A Different Rabbit Hole and Small Moments.

Good morning, people.

Suck it, bots. 

Anyway. Let's go down a rabbit hole ... you've been warned lol.

You know I've been "off" lately. Too many mind dramas (probably of my own doing). Hormones (still not where they need to be). Cold (finally recovered). 

But still not myself in some other way.

I asked that question during meditation yesterday and got an interesting answer. After a bit, I had a picture of a ball of energy sitting on my right, a few feet away. The thought was ... here is where you are putting your energy. Then a picture of energy on my body ... and the thought ... HERE is where it needs to be. 

Yes. I'm focusing "out there" and I need to focus "in here."

That's where I'm aligned and happy and present. 

It's group dynamics. I'm trying to figure out mySELF in a GROUP. Where is the balance? I'm letting the groups pull me away from me ... a little too far.

I need an adjustment. 

It took me years to figure out what I want and even longer to act on it ... sped up by the isolation of the pandemic. Now when I make a decision out of that alignment, it feels off. Like I'm not being myself. Not being truthful. 

All small-ish things, but regular happenings that add up to NOT ME. 

I'm not sure the balance, but I know I need to pay attention. 

Like this small example:

Hike with friends is set a week ahead -- somewhere I want to hike, so I say yes.

The night before, someone in the group says their knee has been bothering them.

Can we hike an easier hike?

Can we hike more slowly?

The group gives a thumbs up. 

But I don't want to hike THAT hike at THAT pace. My opinion ... that person should back out of the hike and not ask the group to make the change. But the group feels differently. 

What do I do? The hike isn't only about the hike -- it's also connection with the group. But I wanted to (and agreed) to something different. I hiked with the group -- with a low-key upset the entire time because the hike wasn't what I wanted. I needed to back out. I wouldn't have said yes if that was the offering up front. 

(BTW, lots of times that doesn't matter. I can hike ahead for a couple of hours and then join up for the group hike. This particular time that wasn't an option.)

I've been working on being more flexible. 

Not letting these kind of things bother me. 

The rest of the group seemed totally unbothered. 

BUT, I'm not the group. I'm me. And that small, little decision was out of alignment. 

I could've passed with an open heart, no worries. Hiked the hike I needed that day. Caught them next time. I didn't because I thought I would seem rigid and unkind and I'd miss connection. But I didn't connect, not really. I just was frustrated -- with them, with me. 

Was that the right decision? I don't know. But I know it didn't feel right. 

I'm not sure the other option would've felt right either, but I need to try when I feel that strongly. If neither works and I'm just upset about people seeming selfish in a group setting, then that's a different animal. 

I'm remembering why groups feel hard for me. Learning and growing is a b#tch ... and figuring out WHAT I need to learn is even harder. 

Okay, climbing out of the rabbit hole ...

Here are a few little moments yesterday.

Christmas mug.
Library book.

Found a floor lamp from
Marketplace. Been searching.
Wanted cheap and used.

Not pictured.

(1) My kids all voted together -- ran into each other at the precinct and took a selfie.

(2) Our town elected a new mayor in the run-off. I helped with her campaign.

(3) Finished the court report early.

(4) Ran into my aunt running errands. 

(5) Hubby had his Million Mile flight yesterday.

Not a bad day.

Hope you're having a good week too. I'll be on the lookout for the small things today. Later gators.

Oh No!

It seems a bot found this blog again.

It freaks me out to see a jump in numbers.

Last time bots arrived, I took a break and the bot numbers went back down. 

I don't blog for anyone to actually read this -- even though I write like I'm blogging to SOMEONE. 

I know it's public, but it's public in a sort of an anonymous way. 

The small consistent numbers might be people. 

The jump is probably bots.

This makes me uncomfortable.

Dang.

Small Moments; Big Rabbit Hole

Here are the little moments from yesterday.

December 1 garden
harvest -- wow. Full
sun makes a difference.

Still peas and greens.

Decorated the greens.

Little pumpkin got
a Christmas makeover.

Today's going to be more challenging since it's raining and I'm in for the day writing a report for my volunteer position. Can I find some little moments?? I'm on the lookout for the week.

I finished THE BOOK. There was no redemption. It ended as it began. 

The writing wasn't the best, but it was okay.

The plot was awful.

Character development was poor. 

Pacing was off.

BUT ... the book was organized well. I liked the "extras" she added. Quote section from "your favorite characters." A letter to readers from the 2 main characters. Discussion questions. Notes section.

AND ... the chapters were well organized. I liked the font, pages, layout a lot. 

It's an impressive accomplishment to get a book to print. 

