Maybe a Lemon?

The espresso machine was, in fact, a sign for the day.

Went to drive my car for the first time since taking it home from the dealership and it left via a flatbed tow truck. (No spider issues on the run though -- phew.) 26 miles on the car.

The car was shaking violently and emergency alerts as soon as I started it. 

Service from the dealership was disappointing at best. "Just go through the warranty." "Not sure if we have a loaner car for you." "We got this car from a dealer trade because you wanted the green color, so it's the other dealerships responsibility."

They hooked the car up and found NO PROBLEM even though it did it repeatedly for me, my husband, and the tow truck operator. Even the car said there was something wrong (I took a picture of the alerts).

"The computer noticed some occasional misfirings of the engine, but there is no fix protocol at this time."

They're keeping it until Monday. If it doesn't do it on Monday, then "we're good to go." SERIOUSLY??? The car was un-drivable. 

This is a mess. Can't drive the loaner out of state. Trip to Asheville is questionable now and do I even want to drive it to Asheville?? If this happens in Asheville it's an entire other level of inconvenience. I have the option of taking my old car back from my son for the week, but now, I'm essentially borrowing HIS car. He's on vacation for the week.

Had to cancel my physical. 

I DID get to the movies. Verity was a lot more disturbing visually, but the twists, scares, and ending are great. The movie theater was really nice. Finally got to go (though this was close to getting canceled too).

Roofer was a no-show for the FIFTH time. Storms starting tonight through Monday morning. We'll be spending all night/day/night dealing with water if he doesn't come today.

Yep, it was a sign.

I have a full weekend -- of course. The car situation backed me up on getting ready for Sunday. Football day and celebrating my DILs birthday. Doing a big meal and homemade cake (so I can eat it too). I was planning to have the grocery shopping finished so I could fit the cooking and baking into plans today. Can't get started with no ingredients. I'll need to shop at prime time on Saturday afternoon and somehow fit it the work before football at 1 o'clock on Sunday. 

I'm tempted to buy the cake and do takeout. This means I'm left out of the eating, but also, no work. I'm on the fence.

Bookclub for brunch. Will they / won't they show up?? My guess -- 3 people including me. Two people and I'm calling my efforts finished. Guess I need to figure out my favorite summer read too. I've been so sure it was bombing, I didn't give it any thought.

Probably Lonesome Dove or The Wall. Couldn't be more different. 

I also didn't realize it was Youth Day today. Lots of roads closed for the parade and festival. Oh well. People can figure it out. I'm not giving them another excuse to cancel. 

That said, I'm not in a horrible mood, but I am annoyed that my attempt to balance out my schedule is going to shit again. This weekend and coming week were set to run smoothly and the car situation has it going sideways. The space was supposed to be for quiet things for ME. This weekend is tight and busy now. Asheville will be a quick trip to just get the house ready for the kids to stay -- very little fun Asheville time. 

I've said no to a few things. I'm prioritizing hiking to prepare for the advanced hikes at the end of the month. My foot is painful, but holding steady. In shoes, I'm fine. This is a win.

I did suggest a group thing with our neighbors for October -- walking ghost tour in our town. It's turning out to be a bigger deal than I planned, but I'm going to give it a go and see if I can get it together. My effort has a limit though. I'll take it through one pass of organizing and then I'll tap out and we can just go to dinner. 

I know that I have a lot of fun things I'm doing and my life isn't drudgery -- it's a good time. But I'm struggling a lot to get the quiet spaces back. The spaces that ground me. The spaces that leave enough stillness so I can FEEL what I need. 

Coaching suggested looking for spaces within the rest of the day. Can I find a quiet moment in an unlikely place or can I make the time for a quiet moment in what looks like a full schedule. 

Maybe that's my work. I'll give it a try today.

Hope you have a good day.

Later gators. 

P.S. Read this back and it's whomp, whomp. I'll make an effort to be more upbeat tomorrow. Hah! I do have a lot of good stuff happening too.

Friday Morning Blues

Fasting labs mid-morning today. For some reason, only water and coffee, no tea. Why coffee and not tea? Not how I learned it, but I follow instructions.

(Eeek, just realized it's also my physical today too. Crap. That means a lot longer before I get food and decent drinks.)

This is how the morning started ...

DeScaling light.
Lord help me.

Is it a sign for the day? Lordy, I hope not lol. 

My son picked up the car, so I'm "forced" to drive the new car today. Why does this feel like such an inconvenience? It's a bother (and, of course, a privilege) to have a new car these days with all the tech changes. People have asked if I like the car and I tell them it's been in the garage since I got it. 

I'm a bit strange. 

I know it. 

Everyone knows it.

I'm in a grumpy mood this morning. 

I think it's the start of the day blues. 

None of my "good" drinks allowed.

