A Pity Party

I have some sort of problem. 

Remember the neck, shoulder situation? It comes and goes and was relatively feeling good so I tried an easy arm workout yesterday. No pain. Got to biceps curls and I have a significant left bicep weakness. After about 4 slow moving curls (cause I couldn't move faster), my bicep quit. Couldn't lift the weight at all.

After a rest, regained some strength and then it petered out again. It feels strange this morning and is less defined than my right arm (which is common for me being right handed), but in light of this weakness, I wonder if this is a symptom too.

Then add sign holding for 2 hours and I could barely move by evening. 

Chat thinks it's a C5/C6 nerve pinch, but this isn't something to screw around with. I don't get medically worried often, but this is worrisome. Pain is one thing. Muscle weakness without pain at that moment is another. 

I think I should quit "stronger and lighter" because it's bringing the opposite. Am I being superstitious-- you bet!!!!! Feels like a big jinx. 

This is a crappy setback for my fitness goals. Workouts are on hold or modified. Figuring this out with the medical insurance and such will be such a slog. For now, I'm resting it and will see what next week brings. Chat said not to "test" it repeatedly because I can make it worse. Not sure where to start. Guess it has to be with my primary. What a potential long road. 

I'm absolutely feeling extremely sorry for myself today. Hello, pity party.

I'll tell you all about the color analysis another day because it bothers my neck to look down at the computer screen. It was a lot of fun and a big surprise (to me) -- I want to give it its proper dues. 

A couple of pictures from the protest with the signs I brought.

Also, Duke and I walk past this little funny setup most days. I love whimsy. 

The fake armadillo always
startles both of us lol.

Kids over for the World Cup final today. Getting takeout to let my arm rest as much as possible.  

Have a good one. Go SPAIN!!!! Later gators.

Friendships

The friendship week continues (and is still going for a few more days) ...

Lunch at a friend's house was lovely. Her gardens are beautiful and there's something so nice about someone cooking a meal for you. I brought tomatoes from the farm stand and cucumbers from my garden -- "just right" little something to bring.

Our friend who lost her husband was there and it's hard to know what to say. She's deep in grief and I questioned so many things that I said -- was it right? too much? too little? I'll keep showing up and doing the best I can. I understand why people pull away when there's such intense grief. You feel like you're not helping or you're doing it wrong or you're making it worse. Of course, that's going to happen because everything hurts for her right now and she doesn't even know what she needs moment to moment. We want to make it hurt less and we can't. 

Friday was a long meeting at our standing coffee -- small group this week, but lots of laughs. My friend made me cucumber gazpacho with pineapple (my cucumbers). Another meal gift and it was fabulous. 

Not too sweet, bit of heat
from a jalapeño.

I baked a loaf of GF bread from a mix my DIL gave me at Christmas. Trader Joe's has been out of their GF sliced bread. Proofed "rustic" hahaha, but tasted great. Tomato sammie for dinner. Worth the long drive to get the tomatoes. 

Soft warm bread.

Incredible texture.

Proofing a bit wonky.

Excellent mix with the yeast
packet included.

Today is a full day. 

We're having a local protest in town. ICE raids are unacceptable and awful. It probably won't be a big crowd since it's last minute and not a national protest, but I'm going to support a friend who organized it AND, of course, support human rights. It'll be full sun and very warm -- can't wait for the weather to break a bit. 

Then switching gears a hard 180 and getting a color analysis with my DIL (same one who gave me the bread). Coffee after to chat about it. Looking forward to the afternoon. Am I a summer? a spring? Stay tuned.

Hubby is back by evening. 

It's been a good week. This was such a nicely balanced week too -- plenty of easy social and plenty of solo time. I'm eating better (feeling a little better). Getting outside. Spent more time in appreciation for this week. It was a kind of who's who of friendship week -- I'm very grateful for these women. 

