Hello, MOOD (!!)

Today's post is brought to you by a MOOD. 

Maybe secondary to hormones??

You are WARNED hah!! It's a doozy. 

Yesterday was kind of a crappy day. 

Started with a random lady going off on me for no reason while I was setting up chairs for the outdoor concert. She ranted and ranted at me and I walked away -- she yelled I was an awful person. Seriously?!? She wasn't crazy, just combative and grumpy. I didn't engage with her, stayed polite, but I wanted to give her a big F8&K you. 

Ended with the outdoor concert being canceled because of weather (I had done the setup for everyone again and had to un-setup after the storm) and our roof leaked, flooding the basement. 

Between it all was a lot of annoyances, 9-11 sadness (we lived in NY and lost a few friends), and locally stressful news. 

Add to it that everything hurts on my body right now. I have so many aches and this dang clogged ear. That's why I wonder if it's hormones since I'm so achy. 

I'm tired.

Here's the mood. (Above is just the pre-story -- eeek, I warned you.)

I can not, for the life of me, figure out a balance. 

I'll use this one example. 

The last of the outdoor concerts for the summer. 

I decided this one was going to be easy. 

Setup a couple of chairs for us.

No dinner before. 

No entertaining. 

And it was anything but simple. Who did ALL the work?? I did. Everyone turned to me for accommodating chairs and setup. No one offered to help. No one said, I'll do it this time. 

Crazy lady. People joining. People canceling. 

Of course, ending with the entire thing being canceled. 

Our chairs are drying on the front porch. I have no idea if they'll rust from being so wet. 

Here's my dilemma. 

I WANT this kind of thing. I want lots of people in my life. I want to do these kinds of gatherings. I enjoy helping people. I enjoy organizing. I enjoy a level of spontaneity.

And sometimes I don't. 

Sometimes I want a break.

Sometimes I want to say no.

Sometimes I want simple and that means I'm not responsible for everything. 

So glad everyone got to back out last night and have a cosy night at home (per text messages) while we had to wait for the storms to pass to collect our chairs, dry them out -- and while we waited, clean up a flooded basement. 

Not one person said thank-you or appreciated the effort. (Someone did ask if they could help with the basement -- that was sweet and we didn't need help.) I didn't invite people. People ASKED ME for the favor. A little appreciation would have gone a long way.

Texting so-and-so said you were going and setting up. Can I sit with you guys? Will you setup for me? 

I said yes. I wanted to error on the side of being kind. Four extra people yesterday. Four people the day before.

Of course, if the concert happened and we had a good night, I probably wouldn't be this moody. That said, I was tired and everything hurt enough that I wished for nothing but my pjs and bed.

Then I say to myself, is this really a big deal?? Of course, it isn't. 

But I'm looking down the path of this weekend. 

Things for other people. 

Things I said yes to. 

Nothing I want to do right now because I'm tired and my body hurts. 

Things that will be fun enough -- not like it's an awful weekend, but not what I want to do.

Things that will take a toll on my body. No relief from the pain this weekend.

And probably no appreciation, just expectation.

When I said yes, circumstances with ME were different. Now I feel trapped by all the yeses and I don't know how to balance.

It's the kind of day that I wish I had a 24-hour bug so I could hide out in my room and do nothing. 

I'm trying to leave space. I'm trying to say yes, but with boundaries. I don't know how to do it though. No one person is asking too much, but all the little add-ons from all the people are too much. But how to say no to individual little things? Sorry, drawing the line at 7 extra, won't do 8. 

I don't wish to go back to when I did less, knew fewer people, had fewer friends ... but how do I balance this now?

I want to get coaching on it, but I can't seem to be available when the coaching calls happen (it's a random schedule so I can't plan them too far in advance). 

Okay, probably enough for now and I need to get moving. Lots of driving today for volunteer obligations, starting early (of course). 

I know this won't be the last I chat about it -- it's going to take time to figure this out, but I'll try to warn you!!

So much MOOD, so little time hah!

Have a good day. I'm going to try too.

Later gators.

Wednesday

Classroom reading was so much fun!! I read two books. The truck book was my son's favorite (I saved it) and now HIS son loves it too (shocking that it's in such good shape). The kids were attentive and absolutely adorable.

I worked hard on the to-do list for the week. Made a decent dent and will get more finished today. 

The morning is rushed (of course) and filled with "work" kind of things, but the afternoon is all mine. I started a monthly massage to see if it helps the aches and pains. Right now, I'd say it isn't working well lol, but I hope it helps long tern. I know it feels good on the day. I need to explore options for having less pain. I see little glimmers of feeling good, but then, bam. Something "breaks."

Speaking of which, I'll check out the pilates private classes soon. I want to build a little strength back in my arms and let everything settle down before I try it. Goal is starting in October. (September's schedule is too full anyway.)

My back is feeling well enough to try a workout. I'll take it cautiously. Off to get at it before it gets too hot.

