Different Ways of Good

Having fun is, well, FUN!

It feels good. 

My week has been anything but fun.

And, it feels GOOD.

I need both kinds of good.

Keeping promises to myself. Leaning into who I want to be. Hooking up Future Me. Helping people. Making the extra effort.

Gardening class was fantastic. I was reminded of a lot AND learned a lot -- always worth it.

Went to the women's meeting. Long and very informative -- well worth going.

Lots of things in-between. Targeted donations to specific people, errands for future gatherings, getting ready for a grow-room (and sharing plants).

More not-so-fun to come on Friday and a bit next week too. 

First soup set and ready for the freezer (second one today). Veggie, quinoa, chickpea. Warm and flavorful and filling. It's a go-to soup with no recipe. Just whatever I have and add warm spices. 

A little time to paint a rock ...

As much as I'm grumbling about "no fun," today is FUN. My HS friend is coming over to see the house and we're going to lunch. 

I'm giving her letters from 1988 that she wrote to me. One letter announces the "new boyfriend" who she's been married to for 33 years -- the way she describes him is adorable. The second letter says she thinks it's going so well and this has legs -- "it's wonderful." So sweet! No one from HS even remembers writing letters, let alone saving them. I'm happy I did and even happier that I can give them back 37+ years later. Who would know we'd still be friends?

Chores this morning. Trying to get things finished ahead of potential power outages on Sunday. We have overhead lines at this house -- doesn't bode well. 

Have a good day -- whatever kind of good. Later gators.

New-Old Purse. Ice Storm?? Theme of the Week.

As promised ... the new-old purse.

I've been looking for years (no exaggeration).

Big.

Shoulder handle.

Stylish.

Zipper.

All-season brown.

Bonus if it has a colorful lining.

Bonus if it's pre-owned.

Extra bonus if it's vintage.

This is a brand from Italy (Il Bisonte) and the east-west stitch detail is its signature. 

Pre-owned, vintage (2009).

Got this for $40.

Checks every box. Took FOREVER to find. 

I would've settled for new and $$ because the search was yielding no results.

Gives me hope for other "wish-list" things. Namely, I want a crow friend to exchange treats -- probably a long way off since I don't see many crows around my house hah. It's a wish for another day, but I'm expecting I WILL find this friend eventually.

Remember how I moaned about the too-warm temperatures -- well, I got my wish, but the universe said I'll give you cold AND add the threat of a major ice storm just because you complained. Dang. 

This means grocery store run and prepping some food (soup). 

It's a full rest of the week, but I need to fit this in BEFORE shelves are empty.

I have to force myself to go to a seed starting class today. It's outside and I've gone for the last 2 years so my brain is arguing that I don't need to go ... but I learn something every year. And I planned to go. It's been on my calendar for 2 months. I paid the $7. Just GO already!!

Then I know I'll need to force myself to go to the women's action group monthly meeting -- not until 7 o'clock. I won't get home until 10. Geez. I'll want to be in pjs, under a blanket, with my book. But it's important and a couple of interesting speakers. I'll be glad I went, but will hate going.

"Forcing" myself seems to be the theme this week. Lots of things I need to do -- important to me, important to others, important to future me ... but nothing I WANT to do.

And a number of inconvenient hiccups that I won't bother to detail, but it's making these things just that little bit more inconvenient -- trying to tip the scales, but, alas, I'm not giving in *sigh* ...

Utilizing the trick to NOT think about them. The dread is the absolute worst part and that's totally in my control. I feel like I have no time, but I actually have plenty of time. Big girl panties securely in place. 

Have a good day. Stay warm. Get to the grocery store ASAP. Later gators.

An Update and a Rant

Some movement on the volunteer situation.

Emergency visit yesterday morning after a long phone call.

Using imagination for solutions.

Heading back this morning for a hands-on day (in a house with 4 very sick people -- ugh).

I'll mask, but I'm not feeling overly confident I can ward off the germs.

But this is too important. 

Trying to help the family move away from a crisis. 

Some people have the world stacked against them. 

It's been eye-opening to see our "systems" in action and the loopholes and the less-known ways the system contributes to the problem, rather than helps, etc, etc, etc.

Anyway -- that'll be my day today. 

I HAD an appointment to talk about volunteering at my new library this morning. I texted to reschedule -- no answer. I emailed to confirm she saw my message. The response was respectful (i.e. foster children come first), but she'd expects a firm commitment with no canceling so "maybe" this isn't the best fit, but she'd still could meet with me if I thought I could hold a commitment. Ouch.