The book signing is next week. The friend coming with me has a kidney stone which needs intervention -- probably a solo endeavor for me. I won't have to say much to Kathy that night, but the following week is my hair appointment. That's when I need talking points so I don't hurt her feelings. She's extraordinarily proud, as she should be. 

Hubby left for a board meeting in Belgium -- rest of the week to myself. Today is a "work" day (court report). It's nice to have the house to myself to write it -- minimal interruptions. It's actually due later in the week, but I'm turning it in early so I can turn my mental attention to other things. 

The other things?

Something positive, future forward ...

Look at the year-in-review and continue planning 2026. 

Fun, FS stuff.

The other, other things?

Something of the non-productive rabbit hole variety ...

I'm in a deep conundrum trying to figure out a repeated pattern in my life. 

You guessed it, no surprise. 

Friendship woes. 

It's still that same person. I know she's not for me, but is part of her for me lol? 

How much distance?

Can I ignore the prickly parts?

How much energy and effort?

I could go down a very long rabbit hole. A text response was unkind this week and that got me all up in arms again. 

It's like sweets in the pantry. Can I REALLY ignore them? Or should I keep them out of the house for my sanity when they call to me at night?

I'm telling myself if I understand why this repeats for me that'll make it easier to find answers ... or other options. Maybe that's just an excuse to perseverate though. 

Confusing to the max. Probably me. I overthink. I want rules. I want black or white. I want my cake and eat it too. 

I want her fun, spontaneous parts ... not the unkind, passive-aggressive parts. But I don't get to choose. Or, I should say, if I acquiesce enough, I can choose. That's the tension for me. I don't want to fake my way in a relationship to keep a sort of peace. I did that with my mother for a lifetime. 

Cater to her mood ... all is well.

Not agree, not fawn? Pay a price. 

I want to make a decision and lean into that decision. Stay and figure it out or pull the bandaid and leave. 

Enough for today.

{digging out of the rabbit hole}

Painted rocks from yesterday.

Christmas Gnome

LARGE snake head is
almost finished. View from
standing. I think it works.
Tail is next.

Hope you're having a good week. Later gators. 

December, Small Moments, & More Book Review

December 1.

And a Monday. 

And I feel better.

Today SCREAMS a reset or regroup or re-something. 

I like it when the stars align. 

Let's get at this month and finish the year well. 

Back to basics.

Enjoy the small things.

Add small things.

Notice, pause.

Slow down to smell the roses Christmas.

Yep. It feels good. 

Here was a small moment.

Walked to coffee.

New table heaters. 

Yes!! So nice.

Maybe I should make a push to notice small moments in pictures. I try to notice, but often don't bother with my camera. That could be fun this week. 

Soooooo .... the hairdresser book. Oh boy. It's really, really, really not my thing. I thought the first tension was ridiculous. Turns out, it was just getting started. 

From conversations and my hairdresser's personality, I thought this would be a quiet book. A sweet story of someone finding their path (with god).

Nope.

Airplane crashing killing everyone (protagonist was meant to be on the flight).

She gets out of "evil" book contract and decides to write a book about the people who were killed.

Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) she comes in contact with, finds god ... just from a passing conversation with her.

Her husband forgives her "horrible mistake" and she forgives (after much deliberation), the agent who steered her away from herself and god ... only because he decides to quit his job to work on his relationship with god. And, she only forgives because "forgiveness is for yourself."

And I still have 1/3 of the book to finish. 

Lord (I guess I'm evoking god now too lol) help me to find a way to discuss this book with her. I think I'll find a few things to say and then ask her questions ... how did you decide this or that? ... when did you know the ending? ... will you continue with these characters? 

She knows I'm not her audience, but still ... ouch. My friend who IS friends with Kathy will read the book too. Maybe we can brainstorm ... two minds better than one. She'll have an even stronger reaction than I do. 

I hope you are set for a good December 1 and a Monday. Focusing on the small moments this week. Later gators.

P.S. I'm still doing the senses for the holiday. Smell -- lots of candles. Sight -- lights and decorations. Hearing -- Christmas music. Taste -- favorite holiday flavors. 

Yep, Beginning to Look a Lot Like ...

We got Christmas started yesterday.

LIGHTS in the front of the house -- on my goals list on/off for years.

It FINALLY happened. 

Nothing amazing, but colors lining the fence.

Plus a few other areas.

Window in my office.

Unfinished back porch.

View from my office.

Little section of the fence.

I need to figure out decor on the porch table too. That might not be this year. I have an idea and the search is on -- small business or thrifted. That's going to be a challenge, but can be fun too.

Maybe when I unpack Christmas decorations I'll find something as a place holder.

