Weekend Recap

Good morning. 

Well, bookclub. Lordy, lordy. 

The one woman who was confirmed to go (who asked me not to cancel), canceled an hour before. "I'm just not going to be able to make it today -- let's take a raincheck." Ugh. She does this regularly. I think there's more to her story involving either anxiety or depression. 

One of my friends who was a maybe (for legitimate reason) saw the cancel and texted me she wanted to come unless I had had enough. I told her she didn't need to feel an obligation -- I was going regardless. She came. We had a nice, long conversation and brunch.

I appreciated that she validated what was happening. Last minute cancels, I had to reach out, ZERO apologies, lame excuses, no consideration for me. She said she was embarrassed for them -- acting that way. Group dynamics where you don't take any responsibility for your individual actions. Believe it or not, I didn't complain or bring it up. I told her I appreciated it and felt seen (she's a life coach and you can tell).

I'm taking a break for the summer. We both thought it was a good idea. Maybe gathering more informally if anyone is interested, but not planning anything. I hope this isn't the end of bookclub. It hangs by a very thin thread. 

WORTH REPEATING though ...

BTW, the run with Duke was great. Shade, breeze by the water. 

Walking to brunch, I stopped at the opening day of our town's Farmer's Market. Wow. It's twice as big. What a glow-up. Ran into some people I knew -- small town feel, just what I want. Got some local stuff. Looking forward to going again.

The author talk was okay, my least favorite of the ones I've attended though. The talk itself was boring. The moderator was another known author (although I didn't know her) and her questions and energy were blah. The best questions came from the audience. The author seemed like she had a happy personality and was funny at times, but the moderator kept stopping the banter and not engaging with her. An attitude like let's just get this over. (BTW -- I'll chat about books soon, including the one from the event.)

The event itself was well done with lots of work from the volunteers. Tea and homemade scones. Give aways. I sat with some other solo goers at a front table and we chatted books. That was the best part. 

The birthday celebration was an excellent family day. Lots of last minute work, but worth it. We had family laughs and the garden salad was spot on. Love bragging and sharing garden goodies. 

I painted this rock. How cute and simple. I copied from IG.

I picked up two flats of plants from the farm program. Gave some away to my son and need to squeeze the rest into the garden. Right now they're sitting on my kitchen counter because it's 42 degrees. Beautiful, cool morning, but too cool for summer seedlings. Good lord, this rollercoaster weather. (Great for me, great for spring plants, NOT great for the summer littles. I hope the seedlings just emerging are okay. I'll be able to reseed if I need to.)

Hiking with a former neighbor (and friend) today back at my old stomping grounds. She won't hike long, so I'll do a few solo miles. She's another one apt to cancel. I didn't get a confirmation text as she usually does, but also not a cancel text either. I could've reached out, but I'm over organizing and following up and babysitting people's calendars right now. I'm hiking regardless. We'll see if she shows up. I expect she will. 

We're occasional friends. She started a dog boutique and that ended most of our socializing because she was occupied with the business. We used the boutique for grooming and saw her more at work than two doors down from our house. She closed the store due to a leasing issue and is probably moving to AZ in a year or two. She a temporary, occasional friend now. She still does a dog walking service so she's tied up most days from late morning on. We're hiking early today. Probably. Hopefully.

This week is quite open. I'm on-call to help my friend who lost her husband and I'm holding time open until I hear from her and her schedule. There's no expectation that it'll happen, but I'm here if she needs me. 

It's kind of a win for me too. Forces me to white-space calendar blocks and that allows some slow days. Even if she needs me, it won't be all the availability I offered. As usual, I want to use that time for good. Quiet time. Reading time. Creative time. Gardening. Things that fill my cup. 

Best get going. I have a 45 minute drive to the hike and we're going as soon as the park opens. This early isn't my preference, but it's a great way to start a Monday and the week. Hope you are off to a good start too. Later gators. 

Pictures and a Reflection (no rant, I promise)

Let's start with pictures.

I put out a little plant stand with a shelf my aunt gave me. People took a few of the peppers -- I hope more go this weekend. I LOVE sharing the garden --  never gets old!! I shared plants with my neighbor and he returned the pots with more farm eggs from his FIL. Neighbors and community -- very grateful.