Yes -- couldn't agree more that it's not a good fit after her lengthy response (this was a reschedule of an informal 'hello' while she was doing her shift). I sent a reply and ended the inquiry. 

The response spoke volumes about how she runs the program and her volunteers. I appreciate her directness because it solidified a decision quickly. And P.S. she originally wanted to meet Monday -- I had to let her know the library was closed. And P.P.S. she asked for a text for last minute corresponding and she "forgot" to reply to mine yesterday. 

Do I sound a little bitter?? Guess so. Felt like a slap since I pride myself on holding commitments. This was a specific exception because it was hardly a commitment. First she said just drop in. Then she asked me to come Monday. Then she wanted a time on Tuesday. She's the one that seems wishy-washy.

Got to "date" around and not settle. Staying on the sub list at my old library for now. I'll think this is (sadly) something that is fading away. I LOVE volunteering at my old library. And why?? The person who runs it does such a fantastic job. She puts out an injury for a substitute and it gets filled within minutes. That's how you run the program.

Didn't expect that little rant this morning. Her response got my panties in a wad -- even though I'm grateful to know EARLY that this isn't a match.

I promise back to regular scheduled "nothing" tomorrow. 

I got a "new" purse -- prepare your heart. 

She's used, inexpensive, just what I want, searched for years.

Have a good Tuesday. Later gators.

MLK Day

Good morning.

I'm a bit on a struggle bus right now. 

I'm not even sure how to talk about it. 

What the actual f*&k is happening in our government?

Why is no one stopping him?

I'm scared for all of us -- more scared for many though.

My volunteer position is also in a crisis right now.

It was going so well for the family.

The transition was expected to be hard, but I worry it's actually failing. 

What I do, what I report, has consequences and I need to tread carefully.

That responsibility feels heavy.

And then this dichotomy ...

So much is going well in my little bubble.

My son found a good job. 

My grandson is a delight.

Mending family conflicts.

Social stuff is going strong in a very connected and intentional way. 

People saying 'yes' -- reaching out to me.

And I'm sad and scared and worried and deflated. I want to curl up in bed and hide from all of it. The good and the bad. 

Should I try to boost myself up?

Should I give into the feelings?

Then some selfish thoughts. Will I ruin the intentional connection and such because I can't pull out of this mood? Will my energy dive and then not "match" these new moments? Will I lose what I worked for? Where should my feelings be? How much of "other's" pain should I absorb?

I'm good at compartmentalizing (had to as a nurse) -- should I do that now? Why can't I do that now?

It feels wrong to pretend or ignore since MY life is okay, but there feels like absolutely no end in sight for the bigger picture pain. Pretending feels like self-preservation. But why am I so fortunate when others aren't? There's a big layer of guilt. 

Hello, Monday. Are you glad you're reading along?? Sorry for the downer to start the week -- especially if you are starting on a good note. I'll find a way up. Helping helps. 

I read this quote ....

"Worry is a poor use of imagination."

On a final note -- adding to the problem is using crappy coping mechanisms in FULL FORM. Eating junk. Watching junk. Sofa slugging. Procrastinating. I even had a glass of wine yesterday -- in hopes of a distraction. (Of course, nope, didn't work ... made it worse.) 

And I want to do that all again today (minus the wine). Usually this doesn't hit until afternoon. Starting from the minute I wake up is not good.

Enough of all of this.

I'll finish up.

Have a good Monday. Later gators.

Rock Gathering Debut

Met for Friday coffee. 

Focused on community work.

Meetings set, projects identified.

We're also having fun. 

Another dinner scheduled.

We need both. 

The work.

The fun.

In community with each other. In-person. Together. Accepting. Welcoming. 

It's good for right now.

Drum roll ... rock painting gathering. My aunt went first. I need to spray them. I hope the black outline pen she used doesn't run -- she says it won't. I learned a bit about setup and what people will need to know when I host small groups. 

Mine

Wimsy

She wasn't happy she painted
the dog brown, but she did this
in 5 mintes. 

The snake is growing ...

Last of the social days for the week.

Bookclub -- looks like 5 of us, and that will change last minute -- my guess, 3. 

Babysitting our grandson too. No details yet ... overnight? at their house? at our house? what time?

The week was a mix and I'm feeling done. Mostly good things, but losing Monti is a heavy sadness right now. I think that's why I feel tired -- not sleepy tired, more needing quiet and space tired. 

I've been the driver for most of the activity this week too -- nothing hard, nothing major, but coordinating is an added layer of energy and everyday was a coordination. I can tell I'm overstretched because I'm not super excited about today -- more excited to have today finished. 