The rest of the day was nice too. We walked to coffee with Duke. Then another walk after decorating ... local shopping for a dog gift hubby needs, lunch outside at a local favorite, walk to the library. I love walking. I love local.

Speaking of books ....

I started the book from my hairdresser. First bit showed her writing inexperience. Over-the-top adjectives, overtly flowery descriptions -- but the writing is settling down. 

The story line is questionable too -- it's early though. There's this tension that the protagonist (an author) has done this awful wrong to her family and herself  -- she can't face them or talk to them. It might ruin her marriage and relationship with her children. 

That was done quite well. I was hooked and interested -- until I found out the wrong.

She signed with a different publisher and her next book deals are for regular fiction, not Christian fiction. 

She's too successful and famous.

Hmmmm .... 

Again, hats off to Kathy for writing a book.

She's nailed a lot of things ... lots of successes already and I hope even more.

I'm bringing this up because I'll have to talk to her in detail about the book -- sitting in the hairdresser chair, one-on-one. I'm nervous about being genuine and complimenting enough. You can tell when compliments are politely hiding something. 

Eeeek ... I want to like it and fingers so crossed that I do.

Anyway.

Kids are coming over for football after all ... baby on the mend. Both good and less good. I'm ALWAYS so happy to spend time with our grandson, but I have a big to-do list which will get pushed onto an already full week. And, I'm still under-the-weather.

An abrupt good-bye.

This post is having issues saving, so I'm going to sign off and post it while it's working.

Have a good one. Later gators. 

Goodbye, Hello.

Goodbye, Thanksgiving.

Hello, Christmas.

I visited the cousins and family yesterday (hubby stayed home). They bagged the lunch out at the last minute and I went to the VRBO as originally planned. Much easier and made a lot more sense. There's nothing in that area worth "going out."

It was as expected. Chaos. It was nice seeing the group though. Most of my time was spent with my aunt and uncle and my cousin. Everyone else was a passing hello. I'm glad I went ... family is important.

That visit put Thanksgiving to bed for me. 

Leftovers finished.

Family visits over.

Now for Christmas ...

Tree is up in the living room and it fits nicely. I thought it was going to be an awkward fit ... nope. I struggle with spacial arranging without seeing it physically in the space. I totally overestimated the size of the tree. 

I sampled lights on the fence this morning while it was dark. Going for a straight line across instead of a drape or wrap. Fingers crossed I measured correctly. 

The rest of the decorating will wait until next week.

My grandson is on the mend, but I woke up feeling worse. 

The arch of the cold or caught something else?!? 

Sinuses are raging.

My hairdresser wrote a book. Did I mention that? 

It's a Christian story ... not my usual read. It came yesterday.

Of course, I bought it.

Of course, I'll read it.

Of course, I'll rave about it.

I hope it's good or at least good enough. 

I'm going to her book signing and launch party in December. 

I'm super impressed she wrote a book and self published. 

Those feelings I don't have to fudge. 

Maybe I'll really enjoy the book too. 

Today is my only free day -- Sunday through the rest of the week is full (as of now). 

I'm taking it easy.

Having some fun decorating.

Reading.

TV.

Maybe a walk to coffee. 

I hope you're relaxing or still enjoying the holiday weekend or just having a good day. Later gators.

Thanksgiving Recap

Well ...

... the drama

... the hurt feelings

... the dread 

all for nothing. 

It was a very nice Thanksgiving. 

You'd never know what happened before. 

It felt genuine. 

Maybe it cleared the air -- gave us a needed reset. 

I'm not going to think too hard about it today. 

My limbic system needs a rest hah!

Look at this perfect plate. The food was delicious. 

My DIL is strictly GF
so the meal was all GF.

My grandson was really sick though. Poor baby and possibly poor the-rest-of-us if we catch it. He was a trooper, but barely hanging in -- all the stops ... binky, screen time, dessert for dinner. 

We're heading to visit the extended family for a bit today (cousins and their kids). It's going to be chaotic and I'm not sure worth the effort. We're not meeting at the cabins ... meeting at a lunch place now, maybe. Who knows. I sort of tried to get out of it when I found out the new plans that aren't really plans. 

"We'll text with updates and an address when you get close."

I guess either way, it's not a big deal. I have a feeling everyone will be in lots of different places and the visit will be "hellos" in passing with most of the group. It's an hour away and that feels like too much for too little.

But, that said, my aunt and uncle are in their 80s and my uncle is unwell. Making THIS effort to see them again was the point in the first place. I'm well enough that I'm not worried about exposing them to germs. 

Hope you had a good holiday and get a nice extended weekend. Later gators.