Semi-Plan

I have a semi-plan. 

And part of that plan is to have no plan. 

Family hasn't given me answers on the simplest things, so I'm not going to sweat it. Whatever happens, happens. If it's boring, it's boring. And this isn't coming from a snarky place. It's coming from letting them have their own priorities. I'm not chasing anymore. 

It's that energy thing again.

Using MY energy in ways that are welcomed and appreciated. Sometimes by my family (again, this isn't snark), but clearly not in this situation. I love that they all agreed to come and that's what they are willing to give. Seems the "what" isn't important to them, so it doesn't need to be important to me either. I don't need to bend over backwards -- using my efforts this week for my priorities. 

Giving everyone their agency (including me), relieved all the overwhelm of THIS trip. 

Probably an adjustment lesson for me in all of this. 

My neighbor sent me this picture. The old flame azaleas are in bloom at the house. I hope the blooms stay until Thursday when we head up.

I had tentative plans to finish my friend's garden this morning. She's not able to because of lawyer appointments and my week is full. She'll finish it later in the week. This frees up today, specifically this morning. I'm feeling better so I'm going to go hike -- the hike I planned for Sunday. It'll be a drive in weekday traffic, but I'm taking some time for nature and me. 

I saw this on IG and I thought it was fun. A mosaic lightbulb.

This was the greens pick from yesterday. I shared with my neighbor. Absolutely delicious, fresh, crisp. It was a big stack of leaves.

Hope your Monday is setting the week up well. Later gators.

Dang, No Rain

No rain.

Great for our activities (heavy overcast, cool breeze), but we're desperate for rain. More on the forecast this week, but I'm not holding out much hope. It keeps getting downgraded each time I look.

Family fun at the farmers market. HUGE turnout and we got a late start so all the breakfast food was sold out. Vendors are just figuring out the bigger crowds since they've expanded the market. We walked into town and grabbed breakfast instead. Got a few goodies from the market -- coffee, strawberries, and a table cloth for a club table. 

The road was bumpy and my grandson held his water bottle and put his hand on mine so they wouldn't fall out. ADORABLE (!!!!!!!!)

Met the women's group for a road cleanup in the afternoon. Couple of hours of community work. Partnered with a friend and we chatted gardening and books the entire time. Got a number of thank you shout-outs too. Grateful for the clouds and breeze -- very pleasant walking the couple of miles.

I decided to forgo the hike today. Something needed to give in my schedule and this was it. I still think I might be fighting something. My energy is low and I kind of, sort of, don't feel well. Nothing I can put my finger on though. Sometimes it feels like a cold coming on. Sometimes my stomach isn't right. Sometimes I feel like I need to sleep. I think this is general rundown that needs a little TLC.

I haven't gotten a handle on the schedule for the week. I'm all over the place and don't have a plan. This week NEEDS a plan. Next week needs a plan too.

Long weekend (5 days) in Asheville with the family and then a full few days and then we leave for 10 days in Hawaii. May is a big month. I have to get organized so I can enjoy the fun of it -- not be in catch up mode the entire month. That's a sure way for me to forget to have a good time.

Why, why, why is there so much to do before travel? 

Why did we schedule back-to-back trips?

Apparently, I'll never learn. 

And, yep, complaining about something that's not a problem. I hear it. I get it. 

On that note, going to get moving ... on something. Not even sure what. Until I make a plan, I'm just doing random things that I know need to be done. 

Hope you have a good Sunday. My intention is to get setup for a good week ahead (aka, a plan). Later gators. 

Rain Please

We're expecting rain today -- FINALLY.

I hope it rains a lot. We're in desperate need.

And, dang, on a Saturday?!!?

Boys are coming over to go to the farmer's market this morning. My DILs are out of town (not together, but happened the same weekend). I think we'll skirt the morning rain. All boys and me. Vastly outnumbered lol.

Then I'm volunteering for road beautification sponsored by the women's action group. Not sure if that'll happen with storms possible this afternoon. 

I'm physically tired today. I don't know if I'm all altogether feeling well -- maybe coming down with something. Maybe need a little rest. My heart rate was low overnight (44 -- that's lower than my normal low) and I'm feeling off. I'll see what tonight brings. 

I'm debating a solo hike tomorrow morning and it's going to be a last minute decision. It might be too much considering the week ahead. I need full energy for what's on the agenda. An easier day today might be enough rest though. Solo means I can modify pace and distance so if I'm feeling like myself, I'll give it a go.

