I swear, the minute I make a declaration, the universe says hahahaha.
I'm no longer carefree and unbothered.
How long did that last?
Half a day?
We're back to family woes and issues and such. I don't want to go into exact details since, technically, this is public. Suffice it to say, I'm bothered. And with bothered comes decidedly NOT carefree.
I'm being asked to do something that I don't want to do. And I said so. And there's continued pressure to do it anyway (it's a big favor). The reasons I'm giving are personal -- it's not a two-way street with this person who will benefit from the favor (not my family, but my family is asking) and I don't feel inclined put in the work. I've done favors for years for this person at my expense and I don't want to do this one. BTW, just did a favor recently. Favors aren't over, but I don't want to do this one.
Oh, but {insert a thousand justifications and promises, etc}.
Now it feels like a conflict because I'm not being heard.
Do I stand my ground?
This is the first time I've said I don't want to do a favor.
Here's my inner debate.
I'm proud that I don't take advantage of people. I'm proud that I'm generous. I'm proud that my family sees me this way and likes to extend that generosity to THEIR extended family.
But THIS ask is too much. The timing is problematic for me. And there are other options for them. My family said, let's table this and talk about it this weekend (meaning we'll give you even more pressure in-person).
Me having a limit and saying so in an honest way is a big deal for me. It was hard to say what I said. And, it wasn't heard.
As you might gather from my wording, I didn't say no directly and absolutely. I said I don't want to do this and this is why. I said it's too much work for me. The timing doesn't work. It continues to be a one-way street (which was acknowledged and agreed). I wanted to explain why I'm declining so that it's understood. But the final decision and rest of the conversation was punted to this weekend ... and I allowed it (big old chicken me).
Do I concede and uphold my "generous" identity with my family?
Do I hold my ground and risk being seen differently?
The truth is both are true. I am generous and I'm not always generous.
Now I have a worry-cloud over the weekend. I'm undecided. I feel like I'm being pressured.
My feelings are also hurt because I don't think that pressure is extended in the other direction. There hasn't been one time a favor was asked to benefit me, to include me. Ever. And there have been a number of times that it should have -- of course, unless they asked and were told no. But, please, bend over backwards to benefit them.
Ugh. Why are relationship issues so hard for me since I started standing up for myself? It was somehow easier when I thought people-pleasing was the answer. I still like to please people, but I also include me in the mix of pleased. Sometimes the ask is too much.
Thanks for letting me vent. I don't like to discuss these things with other family members -- feels like I'm talking behind backs. It helps to get it off my chest.
Also (after reading this back), I wonder if there's a way to handle this situation in a carefree and unbothered way? Could that be the work? Is the universe helping me to grow (and not laughing in my face lol)? Question for meditation this morning.
In other news ... we did get rain, just later than forecasted. It's also raining this morning. Praise be to the rain gods.
I had a fun day with my aunt. Lots of thrifting -- tons of good deals. Here are a few of the goodies.
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Made from a box. Lid lifts off. The inside is decorated too. |
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| Whimsey for $5 |
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1950s and perfect for iced tea. I'm going to use it today. |
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LOVE this little Disney mug. From 1960s -- collector item. |
I'm meeting a friend for lunch today (she's using the birthday gift card I gave her), helping hubby with his car service, and getting ready for our weekend in Asheville. Oh, and trying to move from distressed to unbothered hah!
Have a good day. Later gators.