Bookended Day

Yesterday was a good day. 

I found a couple of moments to have quiet time, me-time kind of moments squeezed into an otherwise full day. An extra walk along the river ahead of the road cleanup. Stopped for a favorite iced tea to take on errands. Both were surprisingly rewarding, probably because they were intentionally "labeled" as something I'm doing for me.

I'm going to try to clean up some attitude I have about today too. 

Starts with an early run at first light because it's so dang hot. I need a run before the race this weekend. Rushed mornings are so aggrevating to me lately. I was up several times during the night because my dog had the runs (thankfully no accidents) so getting up early was hard. I've been extra cranky about the weather -- putting a damper on my outside fitness enjoyment. WHEN WILL IT END?!?! Not this week. 

Then I'm heading all the way to midtown to thrift with my aunt. Of course, I love spending time with her (and I enjoy thrifting), but there's a little mixed-bag energy lately. She's overly crazed about thrifting, on a GLP-1 (so we don't eat anymore). It's too intense of a shopping experience for me and this one's a long drive. I haven't had the time for this day and she's been asking for weeks and weeks. It's not how I'd choose to spend today because September is so full. But here we are and I'll have a good time. I'm looking forward to seeing her, but wish it was a shorter, different plan for today.

Then meetings - from 6-10 o'clock. Zoom for an hour in the car ahead of a 3 hour meeting tonight. Both important and totally washing out my evening. 

My least favorite kind of day -- rushed morning, late evening. Bookended day.

I will try to slip little bits of quiet today too. Maybe this is the answer on these kind of days. Also, taking pictures of little moments. I noticed I stopped doing that regularly and that means I'm not noticing as much.

On that note, meditation has been few and far between. I've usually meditate after exercise (pairing the habit and my mind is more settled after a workout), but today I'm doing it ahead. Not my preference, but preferences are often just what's been practiced. I need to think and do a little differently or nothing will change. 

Have a great day.

Later gators. 

Thoughts and Decisions

I made a few decisions yesterday.

(1) Get coached on Thursday. I emailed and asked (it's open coaching) -- I'm on the schedule. Worth sacrificing the hike. It's a guest coach and I've been coached by her before. Curious if she has any insights or can direct me to insights. 

(2) I emailed the hike leader for the big trip next year and told her it was too technical for me. This in the name of priorities too. Training for this trip would take over my life -- all for a challenge that I don't know I'd really enjoy and that scares me in a way that's not a good scary (aka I could fall to my death). I don't want to hike ridge-line hiking with metal ladders to scramble over rocks. It's only one of the days, but that day could literally be the end of me. 

There's a lot of road between where I am now and that trip. I decided to make stops along the way, so to speak. 

This includes getting on the next level hikes with her (aka a qualifier hike for the trip). I'm not using it as a qualifier, but I want to challenge myself and see if I like hiking at that level. She put 2 hikes on for back-to-back weekends in October so I can challenge myself and have time to get ready. 

THIS is (sort of) fun, a little scary, and a more appropriate challenge. It's a big push for me.

(3) The volunteer meeting I attended on Saturday was informational, but I planned to volunteer regularly for this refugee organization. Given my schedule, I decided not now. I became a monthly donor, signed up for a volunteer event, but regular volunteering needs to wait. 

I'm spread too thin. 

Election work is taking up a lot of my time and that's my priority. I can volunteer and help out in different ways with this other organization. I'll revisit it after the election.

These decisions are good AND they aren't home runs -- mixed feelings abound. 

I'm doing the work to figure out my priorities and making decisions with that filter. 

I'm getting coached on the other aspect -- scarcity and fear of losing what I worked for (relationships, hobbies, etc). That's less logistical and I'm not seeing clearly.

I want this full life, but I need to make time for the quiet spaces that are just for me. Without them, the full life becomes a to-do list, not a joy.

Anyway ... what's today, no one asked?

A long walk, arm workout, Adopt-a-Road clean-up, seed pickup for the donation garden, and babysitting my grandson. 

I'm going to focus on how this day is for me (even though it feels a little task heavy). These are all things I WANT on my calendar and I can enjoy doing them. I'm also going to look for the quiet spaces in-between -- be intentional about noticing them.

Sometimes on task days, the pleasure comes from finishing the tasks, not from doing them. I'm trying to switch that today. Many "fixes" in my life are perspective changes on the exact same life. I wonder if this is the case again.

Where I held space was a 'no' to lunch with the hiking group (they aren't hiking today, only lunch). I could've rushed and fit it in, but chose quiet space instead. 

I need to try. There's a way to get a better balance. I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm working on it.

Hope you have a good Tuesday. 

Later gators. 

Oh Monday, Hello My Friend

Hello, Monday. 

Am I over the mood? 

Yes and no. 

I decided to nix all workouts this weekend in the hope of healing some of the aches. It helped a bit. My neck is looser and my back feels good this morning. 