I'm also grateful for the work I'm doing to sort out friendships, sort out where I put my energy and time. Understanding I'm not for everyone and everyone isn't for me. I can evaluate and trust my gut. I'm also better at accepting seasons of friendships. Realizing my energy attracts similar energy. Intentionally building. Lots of learning at this stage of life. Still struggling with the letting go aspect, but I'm keeping at it.

I know I haven't talked much about my birthday review and year going forward. I haven't forgotten ... stay tuned sometime soon-ish. 

I'll end with the best part of this morning ... HEAVY rains yesterday and I moved all the porch pots into the rain. NOTHING needs to be watered today. Why is this such a relief and a joy?!?! Summer is plants and more plants -- inside, outside, and everywhere. I love them though!!!!!

Have a good Saturday. I'm heading out for a sunrise run. It's been a minute. Lots of walk breaks to keep my back and shoulder happy (fingers crossed). I just typed this and checked the calendar, I'm running TOMORROW. Geez. Today is strength, balance, long meditation ... and a dog walk. I did a longer walk (4 miles) and a short run (one mile) with him yesterday. Easing back into running so my regular run waits until tomorrow. Glad I write things down hah!

Later gators. 

Hello!

Hello! This week got away from me. Lots of easy, fun, friendship-heavy days. 

I say this, but I'm not as appreciative as I should be and it's bothering me. My mind has been swirling some negative chatter all week. It's some self talk BS. My "stronger and lighter" year is not starting well. I've been eating like crap, exercise is off (shoulder), hormones are a mess (hot flashes, night sweats). 

I feel blah.

More like weaker and heavier.

And HOT, not like hot girl summer, like hot flash summer. 

I'm going to work on the one thing in my control today -- food. LIGHTER is the key word. This should help with some of the night time sweats. Not a diet (never again), just smaller portions and no grazing. Let's see if that feels better (of course it will, I'm not fooling anyone).

Tuesday was fantastic. Spent time with a friend touring a community garden, learning about a charity to help Refugee women (in particular), dined at an Iranian cafe. Home to babysit my grandson. Then a couple of phone calls to round out the evening. 

Here are some pictures of the gardens. There are beautiful murals and such all along the garden, but I'm not posting the pictures since the bots are active again. 

Squash hanging from the top.

Use everything as a trellis.
This was a mattress spring.

Making planters from old tires.

Everything works in a garden.

HUGE bean

Wednesday was equally lovely. Spent the day with a friend at a semi-local indy bookstore. Most excellent conversation with her all afternoon and the bookstore was another gem. A few more friend contacts (fun text exchanges) -- felt the friendship all day. 

Today is another friend day. Invited to lunch and a look at her garden. My friend who was widowed will be there too. It's friendship and support. The host started an elimination diet to see if she can figure out some joint pain. She's also an excellent flower grower. So what to bring to her house (she said nothing) -- no dessert or flowers given the circumstances?!?! An actual gift feels like too much. 

Then an idea ... reserved some large slicing tomatoes from the farm stand this morning. I'll bring enough for everyone since none of us have large tomatoes growing. Perfect. It's near my old house so a bit of a drive, but it's worth it. 

Here's a bit hard-to-see picture of the baby birds nesting in my herb pot. Google search says they're baby wrens. 

Tunnel nest

Little yellow beaks.

My "friendship week" continues until Tuesday -- it's a really nice homebody social streak. Lots to do, but nothing is hard or rushed. That's a good balance for me. I just need to feel better. It's a crappy circle partly of my doing -- trying to break it today.

Hope you have a good day. Later gators.

I Love Art

Yep -- a great day. 

There's basically an art district in midtown Atlanta. I know embarrassing little about Atlanta, but I'm on a path to learning more. 

The musical. It's a debut with hopes to head to Broadway. Based on a true story and documentary called Landfill Harmonic (which I'll watch this week). It was excellent and I was trying hard not to cry by the end. 