Going forward, I need to watch my involvement in the women's action group -- pick my focus, pick my interest. The social is good, but I also need to tread lightly. I can get burned out from people -- not my favorite thing about myself, but it's the reality. Next week is a big group week, but I won't sustain that level of involvement every week. 

Some of the projects interest me a lot; others, not at all. I don't want to get pulled into "everything" -- service AND social. 

I've said this before, I can get into times where I get a little manic about "doing" -- yes to everything. Planning, searching, scheduling. I recognize it more quickly now and I know to hold steady, brake a bit, and be intentional. 

SPACE.

I pulled a few things off the "tentative" calendar.

Quieted down the schedule a bit.

Leaving room.

Leaving space.

Being intentional and selective.

Listening to what feels important to me, in this moment. 

I've rambled a lot this morning. Off to spray the rocks (fingers crossed).

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

Slow Burn Friendship

I had an incredible lunch yesterday -- really a wonderful afternoon.

This friendship has been a super slow burn. We met when she applied to adopt a dog I was fostering about 6 years ago (didn't work out because of her cat). She wore a t-shirt from Refuge Coffee and I commented on it and we were off ... ever so slowly. 

She actually transferred out of the area and back again in those 6 years. 

We talked for almost 3 hours and have a lot more in common than I knew. We'll continue letting the relationship be what it is -- no pushing, but I hope it continues to grow. 

We sat and talked so long, the owner brought us warm cups of tea -- how lovely was that? She said, so we could linger a bit longer in our conversation. 

That's the energy this woman brings to things -- she's warm and kind. She walks the walk like no other person I know. Very inspiring. 

After lunch I walked to a new coffee and sandwich shop -- two brothers, one Michelin star chef. GF bread coming soon. It's really a nice vibe. It's the furthest point in town from my house, but still walkable. I'll be checking out the food when they get GF bread. 

Then I walked across the street to a  hole-in-the-wall, no frills, Indian restaurant. Recipes are from the owner's mother. No English so it was hard to figure out gluten -- it should be naturally GF, but sometimes flour is added to bind. I got a lentil stew for dinner takeout. Absolutely delicious. 

Usual coffee meetup this morning.

Then lunch with my aunt.

And ... ta-da ... first rock painting gathering with her.

She's an artist so I'm starting with the best.

I need to experiment with setup and such.

How much should I prep ahead, etc. 

Pictures to come.

Last note ... I talk about all the little things that are making me happy or sad or frustrated AND the country is a shit show. So much suffering and hate. Awful, awful things. Scary beyond measure. Heartbreaking. 

I'm feeling all that.

I'm taking action.

I'm not sitting quietly. 

But, I don't want to talk about it here (often) because I need moments it doesn't touch. I was signing off to say, have a happy Friday, and that felt wrong. How can any of us have a happy day? But happy can live in small moments and focusing on them helps. Look at the memorial service in MN -- beautiful, joyful, kind. We can't let them take that from us.

We're in this together and we need that connection and those little moments. 

So I'll say, let's find that today AND let's take action.

We can and must do this. Later gators.

Chaos-ish

The playdate was quite chaotic -- totally on my end. 

Cleaning team had an issue and needed to come early.

You guessed it, same time as the playdate. 

I should've said no, but I thought I could handle it.

Remember that Duke was having tummy troubles?

Discovered he had pooped and smeared poop from every bit in my craft room.

Rug. Floor. Chair.

Sometime the day before so it was dried and crusty -- I had to rehydrate it to clean it up.

GROSS.

Took me almost 30 minutes to get it sort of cleaned. 

Ordered a new rug. 

Can't tell what's the old stains (old rug from Marketplace) or remnants of diarrhea-gate. 

I'd have to get the rug professionally cleaned and at that point, I'm calling it. 

I was spinning. Everything was crazy. 

And yet, fun morning.

Kids were cute together.

We had at the best truck day on our street.

Fascinating for my grandson.

Park was fun.

Just us for lunch and then home to sit on the porch and watch the construction equipment. 

And, it was garbage day.

Very exciting for a 2 year old. 

Granny day wore me out though. 

I'm teetering on "too much" this week. 

The balance is off because of the dog things this week.

I'm hoping for calmer today -- trying not to task my immune system in this germ-filled month.

I meeting a friend for an early lunch today. First time she's coming my way -- usually meet at Refuge Coffee in Clarkston. Then I'll check out the new coffee shop. 

Got my wish and it's WINTER today in Georgia. I'll have a lot of walking errands and I'll enjoy all of them. 

Have a good day too. Later gators.