I have to run because rain the next 3 mornings. 

I have to start the run in the dark because I have a meeting before the appointment. 

Spiders are HUGE right now.

Does the de-scaling light mean I'll also have a run in with a huge spider?? Maybe?? It's how the universe gets its jollies. Let's give 'em 3 things in a row. 

This is my mind when it doesn't get its morning routine on a regular day -- little toddler. 

Well, I really have nothing to say this morning. 

I'm going to go and de-scale the espresso machine so I can have another lungo (all decaf, and there was no limit on the coffee allotment). 

Fun fact: I learned the term LUNGO. It's exactly what I drink in the morning. More than an espresso and less than an americano. Espresso with a bit more water. 

I used to say it's a very short americano. Now I know. Now you know (unless you already knew).  I'm procrastinating. 

Okay, I really need to pull up my big girl panties and get doing the things-I-don't-want-to-do.

Have a fun Friday. 

Later gators. 

P.S. Afternoon gets substantially better with a movie date with a friend. 

Nature Day

The hike went really well. 

I finished with no problem. 

Did being a little nervous help? Maybe hah!

Visited the nature center in our town with a couple of friends. It was really pretty. It's primarily walking trails on preserved land behind a fence. Pretty, yes. Hot afternoon, also yes (90 degrees with full sun). I suggested this wait until the weather cooled down again, but was outvoted. We took a hot, sweaty walk in a lot of sun, but I had a nice time.

You can walk along a lot of that area on a public trail too, but it gets crowded with bikes too. This is more isolated and quiet. 

(Where did fall go?!?! I guess it's coming back after the storm front this weekend. P.S. Roof is STILL not fixed.)

There's also an interactive nature room for kids, birds and animals that need rehab, and butterfly area (closed for the season). Not enough to have an interest in a membership though, although my friend views her membership as a donation.

The birthday friend finally responded saying "thanks" about the birthday message (why THAT took over 24 hours to write, I'll never know). Never answered my questions about a call or what she did for her birthday weekend. Then asked me a random question later in the day about my sister. 

Today is a mix of fun and chores. 

Thrifting with my aunt. Super local this time (phew). 

Office work in the afternoon. 

No rants or deep thoughts this morning. You're welcome. 

Hope you have a good day.

Later gators.

Qualifier Hike Today

Qualifier hike this morning and I'm oddly nervous. 

I've hiked this hike many, many times and I've always made time with the club. 

And, it will extra feel hard because I'm not in my best hiking shape.

And, my foot hurts. 

So, I'm a little concerned I won't make the time.

But, still, why nerves? 

If I don't, then I just hike it again.

Maybe the adrenaline will help the hike feel easier hah!

Picked up our grandson yesterday from school and it looks like he has hand/foot/mouth. He started acting like he didn't feel well 15 minutes before his parents picked him up on Sunday (so odd and out-of-the-blue). Then he threw up that evening and wasn't himself. They kept him home on Monday and he was still fussy. As soon as I saw him, I knew he wasn't well. Parents kept saying the weekend wore him out and he needed to "recover." We played ALL day, but it wasn't out of his norm. 

Called my son and we took him home instead of our house. 

Bummed he's sick. 

Bummed we had such exposure.

Feel vindicated that we didn't overwhelm him!!!

(They weren't accusing, but I felt like we were responsible somehow.)

The book I finished yesterday was such a fun read. It had the flavor of Gone Girl. The ending was great. It would make a perfect plane read. 

I started another book, got halfway and DNF. It wasn't at all as advertised and it was so depressing. Googled the ending and called it (and based on the summary, very glad I stopped reading). New pick tonight. 

Bookclub is back on Saturday and I wonder if this is the last bookclub. We're back to it hanging on by the most delicate thread. 

Put out reminder and people dropped. We post on our FB page and we text with the group of usual people since most of us aren't FB regulars. Three of the people on the text thread haven't responded to the original message or the reminder. Seriously?

If we have dismal attendance (i.e. just me and one person again), I'm going to suggest it's finished. Maybe one last gathering to say good-bye and end well.

This time I followed my quiet boundary. Virtually no work. We're meeting a block from my house at a coffee shop and maybe heading to the cafe behind it for lunch. Easy peasy. If no one shows up, I'll go and grab a coffee, read a book, and be done with organizing (no snark, but knowing when to end is a skill I'm trying to hone). 

That said, I didn't start this bookclub, so technically I can't end it, but I can stop organizing it -- that will end it. 

Speaking of non-responders. My longest (previously best) friend had her birthday yesterday. Several texts over the weekend to see what she's doing for birthday, etc. Responded once to another part of the text but didn't answer my birthday question. I texted HBD and asked if she wanted to do a call over the weekend. I can see when she reads the text and ZERO response. No heart, thumbs up, thank you, I'll let you know, etc. NOTHING.