Short and sweet this morning because I don't have much to say (for once). Hope you have a good Saturday. Later gators.

Already Friday

As much as I don't love a day that's an early morning and a "late" evening, yesterday was a good day.

I cried in the car on the way to see my friend -- some music got me. When I saw her, we had a long hug and a cry too. I'm glad I shared that moment with her. 

Half the garden is planted. More to come on Monday (as of now). 

We talked for an hour before we got to gardening. I hate this awful loss for them and for him too. Sadly, it was preventible and that's heartbreaking. He had a fear of medical things, and never saw a doctor, and ignored some significant symptoms weeks leading up to his passing. Friends and family urged him to go to the doctor, but the fear won out. 

I spent the afternoon fussing around the house. 

Rock painted. 

Hard boiled eggs from my neighbor's chickens. 

A little gardening on my gardens too.

Added "Snoopy"

Such pretty colors

A couple of quick rocks.

The evening meet and greet with local and state candidates was well worth my effort. Some incredible people running. Being with a group of friends and others who feel the same felt like a shot in the arm to keep going, keep working. Clouds and a breeze came in for the evening and it was a beautiful night to walk and sit outside. 

Now a minute on what I was coached on with "that" person. 

I'm proud of how I'm progressing on this front. Standing in the uncomfortable because I know what's right for me. Understanding why this is difficult. Not engaging or initiating contact. Keeping her out of my head as much as I can. This is still work in progress (because we're in a group together), but the coaching tools are helping. 

She isn't someone I want in my life on that level. Once you see behind the curtain, you can't unsee it. I don't like who she is and I don't like who I am around her. 

I'm breaking that ick of energetic connection and not wasting MY energy on the relationship. Either to try and stop the uncomfortable (by acquiescing) or going head-to-head to not let her "get away with it."

It's amazing how often my mind offers up thoughts or ideas on either side of that coin. Every single time I remind myself, nope, I don't engage AND I'm so proud of how I'm showing up. Basically a big round of applause each time I show up how I want to show up. And each time it gets a little easier. Positive reinforcement for the win (and a couple of other tricks from coaching). 

There was a situation yesterday and I'm happy how I handled it -- both forward facing and in my mind. {*applause*}  I'm clearing out my head faster and the uncomfortable feeling is substantially less. All about practicing and telling myself a better story and cheering myself on.

Okay, that's that for today. Heading to run outside, Friday coffee meeting, and lunch with my new neighbor. Then getting to work on the family trip coming up next week. A conversation for another day ... and, yep, it's all about overwhelm. Of course. There's only so much I can change about myself at any given time hah. Overwhelm is taking a backseat to what I chatted about. May is a month of overwhelm potential. You've been warned lol. I'll try to keep it reined in. 

Later gators.

A Friend's Garden

My friend who lost her husband (our friend too), said yes to me helping plant her garden. We belong to the same farm program and pickup for summer planting was this week.

I offered to pickup and plant for her. 

She said yes because she would miss having a garden this year. 

She wants to do it together.

This is my first time seeing her since he passed.

Her gardens are directly in the ground and apparently need a lot of work. She thinks we'll have to do the front today and the back on Monday. She's had these gardens for a few years so I'm not sure why so much work, but I trust she knows what she's doing.

My car is full of soil bags and I'm heading over EARLY today. She hasn't been able to sleep well, so she suggested a 7 o'clock start. Lordy. She's usually not a morning person so I didn't count on such an early start.

The decision to pull out of that meeting yesterday was so good for me. I needed a slow-roll day (especially a morning). The day was productive, but restful with quiet space. I need those kind of days sometimes. Especially ahead of today -- emotional day, unexpected morning, etc. 

My guess is I'll feel incredibly sad being at their house and seeing her, and cry on my way home. That's usually how it goes for me. That said, I wish I could cry a bit when I see her. It feels cold if I don't, but I promise I feel very deeply, it just gets stuck until I'm alone. I will cry at funerals (and weddings for that matter) because of the music -- that gets the emotion moving.

Hubby is golfing all day and I'll have space this afternoon to be with my feelings too. Man, I miss our friend. I can't believe he's gone. He was quirky and funny and curious and kind. 

Tonight I'm walking (little walking flex) to a meet and greet with some local and state level candidates. It starts at 6 -- praise be for that little bit earlier start. Evening meetings love to start at 7 o'clock. 

