Up first ... a prickly bit.
Remember the friendship I realized I needed to back off? I saw her last week (we had something scheduled already) and we had a great time. Laughed, chatted ... not one bit of any issue. AND I didn't think that meant everything was okay again. I was solid in my decision.
I saw her yesterday in our group dynamic and her other side came to play. Unkind comments. Rude. Aggressive.
The revelation: I experienced both sides again, and it reenforces how much we aren't a friendship match. I will continue to see her AND (here's the best part) it doesn't bother me. The unkind bits yesterday washed over me. The fun time last week didn't entice me.
Why?
Because I'm no longer pursuing a friendship. I'm not trying to get "us" back. We'll see each other socially and that's fine. I'm not taking her personally, nor am I rolling over.
I edited myself as I said I would. Didn't share things because I don't want her joining in that part of my life. Quiet boundaries up and functioning.
There's still some disappointment lingering when I see her -- I really wanted a closer friendship. I really like her happy side.
And I'm proud of my growth. I've learned enough to know it's not possible and I stopped myself before I spent way too long trying to make the impossible work. It's where it is and I'm not putting energy or mental anguish into it anymore.
And I don't have to "cancel" her in my life. She's around and sometimes it's great and sometimes it's not. We have a history and a relationship and a shared friend circle, but boundaries are protecting me.
I imagine we'll see each other a lot less now that I'm not pursuing her. It seems she's found her next honeymoon friend from our group. This is her pattern.
Progress.
Yeah, ME.
Second revelation is more fun.
I've found my new motto for 2026 (word, phrase, or some combo).
Last year I had a motto (The Little Blue House)
AND a word (COLOR).
I hadn't had a word in several years.
This year, looks like it's JUST a word.
Drumroll ....
SPACE
I hiked solo for a while before the group hike yesterday and thought about what's the essence of my focus next year.
I like what I'm doing and I like that focus still.
Feels like there's more room to grow in The Little Blue House way.
Still feels exciting.
I actually thought about not changing it.
But ...
I asked if there was anything that needed an adjustment.
A little change.
A little improvement.
Yep ...
I want to be more intentional with the little things.
Little is where the magic happens (for me).
Little is the icing on the cake.
The glitter (thanks, Chat).
And, that requires deliberate space.
Heading to coffee.
I want SPACE to walk to the coffee shop (not drive).
SPACE to chat with people (linger a minute).
Bookclub.
Space to share my garden (takes time and effort).
Space to come up with new ideas (quiet times).
Wrapping a gift.
Space to be creative.
Space to write a nice card.
Anyway, you get the idea.
SPACE feels better than TIME.
It feels more intentional.
Holds a different meaning for me.
AND, I'm working on the SPACE in my house so it feels like me.
AND, I want a seat at the table too -- take up SPACE,
AND, I care about my body SPACE -- fitness, health.
It works on multiple levels and that's when I knew it was the one.
BTW, speaking of house space, I got this book from the library and promptly bought it on Amazon ($10). It's really helpful, no matter your personal style. Excellent ideas. Worth revisiting as I decorate.
Today is the hardest day before vacation. I've been baking cookies as I chat this morning. "Work" started at 4:30 and I still don't know if I'll get everything finished. Some things might be pushed for an early morning tomorrow. I didn't do a great job with my list distribution -- or SPACE, for that matter.
I can do better for myself.
Have a good day. Later gators.
P.S. Just realized I want SPACE from that friendship too. This word is working for me.
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