Traditional Turkish brunch to start the day. MODA museum for an installation on salt after the musical. Very interesting. Lots of art displays around the area. I only took a few pictures though.

You could push them
and they'd wiggle around.

Outside the venue

At the restaurant.
Highlighted the upper windows
inside for pretty view.
They clinked in the breeze.

Brunch.

We drove home and hit insane storms. I could barely see the road. Storms bad enough to cancel the hike this morning. So many trees down, area is a mushy mess. 

Overall, a wonderful, artsy, cultured day. Loved it and my shoulder/neck was manageable. 

Today is all me in about 2 hours. Hubby leaves for Asheville for a golf trip. I have nothing on the calendar now and I'm all in for a solo day. Some ME things, some chores, lots of quiet time. I need to use my inner chatter for good today.

Hope you have a great Monday and start to the week. 

My neck is still a problem, but I'm looking forward to a really good week.

Later gators.

Artsy Day

It wasn't the recovery day I planned, but it was the one I had. 

I got some good garden time -- lots of clean up, clipping, etc. Spent a couple of hours between my garden and my son's. I was glad to finally spend time in my garden. It really needed a mid-summer trim. 

But reaching and twisting aggravated my shoulder/neck something fierce and that ended all the rest of the things. I sofa sat with a heating pad and tried to rest it enough to start it healing. It always feels better in the morning, but I can feel the ache starting already. Carrying chairs, reaching to open coolers, sitting at the concert was also really problematic the day before.

It continues to "go out." It's an ache, like a bad headache kind of pain. It's awful. Driving position hurts it too -- of course, I'm driving today and sitting in-between. I expect I'll be a mess by this evening. Carpooling made the most sense and me driving was also the right thing to offer, but as I recently discovered, it's not the driving I mind, it's the carpooling. I love to ride by myself, listen to music or podcasts, think, be quiet -- none of that happens when you ride-share. Yes, it's time to talk to a friend, but I have the entire day to do that, but it's a compromise that I couldn't reasonably avoid. 

I'm looking forward to today though and hope my shoulder doesn't detract from the experience. I'll take a hardy dose of Advil before I go. It mildly helps, so I don't take it often. Lying down or at least lying back is what relieves it the most. (laying or lying ... don't know ... googled and made the change lol)

What's up for today?

A Turkish brunch in midtown. 

A play -- have zero idea what it's about lol.

MODA exhibition on salt. 

Fun, artsy, culture day ahead. I'm really looking forward to it. 

It's actually a fun, artsy, culture, and NATURE week. 

It's one of those weeks I want to enjoy and be present and feel grounded. Pretty please let my shoulder behave. I'm feeling good about the balance this week. Some relief from favors for people. Lots of easy and meaningful social things. Early evenings. Better morning schedule -- not perfect, but I have a few slower mornings.

BTW, what did I do on the sofa yesterday?

Binge watched Rooster. I didn't love the first episode and stopped watching when it first came out, but it was excellent. Glad I tried it again.

Ate leftover cookies (way, way too many) and cheese from the picnic. That was a disaster. 

Listened to podcasts about Lonesome Dove. I seem to be in a deep dive.

No reading because I didn't want to look down with my neck.

Hormone lab draw came back -- everything is a mess. Not surprised since I'm having hot flashes again. (And, yes, the sugar binge was exactly what NOT to do.)

Hope you have a nice Sunday. I'm off to try a Peloton ride (sweating to help the hot flashes today), but my shoulder might have other ideas. Later gators. 

Recovery Day

That was A WEEK. Hectic energy all over the place and a lot of my calming efforts out-the-window. I'm giving it a big regroup and reentry kind of energy today. Time for gardening and meditation today -- finally. I have a lot of organizing to do. The house is a relative state of disaster and that gets me crazy. 