BUT ... I also fell face first into crappy eating and a big "don't give two f*&ks" attitude. Not a great choice. Not sure I'd do it any differently if I had the chance either. It was the relief of giving up for a couple of days that felt amazing in the moment. I did the bare minimum -- obligations only. Everything else was ditched. It would've been nice to rest in a healthier way, but I probably waited too long to force a rest and the solution wasn't pretty.

I'm still in a bit of a ditching mood this morning. 

Ditched a solo hike I planned. Still resting and recovering.

Ditched (said no) to a couple of social obligations -- waited until this morning to respond to late texts.

Put a strong boundary on other plans. 

I need to regroup. 

I think the answer to balancing lies somewhere in two areas.

(1) Priorities. What do I actually want? What is MOST important to me? There isn't time for everything at full effort. 

(2) Fear related to losing things that I've intentionally and diligently worked to have in my life. Without that full effort, can it still be a valuable part of my life? Did I grow these things only to give them up? Will people give up on me if I'm not showing up at full effort?

I'm exploring both of these more. 

There's a coaching call on Thursday I might be able to attend -- need to clarify if it's open coaching or topic specific. It would also interfere with a solo hike I planned, but I'll give it some thought. I wish the schedule was set further in advance so I could plan more regularly.

Enjoy my little dog with his HUMONGOUS attitude. This feels about right for today.

He wanted a bone hahahaha!

Have a great start to the week.

Later gators.

Hello, MOOD (!!)

Today's post is brought to you by a MOOD. 

Maybe secondary to hormones??

You are WARNED hah!! It's a doozy. 

Yesterday was kind of a crappy day. 

Started with a random lady going off on me for no reason while I was setting up chairs for the outdoor concert. She ranted and ranted at me and I walked away -- she yelled I was an awful person. Seriously?!? She wasn't crazy, just combative and grumpy. I didn't engage with her, stayed polite, but I wanted to give her a big F8&K you. 

Ended with the outdoor concert being canceled because of weather (I had done the setup for everyone again and had to un-setup after the storm) and our roof leaked, flooding the basement. 

Between it all was a lot of annoyances, 9-11 sadness (we lived in NY and lost a few friends), and locally stressful news. 

Add to it that everything hurts on my body right now. I have so many aches and this dang clogged ear. That's why I wonder if it's hormones since I'm so achy. 

I'm tired.

Here's the mood. (Above is just the pre-story -- eeek, I warned you.)

I can not, for the life of me, figure out a balance. 

I'll use this one example. 

The last of the outdoor concerts for the summer. 

I decided this one was going to be easy. 

Setup a couple of chairs for us.

No dinner before. 

No entertaining. 

And it was anything but simple. Who did ALL the work?? I did. Everyone turned to me for accommodating chairs and setup. No one offered to help. No one said, I'll do it this time. 

Crazy lady. People joining. People canceling. 

Of course, ending with the entire thing being canceled. 

Our chairs are drying on the front porch. I have no idea if they'll rust from being so wet. 

Here's my dilemma. 

I WANT this kind of thing. I want lots of people in my life. I want to do these kinds of gatherings. I enjoy helping people. I enjoy organizing. I enjoy a level of spontaneity.

And sometimes I don't. 

Sometimes I want a break.

Sometimes I want to say no.

Sometimes I want simple and that means I'm not responsible for everything. 

So glad everyone got to back out last night and have a cosy night at home (per text messages) while we had to wait for the storms to pass to collect our chairs, dry them out -- and while we waited, clean up a flooded basement. 

Not one person said thank-you or appreciated the effort. (Someone did ask if they could help with the basement -- that was sweet and we didn't need help.) I didn't invite people. People ASKED ME for the favor. A little appreciation would have gone a long way.

Texting so-and-so said you were going and setting up. Can I sit with you guys? Will you setup for me? 

I said yes. I wanted to error on the side of being kind. Four extra people yesterday. Four people the day before.

Of course, if the concert happened and we had a good night, I probably wouldn't be this moody. That said, I was tired and everything hurt enough that I wished for nothing but my pjs and bed.

Then I say to myself, is this really a big deal?? Of course, it isn't. 

But I'm looking down the path of this weekend. 

Things for other people. 

Things I said yes to. 

Nothing I want to do right now because I'm tired and my body hurts. 

Things that will be fun enough -- not like it's an awful weekend, but not what I want to do.

Things that will take a toll on my body. No relief from the pain this weekend.

And probably no appreciation, just expectation.

When I said yes, circumstances with ME were different. Now I feel trapped by all the yeses and I don't know how to balance.

It's the kind of day that I wish I had a 24-hour bug so I could hide out in my room and do nothing. 

I'm trying to leave space. I'm trying to say yes, but with boundaries. I don't know how to do it though. No one person is asking too much, but all the little add-ons from all the people are too much. But how to say no to individual little things? Sorry, drawing the line at 7 extra, won't do 8. 

I don't wish to go back to when I did less, knew fewer people, had fewer friends ... but how do I balance this now?