Have a good day. Later gators.

I'm Home

Home sweet home. 

We had a nice weekend. It was great to see the family and really important that we made the effort. My aunt has come to all my family things (showers, weddings, etc). Also, my other aunt and uncle aren't well so it was good to see them too. 

Half the family lives in Atlanta -- it was funny to travel up north just to get together. It was Atlanta and Buffalo crew only.

The weekend was "organized" by the scattered family so it was a free-for-all with lots of plans that didn't amount to anything. Nothing new there, but we still had a good time. 

Lady bug at our table.

Charlie the Butcher
Beef on wek

Weather was lovely. Cooler, lower humidity. Still awfully warm in the sun though. Didn't get to wear the flannel lol -- STILL summer clothes, but I wore jeans one day.

Update on me.

Ear: slowly improving and I survived the plane without too much issue.

Neck: okay, but back to more frequent PT maneuvers this week because it's stiff

Back: threw it out on Sunday after a really good run -- dang. Bent over and bam. 

Back is muscular. Best when moving around. Going from sitting to standing is a bitch though. Travel day did me no favors. Hoping for improvement today. It usually lasts about 5 days. Have no idea what I'll need to modify this week. 

What's today, no one asked??

It's a grandson day. I'm the reader in his school this morning -- so fun. Pretty please no sitting on the floor with my back. Eeeek. 9 slots over 3 days. Only 3 slots filled -- 2 are his grandmothers. Love!! P.S. It's grandparents week, hence the readers. Also a tea on Friday. 

Then babysitting in the afternoon. Tuesdays are often my pickup day. Hot wheels and snacks. 

Can I say that finding a book to read to 2 year olds is harder than you'd think. So many books are strange, or get scary. I'm not a clutch-my-pearls person, but these are 2 year olds. A book about the alphabet climbing a tree -- fun. They know their ABCs so let's read it. The ABCs climb the tree and then all fall and get really hurt. WTH? The book describes each letter's injury. Then ends with the letter A starting to climb again.

Some are so strange that I can't even find the story in it. How will THAT hold attention. 

Luckily I found one -- See You Later Alligator. A turtle says good-bye to all his friends before going on a walk. It's all expressions for good-bye to each animal friend. BTW, I've never read out loud to a classroom of pre-schoolers. This will be an adventure of sorts today.

The week is a mixed bag of chores (ugh, indoor plant watering), volunteer work (dang court report), and social things. It's a quick turnaround from travel to the week. September is a BIG month with lots and lots. Too much. I'm absolutely trying to hold space, but it's tough. Same story, different week. October is clear enough that I can start my scheduling holds and see if that helps. 

Best get going. Glad to be home.

Have a great Tuesday. Later gators. 

Shuffle to Buffalo

All ready for the quick flight up north. 

50th anniversary party for my aunt and uncle.

Home Monday night. 

My ear is horrible this morning. Much worse than it's been. Ugh. Maybe the pressure changes on the flight will clear it?!? Just googled -- maybe, or maybe make it a lot worse. Hmmm. 

Random bit from yesterday.

My grandson is almost ready for a toddler bed and he's staying the weekend in a few weeks. Needed something in case he's outgrown his other option. The bed came in the mail. All vacuum packed into a very little box. 

Travel toddler bed.

Check out the picture of the grandparents reading a toddler book while the child sleeps on the floor. Hilarious. 

But the bed is fun and I think it'll work well.

Short and sweet today.

Condensed morning routine before we leave. 

Between garden and dog and neck stuff, it's a rushed morning.

Have a great holiday weekend. See you Tuesday. Later gators.

Shadows

Me hiking. It was unusual light -- a rare moment that the low sun came through a gap in the trees. The trail is totally shaded otherwise. The shadows were funny.

9.5 miles with decent elevation. Fast as I could muster. Felt good to hold the commitment and make the time.

PT changed some things up and moved me to next steps. I have an appointment at the end of the month that I can cancel if everything feels good. I'll start the "new" after this trip (per her suggestion). 

New includes scheduling pilates in October. I'm really excited to try this and have high hopes that this can help me strengthen without injury so I can get to a fitness level for a hiking trip (i.e. successive days of big hikes). I need to figure out the details and get something booked. 

My ear is still clogged and popping with some pain. I've never had this happen before. Pretty please don't let this become an ENT visit. It's not worse, but the medications don't seem to be doing much to relieve it. I'm concerned for the flight. 

Took care of a lot on my list yesterday, but today is still packed to the gills. There's a lot of last minute things before traveling. Good news is I have the whole day. 

I'm going to be a broken record right now. Next week is another "too much" week where I'm searching for time to fit MY things into the week. I had a huge volunteer add-on with a court report due and the information won't be available until Monday (I'm still traveling). The report is due on Tuesday and Tuesday is already filled with commitments. 