Added a frog rock to the "other" snake.

Walking Duke to put out the rock and saw these guys.

Saw him fly and land.
Beautiful.
And the funniest water walking.

I'm trying so hard to get out of this maddening mood. 

I took charge of a few things and it feels a bit better.

I also got coached on Thursday and it was helpful.

Some tips and tricks (so to speak) to deal with "that" person who has reared her head again.

It's a visualization exercise and I like it.

The hardest part -- I need to practice this technique every time I start ruminating on the situation. Something happened last night and I woke up thinking about it. Practicing, practicing this morning. Also trying to reframe the more that comes my way, means more practice, means the better get.

I won't go into details, because I don't want to give it (her) any more of my energy right now. 

Off to the boardwalk trail this morning. I decided to use my newly acquired knowledge of the trail to run with Duke. I'd say it's a positive spin on my efforts, but it's actually a spite run. 

Look what you missed -- beautiful early morning along the river. 

I'm doing it anyway.

Screw everyone. 

Yes, I wish I was a more evolved person, but, obviously I'm not. Somehow taking this little spite moment makes me feel better. It's probably an immature way to deal with it, but here I am. It feels like I'm taking my agency back. Focusing on the one thing that's guaranteed -- my relationship with myself. 

I won't cancel.

I see the effort.

I appreciate me.

I have a fun time with myself. 

All true ...

... but, it's more than a bit of -- I don't need anyone and you didn't disappoint me. And that's the "unhealthy" part. Problem for another day though -- probably requires therapy hah. Maybe someday. 

As much as I'm complaining, the day WILL be nice.

The run will be pretty in the cool-ish weather morning along the river. 

Walking into town to meet one bookclub woman for brunch. If she cancels, me and a book instead.

Grabbing sour dough from a local bakery.

Walking to an author talk in the afternoon.

Home to bake and cook for the birthday lunch tomorrow.

The day hits many FS buttons. THIS is what I need to focus my thoughts on. Geez. So much good getting muddied by nothing important. Got to keep training my mind -- it's all about practicing out of this bad habit and practicing into something different. 

Hope you have a good day too. Later gators.

Eeeek, A Rant

Welcome to a rant. 

It's been a minute.

But I'm having a rant moment this morning. 

Hello, bookclub. Let's start with you. 

Crickets on responses for tomorrow so I texted the group earlier in the week.

Lots of "oh, sorry, change of plans" or "I'm now a maybe" which is the chicken version of 'no.' 

Pet-peeve: Why do I need to reach out to YOU?!? If you can't come now, say something.

But 2 people said yes. Okay, I'll put in the work. And I did. Figured out the trail, the parking, the instructions, the timing. 

BTW, I let the group know this -- I will figure this out during the week and text back with details. I explained the situation. Let them know this was an effort on my part.

(On the upside, I'm now oriented enough to be able to instruct someone to meet on the path -- it's confusing where to park and how to meet. And Duke and I had a nice morning walk.)

I sent the text yesterday with all the details and pictures to help, etc. Well done, ME. 

And one of the 2 people backed out. She doesn't want to walk in the heat with her tendency for migraines. 

I totally understand, but WHY was this a last minute revelation? 

The forecast hasn't changed.

When I sent the text earlier in the week, I said it was going to be a HOT day.

Hello.

This leaves exactly ONE person (the person who is notorious for canceling at the very, very last minute). 

So I texted, let's cancel. She responded, let's just do the brunch. 

Okay -- anyone in? What time? 

CRICKETS.

Not one response, including her. 

It's rude. Really rude. 

Now the life-coached part of me will say this is my doing. 

No one forced me to do the work, etc. 

I could have tapped out at any point. 

All true AND it's ridiculously frustrating.

Now let's talk FAMILY BIRTHDAY.

Sent a text a couple of weeks ago. 

Does this day work to celebrate? This Sunday.

Got a response from one person, my DIL ... and crickets from the rest.

She's married to the birthday boy, so I took that as a go-ahead to plan Sunday.

I texted again last week with an idea of HOW to celebrate. 

Very interesting indoor mini-golf that I had a chance to play.

They open early, serve food. Not weather dependent. 