I want to get coaching on it, but I can't seem to be available when the coaching calls happen (it's a random schedule so I can't plan them too far in advance). 

Okay, probably enough for now and I need to get moving. Lots of driving today for volunteer obligations, starting early (of course). 

I know this won't be the last I chat about it -- it's going to take time to figure this out, but I'll try to warn you!!

So much MOOD, so little time hah!

Have a good day. I'm going to try too.

Later gators.

Wednesday

Classroom reading was so much fun!! I read two books. The truck book was my son's favorite (I saved it) and now HIS son loves it too (shocking that it's in such good shape). The kids were attentive and absolutely adorable.

I worked hard on the to-do list for the week. Made a decent dent and will get more finished today. 

The morning is rushed (of course) and filled with "work" kind of things, but the afternoon is all mine. I started a monthly massage to see if it helps the aches and pains. Right now, I'd say it isn't working well lol, but I hope it helps long tern. I know it feels good on the day. I need to explore options for having less pain. I see little glimmers of feeling good, but then, bam. Something "breaks."

Speaking of which, I'll check out the pilates private classes soon. I want to build a little strength back in my arms and let everything settle down before I try it. Goal is starting in October. (September's schedule is too full anyway.)

My back is feeling well enough to try a workout. I'll take it cautiously. Off to get at it before it gets too hot.

Have a good day. Later gators.

I'm Home

Home sweet home. 

We had a nice weekend. It was great to see the family and really important that we made the effort. My aunt has come to all my family things (showers, weddings, etc). Also, my other aunt and uncle aren't well so it was good to see them too. 

Half the family lives in Atlanta -- it was funny to travel up north just to get together. It was Atlanta and Buffalo crew only.

The weekend was "organized" by the scattered family so it was a free-for-all with lots of plans that didn't amount to anything. Nothing new there, but we still had a good time. 

Lady bug at our table.

Charlie the Butcher
Beef on wek

Weather was lovely. Cooler, lower humidity. Still awfully warm in the sun though. Didn't get to wear the flannel lol -- STILL summer clothes, but I wore jeans one day.

Update on me.

Ear: slowly improving and I survived the plane without too much issue.

Neck: okay, but back to more frequent PT maneuvers this week because it's stiff

Back: threw it out on Sunday after a really good run -- dang. Bent over and bam. 

Back is muscular. Best when moving around. Going from sitting to standing is a bitch though. Travel day did me no favors. Hoping for improvement today. It usually lasts about 5 days. Have no idea what I'll need to modify this week. 

What's today, no one asked??

It's a grandson day. I'm the reader in his school this morning -- so fun. Pretty please no sitting on the floor with my back. Eeeek. 9 slots over 3 days. Only 3 slots filled -- 2 are his grandmothers. Love!! P.S. It's grandparents week, hence the readers. Also a tea on Friday. 

Then babysitting in the afternoon. Tuesdays are often my pickup day. Hot wheels and snacks. 

Can I say that finding a book to read to 2 year olds is harder than you'd think. So many books are strange, or get scary. I'm not a clutch-my-pearls person, but these are 2 year olds. A book about the alphabet climbing a tree -- fun. They know their ABCs so let's read it. The ABCs climb the tree and then all fall and get really hurt. WTH? The book describes each letter's injury. Then ends with the letter A starting to climb again.

Some are so strange that I can't even find the story in it. How will THAT hold attention. 

Luckily I found one -- See You Later Alligator. A turtle says good-bye to all his friends before going on a walk. It's all expressions for good-bye to each animal friend. BTW, I've never read out loud to a classroom of pre-schoolers. This will be an adventure of sorts today.

The week is a mixed bag of chores (ugh, indoor plant watering), volunteer work (dang court report), and social things. It's a quick turnaround from travel to the week. September is a BIG month with lots and lots. Too much. I'm absolutely trying to hold space, but it's tough. Same story, different week. October is clear enough that I can start my scheduling holds and see if that helps. 

Best get going. Glad to be home.

Have a great Tuesday. Later gators. 

Shuffle to Buffalo

All ready for the quick flight up north. 

50th anniversary party for my aunt and uncle.

Home Monday night. 

My ear is horrible this morning. Much worse than it's been. Ugh. Maybe the pressure changes on the flight will clear it?!? Just googled -- maybe, or maybe make it a lot worse. Hmmm. 

Random bit from yesterday.

My grandson is almost ready for a toddler bed and he's staying the weekend in a few weeks. Needed something in case he's outgrown his other option. The bed came in the mail. All vacuum packed into a very little box. 

Travel toddler bed.

Check out the picture of the grandparents reading a toddler book while the child sleeps on the floor. Hilarious. 

But the bed is fun and I think it'll work well.

Short and sweet today.

Condensed morning routine before we leave. 

Between garden and dog and neck stuff, it's a rushed morning.

Have a great holiday weekend. See you Tuesday. Later gators.