getting rained out (those damn hiking gods again). I don't expect to be able to hike at all the following week. It's a real effort to make space to build up hiking endurance.

This is a short post today. Lots to do this morning before I leave for a hair appointment. It's scheduled ahead of usual so it times right for the wedding. Later gators.