Won't be crowded Sunday at 11 o'clock.

Happy that I had this idea.

Works for all of us -- including my grandson.

My DIL responded again -- sounds fun. No one else responded.

I texted the birthday boy last night.

Let's do something else, he says.

Okay, what? 

I don't know, you decide.

But I already decided.

Put it out to the family text again. We're gathering on Sunday to celebrate. Something outside. Details to come. Who's in and what time works for everyone?

Crickets. 

Family May Day Weekend.

You guessed it. Same.

Please do all the work, but we won't respond or make a decision in advance to give you time to organize. 

All we'll do is veto ideas and timing, etc.

Hike group trip to Asheville.

We want to do this.

Let's do this.

Hey, you plan it since you know Asheville so well.

(Even though one woman grew up in Asheville and 2 people have family there.)

Throw out dates.

I did. Crickets. One 'maybe' who texted yesterday since no one else responded, she doesn't want to take time away from her pickleball and hiking -- TWO MONTHS from now. (This is "that" person, so I'm not at all disappointed.)

THIS I tapped out of -- dead in the water. I won't ask, plan again. If someone else takes the reins, I'll be happy to go, but I've had enough. 

Damn this theme AGAIN (!!)

Wondering if there's a lesson in it for me?

Is this a nudge to do things differently?

Or is this just part of a wide life?

When this pattern hits, I want to be cynical and pull out of everything. 

Screw you all.

I'll go do things by myself and be very content.

Reminding myself to only agree to what works for me. 

(Which sounds selfish, but when I'm the one doing the lifting, I get to make that choice.) 

I had no faith in bookclub this month. People like the IDEA of physical activity, but it's what gets canceled the most. The weather. They're tired. Their knee is bothering them. It takes too much time. Many people don't actually enjoy it. It's more of an aspirational idea to them.

I knew this. I felt this in my bones. 

Especially with this group, most of whom aren't very active.

AND I agreed to it. 

AND I made the effort anyway.

That's on me.

But I wanted to be a team player. Not just my ideas. 

Maybe a perspective is to be proud of myself for showing up the way I want to show up. I kept up my side of the deal. And now I need to make a choice about tomorrow. If I don't hear from anyone by the end of my Friday coffee meeting, I'm going to make a decision that works for me, and if people join, fine. 

Okay, I like this idea. Maybe I won't wait until that late. Maybe I'll text them all early because that's what works for me. 

I DO have a good day planned today so this mood shall pass. Sometimes I think the mood is telling me I need to do something different. In this case, be finished compromising. I've compromised enough.

Have a good day and hopefully a good start to the weekend. Later gators.

Long Day Done & Dusted

I did it -- long day. 

Everything went well.

A few hiccups, but nothing horrible.

I'm proud (and maybe a little surprised) I kept my commitment to the late meeting.

My farm volunteer obligation is finished -- everything else is just icing. We filled pots (back breaker) and transplanted seedlings. Just 3 of us and we had a nice chat while we worked. 

I got a shade cover for part of the spring garden. It's way too hot for my spring littles. I'll cover them for the next few days in the heat of the afternoon. 

I shared extra plants with my neighbor and we had a really good conversation. You don't really know who you're going to get in a new neighborhood (especially these days) and, so far, we have a good bunch. We have a small street with half still being built, one renter (trying to build on the next block so they'll stay neighbors). One person just moved in with her daughter -- haven't met her yet. 

That was the best part of yesterday ... conversations. Little moments of connection, in-person, at every juncture. Gave the day a satisfaction beyond the things themselves. 

But my sleep was awful. 4 minutes of deep sleep and I feel it today. 

Groggy.

Foggy.

Trying to wake up.

Wanting to go back to bed.

Today is a MUCH lighter day and I'm glad for it.

Morning routine.

Coaching call.

Late lunch with a friend. 

One tiny errand. 

Craft time (if I can muster).

Then ... sleep 💤💤💤

Have a great day. Later gators. 

Long Day Ahead

I used the day well.

Scouted out the walking trail for bookclub on Saturday. Duke and I had a brisk morning walk -- about 6 miles of exploring. It's a boardwalk and path along the river and I needed to get my bearings for parking. I've been a few times, but I always park and walk. I didn't have enough information to set a meeting location, etc. Parking is tough -- small lots, some street parking on the brim of the road. A couple of the ladies said they were still interested in going so I made the effort. We'll see ... I know how it goes. 