I'm really tired of her not responding to my text messages. When she came for the weekend, she was actively on her phone responding to people. Even took 2 phone calls while we were out. Nothing particularly rude, but absolutely connected to her phone. 

I know she spend the weekend with a mutual friend and she initially texted me about something while they were together. She wasn't driving, wasn't doing anything but shopping/food. Just like the weekend when we were together. No reason to not respond. 

She's been doing this for a few years now. Is this just "how she is" or is it just with me? I think it's rude. And annoying. And hurtful. I'm tired of people acting like this. Such a simple thing to be a friend or courteous at least. 

Is she still mad at me for canceling our birthday boxes to each other? I did it because she phoned it in for years and I spent time and a lot of money giving her thoughtful gifts. I was tired of it and the last box she gave me was ridiculous. I won't re-hash the details, but there's no way she didn't know. I told her, let's spend the money and time to see each other instead of random gifts we collect during the year. 

She's been funny about my birthday ever since. Not arranging our birthday call (which we've done for decades). The first year not texting until almost midnight. The next year just HBD and an emoji. 

I'm going to be direct and say she isn't emotionally mature. I see it in other ways too. We're in our late 50s. Let's not play HS games. If you're upset, we can talk about it. Otherwise, big girl panties please.  

Anyway, turning (turned) into a rant so let's leave it there. It was a double hit over the last few days -- bookclub and former bestie so I got on a soapbox. 

Have a good day. Fingers crossed on this hike. Fun afternoon with friends ahead too.

Later gators.

A Good Ramble (NOT a mood, I promise)

Yesterday was the kind of day I miss.

The kind of day that lays a foundation for me. 

Quietly productive.

Lots of FS moments (although they really aren't future anymore). Guess it's more ME moments. 

A few examples:

☺Made wildflower seed packets to put in my LFL and give to friends.

☺Watched a LIVE group reading for a book launch sponsored by Priya Parker while I cooked. Attending live is different. You can interact in the chat and it gives a different kind of connection. 

☺Finished political postcards while I texted with some friends. 

☺Read the 2nd book my hairdresser wrote. My cancel friend and I are doing a buddy read. Our own little bookclub. It's short and fast. Only took me a little over an hour to read.

☺Started a new book. Let it bump the line because I was in the mood and it's so fun. More on this -- I'll finish it soon.

(Also, many chores and organizing which felt good too.)

It IS important. 

I had (made) time to do the little things. Nothing was rushed. It was delightful. Workout and meditation too without looking at the clock. 

I planned some of the open spaces for this week and decided what I want to do. It's not about never filling the time slots, but about not filling them weeks in advance. How can I know what feels right a month ahead? Know what kind of moments I'll need in that moment?

I'm not talking about the special things, I'm talking lunch or coffee or shopping or appointments or volunteering or attending meetings. Average things. When I fill the calendar to the brim, there's no space for spontaneity. 

Maybe I need friend time or a long meditation or a solo hike or solo thrifting or chore time or reading time or to do nothing. Quiet time gives me space to know what I need -- it's more present moment kind of planning. 

I think this is an important distinction. It's not about being too full, it's about WHEN I fill it. 

I left a lot of this week open, had space to listen to what I need (want), and filled some spaces accordingly. 

I put 3 things on the calendar and all of them feel really good. They all feel like yeses this week. Had I said yes to some stuff weeks ago, there would be no space for any of these.

☺Pedicure this morning.

☺Lunch and Nature Center on Wednesday with friends. 

☺Verity at the local theater on Friday. I've wanted to try this theater since we moved here AND I like the book so excited for the movie. 

On a side note. 

This is tricky to describe without it seeming strange. 

I purchased 2 tickets for the movies and decided to ask a friend. I have no problem going by myself, but I was in the mood to go with someone. First 3 people weren't available. The 4th said yes. 

This is one of those moments that I see when I do a "perfect ordinary day" visualization. 

An abundance of friends to choose from -- not cycling through just a couple. I have a lot of people I can invite to the movies who I think would be interested in going and I like spending time with them. I have a solid social circle. None of the asks were out of place for the nature of our relationship. (Like asking some random person I met on a hike kind of thing.) I completely believe the first 3 wanted to go, but they weren't available last minute, so I keep going. Again, it wasn't a ranking kind of thing, more just who haven't I seen in a minute. The person going is the person I'm out with on Wednesday so she wasn't a first ask for that reason, but I'm very happy to go with her to the movies. (P.S. I know the other person I'm out with on Wednesday isn't available on Friday or I would've asked her too.)

Does this make sense? 

I like having women in my life who I can have a fun afternoon with -- nothing deep, just social fun. Deep is great. Advance planning is often necessary with everyone's schedules. BUT it's nice to have options for last minute fun with a friend. 