It's a flanked day -- the kind I'm trying to avoid regularly.

Early obligation, late obligation. 

Best get going. Have a good day. Later gators.

On the Other Side of Cancel

I took the bull by the horns and did something I don't often do. 

I pulled out of the volunteer meeting today. It's a 2 hour, morning meeting, didn't apply to my current situation, although I usually learn something. It's almost an hour away in morning traffic. 

I don't often cancel for this kind of reason. 

Rarely, if ever.

I try to anticipate and say 'no' rather than cancel. 

I push around the obligation instead of backing out.

But ...

SPACE was more important today. 

The things that used up my space this week took priority.

Now I can slow roll today.

Time to garden.

Quiet things for me. 

Still a full day, but nothing is rushed.

I know I'm a broken record about my calendar, but we have 2 trips in May that are a lot of prep work, plus obligations in-between. We leave on the first one next week. I blocked a number of days on the calendar from now until the last week in May. 

My goal is to NOT be rushed. 

Full is okay. 

Rushed is not. 

Let's see if this works. 

Yesterday was a long and fun day with my grandson. Chasing after a two year old is no joke, even a sick one. I managed to water the indoor plants during his nap though and that's always a big thing off my list. I crawled into bed last night and was out immediately. Didn't even read.

Speaking of reading ...

I finished this book and really enjoyed it. Loved the format. Interesting "mystery." Spoke to assumptions about others. Well done. It's making rounds with lots of good reviews. 

I'm reading this and it's another good one.

I have 2 books vying for the next spot and the coveted time in Asheville (where I tend to read more). Although this trip is with family, so I might not have as much time for teahouse and patio reading. Stay tuned.

Hope you have a good day. Later gators. 

Oh, Universe ... Seriously?

Well, the white space on the calendar disappeared. 

That was quick. 

I swear the universe taunts me when I make a declaration.

My friend confirmed Thursday and asked for a few favors which I am absolutely glad to help so the calendar filled up a few slots.

I was set to pickup my grandson after school today (with the rest of the day free) and he's home sick. 

Now ALL DAY babysitting. 8am - 5pm.

Huge calendar chunk gone for today and that was my last white space. 

I'm happy to spend the day with him though.

Add to everything ... I need to actually push some chores into my other days so not only NOT slow days, but now full days with rushed mornings. 

Geez. 

Can I do better?

Should I do better?

Is it really too much?

Lots of questions, and no answers.

Anyway ... yesterday.

Interesting day. 

The hike was beautiful. You couldn't dial a nicer hiking moment. It was chilly to start with a hearty breeze. Tree leaves have just sprouted so the trail was mostly shaded. Beautiful views. Rolling hills with a couple of easy climbs. 

Clear sky -- see for miles

Looks like a boar

We hiked one loop together and then I hiked it again solo. 

"It's so nice, I hiked it twice." -- the hiking club says this a lot hah.

Just under 9 miles of perfection.

I haven't been hiking a lot lately and I didn't realize how much I miss it.

It's been years since I've hiked this side of the mountain. A Girl Scout troop made a Fairy Trail on a little offshoot loop. It was so much fun. Fairy houses and such everywhere. 

And a snake rock at the visitor center. New programs for the community. A little garden too. Adult fitness classes. I should add this to the rotation. The drive was tough with traffic though -- a full hour, but only 35 minutes back. Sunday mornings might be a good time to go -- easy traffic and if I go early enough, not crowded.

Petra, a "community" snake

My friend asked me to join her and her brothers next year to hike the Grand Canyon. Oh man, what an adventure and I can't do it. There's a section that runs along a cliff line with no rails. Too big of a risk for me, but I wish I wasn't so chicken. The rest sounds doable and incredible.

She's going to join me in Asheville in June -- so she says now. The week that marks menopause for me. The week the Tuesday hiking group ghosted a response. Now, this friend is known to cancel, but it's fine whether she comes or not and doesn't change much of anything for me. I sort of asked her on a whim, but I'll be happy if she holds the commitment. It'll be fun. We have a lot of interests in common and the week's plans are totally up her alley.

Okay, going to get moving along. Lots of prep for a little man this morning. Hubby is gone most of the day so it's just the 2 of us. 

Today is my son's 32nd birthday. Doesn't seem possible. Happy birthday! 

Have a good day. Later gators.