Honest to god, I MUST get better about space. September is already too much, so I'm focusing on October. It's very open and I want to keep it this way. I want time to build up hikes and rock paint and do a freezer cook-up and get to Asheville, etc. I have to make choices and I have to prioritize. These are the things that keep getting pushed, or cut back or canceled. I'm doing it to myself. 

Or I need to get more stamina to work into the evening to finish out my day. Maybe that's an option for September??

Okay, lucky for you, I have to get going and my rant-on-repeat is cut short. Hah! I know this is eye-rolling and everyone else can probably see the obvious solution that I can't. Feel free to bop me over the head with the answer. 

Anyway, thanks for hearing me out. 

Have a good day. Later gators.

Trip on the Horizon

Week is ticking away toward our trip. 

Why is it so much work to go away?

On that note, total NOPE to the hike on Thursday. Why did I even consider it? Geez. There's no time. 

On medications for my ear. Not improving yet. Fingers crossed for flying. 

Tuesday lunch was good. "That" person was pleasant and chatty. Maybe because I brought her a little gift -- it was quite perfect for her (cost $2) and I like doing that kind of thing. Smoothing the waters now since I have my boundaries well in place seems like the best thing to do. Being in the group here and there WITHOUT tension. We'll see if it lasts. 

Volunteer home visit was long and the traffic horrible, but I left early to avoid the worst of it and was able to run a couple of errands while I waited for the appointment time. I like when that happens.

I'm not in travel anxiety yet, but I am in the dread phase. 

There's the trip and there's the time before the trip. A four day weekend ends up being a lot more because of the days leading up to it. Still have regular life, but add trip prep to it. I'm over it before I even leave for the trip. 

This one will be LATE nights -- all three. I'll need recovery on the other end. 

Do I need to be like this? 

Am I really this inflexible? 

Or is it really a lot of work?

"Too much" is my forever complaint these days. I can't seem to simplify. I'm going to work on changing the perspective. It's always the same, so maybe I need a different approach, different story about it.

The garden needs prep before I leave. Setting up for someone to water pots, etc. 

My dog needs to go to a sitter which requires packing him, arrangements, etc.

Packing outfits for all the events -- from party to bonfire to outdoor to day trip.

Gift for the party -- buy, wrap.

Clean out the refrigerator. 

Prep the house -- mail, trash, etc. 

And, I still want to have my regular life. If I stop "the usual" anytime something is on the horizon, I'd rarely get to do the things I want to do with consistency. Goodness. Time seems extra condensed lately.

Okay, enough of that (for today, at least lol). 

I'm hiking this morning -- solo so early and fast.

PT in the afternoon -- curious about next steps.

Trip prep to finish out the day -- as much as I can muster. 

Have a good one. Later gators.

Tuesday Updates

Friend weekend in the books. It was more relaxing than I anticipated. Reconnecting with my longest friend after a number of disconnected years. We have a ways to go, but it was a good start to coming back together. I appreciate that she made the effort. It's been a long time since I felt she acted like a friend.

Looks like I'm on my way to an ear infection (how old am I??). We fly on Friday. Urgent care first thing today. My ear is clogged, pressure, popping, and starting to hurt. It doesn't seem like it's wax, but we'll see. Not what the morning needed, but I have no choice. Worse this morning. 

But solid support for holding space for the unexpected. I held some space this week so I shouldn't be too inconvenienced. Slow, so slowly, learning. 

I'm planting stage one of the fall garden today. Another must-be-in-the-morning thing. I prepped yesterday so it shouldn't take too long. First light so I can run to urgent care when it opens. 

Lunch with the Tuesday hiking group to celebrate a birthday. I'm dropping in this week to keep connected a bit. I have to be in that part of town for an errand and I can't see them again until the end of September (maybe not even then). Still figuring this out, but choosing to not give it much mental energy. When I'm interested, I'll go. Otherwise, not overthinking it. Can I NOT overthink?? Hah -- we'll see. 

Evening volunteer home visit with TONS of traffic. I'll go early to avoid the worst of it and hang out somewhere to kill time. It'll be a "late" evening out, but there's no avoiding it. 

That's the day in a nutshell.

I'm going to hike on Wednesday or Thursday. A hike popped up with the club for Thursday. It's a bit of a challenge, but I'm tempted. Is this EXACTLY the kind of thing I shouldn't add-on to the week?? We fly Friday morning and I have a lot to do. Pack, garden prep, dog prep. Can I switch that work to Wednesday instead?

This is a bit of my space issue. Leave space, fill space. But I have a qualifier hike looming that I'm not at all ready to hike. I need to challenge myself on some distance without heavy elevation. Hmmmm. Thinking it through. 

Teaching an old gal new tricks is tricky lol. I JUST gave myself kudos for not packing my calendar and, wham, want to add an all day hike for Thursday. 

Okay, on that note, I need to get to neck exercises and the garden. Time is ticking and urgent care is calling. Have a good day. Later gators. 

P.S. Read this book from the library. Loved it so much, I bought a copy for home. Invaluable information on non-violent protest.