Yesterday was super hectic with the rain and the concert. Back and forth to dry chairs, check if they had blow over. We decided to pack a dinner as a group and I won't do that again. Added a layer of fuss that wasn't fun. Room temp snacks (chips, cookies, etc) and drinks in a small cooler -- good enough. So much work putting together a spread. Coolers got muddy. Not worth that part. 

The 80s group was good, but not as good as the 80s group last year. Weather was sticky and humid, but the rain stayed away for the concert. 

Our friend came and was having a really sad day -- she cried most of the concert (tried very hard to be discreet and kept apologizing -- neither was necessary). We knew harder grief was coming and it's here. 

I'm whipped and my shoulder is a mess from carrying chairs, cooler, etc. I also need a break from being the organizer of things. Felt like a lot of herding cat energy for me yesterday. 

As I mentioned -- nothing today but ME and getting organized. I have what I expect is a nicely balanced week coming up. Lots of social, but easier social. Hikes might be rained out though. Hubby is in Asheville for the week and that leaves my evenings free, quiet, early. All the social stuff is mid-day (except hikes). 

My garden watering job finishes on Monday. Rain is forecasted all weekend so I think I'll only need one more visit to check it out and this HUGE time-suck is off my mornings. I'm also off the hook for any contractor stuff with the kids. 

Of course, I don't want to say any of this too loud because of a potential (and very scientific) jinx threat. 

I slept in today and that's a Catch-22. I got some needed sleep, but waking up late makes me feel groggy (like naps often do). Energy is zapped. I feel like I'm in a fog. Waking up on-time would mean a lot less sleep and I'd feel tired. Tired and groggy are two different feelings for me. My body like to follow a sleep rhythm. 

Anyway, best get to all the things. It's only 8 o'clock but it feels so much later. Sun is hot already -- waiting for the promised rain and cloud cover. 

Hope you have a good Saturday. Later gators. 

Lonesome Dove

Big storms yesterday ...

Good news: don't need to water this morning (time to journal).

Bad news: power was out all late afternoon and evening. 

Good news: I finished Lonesome Dove.

Bad news: didn't get to cook for the concert today.

Seriously ... why, universe?!?  I guess it was a good trade off. We need the rain (says every old lady gardener). 

Duke discovered the bird's nest in my herbs while we spent the evening on the porch waiting for the power to come on. We are now in crazy town. I moved them away from the chair so he can't jump, but he's close to getting it. Jumped all morning. We're going to have to bring out the dog pen to put around it. 

(Not sure if the video will load -- this dog is 10 years old with the craziest vertical jump.)

Loves to "walk"
on 2 legs

Packed day today, ending in an our town's monthly summer concert on the lawn. It'll be hot, but hopefully no storms tonight. We have a big group going -- 80's cover band. Best decade of music. I'm organizing our group and setting up chairs first thing this morning. 

A little lot more on Lonesome Dove. 

Hit my orbit after hearing a couple of podcast folks say it was their top book ever (or in top 5 ever). Took it out from the library and promptly returned it. Western clocking in at just under a dense 800 pages. Nope.

Mentioned this book to a friend while we were hiking (the one who came to Asheville) and her father had a connection to the author. This is one of her favorite books and she's read it 3 times. Back on my list -- this time I wanted to thrift a copy. I expected to take a long, long time to read it and wanted the flexibility to read it when the mood hit. 

Looked for months -- can't find a copy. 

She knew it was required reading in HS in TX so she had her HS friend thrift me a copy and mail it to her. It was part of her gift when she came for the week. 

I should NOT like this book. Western. Lots of horrible behavior and prejudices from the characters. Bugs, gore, violence. 

And it was amazing storytelling. The descriptions spot on -- felt like you were there. The message was strong. The last line of the book -- wow. I gave it 5 stars. And now it has special meaning for me because of the absolutely most thoughtful trouble she went to get me the book.

On that note, I have to get going. Chair setup, Friday meeting, volunteer court training, cooking, concert -- long day ahead. 

Have a good one. Later gators.