I ran errands and did a few chores too. 

My friend and her granddaughter came to paint rocks. It actually happened! 

Colorful :)

I signed up for coaching tomorrow. I'm a little late to the request, so not sure if I'll get coached, but you're off the hook for my rant reflection now hah! 

I need to get going. Today is long. Court hearing (it's a tough one), volunteering at the farm (very hot afternoon in the sun), meeting from 7-10pm (dear lord). 

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Summer Planting

You got lucky. 

You're welcome.

I'm not in the mood to reflect (or rant) this morning. 

Woke up groggy. 

Here are pictures of the garden as it stands now.

Garlic, tomato, pepper,
basil, radish seeds.

Pepper plant in a pot.
Flowers along the deck base.

Greens, peas, herbs.

Peas, tomato, sorrel, pepper,
cucumber seeds

Peas, tomato, radish,
cucumber seeds.

Flowers of some sort.
I totally forget the names

Fig tree in background

I forgot I bought 2 baby
sun hydrangeas from the market.

I bought more herbs and a strawberry plant from the farm yesterday. He also gave us cucumber plants that are wonky -- may or may not take, but they were free. It was a nice field-trip with my garden friend. I'm plant sitting her strawberry plant while she's on vacation. Fingers crossed I keep it alive.

I think I have crows in my backyard -- the big trees in the gully behind the house. I'm going to try to get a crow friend. Looking for unsalted peanuts to bribe them. Of course, Trader Joe's was out of them. I'll keep a look out.

A nurse friend who I worked with years and years ago reached out to say she retired and wanted to see what I was up to. That's so nice. I was thinking about her not long ago -- we had some crazy experiences at that job, and something reminded me of one of those nights. Guess that energy went out into the universe. 

The agenda today is a jumble and up-in-the-air. My cancel friend is giving rock painting with her granddaughter one more try today, but that's not until 4 o'clock. I have the day for a lot of things, but I'm groggy and not sure what I want to do. The only rule -- don't waste the day. I have options and chores and such. I'll look for a combination that feels good. Sometimes good is simply getting pesky things off a to-do list. 

It is Tuesday and I'm not hiking with the group again. Lots of reasons. I need another beat before I get back to this group. That's part of what I was going to chat about, but I don't feel like going down that rabbit hole this morning. 

On that note, I'm going to get something started to wake myself up. I'm sure I have plants that need tending somewhere hah. Have a good day. Later gators.

Monday List

I started to write yesterday and the morning got away from me. 

Let's do a catch up list.

1. Birthday gift wrap. Found these seed flowers at the Pisgah Inn.

2. Garden Faire. Very nice time with a new garden friend. Will we become true friends? Not sure and that's okay. It's think she'll be more of a "friend-of-a-friend" friend. That said, we're going out together today too, so go figure.

I didn't get any outdoor plants, but got a number of indoor goodies.

Succulent that blooms once a year.

Air succulents and cute pots.
Singing frog and hummingbird.

Thrifted jars for $0.50
Good for herb give-aways

3. Birthday party was such a good time. She put in a lot of work. The flower Japanese arranging was very interesting. The dumplings were delicious. Her friends are lovely. The house and garden amazing. Honored to be included.

Got to take home extra cuttings.
The bendy willow should root.

Ta-Da. Follow very specific rules.
That's a tulip peeled open.

4. Summer garden is mostly planted. 

Lots of work. 

Forgot to take pictures. 

Grow well, little ones.

5. Hubby left for Asheville for the week. Just me and Duke.

6. I'm heading to a my old area to go to the organic farm stand for a few herb plants ... with my new garden friend. I was going, she was interested. So that's how today came to be. 

7. Picking up my grandson from school this afternoon. I get a little more time with him this week -- awesome!

Of course, in all of this, I have some prickly relationship things I'm trying to work out. And wondering how I show up, etc. That's a story for another morning though (maybe tomorrow, so be forewarned lol). Although it's not bad, more reflective than a rant (I hope).

Hope your week is off to a good start. Later gators.