I've rambled on today so I'll leave it here. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

P.S. I like the ☺☺☺☺☺☺ to make a list. Prepare your hearts for me overusing it. Hah!

Gee Gee Weekend

Did you miss me?

So many cars and trucks and toddler play. I loved it and am very happy to be on a Gee Gee break for a minute. (I'm Granny, but he named me Gee Gee and refuses to call me anything else lol.) 

A little catch up ... 

Hard hike was hard, but the weather was beautiful. The hike is mostly rocks and my heel is bothering me. A little plantar fasciitis-- of course. Good lord, one thing improves, the next thing steps up. I might need more cushioned hiking shoes. The timed club hike for a qualifier is on Wednesday. 

Fall mountain flowers

On Saturday we had breakfast with my youngest and DIL. They test drove my car to see if they liked it. We're giving it to them because my son's car is 12 years old. 

Ran into my cousin and his wife at coffee on Sunday -- they live in the same town and we've never run into them. Fun little catch up. 

Nice little social moments over the weekend. But it was toddler "work" from first moment to late at night (stinker stayed up very late) so I am worn to a nub. 

This morning is focused on getting organized and cleaned up. Need to plan out the week and get moving on a number of things. 

I'm holding to the calendar brief and keeping open spaces -- way more than I normally do. Options came up for today and I decided that I would need the entire day to decompress and recover from the long weekend. Totally right and I would be kicking myself if I had made plans. NOW me is trying to be more considerate of FUTURE me. 

I used to say time with people = connection and that's always a top priority. 

Now I include myself in that (at the top of the list).

Time with me = connection with myself and THAT'S the foundation on building my life and connecting with others. 

Okay, nice to be back at it. 

I've spent the morning doing chores and now it's time for a workout and garden. 

Mornings are cooler, but afternoons still need to calm down. I'm happy about the mornings though.

Hope you have a great start to the week.

Later gators.

Fall?!?

Hello, Fall. 

We've been not-so patiently waiting.

We're getting a bounce into higher temps next week, but mornings look reasonable.

Yes, yea, hallelujah.

I'm hiking a hard hike this morning. I'm registered for this same hike next week with the hiking club to have a qualifier hike before I attempt the D5 hikes at the end of October. (Today's hike is a D4.) I've never hiked a D5 and it feels a bit scary. I haven't hiked this D4 hike in a very long time though so I need refresher before the timed qualifier. 

Anyway ... here's an update on things big and small ...

Bookstore and lunch was really nice. We have deep, interesting conversations. She's a life coach and you can tell. 

Fall garden is mostly planted.

I donated another 4 pounds of peppers to the food bank.

My new car is already ready, but we're not picking up until next week. We have our grandson for the weekend so the car will wait. 

Life has felt a bit off kilter for a couple of months. Physically, mentally -- probably feeding off each other. It feels like I'm turning the corner (slowly). 

Modifying my calendar is helping. October is more open, more time for quiet me things (like hiking to build up to the D5). Prioritizing what matters to me. The trick is to keep it this way.

I've been noticing ways to modify decisions. Maybe it's not a full yes, but it's a partial yes. (I can't do lunch, but I'll meet you for shopping -- that kind of thing.)

I'm regularly doing upper arm Peloton classes to build up again. Pilates is on hold until I get stronger and my neck settles down. I don't have the pain down my arm anymore, but my neck is so dang stiff. I don't want to get injured minute one on the reformer (or ever *knocks wood*).

It looks like the 2 places that I'm interested in taking Pilates, both offer a starter package of 3 private classes. I'm going to stop into both and get a vibe about the place before I make a decision. I have it slated for October, but I might delay until November because of the focus on hiking. Who knows, if I get really into the Peloton platform, maybe I don't try Pilates. My PT says Peloton has everything I need. 

Seems to me, that the stiller I am (aka the more quiet spaces), the better I decide what's right for me. Catch 22 scenario. Forego the quiet, fill the calendar with too many "junk" things, then no time for quiet, and the circle continues. 

Sometimes I forget to use my agency too. I run on autopilot. Even small things. 

I'm stuck behind 3 library books that aren't interesting me right now. I've been on hold for them for a long time and now that they're available, I'm not in the mood. I decided to return them, knowing I can take them out again if the mood strikes. Reading came to a hard stop because I felt I "should" read the books, but wasn't choosing to read when I had the opportunity. A number of my library holds are books that I'm not sure I'll love anyway (hence the library instead of purchasing). 

That's probably enough for today. 

Even though it's cooler today, I don't want to hike too late. 

Have a good day. 

Oh, my grandson comes tonight and I might not have morning time until Monday. If I'm MIA, it's because I'm playing cars and trucks instead lol.

Later gators.